The Hunchblog Turns Three Today

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It’s theHunchblog third year of reviewing Hunchback versions. And for the occasion I have decided to release my very first Hunchback eBook.

The Hunchback & The Tales of Christmas J.E. Nalbandian Quasimodo picture image

The Hunchback &
The Tales of Christmas

I have been wanting to write something Hunchback related  for a while but I never had any good ideas. Over the last few months, I have thought up a few good ideas but with the Holidays coming, I decided to write a short Christmas Story centered around  Quasimodo. Then I decided to write two more short stories about Frollo and Phoebus. I call it very simply, The Hunchback & The Tales of Christmas. I’m very happy I finally wrote an eBook.

You can get for $0.99 by clicking the button below or the picture above;

hunchback-x-mas-tales-link-button

 

 

I hope you guys enjoy it ^^ and please continue to support theHunchblog in 2014.

 

Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas; Featuring Scrooge Grinch Beast

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Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas

In the crappy world of direct-to-video Disney videos, Beauty and the Beast is the one title where a sequel is out-right rejected because to have a sequel work people need to accept the Beast’s human form which they do not, so much the moral about Beauty being found within.

But Disney is never one to say no when it comes to making a quick buck and so the midquel was born. What the fuck is a Midquel you ask? A Midquel is a stupid story that happens during the first story. It really doesn’t work with Beauty and Beast but it works better than a sequel because at least the Beast is a beast so we have Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas. Just in time for Christmas.

Human forms of Mrs.Potts, Chip, Lumiere and Cogsworth, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Human forms of Mrs.Potts, Chip, Sultan the dog ottoman, Lumiere and Cogsworth

This admonition errr story starts one year later on Christmas. Everyone is remembering what happen but somehow Chip doesn’t remember, even though Chip was major character so the Enchanted Christmas is told as a flash-back to people who should remember it.

Belle decorates the Mock Christmas tree Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Belle decorates the Mock Christmas tree

So the story proper, starts the day after the Beast saves Belle from the wolves which is Christmas eve but before Beast gives her the library. Which would make the day she entered the Castle December 23rd. Belle decides to celebrate Christmas but the Beast forbids because he got transformed on Christmas appartently. But Belle doesn’t really care that much, so she is going to have Christmas anyway because it’s awesome.

There is also a evil organ who likes the curse because now the Beast appreciates his emo music so he tries to get rid of Belle and when that fails he tries to kill everyone. That is pretty much the plot.

Forte, the Evil Emo Organ, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Forte, the Evil Emo Organ

The movie’s new characters are really jarring and boring, which an impressive combination. We have the evil organ, Forte, played by Tim Curry, who is evil and emo. He also have some kind of magic musical power that is never explained but it can bring down the house, literally.

Angelique, an angel played by Bernadette Peters who does nothing, there was no point to her character. Fife, Forte’s piccolo minion, who tells Beast about the source of Forte’s magic because Forte is a jerk and didn’t give poor little Fife a solo, you know he’s the reformed former baddie. And finally a jewish Axe which is painful to watch. I don’t get the thought process on that one at all.

These characters are forgettable. You would think Tim Curry as evil emo organ who be interesting but alas no. The CG work on him looks like it belongs in a different movie.

Belle and the Beast Ice Skating, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Belle and the Beast Ice Skating

This movie is fanfic-y and it pretty much shits all over the first one. Belle’s personality is completely destroyed. She basically wants to make the Beast happy and she is kind of doormat in a lot of ways. All her feistiness, charm and individualism are gone. It’s like he saved her the wolves and now she wants to make him happy? What happen to the nice slow progression of understanding and kindness? Why did you mess that up Disney? They also ruined the famous dance scene because they show Belle and the Beast in their formal dubs before the library scene. It’s just so wrong.

Msr.Potts, Cogsworth, Lumiere, and Angelique, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture iamge

Msr.Potts, Cogsworth, Lumiere, Fife and Angelique,

Then we have the cliche as fuck Christmas story. How many Christmas stories are about someone who hates Christmas trying to stop it and then get shown how awesome the holiday is? Pretty much all of them. Beast is our Scrooge, our Grinch who tries to fight the spirit of Christmas who in this case is Belle. And along with her friends and a Jewish Axe, show Beast the error of his ways before the evil emo organ can use his satanic musical powers to kill them all.

It’s been done to death. I think Disney just wanted to have a Christmas movie and Beauty and the Beast already had snow in it.

Chip in a wreath, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Chip in a wreath

Besides blatantly ruining the first one, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas is badly paced, the dialogue is train-wreck and over-all just unpleasant to watch. I was happy to see that this video was 63 minutes in length and yet it was still 30 minutes too long.

 

The Conclusion of the Hunchback Madeline episode

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Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo, Hunchback

Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo

What can I saw about the Madeline episode that features a meager attempt to reference the Hunchback of Notre Dame? It’s a lazy, confused mess that would rather talk about writing even though the people who wrote it don’t know the first thing about writing. It’s not charming, cute or insightful. It is weak and torture to watch and I didn’t care for it on any level.

Next Hunchback version after a short Winter Break. If you have a suggestions, let me know because I haven’t made up my mind yet.

Disney sells Villains

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Disney Villains picture image

Disney Villains

On the other side of the Disney branding spectrum, we have the darker and less well known line of products called the Villain line. Unlike the Princess Line which doesn’t feature heroines based on a “royal” title this line is said to encompass all the villains but really only focuses on a few. Those being; The Evil Queen from Snow White, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, The Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, Cruella from 101 Dalmatian, Captain Hook from Peter Pan, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Jafar from Aladdin and recently Mother Gothel from Tangled. Other villains like Scar, Gaston, Dr.Facilier, Hades and the Cheshire Cat filter in on products occasionally. Though I would argue that the Cheshire Cat is not villain but a Chaotic Neutral.

Frollo Hunchback of Notre Dame Disney picture image

Judge Claude Frollo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

So here is the big question, Where is Frollo? He is considered to be one of the great Disney villains because of his complexity. As far as I can tell he might be hiding in the products like in the Disney Vile Villains Playing Cards or in the Disney Legendary Villains Personal Checks, I do know he was in the Disney’s Mix and Match Villains Book, I owned it as a child. But as far as him being an advertised villain, he is not and he doesn’t have many his own featured products.

 

Disney Villain Monopoly Box picture image

Disney Villain Monopoly Box

But why isn’t Frollo a key villain in this line? Is it because Hunchback was super unpopular? Well that doesn’t help but it’s not like Hades was attach to a popular movie and was Pater Pan that popular that Hook gets a major spotlight? On the Disney Villain Monopoly there are three unknown Disney villains featured, Pete who was antagonist in the Micky Mouse universe, the Big Bad Wolf who was another antagonist from the older Disney shorts and Kaa from Jungle book who wasn’t even the major villain, Shere Khan holds that roles.

I don’t think it so much that Frollo is from an unpopular movie, I think it’s because as a villain he is not fun. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great villain, he just never revels in his evil schemes the same way the others do, in fact he’s thinks he the good pure one. So he is not the logical choice as the one of line’s front runners who love and enjoy their machinations. And if this is indeed the case, it doesn’t really bother me that Frollo isn’t prominent, he just not the funny goofy charming villain that this line seems to love. And that’s ok.

Vicious Villains - Disney Movie Art Poster picture image

Vicious Villains – Disney Movie Art Poster

So what products does villain line offer? Well, in many ways it’s not very different from the Princess Line. It has with games like Monopoly, fashion dolls and makeup, lots of make-up. You can get make-up kits for Maleficent, Evil Queen, Ursula, and Cruella De Ville. It’s just aimed for older girls

And like the Princess line, the villains have their fair share of weird products like a Cruella stapler and yes even a Disney Villains Cupcake Kit.

In many ways the Villain line is just like the princess line except the products are black, red and purple instead pastels and pinks and it carter to older more jaded girls who are not quite ready Hot Topic.

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin Review; What a Long Title!

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Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin

I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not a big fan of Winnie the Pooh. Never have been, never will be. Yeah, it’s cute and endearing, it just never did much for me. I will say that, I do hate Winnie the Pooh.

Rabbit, Eeyore, Pooh, Tigger and Piglet, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Rabbit, Eeyore, Pooh, Tigger and Piglet

That being said, I hate this movie. It’s boring and fairly insipid. What’s the story of Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin? Christopher Robin and Pooh are hanging out and doing nothing, that is an important facet of their very co-dependent relationship.

But then Christopher Robin vanishes and Pooh and everyone are lost without him. He leaves a note on a honey pot but no one can read the it as Pooh can’t read (you would think Christopher Robin would know that about his pal?) and the note becomes encrusted with honey. So they take the note to owl who says that Christopher Robin went to the skull which is in a scary place surrounded by scary things that we never see, I wanted to see that skullasaurus, unseen main antagonist my ass.

Anyway, they go to the skull and hi-jinx ensue and important self-discoveries are learned. Then Christopher Robin comes back because he actually went to school for a mere half-day and then scary place they went to turns out not to be scary at all. Did they all hallucinate the scary stuff?

Pooh and Christopher Robin, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Pooh and Christopher Robin

The movie hinges on Christopher Robin being important to the characters but we only see him interacting with Pooh. Plus Christopher Robin is boring as fuck. I mean, I guess he’s the straight-man to the insanity of the other characters but he is not reactionary enough to the characters, he just gives in with his “silly old bear” line even though Pooh is a year younger than him. So he is dull and kinda dumb.

Pooh on a Cliff, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Pooh on a Cliff

It’s cute that Christopher Robin gives Pooh advice that Pooh tries to remember and despite that the characters grow and develop but that proves Christopher Robin’s dullness compared the other characters. I mean he’s more important when he gone. However the lesson about how dear friends are never really apart is touching.

Eeyore, Piglet Rabbit and Tigger, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Eeyore, Piglet, Rabbit and Tigger

The character development and what they learn is trite. You know the same motivational crap most people learn in movies, you’re super strong, brave and smart. ZZzzzzzzzzz. Why can’t shallowness and laziness ever save the day?

Learning that you’re really smart, strong and brave is cliche. Plus the movie divides the qualities among three characters; Tigger, Rabbit and Piglet. Tigger learns that his tail is strong, Rabbit learns that he is smart and Piglet learns he is brave. Pooh learns that his dorky friend always in his heart and Eeyore does nothing.

I’m not sure why he is in this movie, all he does is make depressing comments. Eeyore is the best and I’m not sure why he is so underplayed in this. Maybe it’s because Eeyore is too awesome. He kicks Pooh’s ass.

All the pals together, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

All the pals together

It’s not like it’s a bad movie or plot, i just found it hellish to sit and watch it. Maybe if cared more about Pooh and his pals’ issues and if Christopher Robin wasn’t so fucking dull it could be more enjoyable. And I actully wanted to like Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin. I really did.

Two things before I end, How did they not all die when they fell off that cliff? Maybe it was hallucination and they only fell like a foot, I would buy that. And that guy who play Billy Zane’s evil cop goon from Titanic, David Warner, was the narrator. That gave me a chuckle.

Hunchback the Musical in Belfast

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Hunchback, Musical Belfast picture image

Hunchback, Musical

There is a new Hunchback musical in the world, this time in Belfast and it’s a Rock musical. The tag line is ‘Love – Friendship – Passion’

The cast is interesting and by that interesting I mean weird. Let’s see if you can spot the weirdness in the cast,

 

Quasimodo – Christopher Finn
Esmerelda – Ciara Louise Baxter
La Tortura – Kate England
Clopina – Roxanne Saili
Phoebus – Julius Metson Scott
Frollo – John O’Mahony

Clopin is a women???!!!!!!! I don’t have too big of an issue with that. Maybe the actress is the embodiment of Clopin or they had to take what they could get, But pray tell who is La Tortura? and why is she listed above most of the cast? and there is no Gringoire.

 

Ciara Louise Baxter as Esmeralda & Christopher Finn as Quasimodo Hunchback musical belfast

Ciara Louise Baxter as Esmeralda & Christopher Finn as Quasimodo, Hunchback

The song that is on the site  and in the video promo “Like I can” I really don’t care for. The music isn’t dynamic and the sentiment while in it’s the novel it’s just not that likable. Basically it’s Quasimodo telling Esmeralda that he’s better and shame of her for not seeing it.

I can’t judge the show based on one song or the cast but if that is the song they are pushing I’m not sure about it. Could be good or bad.

 

For more info;

http://www.theatreatthemill.com/PEO/load_screen.asp?screen=hunchback.asp

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/entertainment/theatre-arts/qa-christopher-finn-29793304.html

Madeline the lesson is told

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I know I have mentioned the lesson before in other posts where I bashed, I mean reviewed, the Hunchback episode of Madeline  but I find that the way it was handle in this episode is so awful that it needs to be bashed more.

Madeline, Pepito and her friends read Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Madeline, Pepito and her friends read Hunchback of Notre Dame

I do not claim to be expert on the show, I mean I could only watch two episodes other than the hunchback one, but the two episodes I saw had two good lessons; one was altruism and not judging dogs based on breed (allegorical to racism).

In those two episodes people had to actively learn something and a sense development was achieved. The episodes were torture but there was at least a depth.

Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo, Hunchback

Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo

Then we get the Hunchback episode. Anything that deals with Quasimodo should be more or less deal with getting over looks to see who a  person truly is, unless it’s done as parody or satire. But this is a kids show so is the standard lesson should be applied.

The problem is NO ONE learns it because the episode doesn’t care about the Hunchback. Writing-wise the episode is all over the place so there is no time to for a character to grow or learn the Quasimodo lesson.

Pepito and Gerald Dippetty Doo, Madeline and the Hunchback picture image

Pepito and Gerald Dippetty Doo

Since everyone but Pepito gets that Quasimodo is awesome, he is the one who is at odds with Quasimodo’s looks but he only comes around to liking Quasimodo because his idol tells him that he is great and should play Quasimodo in the play. Then Pepito plays Quasimodo and good is in a dumb play but he learns nothing.

But there is nothing to indicate in the episode that Pepito is like Quasimodo, he is just a jerk throughout the episode, he made a much better Phoebus. But since he is the one in opposition to Quasimodo he had to be the one to realize how great Quasimodo is but it’s pointless if he just told it out right.

Quasimodo captures Ms. Cavell, Madeline and the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo captures Ms. Cavell

The episode should have been about the girls meeting a Quasimodo-like figure, Pepito or one of the little girls judging him and then the Quasimodo-figure helps them somehow and the jerk learns that judging people based on appearances is a jerky thing to do. Cliche? Yes but at least someone learns and grows from the core Quasimodo-lesson-for-kids.

Madeline and the Hunchback picture image

Madeline’s dreams

The title is also confused, as it’s Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I know the scheme of the titles go Madeline and Whatever the focused is, but Madeline has no connection to the Hunchback. It should have been called Madeline and the Play or Madeline and Notre Dame.

Pepito as Phoebus, Madeline and the Hunchback image picture

Pepito as Phoebus, Madeline and the Hunchback

This episode is a mess for beginning to end and it’s no surprise that lesson is a mess and just tacked on to weak cash in episode.

Next Time; Conclusion, Thank God

Madeline as Phoebus, Madeline and the Hunchback picture image

Madeline as Phoebus

 

8 Dumb Disney Princess Products

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Let us face facts, Disney is a super big company who likes making money and uses movies as commercial, and that is okay. What company isn’t out to make money? The real cash cow for Disney is the Princess Line. The Disney Princess line is really most known for dolls and dress up stuff. And while Disney Princess Baby Dolls are stupid, I do get where they logically come from as product. But what products outside the standard dolls and dress-up faire are the stupidest products that are available? (That rules out the blender.)  This is a list of 8 products from the Disney Princess line that I think are the most dumb in no order.

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game picture image

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Just say it the name of this out loud, Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game. There is  no hiding the dumbness here. It’s a cupcake game!

 

 

 

 

 

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera picture image

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

A talking camera? Does Cinderella comment on  pictures of out of focus  flowers or does she remind you to turn the flash on?  Did mention that is  pearl necklace strap and the flash is a heart ……. no saving this concept from the dumb.

 

 

 

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox picture image

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Oh this one. Hahahahahhaaa. It’s Boombox in the shape of a carriage. Who was high when they thought of this little gem of plastic?

 

 

 

 

 

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

Disney Princesses Dog Collar picture image

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

What? It’s bad enough they force this Princess crap on little girls now I have to force it on my dog. You’re Evil Disney, EVIL!

 

 

 

Disney Princess Garden Apron

Disney Princess Garden Apron picture image

Disney Princess Garden Apron

Disney Princess Garden Apron

You gotta love how tacked on the Disney Princess is  on this apron.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker picture image

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker

Pink Princess Waffle Maker

It doesn’t just make ordinary peasent waffles, no it makes enchanted Princess Waffles, which I’m sure taste batter. If you look at Cinderella they didn’t even fill in her skin. And why does the waffle look like a pancake?

 

 

 

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw picture image

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

 

It’s a Disney Princess Snuggie……..  wow, Genius Disney.

 

 

 

 

Disney Step Stool

Disney Step Stool picture image

Disney Step Stool

Disney Princess Step Stool

It’s a Disney Princess Set Stool. A Step Stool! Who thinks of  these things. Why does a step stool need to princess-ify? Though there must be some pleasure on stepping on the Princess.

 

 

 

Which of these do you think is the dumbest Disney Princess Product?

Aladdin and the King of Thieves: I hate Jasmine’s wedding Dress

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Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture imag

Aladdin and the King of Thieves

As a movie goes, Aladdin and the King of Thieves is fairly not too bad. Is it good? Ummmm, it’s pretty ok. I think it’s better than The Return of Jafar but I find Return of Jafar more entertaining in general.

Thieves singing, Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

Thieves singing, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Now I said I wouldn’t harp on Songs and Animations, but there is like one good song in this and animation is not good at all and it’s try to be good and fails. The only song I like is Welcome to the 40 thieves. The other songs annoy me to no end.

Cassim, Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

Cassim, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

So what is good about it? Well, the story is good, it’s about Aladdin connecting with long lost Dad, Cassim, who is the King of Thieves. Aladdin has to deal with his past and as the movie wraps up as you learn that the two just can’t be a part of each other lives and that works for them. They love each other but they are very different. And I think that is actually a mature sentiment.

I also like how Aladdin questions his capacity to have a family. Never mind, he about to become a royal, it’s the lack of a father that is making him question himself and his future.

Sa'luk, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Sa’luk, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

However the whole searching for treasure plot was a little silly. Though I like the turtle as the island, very classic mythology right there. Also the bad guy, Sa’luk was lame. I don’t really get his deal or motivation. He just didn’t like Cassim and pretty much wanted to one-up him. That’s kind of lame even for direct-to-video villain. Though I liked that he is so tough that he wrestles sharks, that is pretty bad-ass.

Jasmine and Genie as Mrs Doubtfire, Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

Jasmine and Genie as Mrs Doubtfire, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Then we have the Genie. Oh, Genie. They made a big deal that Robin Williams was back doing the voice of the Genie. And while sometimes the jokes were great, most of the time they were just references for like every movie ever especially Disney movies. It was too much, way too much, I mean he referenced himself as Mrs. Doubtfire. It was grating and not funny and I didn’t like it.

The one joke I did love is when Genie is introduced to Cassim as Aladdin’s father and he start as threatening says that “If you’re Al’s Dad, I want to know one thing. Will it be chicken or the sea-bass.” That joke was set-up too so the pay-off was great.

Jasmine and her ugly wedding gown, Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

Jasmine and her ugly wedding gown, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Beside Aladdin, Iago and the new characters, the other characters don’t do that much. Carpet, Abu and the sultan are there. Jasmine gives Aladdin encouragement, gets married and punches people but that’s it.

While I enjoy the punching, I hated her wedding dress. I loath it. It’s stupid. I would say this a small detail but Aladdin and Jasmine wedding is a major plot point. The pointy shoulder and the flowers kill me. I mean she is a princess for crying out loud, why is she wearing this lame dress?

The Hand of Midas Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

The Hand of Midas Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Here is a bit of plot hole. So the ultimate treasure that Cassim is searching for is The Hand of Midas, which turns things into gold. So when Cassim first gets it, he turns the room gold and every thing becomes gold in the room except for him, Aladdin and the water. Now solid gold is heavy and the island is a living creature, How did the turtle not react this?

Cassim tells Aladdin not to touch the hand or he will turn to gold so he wraps in cloth and sticks into this belt. But we see that hand turns the whole room gold so why didn’t the hand turn Aladdin’s clothes gold? Is it because it’s contiguous? But if that how it works why didn’t Cassim turned to gold when he turned the room gold and the thieves on the boat when that turned to gold? Why are people not turned if the things around them are? Do humans have to touch it directly but things don’t? For that matter why didn’t the the Hand’s wooden staff change? What are the rules to thing? It’s not a small thing but I thought the Hand Midas plot was stupid so I don’t care that much.

Cassim, Iago, Jasmine, Abu, Aladdin, Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

Cassim, Iago, Jasmine, Abu, Aladdin, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

If the Return of Jafar kick-started the TV show, the King of Thieves ended it and it was a decent send off to the show. Though Aladdin’s quest for his father was more mature in tone than the show but that’s fine the show had it’s moments of depth. It’s definitely a more ambitious movie and story than Return of Jafar and its high points are really high and but its lows are meh to very low. I liked the bookend ending the first movie starts with the lamp sellers and this one ends with him. On the whole Aladdin and the King of Thieves is a decent not bad movie.