Happily N’Ever After Review; The Movie Literally Tells you it gets Worst

I would like a moment of silence for all the films that never were and never will be because this movie exists. How many GOOD were passed over for this? Who sold their soul to get this green-light? Or is this movie the result of pure aged-old Hollywood nepotism? Or was it solely as cheap Shrek cash in? What method was it movie is it because it wasn’t made for its compelling plot, charming characters or it’s sense of style?

Well the Subject line gives it away but it’s the 2006 fuck-feast Happily N’Ever After. It was made by Vanguard Animation and released by Lions Gate Film. It was pretty much panned on its released and has a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, but is as bad as all that? Let’s just say I was a lot less happy after this shit ended, though I like when it end.

In Fairy-tale land, lame name, there is a wizard who keeps fairy-tales in balance and he has two assistants, who are a Timon and Pumba knock-off meets Sorcerers Apprentice. The Wizard the goes on Vacation. While that is happening Cinderella a.k.a Ella, is getting ready for the ball. There is also a dude-bro named Rick, who is the prince’s only servant  and he likes Ella. So they go to the big stupid ball and the step-mother over hears the two assistants talking and she takes over and tips the scales so Ella’s dress vanishes and the Prince leaves to go off to find her.

The rest of the movie is Ella trying to find the Prince while fighting off fairy-tale baddies. She then defeats the Step mother and picks Rick-the-dick in the end.

So what is wrong with this movie? Well to put it very concisely, Everything! First the story. It been done before or if not it just felt stale when it thought it was being new. To the film’s some-what credit there was something interesting about fighting fate but the movie was more concerned about making lame jokes than having a pulse, so that anything of substance was an after-thought.

The characters are also annoying. The hero, Rick is the biggest whiner. There was nothing remotely likable about him. The prince, while as a massive twit, as was his point, but he was marging more likable in his idiocy. The step-mother was a boring villain, whose motivation was just because. The Timon and Pumba knock-offs, whose names are Mambo and Munk are well Andy Dick and Wallace Shawn, take that for what you want. Some of the other side characters are okay like Rumpelstiltskin and the Dwarves. I really only mildly chucked twice in this movie’s run time, TWICE!

Then there is Ella, the princess character of this waste of celluloid. Her design is really bad. I don’t know who they were referencing but she was not pretty. Half the time she just looked sleepy. Also who idea was it to put her in such a short skirt. It was jarring. Well her looks aren’t great but how is her personality? I’m not sure. They movie claims she is girly and optimistic. Ok, yeah she kind of acts that way but if that isn’t a cliche Princess personality I don’t know what is it. She was boring and that is the long and short of her character.

So the characters, story and the dialogue are all garbage but people can forgive that if the movie looks good, so how are the visuals? If you said they suck you’re right, I mean there are pictures in the post after all.

Every character in this look cold, plastic and artificial. There is just nothing interest in the visuals. Also the movement of the characters is not fluid at all, it very stilted and awkward. half the time it looked like bad stop-motion animation but you know if the movie had been stop-motion at least it would have been more interesting because there is nothing that interesting about 3d animation anymore, it’s just cheaper. I suppose that was the stylisitic intention of Happily N’Ever After, Cheap, like a two dollar hooker.

 

Happily N’Ever After is as enjoyable as constipation. A good punch in the face is preferable. And how dare you use the Monster Mash, that song is sacred, Sacred I say!

And just to add to the insult of this movie, it got a sequel, which I’m not watching, though Snow White got a better design that Cinderella.

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