27 Dresses Review; Sheesh Lady, you’re vindictive

Most wedding movies are notorious for being bad even if they are just sort okay-ish and/or dull and cliche. 27 Dresses, released in 2008, is one such movie. It’s far from worse movie ever made but it is so steeped in cliched cliches that is just so dull.

The story follows Jane (Katherine Heigl), a people pleaser who just wants to help every one and loves wedding. Like she is obsessed with weddings and she is madly in love with her boss, George (Edward Burns). She hopes that if she has no life of her own George will notice her or something. Senpai will not notice you!

Jane’s younger sister Tess (Malin Ã…kerman), comes into town and falls for George and he’s interested in her. In classic middle school fashion, Tess then lies to George to seem like she has things in common with him, like that she is a vegetarian who like outdoor activities and likes dogs. While Jane watches Tess steal George, a mean attractive writer is stalking Jane. This writer named Kevin (James Marsden), writes wedding related articles but he wants to prove his worth and writes a piece of Jane who has been a bridesmaid 27 times and he hates the wedding industrial complex while Jane loves it, so friction and snarky romance ahoy.

So Jane plans Tess’s s wedding, which she wants to be just like their dear departed mother’s wedding which was Jane’s dream. Jane then learns about the article after she sleeps with Kevin, they had been getting less snarky by that point, and she gets mad at him. Then Tess cut up their mother’s wedding gown to suit her style which causes Jane to go over the edge. Jane then humiliates Tess at the rehearsal dinner with a slideshow which reveals her lies and the wedding is off because you DON’T LIE ABOUT PUPPIES!

Then stuff gets resolved, Jane and Tess make up, Jane quits her job and Kevin and her get married and all the brides she was a bridesmaid for are at her wedding, in the dresses that they put Jane in which I think is bitchy and vindictive but I think the movie thought it was sweet gesture or something, I dunno.

As you can see this movie it cliched as fuck, it does nothing really that new. It just takes that old saying, “Always A bridesmaid never a bride,” and made it into a movie because getting married and having a wedding is the fucking end all be all, am I right? At least this how the lesser wedding movies operate.

However there was one thing I did like about this movie and it’s what got me through all the trite over-played dullness, this movie reminded me of shows I like. Judy Greer played Jane’s rude best friend, Casey and she was in Arrested Development and is in Archer. James Marsden and Maulik Pancholy, who played Kevin’s co-worker, were both on 30 Rock. And Of Course, this movie was referenced in an episode of Bob’s Burger called Gene It On. Otherwise this movie is as interesting as diluted cheap Vanilla Ice Cream.

But you know just because a movie is cliched and dull doesn’t mean there can’t be good characters. Oh, wait no, I’m wrong, interesting characters would negate the dullness. No, the Only thing that is remotely interesting, beside Judy Greer, are the ugly bridesmaid dresses. The rest of the characters are dull, predicable and stupid. Jane is a push over who likes wedding, Tess is egoistical, Kevin is snarky and George is ummm I have no idea, he didn’t have much of personality except nice. At least Casey’s rudeness was something but she was a minor-character so the movie didn’t to try to make the audience like her so  she was just Judy “you’re not my supervisor, say good-bye to these” Greer.

So let’s talk about the wedding in this movie, well counting Jane’s at the end there are three and one planned. The first one is standard, the second is was a Hindu-Jewish wedding and third was goth or heavy metal thing. So two out of three had personality though really movie, spike dog-collar for the bridesmaid.

The only thing we see from Tess’s wedding is her Amsale gown which was actually supposed to her mother’s gown cut up which causes Jane to loose her shit. Tess apparently took the mom’s gown because she was trying to be like Jane and part of that was stealing Jane’s dream of having their mom’s wedding. It was just so fucking contrived. The dress was alright, though I don’t think that style is still in but it was bitch move.

Jane and Kevin’s wedding was on a beach. I wish there was something in their characters that made this venue make sense. Like what about them says a beach? They didn’t seem like outside people. One line about them liking beaches could have help. It just seemed like a catalogue stylish thing for the movie to do.

It’s just a little more than sad that the dresses of 27 Dresses are more memorable than any of the characters.