Red Riding Hood Review: That Red Cloak does all the work

Red Riding Hood

Let’s not mince any words or waste any time, This movie sucks. Red Riding Hood (2011) tries to take an already dark story and tries to make it more dark and add a Twilight-esque love triangle and hey it was directed Catherine Hardwicke to boot (Twilight director). So why was it bad?

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie and Shiloh Fernandez as Peter

In undisclosed medieval Fantasy times there is a village the is plagued by werewolf attacks but the people and the werewolf have an understanding where they give it some livestock and it does kill people, ah Harmony itself. Living in this village is young Valerie and her pal Peter, get it Peter and the wolf, too clever. They caught a rabbit together and Valerie kills it, pay attention to that because it like SUPER important later, like you have no idea, your mind will be blown.

Flash forward ten years and Valerie has grown. She is in love with Peter but her mother wants her to marry rich bland guy Henry. Also the werewolf has killed a human, Valerie’s older sister Lucie. The Village people are pissed so the go mob style and kill a wolfs but a crazy priest who hunts werewolfs tells them they didn’t. In the hunt for the werewolf Henry’s father is killed. Valerie then learns the Lucie’s real father was Henry’s father and me mother had an affair.

At some point, Valerie gets her red riding hood from her grandmother who lives in the woods. Then the werewolf attacks and speaks with Valerie and only she can understand, it tells her that it wants her to come away with it or it will destroy the village. Valeries sees that the werewolf has brown human eyes and since everyone but Valerie has brown eyes everyone is a suspect. There is also a blood moon which means it is the time for the werewolf to pass on the curse.

So some more stuff happens, Crazy priest dies and it turns out Valerie’s dad is the werewolf and the curse that has been in the family for generations which makes it strong. He killed Lucie because he was enraged to learn that she wasn’t his daughter when she couldn’t understand him. Valerie’s dad tries to convince her that she has it in her to be a werewolf because she killed the rabbit, mind-blown. Then Peter comes in, Valerie kills her dad but Peter got bitten in the fight and gets the curse.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

First thing, Valerie takes the death of most of her family pretty darn well. Her sister dies and she is pretty sad but that is over in a few scenes, I mean she does have more important things to deal with, like her love triangle. But she feels nothing when her grandmother is killed and she kills her own father and it like no reaction. She should not be ok.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Valerie’s inability to express emotions could be the result of shitty writing and character development but I think it’s something; bad acting. The acting in the movie is on the whole BAD! Mostly everyone under act the shit out of this except one Gary Oldman who vomits up the god-damn fake scenery. Really it’s hard to get into this movie with the amount of bad work from the actors.

While I’m here I might as well discuss the characters. So Valerie tells us that she tries to be a good girl but the killing of the rabbit proves she isn’t. Not sure why I would except a girl in her position in life, in medieval times to have skinned and prepare food was it because it was for boots. Other than the dark stain on her character she is built up to be pretty and prefect but really Vanilla Ice Cream have more bite than her. She is bland and yet she stabbed her lover, dances suggestively, tried to have sex with Peter all the time and killed her own father and yet she is bland. That is pretty amazing, see what the power of bad acting can achieve.

The other characters were bland too but what REALLY bothers me is that writing in this movie is so shitty that things like character motivations and establishing emotions which is needed to development are not there for the sake of the boring, I repeat BORING love triangle. For instance Valerie’s father, his motivation is he wants to leave the village because he has been disrespected, his words but when did that happen? We never see it maybe it was the affair and Lucie not being his child but he wanted to leave before that hence why he called Lucie out. Speaking of Lucie you can’t feel anything for her when she dies because we never see her alive save for like two flashbacks. Why couldn’t there have been a scene with Lucie and Valerie as children laughing or something? Instead we have establish Valerie and Peter, you know the important emotion source of the movie….though this movie is as emotional as a math textbook.

Shiloh Fernandez as Peter

Anyway moving on to the scenery or the sets. I have seen Ren Faire with more believability in the sets that this movie vague attempts at a backdrop. The sets looked fake. There was no life to anything, no grit no realness. Really with this level of non commitment to having interesting character or sets there is nothing to maintain the viewer’s attention other than attractive people running around in the snow. I was bored by the minute seven.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Basically this movie was made on Twilight’s coattails and the trend of making dark fairy tales movie that was popular for a while. It’s similarities to source material of Little Red Riding hood are like little homages. Her Red Riding hood was pointless, Peter being the woodsmen, going to grandmother’s house and the lines about grandmother’s facial features. These were just there to connect to the source and not much else. This a Twilight werewolf movie.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie and Shiloh Fernandez as Peter

Red Riding Hood sucks, it tries to be dark bit with emotional impact or interest from the actors it just lays there on the floor limp and lifeless. Some of the shot were cool like of the scenery, at least I believe that that mountain or that tree were a mountain and tree. Just skip it.

Clue 1 and Clue 2