Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episodes 15 & 16 Review

by
Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Meghan Ory as Red Riding Hood ABC's Once Upon a Time, Red-Handed picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Meghan Ory as Red Riding Hood

Episode 15: Red-Handed

Red gets an episode! Red a.k.a Little Red Riding doesn’t like being locked inside with granny when there is a wolf on the prowl. She also longs to run off with her bae, Peter. After a wolf attack Red meets Snow White but Snow introduces herself as Mary though first as Margaret. Red decides that if she can catch the wolf while it sleeps she and Peter can run off together. Red proves a great tracker and finds that the wolf’s track turn into a human and leads to her window which makes her think that Peter is the wolf, also Peter and the wolf, so cute. Red goes to Peter to ties him up so he can hurt anyone but TWIST it’s Red who is the wolf, it’s a family trait.

The Storybrooke plot still continues the hunt for Kathryn. While Emma investigates, Ruby quits her job at Granny’s and stays with Emma and Mary Margaret. Ruby then gets a job working with Emma because she has good phone skills. As Emma assistant she gets grilled cheese and helps in search for the lovely the Kathryn, one of those is important to the plot. Turns out David has been sleepwalking again and can’t confirm his whereabouts. Ruby then finds a box with a human heart in it and inside the box are fingerprints belonging to Mary Margaret. It’s Once Upon a Time; CSI.

This episode was pretty good. The werewolf angle is typical for Little Red Riding adaptations but it’s nice that Red is the wolf and her hood is a magical article that controls her transformation. The cloaks in this episode were real pretty.

 

Ginnifer Goodwin as Mary Margaret & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan ABC's Once Upon a Time, Heart of Darkness picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Mary Margaret & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan

Episode 16: Heart of Darkness

Snow White has become a Grade C Biatch since she has forgotten love. The Dwarves stage an intervention with Jiminy. It ends with Snow White saying she has to kill the Queen, pretty standard intervention. Grumpy takes Snow to Rumpelstiktskin to fix her but Rumpelstiktskin hasn’t been able to bottle love yet and instead of helping Snow’s new bitch attitude he enables her to murder the Queen with a good shooting location and an arrow that always finds its target.

James/Charming shows up at Rumpelstiktskin’s place and exchanges his cloak for intel on Snow’s plan and that true love kiss on the lips cures curses or the potion Snow took. James/Charming finds Snow and plants a kiss on her but since Snow isn’t herself the kiss doesn’t work. Snow ties him up and he begs her not to kill the Queen. Jiminy helps his escape and James/Charming blocks the arrow that Snow fired at the Queen. James/Charming declares his love for her, they kiss and BOOM Snow White remembers and isn’t a jerk anymore. But that ass-hat king turns up and takes James/Charming away leaving Snow vowing she will find him. Rumpelstiktskin then extracts a piece of James/Chamring’s hair from his cloak and bottles it with Snow White’s hair thus making a True Love potion, I guess love is stored in the hair.

In Storybrooke Mary Margaret is being questioned and in turns out that the box the heart was found in was Mary Margaret’s jewelry box. Emma investigates if there were signs of a break in but instead she finds a weapon that matches the murder weapon. Mary Margaret then hires Mr.Gold as her lawyer. Henry tells Emma that Regina has a key that might open Mary Margaret’s apartment which she does, making Emma and Henry suspect that Regina framed Mary Margaret as the Evil Queen hates Snow White. David then remembers himself as James/Charming begging Snow not to kill “her” which leads him to think she killed Kathryn. Mary Margaret then finds a key to her cell and leaves.

While I did like this episode there are a few things that are just weird. First is David’s memory. The way it’s shot makes it a first person perspective which means we have to interpret it as he sees what we see. David doesn’t question that in this memory Mary Margaret has longer hair and there is snow on the ground, two things that he should realize BEFORE he doubts her innocence, or at least question his memory more. David is a dummy. Also is Kathryn really dead? We know Graham didn’t have his heart and was still able to live. And finally fingerprint the knife! It was found in Mary Margaret’s apartment but did Regina ever get her to touch it? And was it the murder weapon? I don’t know, I like the episode but the whole murder plot is very boring, Regina is like Papaletine here, of course she is behind it all.

Hunchback and other Disney Ornaments

by

It’s Christmas time! A great thing to get for yourself or as gift are ornaments. Disney puts out a lot of ornaments and Hunchback has gotten a few, won’t say a lot. I do like this one because it depicts a nice scene from the movie  and has a nice sense of togetherness which just sums up the Holiday times.

Disney Quasimodo and Esmeralda Christmas ornament Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo and Esmeralda Christmas ornament

 

However maybe you’re not in the market for a Hunchback ornament. Don’t worry there are plenty and I do mean plenty of other Disney Holiday ornament for you.  These are really just a few, there are so very, very many. This isn’t like a list or anything just a super minimal sampling.

2016 Disney Ornament picture image

2016 Disney Ornament

 

I like how simple and to the point this one it. It’s classic Disney yet fun and simple.

 

Eeyore Ornament picture image

Eeyore Ornament

 

I admit it, I have a soft spot for Eeyore. I like how he is tangled in lights.

 

Elsa, Anna, Olaf Ornament Frozen picture image

Elsa, Anna, Olaf Ornament

I love how wintery this one is plus it has that feeling of togetherness that Hunchback one also has.

Moana Ornament picture image

Moana Ornament

The Newest Princess.

 

Also if your if more Holiday crazy and ornament are too basic for you there is this Disney Christmas insanity,

Disney Tabletop Christmas Tree picture image

Disney Tabletop Christmas Tree

This is for serious Disney/ Christmas fans!

 

 

 

 

Other Burbank Phoebus

by
Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Phoebus

As par for the course with this unholy shit of a Hunchback version, Phoebus is just boring and nice.  This does set him apart from the 1939 version where Phoebus was slut who wanted to bone Esmeralda before Frollo actually killed him.  Alas, the only traits of Phoebus that this version has is his looks and his occupation. If you want to get a little more technical, this Phoebus does meet Esmeralda at a party like in the 1923 version but that scene was just get Esmeralda arrested.

Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Phoebus with La Petition

Phoebus in this version is a combination of Phoebus and Gringoire. It’s a bit like the Disney version but far less subtle. Phoebus basically takes Gringoire’s role from the 1939 version where he makes a pamphlet thing to free her. This only makes sense in the simplification of the story and character as  the movie gives no reason or logic as to why a rich soldier would come to this method of political defiance.  Was he  modern in his thinking?  If he is, the movie gives no examples of it like in a line of dialogue or some action. He tries to arrange an appeal and that it till he is shown leaving the print shop with the pamphlet/leaflet thing.  They couldn’t even have had a scene of him writing it because the movie needed a scene of Quasimodo shouting “No”  awkwardly. Nope becomes from having a plan to having it printed along with a long petition with signatures. How much time took place? No sense in asking for logic now.

Esmeralda meets Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda meets Phoebus

Basically this version of Phoebus could have been slightly interesting in that it would have been a scholarly Phoebus but the intent of Phoebus  was expedience for lazy narrative, nothing more.

He also speaks with a fake French accent.

One Hunchback Cool Item

by

Instead of trying to find items that reflect Hunchback characters’ style like I have done in the past, like watches one from three years ago, this year I’m going to feature one cool Hunchback  item from Amazon.

This year is a Quasimodo phone case.

Quasimodo Phone Case picture image

Quasimodo Phone Case

 

I really like the design. I love Quasimodo as a negative silhouette against Notre Dame. Really it’s a pretty perfect design. Also just on a personal level, I like green and gold as a color combo.

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episodes 13 & 14 Review

by
Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/James & Aria Pullman as the Siren ABC's Once Upon a Time, What Happened to Frederick picture image

Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/James & Aria Pullman as the Siren

Episode 13: What Happened to Frederick?

This is going to sound silly but I wished they had reversed Kathryn/Abigail’s name like Kathryn is the princess and Abigail is the real world counterpart. Also, I’m pretty sure I have the same yellow pot that David and Abigail have in their home.

In the Fairy Tale world part of the episode follows James and Abigail. Abigail doesn’t want to marry him because she too has a tragic love story. Her love, Frederick, got that Midas Touch  and is now a statue. Abigail tells James she tried the whole true love kiss but silly Frederick being a soldier and protecting his King was wearing his helmet, so the true love kiss cure doesn’t work if it’s not on the lips, oddly specific. Abigail tells James about another cure all, the water of a lake guarded by a beast who kills all who tries to take the water. Since James killed that unkillable dragon he is pretty confident he can get that water and he does. The Beast is really a sexy siren who lures men in with either her looks or the looks of other women, in this case Snow White. The Siren doesn’t know context though so James thinking Snow White doesn’t love him doesn’t fall for the lure, guess heartbreak can save the day? So Frederick is cured and they all are happy because love.  James also finds out from Red Riding hood, who is a Snow’s Pal,  that she does love him and the King made her say she didn’t love him.  King George is such a dick!

In the Storybrooke world it comes out that David is cheating on Kathryn with Mary Margaret. The trouble is David didn’t tell Kathryn about the affair just that he was leaving her and couldn’t go with her to Boston. It’s Regina who tells Kathryn and Regina also wrote “Tramp” on Mary Margaret’s car. At the end, Mary Margaret again tells David they can’t work since he wasn’t honest. These two are so back and forth. Also Kathryn tries to leave Storybrooke but curse says she can’t and gym teacher that we see earlier in the episode comes to her aid but she is gone. Also he’s Frederick. The show isn’t very subtle about elements.  Also Emma goes on a date with The Stranger. They go to a well and discuss the healing properties of water. The Stranger also restored Henry’s book and left it for Emma to find.  

I really liked this episode. Abigail is starting to get a personality. Also I find it refreshing that “other woman” is the one the audience is rooting for it but the “wife” isn’t a horrible person. Alongside Once Upon a Time, I’m watching this Turkish Drama called “Magnificent Century” which like depending on the episode you’re rooting for the other women and also the “other women” switches between two women, they are concubines.  

Anyway, super off topic. I liked that this episode was very much it’s own thing and wasn’t taking from a set Fairy Tale but it pulled more from myths. I liked that the Beast was a Siren as this show doesn’t do CG effects super well and we had seen James already fight a dragon so the mental challenge  was more interesting.

As for the Storybrooke plot, it was fine. It did seems like the plot was moving a bit forward but then backtracked with David and Mary Margaret. I do like Emma and the Stranger a.k.a August Wayne  Booth, who named these characters? Anyway good episode.  

Ginnifer Goodwin as Mary Margaret & Lee Arenberg as Leroy ABC's Once Upon a Time, Dreamy picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Mary Margaret & Lee Arenberg as Leroy

Episode 14: Dreamy

This story focuses on Grumpy’s backstory. Grumpy’s real first name was Dreamy. Dwarves come from eggs and they mine for diamonds which get turns into fairy dust which fuels the world. They couldn’t call it Diamond Dust since that would a Final Fantasy reference. However Dreamy is special because before he was hatched his egg was sprinkled with some fairy dust which makes him capable of love and he is in love with a novice fairy named Nova who seems to like-like him back.   However Dwarves and fairies are bound to their very fixed speice roles so they can’t be together to see the world. This leaves Nova heart-broken and Dreamy becomes Grumpy.

Meanwhile in Storybrooke, Mary Margaret is still being shunned by the town but is trying to sell candles for miner’s day. That is a day where Nuns make candle to trade with Miners for coal. Grumpy’s counterpart, Leroy, whom I’m resisting calling Leeroy Jenkins is enamored with a nun, named Astrid. Now why is Mary Margaret the one with a Nun sounding Nun but the Nun doesn’t? These names!  Anyway, Astrid is Nova’s counterpart and because of a goof she made the Nuns will get kicked out of their convent if they don’t sell all the candles by following day.. Leroy and Mary Margaret rally together but since she is the town tramp and Leroy is the town drunk they don’t sell any candles. Leroy tells Mary Margaret that Astrid was the first person that said he could do anything. Leroy then causes a blackout because some well intentioned property damage is okay. This back-out sells all the candle so the Nuns can stay. While that is happening  Kathryn is missing.  Emma rules out David as her magic internal  lie detector doesn’t go off. Sidney and Regina get the phone records from Kathryn which makes David look super shady has he called her shortly before Kathryn disappeared.

Overall this episode was a average at best. I want to like learning about the Dwarves but it didn’t really connect and felt contrived. This also left me wondering why Emma can’t detect Sidney lying back in episode 11 when all he did wass lie. Is there a reason or is this superpower plot specific? Also Nun’s paying rent for on convent? That seems odd but plot says that is the plot.  I did like how you can tells which candles are real and which ones are fake LED lights.  

Anyway it was an average epsiode, next!

Other Burbank Esmeralda

by

I hate this version. It so damn forgettable. Say what you want about Enchanted Tales or Dingo at least they are memorable, though not in a good way. This one is just so boring and dull that I find myself having to rewatch it constantly to write these posts because I can not remember anything and that’s I can’t bring myself to write the posts in a timely fashion. This version is maxing me out in so many ways. I mean how many ways can one really say this character is boring compared to other sources?

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

I guess that brings us to the lovely Esmeralda. She is pretty, at least that is what the characters tell us which is good given the lack of art style in this move I wouldn’t have known. So like in the better 1939 version, Esmeralda cares for the blight of her people. She tries to tell the king by going to his house instead of praying which I guess shows initiative.

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

WAIT a second! This Esmeralda has  initiative. She shows that a few times in this version. She tries to speak to the king directly on New Year’s Eve, she gives Quasimodo water (which is standard) and goes to see Phoebus despite being wanted for being too pretty.   Oh god a character trait! It’s been so long since I have seen one that I thought I had forgotten. I mean to be fair, her initiative is buried in poor decision making but it’s something other than being nice and romantic.

 

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

  

Too bad she is still boring. Just a boring pretty girl with eyes that shine brighter than the stars in the sky (apparently),  who is also nice and takes initiative at bad times and has a super fake French accent. This version sucks! I want to burn so at least I can get some mild entertainment out it.  

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episodes 11 & 12 Review

by
Lana Parrilla as Regina Mills & Giancarlo Esposito as Sidney Glass, ABC's Once Upon a Time, Fruit of the Poisonous Tree picture image

Lana Parrilla as Regina Mills & Giancarlo Esposito as Sidney Glass

Episode 11: Fruit of the Poisonous Tree

Former Regina minion Sidney Glass, of the daily mirror, wants to team up with Emma to expose Regina’s corruption. After a series events that really do nothing to expose Regina’s crooked ways, Emma does find trust in Sidney. Though it was all a ruse as Sidney is still Regina’s minion and it’s a trap for Emma. Also in addition to that main Storybrooke plot, Henry is trying to get the fairy tale book back as it went missing when Regina tore down the playhouse that he and Emma met to discuss their plans. The Stranger is the one who currently has the book.

The parallel story of the Fairy Tale world is about our favorite Evil Queen meeting the Genie of the Lamp. The Genie was freed by the King and the King gave the Genie his third wish which the Genie never wants to use because magic sucks. The King decides to bring the Genie to the castle and when the Genie sees the Queen he falls head over lamp for her. The Queen seems to reciprocates the Genie’s feeling but she is married and not in love with her husband. The Queen’s father begs the Genie for help to give her a box of poisonous snakes which are from his homeland. However the Genie, convinced that Queen loves him, uses the snakes to kill the King. However it dawns on the Genie that the Queen tricked him and isn’t in love with him at all. He decides to use his wish so that may be with her forever and always gaze on her face and since magic sucks in this world, he is turned into her magic mirror. Sucks for him but this pleases the Queen.

I enjoyed half this episode. I typically like the Storybrooke story more but this time I was bored by most of it but I liked the Fairy Tale world plot. It’s interesting the combination of the Genie of the Lamp turning into Magic Mirror. So often in Snow White versions there is no explanation for the Magic Mirror, the audience is just suppose to accept it, which is fine in a fairy tale. It’s just a nice touch on the show’s end to offer a story behind the mirror. I will just say I did like the twist at the end of the Storybrooke storyline where Sidney is still in league with Regina, it wasn’t mind blowing but it so in keeping with Regina’s character.  

Robert Carlyle as Rumplestiltskin & Emilie de Ravin as Belle, ABC's Once Upon a Time, Skin Deep picture image

Robert Carlyle as Rumplestiltskin & Emilie de Ravin as Belle

Episode 12: Skin Deep

Oh dear god the amount of cultural references in this episode is just funny. First off and not as referential  was at the start of the Fairy Tale Storyline where they mention a place called Avonlea that had fallen. Avonlea is where Anne of Green Gables took place and not to mention the Canadian show Road to Avonlea, which i used to love when I was a kid. It was just so random. The second of a Flower shop in Storybrooke called Game of Thorns, I think everyone can get that. David is reading Anna Karenina, which a novel mostly about adultery which he is currently engaged in with Mary Margaret. And then there is a Nurse Rachet which is from One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

So on to actual episode, this week we have Beauty and the Beast. The Beast is actually our old pal Rumpelstiktskin. Rumpelstiktskin helped Belle’s Kingdom out of being conquered from Ogres in exchange for her to be his housekeeper. Gradually they fall in love, however Rumpelstiktskin lets her go in the guise of her running an errand. While Belle in the forest she runs into that pesky Evil Queen. The Queen tells her that true love’s kiss can break any curse, it’s like a super panacea. Belle then tries it on Rumpelstiktskin which starts to work but he gets mad at her and tells her to leave. Belle, who is hurt, tells him that he will be alone forever with an empty heart and the  teacup that she chipped, which a Disney’s Chip reference. That pesky Evil Queen shows up at Rumpelstiktskin’s place and she tells him that Belle  was shunned  by her village, tortured by her father and killed herself.  Rumpelstiktskin is devastated.

Meanwhile in the real fake world of Storybrooke, Mr Gold gets something stolen him and he enlists Emma to find it. When Emma can’t find said specific item, Mr Gold kidnaps the guy who stole it and start assaulting him saying that “She is gone.” Emma arrests Mr. Gold because hitting people is wrong apparently. Regina shows up and tells Emma to hang out with Henry so she can be alone with Mr.Gold. Regina asks Mr.Gold his real name. This reveals that they both know about the Fairy Tale past. Also Belle’s counterpart is in a mental ward revealing that she didn’t die in the past.

I’m a bit mixed on this episode. On the one hand I like Rumpelstiktskin as the “beast” but he seems like a swiss-army character. He’s Beast, the Fairy Godmother, the downtrodden cursed one etc. He is everything except Rumpelstiktskin. The only thing  “Rumpelstiktskin” does is he spins straw into gold, though in truth he could have been doing anything else like turning lead in gold or making a zero calorie fudge brownie. Also just a side note, the reason why Rumpelstiktskin spins straw into gold in the fairy tale is that a miller says his daughter can spin straw into gold so the prince or king tests her and if she can’t he will kill her, so Rumpelstiktskin does it for her in exchange for stuff. It’s not like a hobby of his so I don’t why  Show Rumpelstiktskin do this. Was it mention in his backstory because I don’t recall it or explained in a later episode? The other Rumpelstiktskin thing he does is he wants babies for some reason. I’m going to bet this gets explained and  hopefully he doesn’t want to eat them.

Another thing that makes me scratch my head is Belle herself. Aside from dressing like Disney Belle, Belle doesn’t have any of Belle’s personality. I know she is different from Disney Belle but since the episode so far just rehashed Beauty and Beast the comparison between the two is more direct than Snow White and Cinderella. It’s not a big issue but feels more puzzled that Belle, who is one of the more beloved Disney Princesses, feels like an afterthought.  I do like that she is in the mental ward, that is a nice call back to the Disney movie.

The main hightlight of the Storybrooke episode was the reveal that Mr.Gold and Regina know.

Anthony Bourdain compares himself to Quasimodo

by
Anthony Bourdain and Quasimodo picture image

Anthony Bourdain and Quasimodo

In a recent interview for his new season of Anthony Bourdain:Parts Unknown for Eater.com, Bourdain  compared himself to Quasimodo.

“On feeling out of place: “I feel like Quasimodo the hunchback of Notre Dame — if he stayed in nice hotel suites with high thread count sheets, that would be me. I feel kind of like a freak, and I feel very isolated. ”

I used to watch his show No Reservations a lot and I loved that he was in an episode of Archer pretty much being himself but more of a jerk.

You can read the whole interview here 

Other Burbank Quasimodo

by
Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns

Quasimodo  has to be the worse. In fact this is one of the worse versions of Quasimodo. He’s like a weird lesson in total apathy.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo, Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996 picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo,

Quasimodo doesn’t do much in this movie and he says much less. Sure, he does all things that Quasimodo does in the course of the story but the execution of it just so lifeless that who the fuck really cares? Quasimodo has no definable personality and seemingly no intelligence. He doesn’t use pronouns and refers to himself as “Quasimodo.”  Some of these lines are “Quasimodo your friend” or ” Quasimodo not your friend.” These are actual lines he says in this version. Typically this method of speaking denotes cuteness or a young child, like a three year old, but it makes Quasimodo seem like he has a  low intelligence. He’s deaf not an simpering idiot.  In fact the only thing he does that is at all in line with the 1939 version is he rings the bells thinking about Esmeralda, whom he just calls his friends. No love just pals, way to dig deep into this psyche movie.     

 

Quasimodo fighting Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo fighting Frollo

Aside from Esmeralda and that is really just giving her flowers, Quasimodo has no interactions with Frollo aside from the trial scene and the ending. If Frollo hasn’t said he was Quaismodo’s guardian in a line of exposition it wouldn’t been known and really it’s another example of just not caring. It didn’t matter in the scheme of things if Frollo was his guardian or not in this version because Quasimodo doesn’t care when he kill Frollo and yes Quasimodo pushes Frollo down the Bell Tower after hitting with a bell. 

Quasimodo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo with his doves

Forget not having pathos or being a pitiable character, this version of Quasimodo can’t even grasp pain.  He doesn’t care about anything so why should anyone care about this Quasimodo he has no understanding or anything which makes him boring and not sympathetic which makes nothing like his character in any version of Hunchback.