Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns

Quasimodo  has to be the worse. In fact this is one of the worse versions of Quasimodo. He’s like a weird lesson in total apathy.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo, Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996 picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo,

Quasimodo doesn’t do much in this movie and he says much less. Sure, he does all things that Quasimodo does in the course of the story but the execution of it just so lifeless that who the fuck really cares? Quasimodo has no definable personality and seemingly no intelligence. He doesn’t use pronouns and refers to himself as “Quasimodo.”  Some of these lines are “Quasimodo your friend” or ” Quasimodo not your friend.” These are actual lines he says in this version. Typically this method of speaking denotes cuteness or a young child, like a three year old, but it makes Quasimodo seem like he has a  low intelligence. He’s deaf not an simpering idiot.  In fact the only thing he does that is at all in line with the 1939 version is he rings the bells thinking about Esmeralda, whom he just calls his friends. No love just pals, way to dig deep into this psyche movie.     

 

Quasimodo fighting Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo fighting Frollo

Aside from Esmeralda and that is really just giving her flowers, Quasimodo has no interactions with Frollo aside from the trial scene and the ending. If Frollo hasn’t said he was Quaismodo’s guardian in a line of exposition it wouldn’t been known and really it’s another example of just not caring. It didn’t matter in the scheme of things if Frollo was his guardian or not in this version because Quasimodo doesn’t care when he kill Frollo and yes Quasimodo pushes Frollo down the Bell Tower after hitting with a bell. 

Quasimodo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo with his doves

Forget not having pathos or being a pitiable character, this version of Quasimodo can’t even grasp pain.  He doesn’t care about anything so why should anyone care about this Quasimodo he has no understanding or anything which makes him boring and not sympathetic which makes nothing like his character in any version of Hunchback.

Lana Parrilla as Evil Queen, Karley Scott Collins as Gretel & Quinn Lord as Hansel ABC's Once Upon a Time, True North picture image

Lana Parrilla as Evil Queen, Karley Scott Collins as Gretel & Quinn Lord as Hansel

 

Episode 9: True North

The Evil Queen’s costumes are really starting to grow on me or they are just better than at the start of the show. This episode is about Hansel and Gretel  whose Storybrooke counterparts are orphan children. All this episode really does to move the plot is Mary Margaret sees Emma’s baby blanket and the Evil Queen gets her poison apple as the Blind Witch in the Gingerbread house had it and the Evil Queen sent Hansel and Gretel  to retrieve it for her.   Oh and the Stranger comes to town. I do wonder if no one ever leaves or goes to Storybrooke how do the get shipments of essentials? I think I’m overthinking.  

This was a weak episode, not much more you can say.

Episode 10: 7:15 A.M.

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White, ABC's Once Upon a Time, 7:15 A.M. picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White

Okay, we’re back to an episode focused on Mary Margaret/Snow White and David/James/Shepherd. In the Fairy Tale world a.k.a Enchanted Forest, James is about to marry princess Abigail but instead sends a letter to Snow White asking her to come to him so they can be together. Snow White, in turn, was trying to forget him and had Rumpy make her a forget-me-now potion. However Snow goes to castle but is thrown in prison. While in the joint she meets Grumpy. One of the other dwarves springs them but gets killed in the escaped attempt, Snow White saves Grumpy and breaks things off with James claiming she doesn’t love him. After which she moves in with the Dwarves and takes the potion to forget her love even though James called off the wedding with Abigail.

Meanwhile in Storybrooke,  a storm is a brewing!  Mary Margaret however is engaging in some light stalker as she makes sure she is at the coffee place every morning at 7:15 a.m. to see David getting his coffee. Though it turns out that David is only there at that time to  see Mary Margaret so they are stalking each other, it’s like a fairy tale. However it turns out that David’s wife Catherine MIGHT be pregnant, so Mary Margaret tries to back off and instead focuses her attention on getting a Dove back to its flock  before a super heavy rainstorm. David of course follows her, saves her from death by cliff, they confess their feelings and decide they cannot stay apart. Adultery, how romantic?           

All in all, I did like this episode. I do like seeing James and Snow White romance unfold. I also like that she meets Grumpy in a dungeon cell, nice touch.  

Terrance Zdunich picture image

Terrance Zdunich

Let’s just say we live in a Fantasy world where they’re making a movie version of Notre Dame de Paris and it’s a better English translation of the musical. Who could we get to play Pierre Gringoire? One possibility I could see is Terrance Zdunich.

Terrance Zdunich picture image

Terrance Zdunich

Zdunich isn’t a widely known actor but he was in a weird horror musical called Repo! The Genetic Opera which came out in 2008. I knew about it at the time since in 2008 I was a huge Sarah Brightman fan but I couldn’t bring myself to see because Paris Hilton was in the movie. Fast-Forward to 2016, I finally watched it because I was working on a list of seven horror musicals. It was really one those movies that I found to confusing to hate but is probably not a great movie  I also was wrong about  Paris Hilton, she  was perfectly cast as a spoiled rich girl who addicted to surgery, needs drugs and isn’t a great performer, it’s a meta role. However what struck me was Zdunich as the Graverobber.

Terrance Zdunich as The Graverobber from Repo! The Genetic Opera picture image

Terrance Zdunich as The Graverobber from Repo! The Genetic Opera

I mean just look at him in this movie and tell you can’t see him as Gringoire?  There something about the styling of The Graverobber that is very reminiscent of Notre Dame de Paris. Zdunich’s mannerism are on par with a lot of Gringoire’s actors.    Even the  Zydrate Anatomy number is very similar in feeling to Val d’Amour.

But if you need more convincing just watch the Zydrate Anatomy part, which also features Paris Hilton.

Terrance Zdunich picture image

Terrance Zdunich

But what do you think? Do you think Terrance Zdunich would make a good Gringoire à la Notre Dame de Paris?

I’m very sorry to have to postpone another review post again. I hate doing postponing the post but I’m sick again and I tried to push through but spent hours trying to write and I got like four sentence in and it was crap, utter crap, worse that usual. So instead here a paper doll of Esmeralda using  the  Azalea Heroine  Doll Game in the style of  Benjamin Lacombe’s version of Esmeralda.

Benjamin Lacombe's version of Esmeralda using Azalea Heroine Doll Game picture image

Benjamin Lacombe’s version of Esmeralda using Azalea Heroine Doll Game

I do like Lacombe cute yet gothic style.

 

Esmeralda by Benjamin Lacombe Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda by Benjamin Lacombe Notre Dame de Paris

I do like Lacombe cute yet gothic style.

Episode 7:  The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

Jamie Dornan as Graham with the Wolf, ABC's Once Upon a Time, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter picture image

Jamie Dornan as Graham with the Wolf,

Finally costumes I don’t hate, dare I say I kind of like. This episode follows Graham a.k.a the huntsman. Apparently kissing Emma helps the the fairy tale people regain some memories because Graham starts remembering his time a Huntsman with his wolf companion.  The episode also goes into why he is engaging in sexy times with Regina. Regina as the wicked Queen took his heart and made him her sex slave because he didn’t kill Snow.  Graham is desperate to regain his heart but can’t find it but he does cut off his loveless affair with Regina. Regina then in the real Storybrooke world gets Graham’s heart and crushes it thus killing him. Which kind of makes his whole arc kind of pointless, at least for the moment but at least it’s the first time the audience knows that Regina knows about the curse and the fairy tale thing.       

I did enjoy this episode it was nice to see one character question things. It did finally dawn on me in this episode that the woods look nothing like Maine but it doesn’t really matter.   I really do want to make House Stark joking given the wolf but we’ll just put a pin in that.   

Episode 8: Desperate Souls

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiktskin ABC's Once Upon a Time, Desperate Souls picture image

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiktskin

Finally  part of Rumpelstiktskin’s backstory is revealed. Basically this episode reveals how Rumpy got his crazy powers. Apparently in the land where he lives at  the age of 13 children are drafted into the army, or maybe they are just cannon fodder. In an effort  to save his son, Rumpy  is told to get a dagger to control the Dark One (A Wheel of Time reference) and to kill the Dark One to get his power. Which Rumpy does but is  tricked because the Dark One wanted him to do and was the man who told about the Dark One because being the Dark One sucks.  Also Rumpy is a coward whose wife may have lied about him being the father their child.

Back in good-olde corruptly run Storybrooke, since Graham is dead by heart-broken-ness, like literally, the job for Sheriff is up for election. Regina wants her main minion Sydney Glass to get the job and Emma wants it too. Mr Gold offers to help but Emma wants to get the job fairly because Henry is going through a “Good Guys can’t win” phase. However Emma gets elected Sheriff but only through shady manipulations on Mr Gold’s end even though Emma thought she was being noble. Silly good noble people, they are so predictable.            

I feel like this episode is all over the place with Sheriff plot and Rumpy’s backstory. It just feel the two counterpart stories didn’t coalesce as well as other episodes aside from Mr Gold’s meddling which he has already done so it’s not a big surprise.

 

Bonus picture time!

Lana Parrilla as the Evil Queen ABC's Once Upon a Time, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter picture image

Lana Parrilla as the Evil Queen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-wzGASxNwo

 

At the 2016 Rostelecom Cup, American, Courtney Hicks skated to a medley of Disney’s Hunchback. It’s a rather curious medley as it uses an instrumental version of The Bells of Notre Dame, the movie version of God Help the Outcast and the reprise of The Bells of Notre Dame from the stage musical. Hicks also placed third*.

*Source

Instead of just discussing the way Other Burbank decided to depict the Hunchback characters against the book, we’re going to look at them against the 1939 version since this version blatantly ripped off that version. Is that fair? Who cares they brought  it on themselves.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Just to recap, Frollo in the 1939 version was the King’s High Justice who held himself to a godly standard, hated Gypsy and ignorant, like the Earth being round. He also conducted himself with elegance and grace. This grace and elegance were in line with him wanting to stay in control of his crazy emotions with regards to Esmeralda which of course he didn’t do.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Frollo in this Burbank version is also the King’s High Justice and he also ignorant but that pretty much end the comparison. It is pare for the course for Frollo to have Esmeralda arouse his emotions so it’s not a major accomplishment that this version has the plot.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

He also were red agin like the first Burbank version (Australia doesn’t like black?) and he looks likes Disney’s Jafar and Gargamel’s love child. He was raised to want power and Smurf Berries.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Frollo just comes off cranky, dour and unpleasant. He doesn’t express any pathos or darkness an therefore he boring, very boring, like ambien, he curse insomnia if can stand to watch this for 40 minutes or if your brain doesn’t implode.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Frollo in this version seems like a bargain-bin Saturday morning cartoon version. Wait, actually that would be a step up since this a straight to video  preemptive Disney Knock-off which is as low as you can go in the totem pole. The sad truth is Frollo is probably the closet to the 1939 version characterization.

Going for two episode per post this month!

Episode 5;  That Still Small Voice

Raphael Sbarge as Dr. Archie Hopper, Jared S. Gilmore as Henry Mills, & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 5; That Still Small Voice picture image

Raphael Sbarge as Dr. Archie Hopper, Jared S. Gilmore as Henry Mills, & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan, Once Upon a Time

This episode focuses on Jiminy Cricket and how he came to be a cricket as well as stuff with Jiminy’s Maine persona. Now I have never been one for Pinocchio, I watched that movie once when I was seven and didn’t like it then can’t say I care to rewatch it now, I DID like the cat Figaro but Pinocchio and Jiminy just don’t resonate with me so this episode felt very meh.

Basically the theme of this episode is doing the right thing and  having a conscious; Jiminy Cricket stuff. Jiminy in the fairy world was the son of scam artists and thieves.  Jiminy wants to go straight but his parents won’t left him. He is giving a potion to get rid of his parent but they swap the potion and a wife and husband are transformed into dolls. Those dolls or marionettes are the scariest thing I have ever seen. So the blue fairy turn Jiminy into a cricket and he vows to looks after the husband and wife’s child a boy named Gepetto.

In the Storybrooke plot Henry’s shrink a.k.a Archie Hopper, Hopper because cricket, puns,. is having issue with Regina being a no good meanie-face. The a cave collapses and Henry wants to look because Regina wants to not have people in the cave so CLEARLY Regina is hiding something even though there is something in there, Snow White’s glass coffin.

Anyway I found it  one of the weaker episodes but you can’t like them all. I did like the dog a Dalmatian named Pongo because Disney references, it’s what they do!

 

Episode 6; The Shepherd

Josh Dallas as The Shepherd Once Upon a Time picture image

Josh Dallas as The Shepherd, Once Upon a Time

Oh, ugly dress why do you haunt me? Seriously, what is up with Princess  Abigail’s blue dress? It’s so unflattering but fine, whatever, not really all that important. I do like that this show subverts Fairy-Tales but using the tropes different ways. This episode reveals that Prince Charming isn’t a prince but a poor shepard whose twin bother was adoptive by the King. So the actual Prince James died and the one we know isn’t really a Prince but sort of fell into the job through a family connection, classic nepotism. Joking aside it is a good twist of things, though I suppose it’s really only a twist because of the story structure being told out of order but it does keep the trite fairy tale fresh.

Two things that bother me slightly, One Shepard mother being poor but wearing white on a farm,? That doesn’t seem right. And  two, King Midas not being Greek or rather Phrygian. I’m not trying to be a super purest but it would have allowed for a more interesting look than typical medieval grab. I just want pretty costumes, Why is that so hard? All in all good episode I wish I could make a Mother of Dragon joke but nah.

Oh, and I also get it now, Mary Margaret Blanchard as in her last name meaning white. And Robert Carlyle is the best actor on this show.

No Burbank post this week but I have a treat,

 

I have been waiting for this for like two years.   And as a bonus