Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 3; Snow Falls Review

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Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming once upon a time season 1 episode 3 Snow Falls picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/James in Once Upon a Time

I bet you can guess what the first thing I noticed was? Prince Charming’s fiancee’s outfit. WTF? That was so far the ugliest costume in the show? What ever they thinking. I don’t get this styling.

Anyway this episode focuses on Snow White and Prince Charming/James backstory of how they met/ fell into like-like. Most modern take-off on fairy tale have to move away from the love at first sight angle and have to opt for an ass-kicking female who while she might get saved from the guy does save the guy at some point. So their meeting, which precisely this, does come off a boring from a story/character angle. Snow White is thief who robs the Prince’s jewel so she can move somewhere else and she has a secret weapon she is saving for the evil queen but uses it to save Prince James. This is a weird point of contention where Snow White’s actions and motivation  are concern. She says she wants to move to another realm seemingly avoiding the Queen and yet she want to squish her like a bug, no actually that is her secret weapon. So what is her motivation? It’s a little confused since she is activity working towards one end. And if she is a thief who bother hanging around the woods? Why not just leave and steal in a new place? I dunno I guess they need to keep the mystery levels high.

While the back story is playing out, in Maine the prince is a comatose dude  and Mary Margaret reads him the story book of how Snow and James meet which causes him to wake up and run off. Emma, Henry, the cop guy Graham maybe, and  Mary Margaret find him unconscious in the river. In the standard gender reversal Mary Margaret gives him CPR/kiss and he wakes up and they go back to hospital where evil mean Regina introduces them to his wife who has BS story Blah blah blah.

I feel like the acting isn’t that great in this episode or it may be the writing but there is a certain level of  stilled acting. I also don’t get how Snow White had this snarky tough persona in this episode but not so much earlier and not at all with Mary Margaret. And  who named her Mary Margaret as a combination name?  Don’t get me wrong I like the thief and royal pairing but meh it did do much for me here. Then it’s still only episode three so I’m incline to forgive it.

Dumb side-note, I wish the Prince’s name was Jon so I could make a Jon Snow joke but alas no.

Anti-Hypothectical casting for Phoebus; Justin Bieber

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Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

Last week Ariana Grande as Esmeralda was the Anti-Hypothectical casting pick but let’s keep that scry casting for Notre Dame de Paris or a general musical movie going for Phoebus with Justin Bieber. This suggestion came from Haylley and it was too scary.  Posting pictures of this guy is causing me to gag.

Justin Bieber is a shit. He started as a punchable teen ideal with high pitched voice singing about Shawty and what not. Then he turned into more of a shit with a string of DUIs and egging his neighbor’s house.  Now he makes songs about douchey apologies and being confused about mixed-signals that seem to be meta in intent. You can probably figure I’m not a fan but the question is  how would  he be for the role of Phoebus?

Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

Let’s start with Phoebus as he is in Notre Dame de Paris, a womanizing smug-ass douche. On paper Justin Bieber could work as a personality. But the idea of his vocals singing Dechire/Torn Apart or Belle  fills me with absolute dread. Just so many noes.

Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

How about Disney Phoebus?  If we go off of the stage musical where Phoebus actually sings despite that the Disney movie had Kevin Kline who is a fantastic singer then again Bieber fits Phoebus’ character at the start of the show but I doubt he could pull off Phoebus’ character arc as Bieber is not an actor. Also again Bieber near any Hunchback production turns my blood ice cold.

Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

No to this one, a billion noes. There is nothing even slightly good about this idea, it too horrific for words. Even writing about it is causing me to break out in goosebumps, a cold sweat, and sinking feeling in my stomach.

 

Something Similar to a Plot of the Other Burbank version of Hunchback

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Before you can understand the pain of the other Burbank version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, you need to experience the pain. So you can either suffer through the forty some odd minutes of hell or just read this plot summary.   I’m sure more thought and effort were used to write this post than went into making the movie.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

The story starts mind-numbingly on Year’s Eve 1599, a mere 117 later than the book for no real reason. Actually I got ahead of my self the movie actually starts with a wizard introducing this “wizard’s tale.” I can’t fathom what was being smoked at the studio when that idea was proposed and then accepted.

So, everything is going great in France as fake accent French people stroll about and pad out the 40+ minute runtime with weird animation and laugher.  Esmeralda is shown awkwardly twirling around when she approaches Frollo. Frollo rejects giving her money for her dancing by putting up his palms. On his palms is a birthmark which scares Esmeralda as she says it’s “the mark of evil.”  You know kind of what Esmeralda said in the 1939 version but instead of being something in lines of his hand it’s a big purple evil face, have fun with that and remember to put that on his hand animation team. Anyway Esmeralda walks off and Frollo doesn’t seem to like her.

Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns

Cut to Frollo chilling with King Henry IV, and to the version’s credit they got the proper monarch of France correct just not the correct year of the actual book, I mean to be fair it’s not like the first paragraph of the book or anything, it’s in the second, it’s very hard to miss, Moving on Frollo tells the king that he think Esmeralda is evil and Henry tells him to stop being narrow-minded and muses the Frollo probably still thinks the earth is still flat, which Frollo says it is. Hmm, this is reminding me a lot of the 1939 version,. Henry then gives Esmeralda a coin  just like in the 1939 version, hmm I’m saying that a lot, WEIRD!

Esmeralda then spots an eye looking at her, you know like another version, I’m noticing a bit of a pattern here. Anyway it’s Quasimodo and his dove friends, Quasimodo have doves that follow him around, at least it’s original. The town people chase after Quasimodo and make him dance for their amusement and then name him Kind of the Clowns and for some reason the crown of “King of Clowns” is not a jester hat but a wreath of laurels. WHY?   Frollo then reveals that he is the guardian of Quasimodo and how dare Quasimodo make a fool of Frollo in public again Again? What was the first time?. Less than ten minutes in and I’m so numb, hypothermia take me away.

Esmeralda the tries to go to the King to ask him for help for her people but the guard wants to arrest her because she is a gypsy and she runs away to Notre Dame. The Priest saves her and takes her in and introduces himself as Padre Jean-Paul. Why Spanish? I don’t get that, someone fill me in on why a Priest at Notre Dame de Paris would call him self “Padre?”  Cut to Frollo talking to some important looking guy demanding Quasimodo be whipped for going out in public, to which the important looking guy says no. Then it’s happy New Year and they have fireworks amidst tons of repeat animation and then everyone just leave because who parties all night for a new century, it’s bedtime.

Esmeralda meets Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda meets Phoebus

Padre Jean-Paul then teaches Esmeralda how to pray because the 1939 version did it.  However Frollo comes in and yells that she can’t pray and then says she a witch who steals men’s heart and drives them mad. Literally it’s been two hours since Frollo first saw Esmeralda and he is already obsessed with destroying her. This Frollo makes book Frollo sane.  Esmeralda then goes upstairs and sees Quasimodo and takes off running. Quasimodo pursues her because he want her to know he is her friend. Phoebus then saves Esmeralda and sends Quasimodo to the Bastille. Phoebus and Esmeralda share a moment, he is not a smug jerk in this version.

Just like in the 1939 version, Frollo orders all the Gypsy women by round up so he can find Esmeralda but she gives the guards the slip. Meanwhile, Quasimodo is found guilty and Frollo makes a plea that Esmeralda is a witch and should be punished. Quasimodo is in the stocks begging for water. While that is happening Padre Jean-Paul explains to Esmeralda that Quasimodo is the nicest person and wouldn’t have hurt her. Esmeralda then gives him water but runs off as a guard approaches.

Frollo tries to cover Esmeralda's face Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo tries to cover Esmeralda’s face

The King holds a masked party and Esmeralda shows up to dance to see Phoebus, even though there is a warrant out for her and she knows it. Phoebus and Esmeralda dance and confess their love for each other but then Frollo ruins the party by arresting her.

At her trail she declared a menace to society because she just so darn pretty that poor men just can help themselves with her around and sentence her to death.While is jail, Phoebus tells he is trying to arrange an appeal for her but he also has a plan to save her which is the same plan that Gringoire used in the 1939 version which was printing pamphlets.  However the night before her execution Quasimodo breaks her out of jail with the help of his dove pals.  As Esmeralda and Quasimodo seek into Notre Dame, Frollo confesses to Padre Jean-Paul that Esmeralda is not a witch and he is in love with her and the padre says he can’t forgive Frollo if he does come clean. Frollo then finds out that she has escaped with Quasimodo help.

Esmeralda, Quasimodo and Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda, Quasimodo and Phoebus

Now it’s the seventh of January, seven days! All this in seven days? Anyway Phoebus is getting the people on Esmeralda’s side and now know that she escaped jail. Phoebus, the Padre and Frollo all gather at the King’s to discuss Esmeralda. The Kings likes Phoebus’ approach but admits her can’t do anything without evidence. The Padre says Esmeralda is falsely accused then guilts Frollo to admit his lies which he does and the king pardons her. Frollo then rushes to Notre Dame to kill her. Frollo awkwardly attacks Quasimodo and then Quasimodo uses the bells to knock Frollo down the bell tower. Esmeralda and Phoebus reunite, people cheer, End of movie.

 

 

 

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 2; The Thing you Love the Most Review

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Lana Parrilla as Regina Mills & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 2; The Thing you Love the Most picture image

Lana Parrilla as Regina Mills & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan in ABC’s Stone Once Upon a Time

This episode mentions Honey Crisp Apples which are super delicious and the apples I have been eat all week  and unless Honey Crisp have a massive variation of size and color the apples in this episode are not Honey Crisps. They look more like Red Delicious. But I know nothing about apple varieties and this a classic case of tangental nitpicking, so on to the actual episode.

First thing be ye first thing, I really enjoy the pacing of the show.  The fairly seamless back and forth between the Fairy Tale backstory and Real Life curse breaking detectives is fun. I liked the not so subtle choice of cinnamon to infer the characters of the possible connection between them, Snow White/Mary Margaret, Emma, and Henry all like cinnamon on their hot chocolate. That sounds good, am I related them? I kid.

The bitch game of one-up-mannanship was a little tiring, one frames the other and the other hacks the one’s non Honey Crisp Tree, what a cliche! Anyway the fairy tale plot centers around how the Evil Queen’s curse. Apparently in this world of Fairy Tales, Curses can be traded. Ok, that’s weird. Also I didn’t care for the styling of Maleficent. Why does she look all soft? I know it’s a re-imagining but I don’t get the choice of it. In fact the Snow White’s Evil Queen looks more Maleficent. Also I also don’t know why but the Evil Queen’s Leather pants and lace widows peak gives me an odd combo of amused and cringing. I get the stye is going for a Shabby Chic style, kinda like that movie The Secret of Moonarce.  Why are Fairy Tales Shabby Chic?

Anyway, so Evil Queen knows that this curse means amnesia and not being in the fairy tale world. And she activates the curse so she can be happy and all she has to do is make a deal with Rumplestiltskin, who the one who gave her the curse before she traded with Maleficent and she has to kill her father because she has to kill the thing she loves the most. Her father is also named Henry, Dun, Dun, Dunnnn. I actually liked that plot point. Rumpy a.k.a Mr Gold also seems to knows about the curse or he know something. Rumplestiltskin seems to be more OP in this version. Wait why was he in jail in this first place? And if he knows that Emma could break the curse and brought Henry to Regina so that Emma would come someday,  why would he want the curse broken? He has a pretty good thing going on with the curse. Like what is his motivation for wanting to return to the fairy tale world? Or is like an impulse where he know there a curse and wants to break it but doesn’t know what it means or the details but then again he remembers the details of the deal he made with the Evil Queen?  I’m just going to stop and let the show answer the questions because I have more and I’m sure they will get answered.

 

Anyway it was a fun episode, still don’t care for the boy though.

Anti-Hypothetical for Esmeralda; Ariana Grande

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Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

Let me get this right out the way, I’m not a fan of Ariana Grande. I do think that she is a good singer though. This anti- hypothetical casting choice scared me more when I first thought of it than after really thinking about it and reviewing Grande’s work, much Taylor Swift with Fleur de Lys. However if this casting ever happen for either a movie, musical or a movie musical I would be very disappointed.

Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande does have a good other all look for Esmeralda. She is of Italian decent and have dark eyes and golden tan tone to her skin. I would venture that her hair is naturally dark. So at least she has the look down.

Ariana Grande as Cat Valentine, Victorious picture image

Ariana Grande as Cat Valentine, Victorious

As for acting, I’m going to be SUPER generous and say the court is still out in this one. Aside from her Broadway working and playing herself her only big role was on Nickelodeon’s Victorious. In the same vein as Disney shows type of show are very hard to gauge a person true acting talent. Grande’s character Cat Valentine is an idiot, I once heard her character describe as a hot Ralph Wiggum. Maybe she is capable of acting, maybe she would be awful.

Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

However one of the big issue I have with Grande for the role of Esmeralda is her image, her persona. It’s a weird combo of sexy and childish, which maybe is perfect for Esmeralda in the eyes of the people who have never read the book or miss the point of her character. The actress/singer who plays Esmeralda should come off sexy without really being aware that she is in fact attracting attention.  Grande also seems not super genuine in her persona, it doesn’t feel natural to her. So her as Esmeralda would be a mess as Esmeralda is naturally sexy but unaware of her appeal and Grande forces it on her viewers. Then again Esmeralda has been written as more in charge of her sexual powers before and I’m sure will be again and maybe Grande is a better actress than Victorious made her out to be.

Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

In someways this wouldn’t be the worst casting option available but far from ideal. Though if they ever made a pop star laden  movie version of Notre Dame de Paris seeing Ariana Grande and Taylor swift in would be like some kind of wrapped miracle. Maybe they could just cover He is shining like the Sun together that would be something, good or bad, it would be a sight.

 

 

The Another Burbank version of Hunchback Introduction

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Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996 picture image

Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame

Back before the this blog began and I was just watching every Hunchback version I could get my hands on,  I was aware that there was another knock-off Disney kicking around but I never did get the chance to watch it and then I just forgot about it existed. So when people requested the other Burbank version of Hunchback, I thought great another crappy hunchback to suffer through and then rip apart. After watching it, I relived that this one was the one I forgot about and honestly that is where this version should be left, forgotten.

I started watching it on two separate occasions and I didn’t even make it passed the first line but these things must be done so let’s just get on with it.

Just so everyone is clear this version came out in 1996, so unlike the one that came out in 1986 this one is an attempt to make money off the Disney version. It is also attributed to Burbank Animations Studios whereas the 1986 version was from Burbank Films. I don’t think there is much difference expect  Burbank Films made videos between 1982 to 1989 and Burbank Animations Studios made videos from 1991 to 2002. They also didn’t just rip-off Disney but also Don Bluth, DreamWorks  and more. I don’t know it  that makes it better or worse.

Costume ideas for Couple’s Costume with Esmeralda

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Djali and Clopin are great ideas to pair with an Esmeralda costume to make a couple costume duo.

Djali Costume options

For Djali there are two methods, one is get a white goat costume

or you can get a goat mask and pair it with is white clothing. I would suggest getting clothes made from fleece for the texture but you can use whatever you have in your closet.

However the most important thing to do to turn this costume from a boring goat to talented Djlai is cutting a hole in the ear of either the mask or costume and putting a gold earring though.

Clopin costume option

Disney’s Clopin is harder to buy items for given that his clothes are two tone but fear not you can get an approximation of this costume. You’ll need yellow pants or better yet leggings, a purple shirt, long or short sleeves though long is better. You’ll also need a yellow cape or shawl or poncho. If you’re the crafty type you can sew some bell to the hem. In addition you’ll need a few accessories, like a gold earring (see above,) a purple venetian mask, a hat, and black gloves. The hat is a little tricky as purple renaissance hats are not in a ready supply but I tried to give some options of hats that could work.

Pants

Cape

Mask

Hat

near shape of Clopin’s Hat with a feather

Jester hat with the right colors

Gloves

If you want a ready-made-costume, this one is close, just add a gold hoop earring, the mask, a hat and black gloves.

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 1; The Pilot Review

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Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming once upon a time pilot season 1 episode 1 picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming in ABC’s Once Upon a Time

I have started watching Once Upon a Time. For the moment, till I can find my groove with these reviews (probably not the right word), I’m just going to one episode at a time. Perhaps later I will cover more episodes per post but for a least the first moth or so,  one episode at a time.  Also no promises on pictures all the time.

I don’t want to say I’m reviewing the episodes, I would say it’s more like feedback  though I could get into more a review stance once I find a groove.

Right off the bat, Boston and Maine. I’m from New England, Massachusetts to be more precise. I went to school in Boston and South Station was my part of my daily life for a while. So I’m kind of happy that the story takes place in Maine and Boston gets a mention. I get that like this whole of a place of no Happily Ever After is the real  would but I find it a little funny to say Maine is the horrible place of no happiness, Maine is pretty nice.  Also Emma has a REALLY nice apartment for Boston. Like wow, she makes bank.

So first impressions, oddly my first like gut reaction was really liking the scenery. Otherwise I hated the costumes at first. The Fairy Tale costumes looks so cheap, like they didn’t have a budget. With the sets and the special effect it’s meant to look sort of cheap, cheap isn’t the right word but still. Over the episode the costumes  grew on me a little to where I didn’t mind them. Also consider this, I just got done re-watching The Tudors, so with costumes I got used to that level of just stunning costume and I’m a big fan of Game of Thrones. Costumes are not the selling point of this show, oddly I like the real word costumes.

I’ll admit I was confused about the goings on of the plot for a while it is pretty much spelled out but it did hold my interest. Now when I say that I mean it as a huge compliment. I have no attention, like zero. The fact that I watch with with out clicking away is impressive. In fact I didn’t realized I was paying attention until my computer screen went black and I thought my computer died on me, I’m paranoid. It turns out was just my screen saver. I’m being serious. I so like the weaving of fairy tale characters in reality angle.

Were there things I didn’t like? Yes. I really don’t like the kid, Henry. He is very annoying and he isn’t written like a child. It’s not just, I do also think the dialogue is awkward. It doesn’t sound all that natural, I mean the acting is fine, it’s the fault of the dialogue. It’s not really enough to make me hate the show outright, it’s a pilot, the writer may not even be used to the characters yet.  I oddly so far like Regina Mills a.k.a the Evil Queen  but I also REALLy dislike her fairy tale costume.

Also the guy who plays Rumplestiltskin, Robert Carlyle, Someone! Cast him as Clopin. OMG, He would make a fantastic Clopin!

Anti-Hypothecial Casting for Frollo; Gerard Butler

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It’s October so that means a four scary casting options.

Gerard Butler picture image

Gerard Butler

Ahhh, Gerard Butler we met again. For those of you who live under a rock in a deep cave, Gerard Butler was in the 2004 film version of the Phantom of the Opera musical as the Phantom. The Phantom’s character is kind of like the combination of Quasimodo and Frollo as he is deformed but very much motivated by sex and a wrapped sense of what love is, though Phantom has an arc and learns and Frollo doesn’t. Anyway so Butler was criminally mis-casted as the Phantom and now let’s muse him being cast as Frollo.

Gerard Butler picture image

Gerard Butler

Butler isn’t that bad of an actor, there are worst people, Butler just picks bad movies so if he were in any version of Hunchback it would mark it as a bad movie. More than that, Butler is completely wrong in type for Frollo. Frollo is meant to have a older austere look and is considered ugly by shallow Esmeralda. However that is the in book, the movies are different so we can’t wholly dismiss Butler’s look. Bulter actually has a similar look to the 1956 Frollo, Alain Cuny. Also, think about it and I mean REALLY think about it, is there any movie version were Esmeralda is scared of Frollo and calls him ugly? If there is one, I can’t think recall it. Esmeralda in the book is aware of Frollo and is scared of him because he is mean to her but in the movie versions she isn unaware of Frollo. One reason for this is that most of the versions show Frollo’s first look at her and it’s not in a flashback or recounted to the audience, so Esmeralda doesn’t know about Frollo and it’s not till the point of attack that is she made aware of him and how awful he is to her. Him being ugly isn’t even that much of a big deal within the movies, all he needs to be is against Esmeralda for her not to like him and this can be done with him being a priest fighting and then giving in to his lust or being a jerk to Esmeralda’s people.

Gerard Butler as The Phantom, The Phantom of the Opera picture image

Gerard Butler as The Phantom

If it sounds like I’m condoning Butler being cast as Frollo, I’m not, I’m merely illustrating a the discrepancy between the book and movies because there is another issue with Butler, his acting. I did say he wasn’t a bad actor but he doesn’t range. Butler is not capable of playing Frollo. He probably would just yell most of his lines and make rugged poses. Any sense of Frollo’s inner conflict of being godly vs his lust would be throw out the window for some hammy loud lines.

Gerard Butler picture image

Gerard Butler

Butler playing Frollo would be a mess and I would also say that if Butler were cast as Frollo it probably wouldn’t even be the worst part of the movie, and that is the scary part . Also I don’t another handsome Frollo.

Conclusions of Quasimodo d’El Paris

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Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda Quasimodo d'El Paris picture image

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

Quasimodo d’El Paris is a movie that I as a blogger of Hunchback of Notre Dame, appreciate more than I enjoy. In the scope of all the the different versions this one is more divergent in tone and style and yet it gets so many things right. It’s clear that the people working on this movie liked and understood the source material and were not out to make money off the Disney movie or to win accolades. I don’t think there will ever be another modern comedy version  of the Hunchback.

Technically, there isn’t anything majorly wrong with this movie. I would say the pacing is not that great. It does get boring in parts, for example the end drags on forever but nothing is super wrong with it on a fundamental level.   Is it a great movie? No. Is one of the best versions of Hunchback? That is debatable but I would say it’s in the upper middle, it a solid B maybe. I would say if you’re not a fan of Hunchback is isn’t the movie for you. If you’re a person who takes Hunchback as the serious piece of tragedy that the book is, this movie isn’t for you. But if you like Hunchback and French comedies than, yeah, you may enjoy this version or at least appreciate the concept and intent of this version.

The Next version is the first version that I didn’t see prior to starting this blog (The Madeline and Courage the Cowardly Dog episodes and Disney musicals not withstanding). I’m scared people, very scared.

Also the blog is going back to posting three days a week.