Other Burbank Frollo

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Instead of just discussing the way Other Burbank decided to depict the Hunchback characters against the book, we’re going to look at them against the 1939 version since this version blatantly ripped off that version. Is that fair? Who cares they brought  it on themselves.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Just to recap, Frollo in the 1939 version was the King’s High Justice who held himself to a godly standard, hated Gypsy and ignorant, like the Earth being round. He also conducted himself with elegance and grace. This grace and elegance were in line with him wanting to stay in control of his crazy emotions with regards to Esmeralda which of course he didn’t do.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Frollo in this Burbank version is also the King’s High Justice and he also ignorant but that pretty much end the comparison. It is pare for the course for Frollo to have Esmeralda arouse his emotions so it’s not a major accomplishment that this version has the plot.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

He also were red agin like the first Burbank version (Australia doesn’t like black?) and he looks likes Disney’s Jafar and Gargamel’s love child. He was raised to want power and Smurf Berries.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Frollo just comes off cranky, dour and unpleasant. He doesn’t express any pathos or darkness an therefore he boring, very boring, like ambien, he curse insomnia if can stand to watch this for 40 minutes or if your brain doesn’t implode.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Frollo in this version seems like a bargain-bin Saturday morning cartoon version. Wait, actually that would be a step up since this a straight to video  preemptive Disney Knock-off which is as low as you can go in the totem pole. The sad truth is Frollo is probably the closet to the 1939 version characterization.

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 5 & 6 Review

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Going for two episode per post this month!

Episode 5;  That Still Small Voice

Raphael Sbarge as Dr. Archie Hopper, Jared S. Gilmore as Henry Mills, & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 5; That Still Small Voice picture image

Raphael Sbarge as Dr. Archie Hopper, Jared S. Gilmore as Henry Mills, & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan, Once Upon a Time

This episode focuses on Jiminy Cricket and how he came to be a cricket as well as stuff with Jiminy’s Maine persona. Now I have never been one for Pinocchio, I watched that movie once when I was seven and didn’t like it then can’t say I care to rewatch it now, I DID like the cat Figaro but Pinocchio and Jiminy just don’t resonate with me so this episode felt very meh.

Basically the theme of this episode is doing the right thing and  having a conscious; Jiminy Cricket stuff. Jiminy in the fairy world was the son of scam artists and thieves.  Jiminy wants to go straight but his parents won’t left him. He is giving a potion to get rid of his parent but they swap the potion and a wife and husband are transformed into dolls. Those dolls or marionettes are the scariest thing I have ever seen. So the blue fairy turn Jiminy into a cricket and he vows to looks after the husband and wife’s child a boy named Gepetto.

In the Storybrooke plot Henry’s shrink a.k.a Archie Hopper, Hopper because cricket, puns,. is having issue with Regina being a no good meanie-face. The a cave collapses and Henry wants to look because Regina wants to not have people in the cave so CLEARLY Regina is hiding something even though there is something in there, Snow White’s glass coffin.

Anyway I found it  one of the weaker episodes but you can’t like them all. I did like the dog a Dalmatian named Pongo because Disney references, it’s what they do!

 

Episode 6; The Shepherd

Josh Dallas as The Shepherd Once Upon a Time picture image

Josh Dallas as The Shepherd, Once Upon a Time

Oh, ugly dress why do you haunt me? Seriously, what is up with Princess  Abigail’s blue dress? It’s so unflattering but fine, whatever, not really all that important. I do like that this show subverts Fairy-Tales but using the tropes different ways. This episode reveals that Prince Charming isn’t a prince but a poor shepard whose twin bother was adoptive by the King. So the actual Prince James died and the one we know isn’t really a Prince but sort of fell into the job through a family connection, classic nepotism. Joking aside it is a good twist of things, though I suppose it’s really only a twist because of the story structure being told out of order but it does keep the trite fairy tale fresh.

Two things that bother me slightly, One Shepard mother being poor but wearing white on a farm,? That doesn’t seem right. And  two, King Midas not being Greek or rather Phrygian. I’m not trying to be a super purest but it would have allowed for a more interesting look than typical medieval grab. I just want pretty costumes, Why is that so hard? All in all good episode I wish I could make a Mother of Dragon joke but nah.

Oh, and I also get it now, Mary Margaret Blanchard as in her last name meaning white. And Robert Carlyle is the best actor on this show.

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No Burbank post this week but I have a treat,

 

I have been waiting for this for like two years.   And as a bonus

 

 

Spooky Halloween Nostalgia

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DTV Monster Hits was a big thing in my childhood, my family recorded it on VHS (oh yeah) and I used to watch it a lot. Sadly this is pre-Disney Renassiance so no Hunchback but it defiantly a call back to 1980’s sentiments where you could scare child so long as it ended happily. I do prefer Disney being scary than sweet Princess stories but what can you do, I’m not an executive at Disney (Hire me Disney, we can make a scary Princess!)

Just click the picture below to watch the special (only only I could share it.)

DTV Monster Hits picture image

DTV Monster Hits

So this is basically Disney music videos with spooky songs. There  a few other things that are creepy and Halloween-ish, like the Evil Queen’s magic mirror and Witch Hazel. Also just to date this special, it has a preview of the newest movie at the time which was the The Great Mouse Detective, which was a fun movie!  The special  a great blend of old-school Dinsey charm and spooky creepy stuff.  I think my favorites of the music videos are Bad Moon Rising (not my typical style of music), Sweet Dreams, Monster Mash, Somebody’s watching, Better Run and Heffalumps & Woozles just to name a few. I really do love this special.

Happy Halloween!

 

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 4; The Price of Gold Review

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Jessy Schram as Cinderella in Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 4; The Price of Gold picture image

Jessy Schram as Cinderella in Once Upon a Time

Finally costumes I don’t hate. I mean they aren’t amazing I mean very much what you would expect from Cinderella’s ball gown not super gown and they other costume were not that bad either. Things are looking up.

So this episode focus one Cinderella however instead of the fairy godmother Rumpy gives Cinderella her chance at life in exchange for something that Rumpy never says and Cinderella agrees and signs the contract without reading it. The thing Rumpelstiltskin wants is Cinderella’s first born which makes Cinderella the miller’s daughter from the Rumpelstiltkin tale.

In the real work of amnesiac fairy tale people, Cinderella is a teen soon to be mom named Ashley. Get it? Ash? Cinders? It’s a pun. Better than calling her Ella or Cindy. Anyway the baby’s daddy’s father sold off the baby to Mr Gold and Ashley agree but is not reneging on said promise. In the end Emma Swan makes a deal with Mr Gold to owe him a favor and Ashley can keep her baby.

While in the fairy tale world Cinderella and her Prince are trying to magically trap Rumpy out the contract. They also go Game of Thrones saying the magic needs a price. So in exchange for trapping Rumpy something happens to Cinderella’s prince because he took reasonably for the price and magic apparently is cool with people taking the price other the one who did the act, I guess.

All in all, it was an enjoyable episode, a bit highhanded with the whole baby thing a Emma put her baby up for adoption and Ashley is desperate to keep her baby. I’m not sure how I like the idea of Rumpy killing the Fairy God mother and then baiting Cinderella but it made for an interesting plot/ twist of the sources materials so I really don’t mind it. Also it seems like Regina and Graham are hooking up…

Anti-Hypothetical Casting for Quasimodo; Jack Black

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Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

Let’s end this month with another singer since that has been the sort of theme to this scary casting picks. Here for your consideration is Jack Black, a musician who makes comedic songs and does act, which is really more than you can say for the previously people this month.  But why would Black not make a good casting choice for Quasimodo?  Well it’s not really a question I think anyone has ever asked because it sounds too ridiculous.

 

Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

For the record, Jack Black is fine in his singing and acting capacity but oh dear god is he wrong in type. Most actors have a type,  roles the can play well. Sometimes an actor can surpass it and play roles that you would never expect but mostly they are in some kind  of type. This is more true with singers as they are all about an image and Jack Black has the wrong image. Black has a very crass and vulgar way about his humor that is so wrong for Quasimodo. Quasimodo is often depicted as sad yet kind. Sometimes he gets his whole hating people angle but that is rare. Quasimodo has been somewhat vulgar once but it was wrapped up in arrested development. In the French parody he was childlike and drew some crude pictures of Esmeralda but that is still not at the level of Jack Black.

 

Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

However, there is always the chance that someone, some weird coke-brained studio executive makes a Hunchback movie that casts Jack Black as Quasimodo. It would be Black in Quasimodo make-up but it would really just be Black being himself or his type with his humor. And yet it would still be a better Quasimodo than most of the shitty Disney Knock-offs, which is just sad and little scary to say.

 

Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

You know I take it all back, I want a version of Hunchback with Gerard Bulter as Frollo, Ariana Grande as Esmeralda, Justin Bieber as Phoebus and Jack Black as Quasimodo. It would be at the most cringe inducing  train wreck of epic proportion, that though your eyes will burn, your stomach with expel its content, ever muscle in your being with compel you to run you will not be able to avert your gaze for it is true evil but it would be a at least a new Hunchback of Notre Dame movie.

 

The Plot of the Other Burbank version of Hunchback of Notre Dame

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Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

If you didn’t figure it out, the other Burbank version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame followed the plot of the 1939 version in a rough and unapologetic manner. This is technically the first version to be based off of the 1939 version since the 1997 version came out later but the 1997 version did take the basic plot of the 1939 version and add other elements  like Quasimodo liking books. What did this version do to distinguish itself? Well, Quasimodo has doves and Frollo has a literal birth mark of evil. That is the only thing that is original to this version from the 1939 version never mind the book, there is no point discussing the book against this version.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo, Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996 picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo

Perhaps it’s unfair to say that this version should have add something to the basic plot of the 1939 version, after all this is a streamline version of Hunchback for kids. But just because it’s a short version condensed down to forty minutes, did it have to be so devoid of impact? This version is without a doubt  the blandest, joyless, soul crushing version of hunchback to date. It’s has all the flavor watery  hospitable vanilla ice cream. There is nothing in this version that conveys any sort of emotion or interest. It’s like a paint by number retelling of another retelling.

Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 3; Snow Falls Review

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Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming once upon a time season 1 episode 3 Snow Falls picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/James in Once Upon a Time

I bet you can guess what the first thing I noticed was? Prince Charming’s fiancee’s outfit. WTF? That was so far the ugliest costume in the show? What ever they thinking. I don’t get this styling.

Anyway this episode focuses on Snow White and Prince Charming/James backstory of how they met/ fell into like-like. Most modern take-off on fairy tale have to move away from the love at first sight angle and have to opt for an ass-kicking female who while she might get saved from the guy does save the guy at some point. So their meeting, which precisely this, does come off a boring from a story/character angle. Snow White is thief who robs the Prince’s jewel so she can move somewhere else and she has a secret weapon she is saving for the evil queen but uses it to save Prince James. This is a weird point of contention where Snow White’s actions and motivation  are concern. She says she wants to move to another realm seemingly avoiding the Queen and yet she want to squish her like a bug, no actually that is her secret weapon. So what is her motivation? It’s a little confused since she is activity working towards one end. And if she is a thief who bother hanging around the woods? Why not just leave and steal in a new place? I dunno I guess they need to keep the mystery levels high.

While the back story is playing out, in Maine the prince is a comatose dude  and Mary Margaret reads him the story book of how Snow and James meet which causes him to wake up and run off. Emma, Henry, the cop guy Graham maybe, and  Mary Margaret find him unconscious in the river. In the standard gender reversal Mary Margaret gives him CPR/kiss and he wakes up and they go back to hospital where evil mean Regina introduces them to his wife who has BS story Blah blah blah.

I feel like the acting isn’t that great in this episode or it may be the writing but there is a certain level of  stilled acting. I also don’t get how Snow White had this snarky tough persona in this episode but not so much earlier and not at all with Mary Margaret. And  who named her Mary Margaret as a combination name?  Don’t get me wrong I like the thief and royal pairing but meh it did do much for me here. Then it’s still only episode three so I’m incline to forgive it.

Dumb side-note, I wish the Prince’s name was Jon so I could make a Jon Snow joke but alas no.

Anti-Hypothectical casting for Phoebus; Justin Bieber

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Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

Last week Ariana Grande as Esmeralda was the Anti-Hypothectical casting pick but let’s keep that scry casting for Notre Dame de Paris or a general musical movie going for Phoebus with Justin Bieber. This suggestion came from Haylley and it was too scary.  Posting pictures of this guy is causing me to gag.

Justin Bieber is a shit. He started as a punchable teen ideal with high pitched voice singing about Shawty and what not. Then he turned into more of a shit with a string of DUIs and egging his neighbor’s house.  Now he makes songs about douchey apologies and being confused about mixed-signals that seem to be meta in intent. You can probably figure I’m not a fan but the question is  how would  he be for the role of Phoebus?

Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

Let’s start with Phoebus as he is in Notre Dame de Paris, a womanizing smug-ass douche. On paper Justin Bieber could work as a personality. But the idea of his vocals singing Dechire/Torn Apart or Belle  fills me with absolute dread. Just so many noes.

Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

How about Disney Phoebus?  If we go off of the stage musical where Phoebus actually sings despite that the Disney movie had Kevin Kline who is a fantastic singer then again Bieber fits Phoebus’ character at the start of the show but I doubt he could pull off Phoebus’ character arc as Bieber is not an actor. Also again Bieber near any Hunchback production turns my blood ice cold.

Justin Bieber picture image

Justin Bieber

No to this one, a billion noes. There is nothing even slightly good about this idea, it too horrific for words. Even writing about it is causing me to break out in goosebumps, a cold sweat, and sinking feeling in my stomach.