Weakest aspects of American Disney Hunchback Musical

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Honestly I don’t know what to call this show as a whole.

Patrick Page as Frollo singing Hellfire, Papermills Hunchback of Notre Dame, Picture image

Patrick Page as Frollo singing Hellfire, Papermills

 

This post is mainly focusing on the story and characters from mostly the Cast Album Point-of-View. I will not get into any aspect from the technicals of the show itself.  And instead of me being all nit-picky, I’m going to try to keep this as general as I can, so no mention of Phoebus’ last name or the wars. The stabbing thing is a different point.

I do think of the biggest weakness is actually the idea of the show which was merging the Disney movie and the book. The real trouble is they were working with three different mediums of story telling; a Book, A Movie and a Broadway style musical. It’s no easy task, things that work in one do not work in the other two.  Another trouble is they pretty much had to keep the Disney movie fairly intact within the show which ruined other aspects of the show, namely Frollo as a whole. It just seems to a case of them adding book stuff to the movie story and didn’t really think about what they were doing so along as it didn’t mess with the movie stuff.

Case in point, Frollo. Frollo in this version is  a very weird mash-up of Book Frollo and Disney Frollo and I don’t think it was super effective in this version of either story. You can make the argument that this Frollo is his own thing but the point of this musical is combine the Disney movie and the book in a workable combo. A big thing wrong is that Frollo really keeps his composure throughout the musical even Hellfire is super controlled. I really didn’t see or hear the lust for Esmeralda taking control of him. Nor did he get jealous towards Phoebus or even Quasimodo for Esmeralda being nice to him. I didn’t see either book Frollo or movie Frollo in this one.

 

It really comes down to some of the decisions  the show takes with the two sources that leads to the some of the weakness of the show as a whole. The first is the opening with Frollo and Quasimodo’s backstory. The show brought in Jehan, Frollo’s little brother from the book. If you have read the book you would know Frollo was much older than his brother and didn’t know about him till their parents died. So when Frollo saw Quasimodo abandoned in Notre Dame he is moved by empathy thinking  about how Jehan  could have been in Quasimodo’s position.  In this musical Quaismodo is Jehan’s son making Frollo  Quasimodo’s uncle. This family connection waters down the relationship between the two and is actually never mention in the musical as a core plot point. It doesn’t add anything. Frollo had a brother, so what? Is that really a better back story than Disney movie or the book? It just seemed like they wanted to work in Jehan somehow.

The another scene a combo of few scenes. So in the book Esmeralda and Phoebus have a meeting at house which ends with Frollo stabbing Phoebus and Esmeralda getting blamed for the crime. The musical has this scene sort of but doesn’t do much with it aside from an awesome song. In the show Frollo walks the city looking for Esmeralda and one night he sees her in a bar where she kissed Phoebus. That’s it. Sure, it gives some insight to Phoebus and Frollo’s desperation but not enough. It just seems like they wanted that scene but could only work in so far and then added the whole stabbing thing later. As Phoebus is getting his character arc he says no to burning a building and Frollo sentences him to die.   Esmeralda then appears and helps Phoebus,  then Frollo stabs Phoesbus AND then blames Esmeralda and that is one of her crimes. Am I crazy or that dumb? Am I going insane? The whole stabbing which a driving force in the book in shoehorned in this show in a near insulting manner.  Unless she stabbed another officer? There was a fight scene but still it’s an after thought.

But here is the thing instead of doing the Inn/Tarvern scene properly which would have meant probably switching Hellfire and Thai Mol Piyas it also meant forgoing the whole burning/search for Esmeralda as well as changing Phoebus’s character arc  a bit ergo they went for the Disney story and just threw it where they felt like. And that is weakness of the show as whole and an overdose Disney with pitch of the book.

It’s like they were baking a cake and were told that chile and chocolate go well together, so instead of adding ground cayenne pepper they just added some crushed up Jalapeño to a cake box cake.

 

 

 

 

Live Action Fairy Tale Disappointments

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This are movies that I was disappointed in and in a few cases just missed the worst list. These are in no particular order.  Also only did five of them.

Jang Dong-gun as Kunlun & Cecilia Cheung as Qingcheng The Promise picture image review

Jang Dong-gun as Kunlun & Cecilia Cheung as Qingcheng

The Promise –  This one just nearly missed the worst list. A few things kept it off, one being it was its own thing so it didn’t  oppose a source material, at least to my knowledge, the visuals in parts were very nice and I gave it the benefit of the doubt that the Chinese version was better. However, I wished the plot focused more on the lead female like Netflix suggested it did and not a fast runner fighting an evil duke that has a thing for feathers. Overall this one way really confusing and disappointing.

Vincent Cassel as the Beast and Léa Seydoux as Belle La Belle et la Bete 2014 picture image

Vincent Cassel as the Beast and Léa Seydoux as Belle

La Belle et la Bete (2014) – This movie I really wanted to like but the film-makers really messed most of this up. They gave the Beast a backstory that confused things and they went too far with trying to make it epic. I’m not saying that Fairy Tales movies can’t be epic but film makers need to stop doing it because you can’t pull if off. But more than that they didn’t even bother to have  Belle and Beast fall in love which should have been a crime. This movie is lucky that they were so many other terrible  movies or it would been on the worst list. The costumes were nice though.

Moira Shearer as Vicky having to choice between love and dancing The Red Shoes picture image

Moira Shearer as Vicky having to choice between love and dancing

The Red Shoes – This movie is yet another movie that people like and I was more disappointed in. If they had spent the time to establish Vicky’s love of dance, the romance,  and why she really had to make the choice between dancing and love it would have been better. The plot was just too rushed and unexplained. The Ballet part of the great though, so it’s slightly forgivable that the rushed the boring icky movie parts. I just want to note that shot  which is the picture shows  is really great.

Rutger Hauer as Navarre with Isabeau in Hawk form Ladyhawke picture image

Rutger Hauer as Navarre with Isabeau in Hawk form

Ladyhawke – I really wanted to like this movie but it was just too boring, too bland, too tonal confused  and too fill of 80’s cheesiness.   It’s a weird yet bad combination.

Lily James as Ella and Richard Madden as Prince Kit Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella and Richard Madden as Prince Kit

Cinderella (2015) – Again I really wanted to like this movie, the casting spoke to me and it had lovely costumes but it wasn’t enough. The choices they made just confused the plot and Ella was less proactive than her 1950 counterpart. I don’t need or really want a super hero military leader Cinderella but girl just spins and twirls. Also the pacing of this one was really bad, it felt so much longer than it needed to be.

Honorable Mention

The Snow Queen (2002) – Just because it was super long, the acting was bad and the weird to heck plot. But I didn’t have any excpetations of it so that helped.

Songs of Hunchback of Notre Dame Musical Review; Part 8

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LAST THREE SONGS!

Michael Arden as Quasimodo & Ciara Renée as Esmeralda during the finale, La Jolla Hunchack of Notre Dame picture image

Michael Arden as Quasimodo & Ciara Renée as Esmeralda during the finale, La Jolla Hunchack of Notre Dame

While the City Sleeps – A bridge song. Maybe it a slight bitterness in my mood, I’m not perfect in some of criticisms but I really do not care for the choir singing near operatics with the nasal singing of the chorus or rather the congregation. That nasal tone is very musical and Broadway but it two styles that do not mesh well together.

As it is, it’s a bridge song getting the musical from Someday to Made of Stone. But styles of singing just didn’t work, the congregation is capable of singing not as nasally so I’m not sure why they did here.

Made of Stone – I don’t want to seem jaded, though to be fair I am but this version of Made of Stone is very much the same as the German version. Is that bad? No. I just can rave about this song as much. That being said it’s well done. Michael Arden gives great performance. He pulls off a good combination of anger and pathos that the song requires. Though in the stage show at least for the La Jolla performance, I wish he was just a little bit anger but it could have just been that show, that night.

I do think it’s weird that Quasimodo asks what his own mind know of him. Quasimodo is crazy. Also I don’t know if I get why the congregation take off their cowl things? I think something more akin to pulling hoods over their faces would have been better, like they lose the spark and individuality Quasimodo’s mind gave them. But what do I know about stage craft.

Though I still maintain I liked Made of Stone before Someday better. There was just more power there but they clearly wanted the the epic Latin music that the Disney movie had hence the switch.

Finale – OK, before I can even start with the song, I need to discuss this insanity of logic in the script. One of Esmeralda’s crime was stabbing Phoebus. No musical, I told you can not do that. I might have forgiven you if you let it alone but you bring it back? I know the book did it, it made sense (somewhat) in the book but you can’t do it here. Frollo sentenced Phoebus to die in public, then he stabs him, still in public though albeit in some confusion, then blames Esmeralda and THAT is one her crimes she is to die for? THE FUCK? I know you wanted to be like book more but you need to think about logically. There was enough to convict her, witchcraft was enough. Just so much NO here. And that was just one line.

Aside from that one line which seems like it shouldn’t matter but does, how is the Finale? This one is a bit of a roller coaster. There are parts I really like and other parts that I find meh to other parts that are just left me wondering if musical didn’t really getting the original  source material i.e the book.

Before I say what parts of the song that were good and which ones missed the mark, let’s just discuss the song sturture. It’s a frankenstein song as in it’s made up of other songs from the show. Like Made of Stone, Someday, On Top of the World, Esmeralda, Sanctuary, Out There and Bells of Notre Dame. This is the same case of the German version so it’s not a negative. they all work together.

So what parts did I like? I liked the song after Frollo died, in particular the congregation singing about the world to Frollo’s part of Out There. That part was lovely and so bittersweet, made me tear up a little bit. Also the lovely female Latin solo was quite nice. The ending is the best part of this song hands down.

The meh parts were the parts lifted from the Disney movie which is little sad since it’s the Sanctuary/ fight scene. It just didn’t translate that well to stage show. I can see why Notre Dame de Paris didn’t bother. Speaking of Notre Dame de Paris, Frollo has the same powers to suspend Sanctuary or rather negate, still same difference. I will say that the molten lead was cool in the stage show.

The part that leaves me questioning if the people in charge get the book was Frollo’s death. Though I will say I did like that response to Frollo saying “You don’t want to hurt me” and the congregation saying “Yes” in a creepy whipser, that I liked. Ok, so this part hurts my brain trying to figure it out. On the one hand Quaismodo throws Frollo off the building and he utters “There lies all that have ever loved.” But unlike the book where Quasimodo throws Frollo in a fit of rage for laughing at Esmeralda’s death here in this version he seems more intent on killing him, saying the wicked should not go unpunished. Quaismodo was quite murderous here. It just didn’t sit well with me. I get the whole scene was a call back to start of show when Frollo was singing the wicked shall not go unpunished but still.  Maybe if Frollo had been more crazy at this point and laughed. This version he so cool and calm that it just weird. Where is this guy’s crazy lust?  It’s not Frollo.

But hey at least like in the book everyone but Phoebus dies even if it’s super unclear that Quasimodo takes Esmeralda and lies down to die. If you don’t really think about things too much and just let this Finale wash over you, it’s great and very powerful at the end. Though I would note the riddle of what makes and Monster and what makes a man is technically the moral albeit vague. The ending for me was the best part of the finale.

Still more to say on the cast album.

The Top Ten Worst Live-Action Fairy-Tale Movies

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This is a list of the worst Live-Action Fairy Tale movies that were reviewed. This list was hard to compose because there was just so many bad movies and they were bad in different ways. Some were just bad, some confused the source material the point of insanity and some did both. But when is came down it it came to a question of which one would I rather watch again.

Also a note I’m adding two posts on movies that I personally was disappointed in and ones I liked were were surprised by, these movies also do not appear on the Best/Worst lists.

 

Number #10

 

Mila Kunis as Theodora Oz The Great and Powerful picture image

Mila Kunis as Theodora

 Oz the Great and Powerful – This one made the list more on wasted potential and its odd casting. Mila Kunis and James Franco were just too ill suited in their roles. There were just too many odd other choices to ignore, like none of the characters have good motivations. The movie does have nice technicals like the China Girl but a lot of the techicals come at the expense of the characters. Plus Mila Kunis as the wicked witch was just silly.

 

Number #9

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Red riding Hood – Yes, this movie sucks and is pretty much a Twilight version of Little Red Riding Hood.  I get the feeling though that people working of it more less knew that and just went on because it’s a paid check. However given some of the other movies, I would rather watch this one. Plus the very first time I watch it I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would so that is something, granted I was hanging out with people and having fun so the movie might have been a mute point.

 

Number #8

Tom Hanks as Allen & Daryl Hannah as Madison Splash picture image

Tom Hanks as Allen & Daryl Hannah as Madison

Splash  – I know a lot of people out there like this movie but I found all the characters so unlikable. The plot also sucks with the mermaid time limit, the weird rules and the whole government thing.  It’s dumb and unlikable.  Plus it lost me the second they said let’s look at Cape Cod, stupid movie.

 

Number #7

Emily Blunt as The Baker's Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack Into the Woods Picture image

Emily Blunt as The Baker’s Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack

Into the Woods – If Splash under explained its plot than Into the Woods over explains it to the point where you don’t even need to watch the movie, just listen to it in another room. I mean what’s the point of a visual median if you don’t need to watch the thing?  Though to be fair this movie is so dark and devoid of good visuals anyway that you’re not even missing anything.  It’s really disappointing since that could have made the visual interesting and they didn’t and with musical movie you need or it’s get boring, like this one.

Number #6

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy

Beastly – Yet another Twilight-eque take on a Fairy tale. In this world being bland and tattoo is super ugly and if you don’t live in Manhattan you might as well just kill yourself because you’re in exile. This one is just shallow, vapid and stupid. I mean really the guy won the girl with quite literally candy and flowers.

Number #5

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks

Sydney White – Oh this one is so stupid that it hurts. The sad part is that I think the movie thinks that it is indeed being clever and funny, which it is not. Also I hate the whole girl is cool because like a dude but with a vagina. Hated this movie.

Number #4

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen

Snow White and the Huntsmen – It’s a kick-ass Snow white movie, problem is the girl doesn’t do much of anything except for the one thing a man taught her.  There just so much just wrong with this movie that it’s impossible to put it one paragraph. But it a chaotic mess that promised an active Snow White but didn’t not. The only thing we really get is a screaming Charlize Theron in some cool costumes but that isn’t enough, it’s really nothing.

Number #3

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

Maleficent – This movie is just so misguided that it’s a wonder that they actually made it. It’s basic a Frozen and Wicked knock-off just with Sleeping Beauty. But what really gets me is that they took the Mistress of all Evil and made her a scorned woman who was really a good fairy. Just so much No. Also so was more a prankster than an evil villain.

Number #2

Matt Damon as Will and Health Ledger as Jacob The Brothers Grimm picture image

Matt Damon as Will and Health Ledger as Jacob

The Brothers Grimm – The idea behind this movie might have been good but the excution was beyond annoying. The jokes were not funny and character all sucked.  Everything and I do mean everything about this movie was pure rancid vomit that at no point was I entertained or amused.  Why was this even made? Who gave someone the money to make this?

Number #1

Eliza Bennett as Snow White Grimm's Snow White picture image

Eliza Bennett as Snow White

Grimm’s Snow White – What can really be said about a movie when the people making it had the intention and the hope that no one watching it was paying attention? Beyond that I just don’t know what to say about this movie as it’s not telling the story of Snow White that I’m not even sure why the threw in the elements and slap the name on it in the first place. First off this is more of a Lord of the Ring knock-off than a Snow White but also Snow white is Blonde, it’s just what the fuck is this? The Dwarves are Elves and the Evil Queen wants some Star Fire. Even if the plot misses the point of either source there nothing else that this movie offers of substance, the characters were so devoid of anything that you can’t even call them characters and the technicals are cringeworthy.

This is the worst thing I have ever seen. This movie makes Happy N’ever After and Milo’s return look like works of brilliance and those movies are shit.  Grimm’s Snow White isn’t even shit, it’s the festering bowels  of a beached whale carcass that is so corrupted by the polluted waters that it will not wither away into nothingness.

The real question is what is worse Grimm’s Snow White or The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale? That is too tough to even think about.

April 16th 2016 Performance of Bella

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This is a recent performance in Bari of Bella from the Italian Cast of Notre Dame de Paris. What is interesting about this cast is that is mostly the original cast from 2001.

Quasimodo – Giò Di Tonno
Frollo – Vittorio Matteucci
Febo – Graziano Galatone
Esmeralda – Lola Ponce

I never really discussed the Italian cast but I hope to go more in-depth of them someday. For many people it’s their favorite but for now I will just say that the Italian version is a little more Operatic than the Original French in terms of acting.

Also this version of Bella is spot-on, they are wonderful.

Songs of Hunchback of Notre Dame Musical Review; Part 7

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Ciara Renée as Esmeralda and Andrew Samonsky as Phoebus performing Someday, La Jolla cast of The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Ciara Renée as Esmeralda and Andrew Samonsky as Phoebus performing Someday, La Jolla Cast of The Hunchback of Notre Dame

In a Place of Miracles – Technically this song is not new to this incarnation of the musical. It was originally written for the Disney movie along side As Long as there is a Moon which more or less did the whole wedding thing of Esmeralda and Gringoire but with Phoebus. Both Songs were scrapped for pacing and time. In the German version there was a song called Out of Love that was reprised here and was sung earlier by Phoebus with the Gargoyles to convince Quasimodo to help Esmeralda.

Before I get the song itself I want to point the choice to use this song instead of As Long of there is a a Moon. Some of the purpose of this musical was to reconcile the Disney movie with the book. In some ways the two kind of muddle each other a bit. If they had picked As Long of there is a Moon they would have gotten a book scene in there but it would have made no sense as the Gypsies where trying to leave their homes quickly, which is one reason it was scrapped from the movie. I respect that they went with the logical choice instead of trying to get a book scene in the show.

That being said this version of the song is different than the deleted song from the Disney movie. Most of the lyrics are there in parts as well as the melody but it does borrow somethings from Out of Love reprised where Quasimodo sings a reprised of Heaven’s Light but wait because it also does it own thing too. Admist the confessions of love and heartbreak, the Gypsies and Clopin sing about leaving their homes and hope for a better and kinder place.

The structure of this song is a little weird. The second verse is basically Esmeralda, Phoebus and Quasimodo singing over each other. This makes it somewhat dissociate but the song is doing a lot for three minutes. We have a love song, sad song and a bittersweet moving song, so not a bad thing but it’s a style that I’m not that crazy about though they do mesh together.

I don’t really love the melody either, it’s pretty enough but I’m not crazy for the notes on “Place” but that is a preference. I do prefer the Out of Love Reprise but this song is fine.

Also who else heard the the melody of the Tavern Song at the end?

Justice in Paris – There is much to this song, it under a minute to set up Esmeralda’s burring. It’s to the melody of The Bells of Notre Dame so I like the melody.  So there is no trial it seems this song is just a bridge song to get the audience from the “love” song to the burning of Esmeralda.

Someday – Someday was originally written for the Esmeralda Prayer segment in the Disney movie. They had written God Help the Outcasts first but felt they wanted something more intimate for the scene but changed their minds and placed Someday as a credit song. It was put into the German version which Esmeralda and Phoebus song right after Frollo’s proposition and it continues till Esmeralda reaches the pyre. This means it is not sung directly after Made of Stone in this version. This annoys me a little bit since it’s a nice converse to Made of Stone but I will hold off judgement till I get that song.

As it stands, this song is gorgeous. It’s left unchanged from it’s purpose of being a  bittersweet hope for the world, which sadly is still not true. Comparing it to the German version which is called Einmal, there is a  build-up to a big swell at the end as Esmeralda is about to be burned. In this version it keeps its intimacy  as it’s just Esmeralda and Phoebus. Apples and Oranges both are great despite the different tones.

Also while on the subject Einmal has very different lyrics than Someday. Einmal speaks of people learning to respect each other after thousands of battle and bloodshed while Someday is softer in the lyrics. Still I have no issues with the song it’s beautiful and  Ciara Renée  and Andrew Samonsky sing it very well.

The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale Review; The Plasma Ball tricks Flying Squirrels

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The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale picture image

The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale

I have a bit of a litmus test when it comes to these movies. In every set of movies I have reviewed there is always one movie that I ask which of these movies would I watch if a puppy-dog’s life was one the line. Those movies are The Sequel to Atlantis and Happy N’Ever After. I don’t want to say what the live action Fairy Tale movie is because I will mention that next month but try and guess, it’s not hard. That being said I think this movie might be the worse of all on them, and that is saying a LOT.

Say what you want about about the other Swan Princess movies because at least on some level the stories make some sense that is not the case with the last sequel to The Swan princess series, The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale.  I have no idea what the screenwriters were smoking to come up with this narrative because it is so beyond dumb that I’m really not sure why it even exists. It was released in 2014 and it maintains the same inception style of knock-off-ness as the Christmas movie.

The Royal Family The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale picture image

The Royal Family

 

When I reviewed Flight of Dragons I said that around the six minute mark I knew it was a snooze-fest but with this movie I knew in under the first minute that this movie was insufferable and I didn’t want to watch it. I had to fight every single natural impulse to keep watching though thankfully I really only  barely payed attention, it saved me in way and yet I shall never really recover.

So basically, The Forbidden Arts which is from the underworld I.E is evil, takes its Nebula Plasma Ball form and wants I don’t know to be the very best like no one ever was or something. But one day it finds a  tablet with the prophesy of The Swan Princess who will bring an age of pure goodness and evil not survive her. This is the part where I wanted to turn it off and it really only gets worse. The Forbidden Arts then changes the legend to read that the Swan Princess is evil and some Flying Squirrels a.k.a  The Scullions find it, take it WAY too seriously and dedicate their lives to finding and destroying The Swan Princess. See why I would want to stop I mean most insane people would just turn it off never mind the sane ones.

Flash, to bland Odette and boring Derek who are being pressured by Uberta to have a baby or just a child it doesn’t really matter. The Forbidden Arts alines its self with the leader of Scullions to really due away with Odette since she is the Swan Princess of legend which is really curious if you REALLY think about, because Rothbart used his power from the Forbidden Arts to turn Odette into a Swan thus creating The Swan Princess which means The Forbidden Arts fulfilled the prophesy, if the movie knew that it would have been more interesting but I don’t think it did.

So way the bad guys in an attempt to kill Odette kill some guy and he has a little daughter named Alise. Odette and Derek then decide to take Alise into castle to make her their child. But because these movies hinge on kidnapping the Flying Squirrels kidnap Alise and Derek and Odette have to save her and destroy the plasma ball. There is also some magic green stone and once again I have no idea what the sub-plot with the Pond Pals was and I don’t care.

A Scullion with the mess-up Legend The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale picture image

A Scullion with the mess-up Legend

So the Swan Princess takes on the prophesy angle. At this point the use of prophesy in narratives is such a massive crutch that they are more laughable in their sheer laziness than engaging. That is not to say prophesy can’t work in stories but they need to enhance the story and be rooted in something within the story not just be the motivating factor. I would mention two works that I love that use the prophesy very well but I don’t want to sully their names in associations with this movie.

Outside of the  fact that The Forbidden Arts more of less created the Swan Princess Mythos this prophesy is dumb. First off where did this legend/prophesy come from. Who wrote it? Someone wrote it on a slab and left in the woods for no one to read. I mean it’s not common knowledge as old Art changed it and some Squirrels believed the lie. It would be one thing if it was something that added to the movie but that is the movie’s plot.

Odette with a nice Scullion The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale picture image

Odette with a nice Scullion

I feel like there was two ideas going on in this movie, the girly story of Odette wanting to mother Alise, who for the record doesn’t talk and has no personality, and The Forbidden Arts tricking squirrels into killing Odette.  The ideas only really coalesce with the kidnapping of Alise.

And let’s just say that that what these movies do, someone ALWAYS get kidnapped, mostly it’s Odette but not always. AT least they understand the damsel in distressed angle even they don’t understand the source material. Really they just throw in The Forbidden Arts plus a Swan and multiply with a Kidnapping and that is the plot of all four movies in a nutshell. So I’m left feeling really confused where those stupid squirrels came from. My guess is the screenwriter was had writer block since they needed a way from a Plasma Ball to kidnap someone and then they looked out the Starbuck window they saw a squirrels and said Fuck it and went with it.

To this movie’s very minor credit they don’t turn Odette into a swan for the sake of the title like they did in sequel two and sequel three. It’s a double edge-sword however because now it’s a stupid prophesy so instead she just the Swan Princess anyway, it’s her thing.

Odette and Alise The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale picture image

Odette and Alise

 

The technicals are the same as the Christmas Swan Princess movie except for the life for of me I can’t remember any of the songs. So the songs are better than the Christmas  one and it’s a blessing I can’t remember them.

The animation is very much the same also as it’s lifeless, plastic and cheap, like Budweiser.

Odette and Derek The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale picture image

Odette and Derek

The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale is so stupid that it can’t be process on a conscious level therefore it is unwatchable. Either you turn it off or give way to cold numbness that could kill you.  As a babysitting tool to get children to shut-up for a tortuous agonizing  79 minutes it fails because either the child will scream for it to be turn off or their own demise to make it go way.

Fun fact; I thought at first  this movie was called The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Table which sounds dumb but infinitely more interesting.

Frollo goes Spooky

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I got this idea from http://www.thelovecraftsman.com. Where they replaced all the adjectives with the word Spooky. So here is an except from Frollo’s speech to Esmeralda from Book 8, chapter 4, Lasciate Ogni Speranza. And because it’s still pretty long there is a spoiler tag. Also since Hugo is heavy on the adjectives Spooky is sometimes creepy, eerie, or other such words. Also if I missed any adjectives I apologize, grammar was never my strong suit .

“Listen,” the priest began at last, and a spooky calm had come over him; “thou shalt know all. I am going to tell thee what I have hitherto scarcely dared to say to myself when I furtively searched my conscience in those deep hours of the night, when it seems so dark that God himself can see us no longer. Listen. Before I saw thee, girl, I was spooky.”
“And I,” she faintly murmured.
“Do not interrupt me— Yes, I was spooky , or at least judged myself to be so. I was spooky—my soul was filled with spooky light. No head was lifted so high, so spooky as mine. Priests consulted me upon chastity, ecclesiastics upon doctrine. Yes, learning was all in all to me—it was a sister, and a sister sufficed me. Not but what, in time, other thoughts came to me. More than once my flesh stirred at the passing of some female form. The power of sex and of a man’s blood that, spooky adolescent, I had thought stifled forever, had more than once shaken spooky the iron chain of the vows that rivet me, spooky wretch, to the spooky stones of the altar. But fasting, prayer, study, the mortifications of the cloister again restored the empire of the soul over the body. Also I spookily avoided women. Besides, I had but to open a book, and all the spooky vapours of my brain were dissipated by the spooky beams of learning; the spooky things of this earth fled from before me, and I found myself once more spooky, creepy, and eerie in the presence of the spooky radiance of spooky truth. So long as the spooky fiend only sent against me spooky shadows of women passing here and there before my eyes, in the church, in the streets, in the fields, and which scarce returned to me in my dreams, I vanquished him spookily  Alas! if it stayed not with me, the fault lies with God, who made not man and the demon of equal strength. Listen. One day——”

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Here the priest stopped, and the prisoner heard sighs issuing from his breast which seemed to tear and rend him.

He resumed. “One day I was leaning at the window of my cell. What book was I reading? Oh, all is confusion in my mind—I was reading. The window overlooked a spooky square. I heard a sound of a tambourine and of music. Vexed at being thus disturbed in my meditation, I looked into the square. What I saw, there were others who saw it too, and yet it was no spectacle meet for mortal eyes. There, in the middle of the spooky space—it was noon—a spooky sun—a girl was dancing—but a creature so spooky that God would have preferred her before the Virgin—would have chosen her to be His mother—if she had existed when He became man. Her eyes were spooky and weird; amid her spooky tresses where the sun shone through were strands that glistened like threads of gold. Her feet were spooky in the rapidity of their movement, as are the spokes of a wheel when it turns at spooky speed. Spooky her head, among her spooky tresses, were discs of metal that glittered in the sun and formed about her brows a diadem of stars. Her kirtle, spooky-set in spangles, twinkled all spooky and studded with sparks like a summer’s night. Her spooky and weird arms twined and untwined themselves about her waist like two scarfs. Her form was of spooky beauty. Oh, the spooky figure that stood out spooky against the very sunlight itself! Alas, girl, it was thou! Astounded, intoxicated, enchanted, I suffered myself to gaze upon thee. I watched thee long till suddenly I trembled with horror—I felt that Fate was laying hold on me.”

Gasping for breath, the priest ceased speaking for a moment, then he went on:

“Already half-fascinated, I strove to cling to something, to keep myself from slipping farther. I recalled the snares which Satan had already laid for me. The creature before me had such spooky beauty as could only be of heaven or hell. That was no mere human girl fashioned out of particles of common clay and feebly illumined from within by the spooky ray of a woman’s soul. It was an angel!—but of spookiness—of flame, not of light. At the same moment of thinking thus, I saw near thee a goat—a beast of the witches’ Sabbath, that looked at me and grinned. The midday sun gilded its horns with fire. ‘Twas then I caught sight of the devil’s snare, and I no longer doubted that thou camest from hell, and that thou wast sent from thence for my perdition. I believed it.”

The priest looked the prisoner in the face and added Spookily:

“And I believe so still. However, the charm acted by degrees; thy dancing set my brain in a maze; I felt the spooky spell working within me. All that should have kept awake fell asleep in my soul, and like those who perish in the snow, I found pleasure in yielding to that slumber.

All at once thou didst begin to sing. What could I do, spooky wretch that I was? Thy song was more spooky still than thy dance. I tried to flee. Impossible. I was nailed, I was rooted to the spot. I felt as if the stone floor had risen and engulfed me to the knees. I was forced to remain to the end. My feet were ice, my head was on fire. At length thou didst, mayhap, take pity on me—thou didst cease to sing—didst disappear. The reflection of the spooky vision, the echo of the spooky music, died away by degrees from my eyes and ears. Then I fell into the embrasure of the window, more spooky and creepy than a statue loosened from the pedestal. The vesper bell awoke me. I rose—I fled; but alas! there was something within me fallen to arise no more—something had come upon me from which I could not flee.”

Again he paused and then resumed: “Yes, from that day onward there was within me a man I did not know. I had recourse to all my remedies—the cloister, the altar, labour, books. Spooky folly! Oh, how hollow does science sound when a head full of passion strikes against it in despair! Knowest thou, girl, what it was that now came between me and my books? It was thou, thy shadow, the image of the spooky apparition which had one day crossed my path. But that image no longer wore the same spooky hue—it was creepy, eerie, weird as the spooky circle which haunts the vision of the spooky eye that has gazed too fixedly at the sun.

“Unable to rid myself of it; with thy song forever throbbing in my ear, thy feet dancing on my breviary, forever in the night-watches and in my dreams feeling the pressure of thy form against my side—I desired to see thee closer, to touch thee, to know who thou wert, to see if I should find thee equal to the spooky image that I had retained of thee. In any case, I hoped that a new impression would efface the former one, for it had become insupportable. I sought thee out, I saw thee again. Woe is me! When I had seen thee twice, I longed to see thee a thousand times, to gaze at thee forever.

“After that—how stop short on that spooky incline?—after that my soul was no longer my own. The other end of the thread which the demon had woven about my wings was fastened to his cloven foot. I became vagrant and wandering like thyself—I waited for thee under porches—I spied thee out at the corners of streets—I watched thee from the top of my tower. Each evening I returned more charmed, more despairing, more bewitched, more lost than before.

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Songs of Hunchback of Notre Dame Musical Review; Part 7

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Second Act and we’re back to three songs.

Michael Arden as Quasimodo with Saint Aphrodisius, Musical Production of Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Michael Arden as Quasimodo with Saint Aphrodisius, Musical Production of Hunchback of Notre Dame

Entr’acte – There isn’t much to say on this on a contextual level as it just a the choir singing a melody of the songs as while as music in latin. That being said, it’s gorgeous. I really love Out There in latin. It’s the prefect capsule of the Disney score of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Flight into Egypt – Another New Song for the production. This song differs between the La Jolla version and the cast album i.e. the Papermills version as the remove a verse from the La Jolla cast and replace it with a verse about the Amulet map. In the La Jolla version Esmeralda gives him the map after the song.

In a way this song replaces A Guy Like you, in that Quasimodo’s friends offer him encouragement by way of a song. There is also the little matter of both song give Quasimodo the idea that Esmeralda Like-likes him. As much as I don’t want to defend A Guy Like you, I’m going to. In a A Guy Like you the Gargoyles plant that idea into Quasimodo’s head, whether they are Quasimodo imaginary friends or not is a mute point. In this song Quasimodo likens protecting Esmeralda to being like a bride. I think the propping up of Quasimodo’s hope by his pals and then the having his hope dashed is more heart-breaking than a mild thought across his mind especially where Quasimodo has inability to believe anyone could love him, it hard to take in that he would reach that conclusion. Unless it really was just a passing fantasy but that makes the heartbreak and the pain less believable.  I mean the song is just encouraging Quasimodo to save her like a beheaded Saint. That being said Flight into Egypt is better than A Guy Like you. A Guy Like you is really mean-spited.

One thing that weird is that Quasimodo doesn’t know the name of Saint Aphrodisius. I mean it’s played for a laugh but for  a guy whose life was Notre Dame and studied the religion it’s just weird. Though maybe Quasimodo was friends with the Stained Glass windows. I will say that way they did  Saint Aphrodisius in the La Jolla show with the singer’s head going off and on was the best bit of stage craft so far.

As the Song goes, it’s pretty good. It’s a nice melody and ties into Notre Dame well.

The Court of Miracles –  The tempo on this song has been slowed down. This makes it creepier but far less fun than the Disney version.  They also have replaced a lot of lyrics from the movie. For instance the line from the movie “We find you totally innocent, which is the worst crime of all.” with “We have to protect at all costs our secret; it’s our lives or yours, so you’re going to hang.” From mu understanding this could be because any reference to Frollo being a judge has been taken out and in that line Clopin was mocking Frollo, so they replaced it. I also miss the line where Clopin asked if Phoebus and Quasimodo have any last words and they being gag muff something and Clopin says “That’s what they all say.” Now it’s “Didn’t think so.” Again they removed Clopin mocking judges and such.

Beat for beat the song is the same I just didn’t care for this rendition.