Quasimodo is just being Quasi The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo is just being Quasi

So here we are again, discussing other low budget cash grab off Disney’s Hunchback that has character designs that are derivative to Disney’s Beauty and the Beast as well Aladdin. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic.

Frollo and Esmeralda's wedding The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and Esmeralda’s wedding

Compared to the Enchanted Tales version, the character design in this version is marginally more preferable. At least with this version’s Quasimodo isn’t some sad pretty boy, he looks as Quasimodo should look even if his hunch is angel wings. The other characters look their parts except Frollo who as I have mention before on his character review looks like Gaston and Jafar’s love child. Gotta wonder if they read the book or at least watched the 1939 version, my guess is no to both.

Esmeralda with Pierre and masked Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda with Pierre and masked Quasimodo

Also the character design in this version as compared to Enchanted Tales looks more cartoon-y, as in they went for more humorous designs instead of trying to make the characters pretty, and failed. Given the humor and how the Enchanted Tales version is misguided and stupid, the  humorous goofy look is better but on the whole the designs are not good.

Frollo and his goon The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and his goon

As far as the animation goes, there are Hunchback versions that at worse, so much worse, like hellishly worse and of course on the other end there is Disney movie.  The  Secret of the Hunchback looks more akin to a low-budget saturday morning cartoon. It’s fine giving the amount of money and effort they put in but no one is watching it for its art style.

Quasimodo and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Pierre

There is nothing special about The Secret of the Hunchback’s look and animation. It’s passable but only barley.

Paheli picture image

Paheli

Today we have a different fairy tale movie because it’s a Bollywood movie. Fantasy movies are uncommon in Bollywood and more to the point this movie is based on a folk tale. It’s also based on a short story written by Vijayadan Detha which also had another Bollywood movie based on it called Duvidha from 1973.

However the movie we’re going to look at today is called Paheli which means Riddle. It came out in 2005, stars Shah Rukh Khan in a double role and Rani Mukherji. It was also India’s entry for the 79th Academy Awards but since it’s not about Indians having issues with being Indians or some historical events it didn’t get the nomination.

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi and Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost Paheli picture image

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi and Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost

The plot goes that a young lady named Lachchi is getting married and she is pretty excited. On her way to her new husband’s home, they stop at a place where it’s said a bunch of ghosts lives erm haunt or really just hang out. One of these ghosts falls in love with Lachchi. And stalks her a little bit.

On their wedding night, Lachchi’s husband, Kishanlal, is more interested is managing accounts, much like he did on the road. He then tells Lachchi that his father is making him leave on a seven year business trip the next day, so it’s better if they do nothing on their wedding night as Lachichi has to stay behind. This devastates her. Kishanlal stops at the same place with ghosts from before, it’s like watering hole rest stop type of place. The ghost who loves Lachchi recognizes Kishanlal and takes on a physical form and learns about Kishanlal’s extended business trip. The ghost then takes on Kishanlal’s likeness and goes to his home so he can be with Lachchi. He does tell her that he is not her husband but a ghost that fell in love with her and he asks her what she wants. This moves her as no one ever asked her what she wanted before so she accepts him and his love.

They spend four blissful years together while Kishanlal pines for home and writes letters that don’t get deliver because the Ghost pissed off the messenger. However he returned home when he hears rumors of Lachchi’s pregnancy. To settle the two  Kishanlals the men decide to go to the King as one Kishanlal is totally cool and the other one is a massive whiner. Before they get to the king they run into a shepherd, who makes them perform tests to prove who is the real husband. The final test is that the Shepherd asks the real lover of Lachchi to enter a water bottle which the Ghost does and is sealed inside. This devastates Lachchi but then it’s revealed that the Ghost possessed Kishanlal before entering the water bottle so they can be together.

Just to note, the book ends with the Ghost staying in the water bottle.

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi and Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost Paheli picture image

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi and Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost

On the one hand this movie is very mean to Kishanlal who is just presented as weak-willed man who is just doing what his parents told him and he does harbors affection for his wife and then is all but abandon in his duty. However on that pesky other hand, the preceptive the movie took is about a woman who is posed with a riddle, live a sad life as the duty of marriage forces on her or take the love she is offered. According to Shah Rukh Khan it’s a woman’s liberation movie though small in scope.

This movie really is a riddle because Kishanlal and Lachchi are two side of the coin, Kishanlal does his duty and is punished for it to the extent that he is possessed by a Ghost for the sake of Love while Lachchi takes love in a selfish manner and is reward for it. The way the movie presents it, you’re on Lachchi and the Ghost’s side but it still misguided even with a nobler theme.

 

 Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost Paheli picture image

Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost

Given as the movie has its core story components at the start and end you would think that this would mean that the Characters would be a least be interesting. Well no.  The Ghost’s characterization is he is a bit of a prankster, nice and charming. That’s not bad but it’s very typical of characters played by Shah Rukh Khan which are ubiquitous. Lachchi doesn’t seem to have much of a personality either. She likes love but that is kind of it.

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi and Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost Paheli picture image

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi and Shah Rukh Khan as the Ghost

As is standard with Bollywood movies this one has musical numbers. The songs aren’t bad but they are not that interesting either. All the songs are nice but run together in terms of sound. It could be because the movie is a period movie so there isn’t a ton of variations of style they could use effectively. Again the songs and choreography are nice and nothing more.

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi Paheli picture image

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi

Where this movie really shines is the technicals. It’s pretty! Most Bollywood movies are pretty, it’s their style but this one is lavish. The jewelry even gets its own credit. It was done by Tanishq and at the time of this movie’s release they offered a Paheli collection. The costumes are very nice too, nothing is very like distinctive as a stand-out but Lachchi is often seen wearing oranges with blues which is a striking combo.

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi Paheli picture image

Rani Mukherji as Lachchi

Paheli is a beautiful movie on the visual level but the spirit of love is well intentioned but misguided.

I recently learned that there was an arcade game of Hunchback from 1983 and  you can play it via archive.org.

Hunchback 1983 Arcade Game picture image

Hunchback 1983 Arcade Game

You can play the game here; https://archive.org/details/arcade_hunchbak

I tried playing, it didn’t go well. It took me a while to find my jump button but  it’s a jump avoid thing with the end goal being saving a blonde Esmeralda who wears red. Hey, she isn’t the only blonde  Esmeralda in the world, oddly enough who wears red, she’s the Esmeralda from the 1999 French Parody version. Though in this game’s case it was supposed to be a Robin Hood game with you saving Maid Marion. It was made by Century Electronics  which was an English company.

Hunchback 1983 Arcade Game picture image

Hunchback 1983 Arcade Game

My high score was 800 which considering that is only clearing the first screen, is  pathetic. I just could not jump and move to grab the rope to swing over the fire pit Happy Playing!

 

Esmeralda and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and Pierre

God bless this stupid movie for trying a love song but omg is this shit corny as fuck.

This is Gringoire, erm I mean Pierre and Esmeralda’s love-love song. They use phrases like “once upon a dream,”  ” I gave him my heart,” and other stuff hyper lame sentences.

I’m really surprised there wasn’t a lyrics that said ” You’re my forever girl,”  sure it’s a silly line from Avatar the Last Airbender (love that show) but it would have fit in with the rest of the dumb prose of this song.

Yeah it’s  stupid and the instrument use is dumb but the singer tried so C+.

Still better than the love song from The Thief and the Cobbler but not by much.

Big Fish picture image

Big Fish

Big Fish is 2003 movie by Tim Burton based on the 1998 novel of the same name by Daniel Wallace. It looks at the father-son relationship as well as storytelling. The fairy tale elements are woven into the story the father tells which creates a nice somewhat fluid narrative though this movie is not without its flaws.

Ewan McGregor as Edward Bloom & Alison Lohman as Sandra Big Fish picture image

Ewan McGregor as Edward Bloom & Alison Lohman as Sandra

This movie presents a very simple story in a very complicated manner. Very simply, it’s about a man who is trying to reconcile his father’s tall tales with his real life. In hearing the stories and seeking them out he learns that there is a half true to them but the impossible and grand stories are better to leave behind as a legacy. Of course the stories feature things like, giants, conjoined twins, werewolves, witches, mermaids and a very creepy yet happy town.

Ewan McGregor as Edward Bloom picture image

Ewan McGregor as Edward Bloom

The biggest thing about this movie is that all the stories were true to a far degree just mostly exaggerated to give them more importance and so that the father would in a sense live on through the stories. However this movie despite it grandness in a normal life is predictable and doesn’t offer any surprises. Is that a bad thing? No, but it worth noting and by the film’s own admission it complicates a simple story.

Albert Finney as Edward Bloom & Billy Crudup as Will Bloom Big Fish picture image

Albert Finney as Edward Bloom & Billy Crudup as Will Bloom

In a weird way this movie with its dreamy story vignettes would make you think this story wasn’t about the characters. And while the technicals stand out more than the characters, I would say this should be a character piece at least it’s about the father and son, but no one else really has a personality.

In fact the father, Edward Bloom has two personalities. Older Ed seems to only want to tell his stories and talk about himself while the younger version is a people person who wants to help. Both are ambitious and want to be “Big Fish” but I can’t really reconciles my mind around these two facets and I’m left not really liking either of them.

The son Will is a complainer. He wants the truth but he can’t handle the truth. Actually the truth is boring. Really he just the foil to his dad and nothing else. Though I did like the touch that he is a reporter, where he has to report the facts as they are.

Ewan McGregor as Edward Bloom Big Fish picture image

Ewan McGregor as Edward Bloom

The de-facto star of the movie are the technicals. It is a really lovely and dream-like in the shots and cinematography. The use of colors of bright and cheerful for the stories and darker for hard realities. It’s a great movie to watch.

The acting is mostly good but nothing amazing, though listening to Ewan McGregor do a Southern accent made me think of Vivien Leigh, though didn’t he use a Southern accent in Down with Love, which I saw on a plane.

Also The Danny Elfman score is very Elfman-eseque which is lovely, fitting to the story and predictable.

Albert Finney as Edward Bloom & Jessica Lange as Sandra Bloom Big Fish picture image

Albert Finney as Edward Bloom & Jessica Lange as Sandra Bloom

Big Fish is a lovely movie though it has its issues it well paced and is touching.

I know very little about fashion, most of the time I dress is sweats because I like being comfortable and warm which are the stereotypical banes of fashion. But I had an idea for a blog post which I will do at the end of the month but the idea gave me another idea finding a high fashion/couture evening gown that was similar to Disney Esmeralda’s costume but in that up I found more which resembled the Notre Dame de Paris costume which I know most people don’t really like and have gown down recently. So here are some gowns that resemble the costume wore by Esmeralda and Fleur de Lys.

Oddly these are all Ellie Saab which I swear was not intentional.

 

Emerald Gown by Elie Saab Spring 2012 picture image

Emerald Gown by Elie Saab Spring 2012

Esmeralda’s costume is a weird green color with some kind of print be it abstract or floral. It has a v-neck with asymmetrical bell sleeves. There is also sequins or beads on it. Ideally the costume should move when but that is not always the case. This gown has a lot of the basics down. The color is so perfect that is Emerald. Sleeves are tough to come by in gown so that is a pass but this one does have caps so that is something.  Just take away that belt and add a slit and this would be perfect.

 Green Gown by Elie Saab Eall-Winter 2013-2014 picture image

Green Gown by Elie Saab Eall-Winter 2013-2014

As an alternate, and yes there are a lot more gowns out there that would fit the bill but for today with other one by Elie Saab would do nicely. It’s a darker color of green but that is fine. This one also has the plunging v-neck and the beading creates a nice pattern. I like this one because it looks like it have more movement than the other one but that is due to the cut. Though again, gotta lose the belt though it doesn’t bother me as much.

 

 

Blush Gown Elie Saab Spring 2011 picture image

Blush Gown by Elie Saab Spring 2011

This gown really inspired the post. This one just to me captures Fleur de Lys from Notre Dame de Paris. It has a grace and primness but there is more to than just a good noble lady. I just wish the bottom was a little bit different not because it’s not pretty but that type of slit is so Esmeralda. It could work for Fleur de Lys given the waistline though and her more edgy moments in the musical.

Also speaking as someone who likes the original Esmeralda costume, I really don’t like a lot more recent remakes. The shortness doesn’t look good it, just weird and the print which tries to mimic the original never looks as interesting. I think some better update need to be down,

Frollo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo

I don’t know what to call this song, it’s basically Frollo stating who he is, what he wants and how godlike he is.  He wants simply everything, who can’t relate to that?

I really enjoy this song. It’s so hammy and over-the-top that is just an utter delight.  I think the voice actor/singer is REALLY having fun with this song. Frollo is just power hungry ego-manic and that makes for a good villain with a silly song.

This is song is far too short.

Props to the singer for saying Forte correctly, A+. Also I want to point out that all the singers sing very well  which is unlike the Jetlag version, that guy’s raspy voice still annoys me.

The Secret of Moonacre picture image

The Secret of Moonacre

The Secret of Moonacre is a 2008 girly fantasy movie aimed at young girls who like jewelry and horses. It’s based on a book by Elizabeth Goudge called The Little White Horse. Now while I like jewelry and horses, I admit I’m not the target demographic. However this movie knows who it’s aiming at and there is Tim Curry in it so it’s not all bad. Also I’m really trying to resist making a Sailor Moon joke.

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria Merryweather & Natascha McElhone as Loveday de Noir The Secret of Moonacre picture image

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria & Natascha McElhone as Loveday  

Movie starts off with a newly Orphan tween girl Maria getting a historic book and then sent off to the country to live with her uncle in a manor house that is falling apart, though she gets an awesome bedroom, seriously it’s magical. Maria soon learns that her family, The Merryweathers, have an ancient grudge with a rival family, the De Noir. It started when one of the daughter of De Noir was given a necklace of pearls by the moon. She was about to marry a Merryweather but the family fought over the pearls so she put a curse on them, that if the pearls were not returned to the sea before the 5000th moon by another Moon Princess who is pure of heart then the valley would be plunged into eternal darkness. So Maria has to race against the full moon to save the valley from the two families’ pride.

Natascha McElhone as The Moon Princess & Ioan Gruffudd as Sir Wrolf Merryweather The Secret of Moonacre picture image

Natascha McElhone as The Moon Princess & Ioan Gruffudd as Sir Wrolf

In this movie a “moon princess” is marked by the fact that she can see a magical white horse, so that and the fact the whole plot boils down to pearls, mixed in some pretty costumes with nice sets and you have a movie that six to ten years old will love. But there is something a bit more going on here than just little girl wish fulfillment.

There is a proverb that goes “Pride comes before the fall” meaning that overconfidences leads to destruction and that is very overtly what is happening in the movie. Everyone’s pride gets in the way of ending the feud between the two families and they are willing to let their valley get destroyed because of their pride. It is only fixed when Maria actually throws herself into the sea so the pearls can be return that they let their pride go.

To most adults this moral is very much a slap in the face but it’s not that bad for children. It addressed to them in easy to understand manner.

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria Merryweather, Juliet Stevenson as Miss Heliotrope, Michael Webber as Digweed and Andy Linden as Marmaduke Scarlet The Secret of Moonacre picture image

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria, Juliet Stevenson as Miss Heliotrope, Michael Webber as Digweed and Andy Linden as Marmaduke Scarlet

So what are the character like? They are not very interesting or deep. I would say Maria doesn’t have much of a personality as she is nice and curious but her curiosity is the result of a weird house and getting the plot to move forward. Probably the most interesting characters are Loveday, what a name, and her brother, Robin.

Loveday is interesting because she a weird bohemian that lives in the woods and her pride is a weird combination shyness and a broken heart. She also keeps a lot of animals in her dwelling. Robin is really the only character who seems to get a slight arc as he starts off as a bad guy but helps Maria out and even seems to like her romantically a little bit.

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria Merryweather & Augustus Prew as Robin de Noir The Secret of Moonacre picture image

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria & Augustus Prew as Robin

The style of this movie has a very shabby chic dreamy and for lack of a better description fairy tale. The shabbiness of the house is a plot point but it does add some interest however there are some very weird style choices. For instance all the costume have weird textures to them that sometimes look cool but mostly it looks awkward. Like Maria’s bustles that look like shelves, most of Loveday’s costumes and Robin’s feather chocker where the feathers look like spikes. There is a nice organic look to the costumes but mostly they look unpleasant. Though I want Maria’s Saturn necklace.

The acting is what you would expect for a movie aimed at little girls. It’s cheesy and over the top but it’s serviceable. No one here is out to win any awards but they do their best with the material.

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria Merryweather & Ioan Gruffudd as Sir Benjamin Merryweather The Secret of Moonacre picture image

Dakota Blue Richards as Maria & Ioan Gruffudd as Sir Benjamin

The Secret of Moonacre is perfectly adequate children fantasy movie. It spelled out a moral with cute and pretty things and if you need more than that this movie isn’t really for you.

March 2023 Update- I recently rewatched this movie for a costume ranking involving burgundy costumes from fantasy movies. Mostly I stand by my opinion on this movie though the acting was not as “serviceable” as it recalled. I mean it’s fine not great but that could have a directing thing more than the actors. I have soften on the costumes though, I don’t hate the exposed caged bustle.

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback

If you had known two things about Secret of the Hunchback going before now it would have been Quasimodo is an angel and the singing “Jazzy” Gargoyles. Clearly this is what inspired Josh Brolin with his failed “jazzy” Hunchback movie.

This song is sung by a Gargoyle in Quasimodo’s dream, so unlike Disney this movie makes it clear that the Gargoyles aren’t real except when they cry, confusion. The subject matter on this song is just what you think, Quasimodo is awesome, fuck looks. The Gargoyle uses phrases like “out of sight,” and “doo-wa” to get this point across.

My God is this song just out of left field in terms of style. It’s Jazzy with its “Doo-was” and electric piano and cello that they back-up gargoyles are playing. One could make the  argument that Disney’s Gargoyles did this but they were more consistent throughout their movie, here it’s like a weird WTF slap in the face.

It’s a harmless dumb song but my brain can’t really process the utter dumbness of Doo-was and sunglass wearing Gargoyles for a few minutes.

Also this song feels much longer than it is, I blame the Jazz-y-ness.