The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

28Jan 2016

Black Swan Review; Itâ€™s an Edgy Ballet

by jess

Black Swan

If Red Shoes and Perfect Blue had a baby it would the 2010 movie, Black Swan. It’s a movie that looks at the break down of a young ballerina in her quest to be perfect which is set against a metaphoric and literal retelling of Swan Lake. Let’s just say I hate respect this movie.

Natalie Portman as Nina

The plot follows Nina Sayers, who is a young woman trapped in childhood by a fairly controlling mother. Nina wants to play the lead in the her ballet company’s new production of Swan Lake where the innocent white swan and the seductive black swan are played by the same dancer. Nina doesn’t have the inner sexiness to play the black swan but lands the role after kissing/biting the head of the ballet. She then thrown into a paranoia spiral of trying to become a more sexual person at the cost of killing her innocence self all while thinking that another lady in the company, Lily, is replacing her. But in the end she does away with the perfect little girl for the imperfect sexual woman and find she was perfect.

Natalie Portman as Nina

So what don’t I like about this movie? Well in my humble opinion, the movie tries WAY too hard to be edgy and artistic that is just comes off as pretentious. It just has some downright unpleasant imaginary which really just a style thing so if you like this style, that is cool, I just think it tries way too hard that it became almost cute in a way.

Along the same lines there is the editing. The editing plays with reality and Nina’s crazy fantasies to the point were you really can’t trust anything that the movie presents or the characters. There is the 1994 French movie called L’Enfer which has this sort of editing but I prefer this style of editing in that movie because the rest of the technicals are kept simple. Another movie that plays with weird editing as part of the narrative is the 1999 Japanese movie Audition, which I don’t recommend. In that movie a scene is shown twice with different dialogue to show one character is not listening to what the other character was telling him. Again that is just me and my preferences. Though when I first saw Black Swan I had recently seen L’Enfer so I liked it in Black Swan more but on a second viewing is came off as really gimmicky.

Natalie Portman as Nina

Also I don’t care for the characters. Black Swan is a character study of a dancer going crazy with a fairy tale woven throughout. Besides Nina’s perfection tendencies and being girly we don’t know that much about her. We know that she got into ballet because of her mother but that isn’t that much. We pretty much meet her and she starts going cuckoo. She couldn’t go a twenty minutes without the crazies starting. Now she did have the scratching habit and an eating disorder (I think) before but is that enough for very quick mental decline based on playing a dual role and taking a method style acting before she even starting rehearsing? I don’t think so, she just starts off crazy.

The other character are also one note, either sexy or prudes. The only character that has a little more than nothing going on is Beth a.k.a the dying Swan. A ballerina who is getting too old to dance and tries to commit suicide because Nina in a sense replaced her.

Natalie Portman as Nina (white swan)

Now I get that the reason for the simple characters is that they are all dual role with character from the ballet and ballets aren’t know for their true to life characters and this duality is some thing I like. I like how the movie merged Swan Lake with a story about crazy dancer trying to be perfect while not being perfect. The duality of the white swan being childhood and innocence and killing that aspect and embracing a budding powerful sexuality to be a whole person is interesting. And the prince/Ballet head guy choosing the woman (black swan) over the child (white swan) is clever.

Natalie Portman as Nina (black swan)

Despite the pretentious of this movie, it is really well down, though all the following Nina shots got old fast but it’s still a well crafted movie that does keep one guessing.

Though I gotta say I really loved the costumes, especially the ballet costumes. But the costumes fit into the simple nature of the characters. Mostly they all wear black and Nina where mostly whites and pinks and then shift to dark grays. I really liked Nina’s white gown but I love the Black Swan crown. I love how dark yet organic is it which is a combo you don’t see very often.

Natalie Portman as Nina becoming the black swan

Black Swan is a polorzing movie, some people love it and others loath it. I can seem both sides which is why I hate respect Black Swan.

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27Jan 2016

Esmeralda’s Skin Tone

by jess

Painting of Esmeralda and Djali by Wilhelm Marstrand

Get ready to be confuse because I know I am. Skin has three tones; Cool, Warm or Neutral. No matter your skin color you’re one of these these tones. Cool means you have a blue tint to your skin, you burn easily and your veins look more blue. Warm means you have green tint and your veins look green. Neutral skin tone means you have the bluer veins but you don’t burn as easily, I think . However it’s very hard to REALLY judge the whole green vs blue veins and also I’m far from being an expert on skin tone, I can’t figure out my own skin tone. But we’re not here to take about me, no we’re here to figure out Esmeralda’s skin tone using the book.

Victor Hugo surprising did give a few clues about Esmeralda’s skin tone though I’m sure that was not his intention at all and I’m reading way too much into the words he wrote back in 1831. So let’s begin.

Frollo at one point comments on Esmeralda’s blue veins. Blue Veins means she would have a cool tone. But there is more. There is some evidence that Esmeralda’s golden skin that resembles Roman and/or Spanish women is the result of tanning or being outside a lot. Which means she more than likely tans easily and doesn’t burn as much which points to a warm tone. But more than that, Hugo says Esmeralda has a Golden Skin tint.

So either Esmeralda has warm tone and Frollo misidentified the color of her veins OR she has a fairly medium neutral skin tone. Of course with all her depictions in media she runs the gambit of skin tones.

26Jan 2016

The Secret of the Hunchback Song 1; Something More than this

by jess

Esmeralda

Ok, let’s be real, on the spectrum of songs that could be in a Hunchback movie there is one end that is Disney and Notre Dame de Paris i.e good songs and then there are the songs on the level of the rapping dog from Titanic The legend goes on or what that shit was called or the shitty songs. The Secret of the Hunchback songs falls closer to the rapping dog end but it’s much better the songs from the Jetlag version or Enchanted Tales.

The First song in this version is Esmeralda’s something more song and literally those are lyrics. This is unquestionably stupid, I mean they didn’t even try to hide the trope. She literally wants more than her current life offers. Though in her shallow naivety she just wants nice stuff and a cute boys which feels very in line with book Esmeralda.

This overt song should bother me more but I like that the “Something more” is sing by one of the Goons who sings the line with regards to stealing more from people, which is cute. But it’s sung well and the music is fun. So sure it’s dumb but it’s sort of delightful and short.

25Jan 2016

The Phantom of the Opera, the Argento Version

by jess

Julian Sands as The Phantom & Asia Argento as Christine Daae

One thing I will say about the 2004 version is that it is not the worst version of The Phantom of the Opera. This isn’t even an opinion because I can guarantee that if you ask anyone they will say the 1998 Italian Horror version directed by Dario Argento is the worse movie version. This version is just downright weird and unpleasant.

In this version the Phantom is NOT deformed, instead he was raised by rats and he has a little bit of a fetish for them. This raises so many questions as he speaks normally, plays musics, wears clothes etc, Did the rats teach him all that. Also considering that the deformity is what cause him his isolation and his madness, where does it come from? This movie doesn’t even get the basics right.

Christine is also very much into the Phantom and his weird sense of pick-up lines. He also rapes her. This is not a creditable version in the slightest.

There is SO many weird off-putting side plots and visual that leave with a sense that your brain is being evaporated through your eyes.

Please Don’t Watch this movie!

Site Note- To deal with some burn-out have been going through, I’m taking a brief break from posting on Mondays.

21Jan 2016

Ondine Review: The Power Sigur Ros is strong

by jess

Ondine

Ondine is a 2009 modern telling of not so much a fairy-tale but more of the concept of Selkies. Selkies are a mystical creature that are like seals in the water but assume human form on land and if they are like the film’s idea of the they have a lot of rules.

Colin Farrell as Syracuse & Alicja Bachleda as Ondine

Ondine is about a down on his luck Irish fisherman, Syracuse who is a recovering alcoholic. He is divorced and his daughter has kidney failure, I know what a cliche. One day he pulls up a lady in this nets who doesn’t want to be seen by anyone. She goes by the name Ondine Also his luck starts turning around as he he catches more lobster and other big fish. Syracuse and his daughter, Annie start really thinking Ondine is a seal maiden but this story has a twist to it, which I won’t spoil.

Though they never explain how Syracuse caught those Salmon

Colin Farrell as Syracuse, Alicja Bachleda as Ondine & Alison Barry as Annie

So while it turns out Ondine isn’t a selkie the movie REALLY plays up that she is till Syracuse hears the song she had been singing the whole time is real-world song by Sigur Ros. So if you don’t know that she isn’t one the movie gives some world magical coincidences that point it being true, the movie tricks you.

And I will say that the big reveal/climax and ending are a little weird and silly in not the best way.

Alicja Bachleda as Ondine

But why does Ondine play that she is a selkie? She doesn’t really deny it. The reason is she wants to escape her sordid life and gives in to the fantasy that Annie and Syracuse come up with to explain it. I should make it clear, the idea that she is a Selkie comes from a hypothetical story that Syracuse tells Annie and she say “oh the story you’re telling is a about a selkie.” This gives the story and the way the characters operate in the story fell organic even though they are flawed.

The shots of the Irish ocean and seaside are lovely. It has a very monochrome color palette that works for the story. There is also a understated rustic bohemian style. The acting is fine on the whole, nothing feels unnatural.

Alicja Bachleda as Ondine

Ondine is a take on the selkie myth with interesting characters and a story that doesn’t speak down the audience, though the ending is rather weird.

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20Jan 2016

Hypothetical Casting for Quasimodo; Rupert Grint

by jess

Rupert Grint

Rupert Grint was suggested by Neala897 to play Quasimodo. Grint is most known for playing Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter film series. So let me just make a VERY unpopular statement, I’m not a big fan of Harry Potter. I have seen most of the movies but the story and characters never captured me. I don’t hate it but it’s not my thing.

Rupert Grint

One thing that Grint has going for him in my opinion is that he is young. You can’t know how tired I am of seeing 40 years old actors playing Quasimodo. So the idea of a younger actor playing Quasimodo is great. Also he already has the red hair so double perk. Also base looks for Quasimodo don’t matter that much since the make-up should do the work on that score.

Rupert Grint as Johnny in Moonwalkers

But Quasimodo isn’t so much about the make-up, it’s a physical and emotional role filled with a ton of pathos. Considering Grint played Ron, who is more comedic and his lasted role in Moonwalkers, Grint does comedy role more but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t pull off the role. I think with right director and script, he could pull off Quasimodo.

Rupert Grint

I would say all things considered, Rupert Grint wouldn’t be my top pick to play Quasimodo but he would be a fine Quasimodo especially over all the over 40 year old dudes who want to place the role for vanity.

19Jan 2016

The Secret of the Hunchback Character Summary

by jess

Esmeralda with Pierre and masked Quasimodo

Like as the case with MOST version of Hunchback aimed at kids the characters are overly-simplictic water down versions of the book characters mixed with touched of Disney. This version isn’t that much different except with regards to Frollo who is more of a copy of the Enchanted Tales version of Gaston. None of the characters are deep, they are just blandly nice, which makes them uninteresting.

Is it because these movies are for kids and kids don’t need as complex of characters? I don’t think that is true. While I think kids might have a higher level of torrence for bland nice character they still can gauge that they lack personalities. But the REAl reason why these are lack anything that makes the interesting save for the weird humor is this movie is a keep crash grab off of Disney and bland characters are easier to create as no thought goes into being a nice person. One can’t just be nice.

Let’s just take any character from Moomins which is aimed at children too. All the characters are generally nice but they have other facets of their personality. Moomin is naive and adventure seeking, Little My is rude and Snork Maiden is vain. They all have flaws and that adds to the likable. Quasimodo’s only flaw is that he is ugly but aside from Frollo none of the other character have flaws, though Gringoire is delightfully bad a poetry.

So these character are boring version of the book characters/Disney. And yet they aren;r version of these character, Dingo and Enchated Tales are far worse.

Next Time we’re looking at the shitty songs

18Jan 2016

The Phantom of the Opera 2004 Musical

by jess

Gerald Butler as The Phantom & Emmy Rossum as Christine Daae

It’s a little unfair to discuss this movie against the book as it’s a movie version of the famous musical version of the book. It’s one degree off from anything related to the book, so instead let’s just discuss the movie for what it is, a lovely little mess.

On the whole it’s visually a pretty movie but it made a lot of bad technical and casting choices that make not a good adaptation of the musical adaptation of the book. Let’s just start with the big one, the Phantom. They got very little right about his character. First off the decide to skew younger with casting Gerald Butler and gave him a rock edge. Second the deformity is really minimal. I get that one idea they had is humanize aspect of the musical. Like all the Phantom’s tricks and genius illusions are explainable but in making his deformity which kept him apart and unloved by society no more than a bad sunburn and a slight droop in his eye is childish. Also compared to other singers of the Phantom, Butler doesn’t measure up. So we have a good looking Phantom who can’t sing and the is the major converse of his character.

As far as Emmy Rossum as Christine, I’m not a fan of how she sung the role but as far as looking innocent and doe-eyed she was fine. I do wish they and gotten someone else though but considering the casting on the Phantom especially when Ramin Karimloo (favorite Phantom) was cast in the movie as Christine’s father.

More than the questionable casting this movie despite it’s prettiness make some weird choices. For instance the Marquerade scene is all monochromatic despite the songs saying their are colors everywhere and Christine’s not in costume. Why is her Opera costume Empress Sissi and not like the other costumes prior? I could go on and on and on. Those are little things that take a person out the movie especially when you’re supposed to lots in feels.

The emotions that lost in this movie version are partly being the filmmaker made everything more subtle because it’s a movie. The subtly how the emotions present makes it harder to connect so it really just become boring and with the odd choice and weird casting it become a mess albeit a shallow pretty mess.

14Jan 2016

Sydney White Review; Being a Dork in this world means you’re not mean?

by jess

Sydney White

In the scope of movies, this shit isn’t the worst thing ever made by humans but it comes so close. Sydney White is “modern” retelling of Snow White from 2007. It’s tries really hard to be funny, clever and delightful that it is unsettling, beyong dumb and painfully unlikable.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks

If you want to know the plot it’s Snow White but in college with frats and sororities. But instead of evil witch, it’s bitchy rich sorority girl, instead of a magic mirror it’s a Myspace list, instead of dwarfs they are dorks and instead of a poisoned apple it’s a Mac that gets a virus. The virus mac really only pads out the movie for like a minute and half. Really she does what every other college student has to do, write a paper the night before it’s due, and she does, great conflict there movie.

Also the Prince’s last name is Prince, ZOMG is so fucking CLEVER. And the bitch blonde girl’s last name is Witchburn. My mind is blown by this movie’s cleverness. Pfffffft.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney and Sara Paxton as Rachel Witchburn

This movie operates on tried boring stereotypes. Like that all rich blondes who care about their looks and like designer labels are terrible people, it’s like Clueless and Legally Blonde never existed. Or all “dorks” are all a socially awkward losers with allergies. And cool girls are like dudes, in that they read comics and know football. And popular guys are normal and like video games.

It is interesting to watch this movie in nearly a decade later as the “dorks” are more socially acceptable. Like making video game is great and Star Wars Episode 7 is the highest grossing movie ever. But the climax is everyone saying they are dork, yay fitting in? It’s dumb.

Also Syndey herself as mention is one those chill, nice, pretty girls who is more like a dube-bro. But the films tries to make her comfortable with the dorks by making her like “comics” BUT there isn’t a SINGLE scene of her reading one. She just has them and refers to the once or twice same with football. She is a jock and that makes her attractive in the movie world. But women who like being “feminine” are “bitchy” and “shallow.” This a girl-power movie at it’s most superficial from the male-gaze.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney and Matt Long as Tyler Prince

So the characters are all one dimensional ass-hats even the so-called likable ones, so the real question is that since the plot is just Snow White at college with stall characters right out of script from the early 1980’s how are the technicals. Well, the acting is shit. It feels likes VERY sitcom circa 1980’s. But with Bynes’ acting I couldn’t not made a distinction between her being snarky, sarcastic and nice.

Also what was up with Sydney’s tan? It was distracting and not even from the source material angle, she just looked orange. So the technicals sucked.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with two dorks Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with two of the Dorks

I pretty hated everything about Sydney White, but more than that I hated that some wrote this thinking they were being clever, funny and charming and got paid money and have a career. I hate that shit like this gets made when there are literally thousands of more talented people writing better stories, scripts and characters on fan-fictions site.

Also Kappas are a creature from Japanese Folklore. They are a River Imp.

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13Jan 2016