This is my favorite Christmas song off my Favorite Christmas album.
And no matter your creed, I think everyone wants peace in the world.
Frollo gave Quasimodo an ugly Christmas Sweater
It’s a fun version of the song.
Pierre
Pierre or as he more commonly known in Hunchback, Gringoire, has a lot of diversity in terms of the roles he can plays in Hunchback adaptations. He can be comic relief, the hero that saves Esmeralda or just the story teller. He is a bit like Phoebus whereas he can easily be a hero or a villain pending on the movie. Secret of the Hunchback use of Gringoire or Pierre isn’t that different but combines him as comic relief and hero. Also a you MIGHT have noticed, there is no Phoebus character and typically if Phoebus isn’t in the movie or has a tiny role, Gringoire is the hero.
Esmeralda and Pierre
For Gringoire to be the hero in a Hunchback movie he has to be Esmeralda’s love interest, which he is version. However his bad poetry in his first sense makes a comic relief. He also doesn’t do all that much to save the day, Quasimodo does most of the “work” i.e swings down and stops a wedding but Pierre helps and does “rescue” Esmeralda from Frollo once after the pillory scene. So he fit nicely into his two roles.
Quasimodo and Pierre
Now, that being said how is as a character and how does he stack up next to his book counterpart? As far as he is in this version, he’s a nice guy, that’s pretty much it. He’s nice to Quasimodo and is his pal. This doesn’t make him compelling or interesting but his bad poetry at least made him enjoyable, so gets a pass from him. He also isn’t that much like he is in the book. In the book Gringoire was a cowardly whiner who still wasn’t that great a writer, so they got one thing right about him. But to be fair, getting Gringoire’s characterization right isn’t the most important thing about adapting this story.
Pierre
Also I just want to add that Pierre is a Protestant in this version. Which was for the sake of a joke.
Esmeralda and friends
Next Time The Goons Esmeralda travels with
Chapter 20, In the Cellars of Opera House
In this chapter the Persian and Raoul venture down into the world of the Opera House’s Cellars, of which there are FIVE! They meet with crazy things like the Rat-Catcher. Which I could never figure out, is it a dude or an invention? I know the Julian Sands version takes this Rat-catcher idea to a WHOLE new level. Another than I think a weird cartoon that was pretty damn accurate had it but no other version.
I really wish this underworld of the Opera was shown more in the movies. Some do it but not within the context of the book. Like for example the Charles Dance version he has little a weird underground forest.
I think Tim Burton should direct a phantom version, if only for this chapter. I think his take on it would be so awesome and I would be totally ok with Johnny Depp playing Erik. Maybe Helena Bonham Carter as La Carlotta. You know a true to form Phantom of the Opera a la Burton.
Chapter 21, Interesting and Instructive Vicissitudes of a Persian in the Cellars of the Opera
In this chapter our friend the Persian tell us stuff from his perceptive. We also learn that he also called Daroga which just mean chief of Police. We also learn a little bit of his past with Erik in India and his favorite weapon of choice the Punjab Lasso, which pretty much a noose. It seen in some movies but never named, and I’m not sure if his time in India is ever mention.
Anyway this chapter is interesting, it back paddle a little bit to get more of a picture of Erik who is crackers.He doesn’t like the Persian Daroga meddling his courting, which is involves kidnapping and filling a young lady with terror and guilt, can’t deny the guy a method. This chapter also explains the Siren trap, which will come up later. Basically it’s just Erik in the lake, singing through a reed till her drown the person trying to cross the lake.
So despite the back tracking it’s a good chapter.
Chapter 22, In the Torture-Chamber
More from Persian Daroga, I do not know what to call him. This one doesn’t backtrack. Persian Daroga and Raoul are in the torture chamber which is akin to the the spinny room in the 2004 movie.
So this chapter, Erik gives Christine an ultimatum the grave or his bed. Wait! That’s not right, I need to calibrate, that was Frollo’s ultimatum, Erik’s one the Wedding mass or the requiem. Basically marry me or everyone in the Opera will die. It’s worse than Frollo’s or was Frollo’s just less grand? We also see Erik use the Siren to kill someone though we don’t know who yet. And Christine tried to commit suicide which is a character trait we don’t see in the movie versions.
Over all I like this chapter, it’s great to see how crazy Erik really is. Also his idea of marriage is so naive for some one is a crazed genius killer, he just wants to take walks on Sundays. Doesn’t sound like sultry guy in the musicals.
Chapter 23, The Tortures Begin
Again more from Persian Daroga, I hope you like this guy because he will be narrorating till the almost end sadly he is like never in the movies.
Erik AGIAN mentions Sunday scrolls with his wife. Really he just wants a cozy normal life, though with his flair for the dramatics I doubt it would be all that normal. Speaking of his flair for drama, the Torture Chamber and no it’s not some bad pop music. Christine tries to get the key from Erik’s bag of life and death, see drama. But she fails and then Erik shows her through a little window the chamber which has an iron tree. Erik says it’s a joke but the torture comes in the form of hear because it’s an African Forest, oh such weird twisted humor.
These chapter were WAY better than the later batch. Without all the mysterious this story is way more interesting but then again everyone knows the story so there is no more mystery which is a little sad stylistically. I still would like a more by the book movie where at least the bulk of Christine’s first kidnapping is told in flashbacks but that is just me, say goes for Frollo’s confession.
Remember you can make suggestions for which movie versions of Pahntom you want to see reviewed, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adaptations_of_The_Phantom_of_the_Opera#Film otherwise I have to pick myself.
Djali Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
I really can’t believe it’s been five years since this little blog began. Much like last year I want to express my thanks to everyone who reads, enjoys or just pass through here. Any interest means a lot to me. I’m sorry I don’t have more for this post because five years deserves a little more but I have been a little burnt out of late I admit. I do hope to continue the blog longer but I don’t know what the future holds but at least there will be TWO New Hunchback movie versions very soon, hopefully.
Sometimes it feels like ever since I started this blog there has been more Hunchback stuff around but it’s probably because I’m just noticing it more but in my little vain heart I think it’s because of me and this blog ^_~.
Anyway again thank you everyone for Five years. Maybe next year I can release a joke Hunchback E-book I have been wanting to write.
Grimm’s Snow White
Guys, you have no idea how rancid this “movie” is. So Grimm’s Snow White is another 2012 Snow White movie which was ONLY made to capitalized on Snow White and the Huntsmen. It was made by The Asylum films who made Sharknado and I hate to this it but Sharknado at least is more entertaining than this. The filmmakers gone on record to say that people shouldn’t even pay attention to it, it’s meant for people to get drunk while it’s on in the background. Also like our old friend The Flight of Dragons, it a made on demand type DVD and again I hate to say it bit The Flight of Dragons was better. So guy we have a level shit-vomit movie here.
Jane March as the Evil Queen
The movie starts with some backstory and if you thinks it about Snow White’s mother wanting a child with ebony hair, blood red lip and skin as white as snow, then you are a fucking idiot. This back story is about how a star made this magic flame that created some cheap dragons who protects the flame and Legolas Elves who can use the flame’s magic and there is a prophesy about some chosen on who will bring peace or something. After that two minutes of exposition I needed a five minute break because this shit is fucked. What story am I in? Because it’s not Grimm’s Snow White.
Anyway from there we have FAIRlY standard Snow White story plotting along. The Evil Queen doesn’t like Snow White, who I have to mention is blond. There is a Prince and the Queen wants to marry him because that stupid green flame is on his land, supposedly. But the Prince like-likes Snow and gives her a ring. The Queen tries to kill Snow but before the Huntsmen can a CG dragon thing attacks. He doesn’t kill Snow but she is hurt because the plot need to knock-out to meet the Dwarves erm I mean Elves, who are enslaved by humans or something, they just don’t like people.
More standard stuff, the Queen poisons Snow with a fucking ring, which is dumb. Kiss stuff blah blah blah. Not too epic fight, not sure where Snow learn to use a bow and arrow. Prince is hurt, Snow kills the Queen and magic love bull-crap save dumb prince and stupid trite ending. Hooray it’s over and you didn’t die from either bashing your head on your desk repeatedly or choking on your vomit. I mean the smart thing is just to turn the cursed movie off after the first two minutes because you know it’s bad after that.
Eliza Bennett as Snow White and Jamie Thomas King as the Prince
What story were they trying to tell here? A Snow White knock-off? Maybe but with Lord of the Rings mixed in and devoid of ANYTHING good. I’m not sure why they bother with one or the other because they didn’t gel together. Well actually it was because of the Hollywood movie and this was literally a VERY cheap knock-off. I will say that some of the principle actors make some of it work but not enough to make it. Just bless the actor for being in this shit, I hope you guys were well paid.
Eliza Bennett as Snow White
But maybe you say, well the story is shit but how about those characters? What characters? I mean there were humanoids talking and in the story but they are so bland that the CGs act more real, I kid those CGs are shit but we’ll get to that. So yes that characters sucked and had nothing interesting about them EXCEPT for the yellow elephant of this movie, the Blond Snow white.
Now personally, I don’t care, this movie is beyond a floating turd in a gas station toilet that to harp on this seems like I’m yelling at rock. This movie got nothing right but why? Snow White is so engrained with a set look and they didn’t even try. The Queen looked like she should have been Snow White. I’m not sure what the decision process was behind it because it just so weird. Did they think there were being edgy? Because she looked more like Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella, or Alice Wonderland than Snow White. why does this movie make fucking K-Stu’s Snow White look respectable? Did they think a wig would have looked fake? I know that can’t be the case because of those FUCKING CGS.
Eliza Bennett as Snow White with shitty CG dogs
Now let’s talk about those CGs and the technicals because you know they are vile odorous shit. The CGs are so bad, they make me cringe any time the come into frame or even mentioned. They look so fucking cheap and fake. Sock Puppets would have looked better or Clay animation. Anything!
The rest of the movie looks and feels like low budget movie made by LARPers who had some means but not enough. Like sets are poop and the costume are uninspired. I’ve seen skits at REN Faires that are better. But you know what was REALLY funny in a bad way it that when you looked at the elves ear tips they were never the shade of the actors and they have this weird corpse like gray color to them. So Again it was all shit.
Jane March as the Evil Queen, Eliza Bennett as Snow White and other people
And that what Grimm’s Snow White was; Shit. It wasn’t “Grimm’s” story, it wasn’t enjoyable. Just don’t watch it. I wished to I could have been so lucky as to turn it off or better still if I had never heard about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bleach my brain in a vain attempt to forget this ass-fart of moving picture played in a sequence because it is not a movie.
It’s so bad I’m not even putting links for it.
Also no Clues this week, I’m taking a break from these Thrusday movie reviews. We’ll resume them in January but I will say there is a bit of a theme to them for next month.
Way back in July, Skylar suggested that I make a list of my personal favorite movies. So here they are, my ten favorite movies in no particular order as of December 2015.
Stiff Upper Lips
Samuel West as Edward
Stiff Upper Lips is a parody of British Edwardian movies in particular Merchant of Ivory movies and that time period all together. I first saw this on Masterpiece theater and thought it was super silly. It’s super well acted, the sets and costumes are great and the humor is awesome. I quote this movie all the time, in fact my AMV editing name came out this movie.
Veer-Zaara
Shah Rukh Khan as Veer and Preity Zinta as Zaara in Veer-Zaara
Veer-Zaara is a Bollywood movie and it was the second one I ever watched, the first was Devdas. It’s such a lovely movie in its look, plot and characters. I know it flawed but I really love it.
Parineeta
Vidya Balan as Lalita in Parineeta
Another Bollywood movie. I watched this movie late one night when I was very anxious and it calmed me right down so this movie has a calming influence on me. Again it just a lovely pretty movie.
Lust/Caution
Tang Wei as Wong Chia-chi and Tony Leung Chiu-Wai as Mr. Yee in Lust/Caution
If you want a Depressing movie about China in WWII here ya go. This is not like a nice movie in its plot BUT it’s so pretty. It was based on a novella and the movie gives the plot/characters so much depth without like spelling it out for you. It’s a really well done movie.
Castle in the Sky
Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa
I have talked a out this one before, I love it.
Land before Time (Original, the sequels do not exist)
The Land Before time
This movie, this movie, sigh, it was my childhood favorite. I loved dinosaur when I was a little kid. This movie is traumatic for little ones but I love the characters and the animation is still great.
L’Amant (The Lover)
Jane March and Tony Leung Ka-fai in The Lover (L’Amant)
I think this movie is like a guilty pleasure for me. It doesn’t have a plot but it has a meaning and point. Again it’s a well done movie.
Flushed Away
Flushed Away
The first time I saw this one I thought I was going to hate it but I loved it. I love its humor characters and style (in parts). I love the slugs, the frogs, and Robby’s alias Millicent Bystander. I also love the mime on the cell phone.
Frida
Salma Hayek as Frida Kahlo
Agian it such a beautiful movie. I love the way the film incorporated Frida’s artwork into the style of the movie.
Hero
Maggie Cheung as Flying Snow in Hero
GAH This Movie is way too pretty, I love it.
So yeah those are some of my favorite movies. I actually watch a lot more TV shows (and anime) than movies like as go to things or just in general. I need to watch more movies.
Here some Honorable Mentions,
Gone with the Wind (I love Scarlett, I think is a great character, terrible person but great character and the costumes.)
Gloomy Sunday (Another depressing yet lovely movie, I love the ending though.)
Rebecca (I love the mood and style of this one)
Ranma 1/2 second movie Nihao My Concubine (Ranma is one my favorite anime and this was the first thing I saw of it and I was confused but I still love it)
Asoka (I love the music in this one and the style)
La belle et La Bete (I have talked about this one before)
Muppets Caper and Most Wanted (I love the muppets and I can’t pick between these two^^)
Lady and the Tramp/Dumbo (I dunno why love these movies as much as I do. I might do my top disney movie )
Gorgeous (I need to rewatch it because I loved when I first saw it but I can’t recall it well right now except for the Just Smile fight which was awesome)
Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback
Most people say that this “Frollo” like Enchanted Tales in that he looks and acts more like Disney’s Gaston but I would disagree. I think he’s like if Gaston and Jafar a la Disney had a love child and dumped him in a stupid Knock-off discount version of Paris. I mean his face is Jafar, he has his nose, and the body and clothes are all Gaston. He even has a little stupid minion. This doesn’t make him a convincing Frollo adaptation.
Frollo
So let’s be clear with what we are dealing with here, in this “version” of Hunchback we have a knock-off version of a Gaston/Jafar hybrid named Frollo and not a knock-off version of Hunchback’s Frollo.
Frollo threatening the Archdeacon
In this “version” Frollo is like a sheriff of Paris or something, which is funny because that is what the Enchanted Tales versions of Frollo was, so it’s like Knock-off inception here. Basically all this Frollo wants, his entire motivation is that he wants Notre Dame’s money. Or rather he wants to exhort money from the Church, which is in the book as The Court of Miracles wants to rob the church when they rescue Esmeralda but I don’t think the makers of this movie made that connection, I’m not even sure they have seen a copy of the book, let alone read it.
Frollo and Esmeralda
Frollo also wants power even though he has it. He also likes Esmeralda and almost marries her for I don’t really know why he wants to do this. That means this Frollo is the CLOSEST Frollo ever got to book Frollo’s goal, but his love or lust or like-like or whatever it is that prompts this Frollo to want to marry Esmeralda doesn’t have any level of torment or anything that made book Frollo compelling, so there is literally nothing going on. I have seen pieces of bread that are better versions of Frollo than this “version”
Frollo and his little minion
Does this make him bad in the movie? No sadly, he probably the most entertaining character mainly because he just reveals in his insidiousness and that makes him likable and relatable. Of Course him being the most entertaining of the characters speaks more to bore-feast of the rest of the characters than his level of being silly.
Next Time Pierre
Pierre
I’m upping the pace because I realized that if I keep to three chapters a week I would have to go one week in January and that just seemed sloppy so I’m wrapping the book up before the New Year.
Chapter 16, Mme, Giry’s Revelations
So this chapter was boring! It’s just more how it was done by Giry and more yelling from our old pals the mangers who make all the scene they are in boring. Hey Leroux! It’s the Phantom of the Opera not boring Opera Mangers yell about money.
So instead of me rehashing the chapter to you because that is boring I will just tell you fine people what I found interesting. Two things, Mme. Giry has three teeth. Either she’s old or didn’t take care of her teeth. One thing that I have been told is that Teeth is in French lit, at least with regards to out old pal Victor Hugo, is that Good Teeth is a thing. It makes someone like hot! Also first season of Downton Abbey a girl commented on a guy she like-liked and noted that he had good teeth.
Second this is Mme. Giry’s motivation for helping the O.G. She did it for her daughter. The Phantom promise Giry that Little Meg would be an Empress and he did make her the ballet 1st row leader which I guess it good, I know shit about Ballet. I found this more interesting because the book at the beginning that Meg married well but in the sequel of the Webber musical Meg was like prostitute. I’m not sure what Meg was in the Phantom of Manhattan which the Webber musical was LOOSELY based around but that book was the ass-trash of a person with massive diarrhea so who the fuck cares.
Chapter 17, The Safety-Pin Again
God Damn that fucking safety-pin again. I didn’t find interesting the first time so why would it be good a second time?
The answers is no, it’s not good. The mangers get tricked for a billionest time by the O.G. These guys are boring to read about and are just asking to be pranked.
To improve this chapter place the book on a radiator so it warms up. It not only makes this chapter better but improves the reading experience for all books. Books that are toasty warm are scientifically better than cold books. It’s a true fact, It’s a fact rock!
Improve Books with Heat
Chapter 18, The Commissary, the Viscount and the Persian
I really LOVE that the last two chapters have been about money tricks and not like the lady who disappeared on stage, these mangers know what’s what, Money>People. It’s the foundation of civilization and good business. If I can borrow a joke, if these managers could, they would throw strippers at money.
So we just get more about Erik being the Angel who might have took Christine and back and forth with Raoul and the commissary and what not. The Police think it was Raoul’s brother who took Christine. Then The Persian comes on the scene and he is like “Come with me if you want to live!” No does, but he block Raoul and accuses him of knowing Erik’s secrets and not letting Raoul speak of them. Raoul is such the whiner but that is what love will do to you.
Again not the great chapter though part about Erik are better then the money talk.
Chapter 19, The Viscount and the Persian
How come the Persian’s servant gets a name but he doesn’t? Must be a style thing.
Okay this chapter is more interesting than the last few, though I dare say that doesn’t take very much. Raoul and the Persian chat about Erik. The Persian has no doubt that Erik took Christine and he goes on to try and show Raoul the mirror trick which is operated on a counterbalance pivot spring thing that makes the wall turn. Of Course Erik being a card carrying genius dismantled the wall device so they couldn’t follow. Clever Girl erm boy erm Ghost, Clever Ghost! Actaully no, Phantom didn’t dismantle it, it opened at the end of the chapter, so not that clever ghost.
The Persian also give Raoul a gun because why the fuck right? The motives of the Persian aren’t clear but they are touched on. So yeah good chapter and makes sure you keep your book toast warm but DON’T put your kindles on radiator that is not a good idea.
Note – Also in January I will look at some movie and or play versions of Phantom so just leave a comment below if there is a particular movie veriosn you want too see reviewed. I want to do a minimum of four but I can do more if there is interest or I feel like it.
Here is a list, so please make suggestions ^^ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adaptations_of_The_Phantom_of_the_Opera#Film
And if you have a book you would like the blog to look at after Phantom is done, just leave a suggestion in the comments. Though I might take a break from these type of posts just as a warning if you don’t see posts on Mondays. We’ll see.