We’re Done! Also there’s a conclusion!

Chapter, 24, Barrels! Barrels!

yet another recount for our newest bestest pal Daroga the Persian, I wish he had a name but what are you going to do about it. The bulk of this chapter explains the toture in the forest room or heat. Basic the room makes people go crazy with thrist till the kill them selves on iron tree a.k.a the gibbet. Raoul kind or moans around and complains will Daroga tries super hard to find a spring which is the way out. He does find a way out which leads them to a SHIT-ton (that is the counter word) of barrel all filled with gun powder. Which comes back to Erik’s Ultimatum for Christine; Marry me or die with everyone else in the building.

Gotta say I don’t know what to say on this chapter. It’s mostly the Persian looking for that spring while describing the room and then the method behind the Phantom’s threat. But also maybe it’s just in my copy of the book but the word Phantom is never used, they use the word Ghost. Just interesting.

Chapter, 25, The Scorpion or the Grasshopper: Which?

Christine pulls the Scorpion, which mean yes she’ll marry him and with the turing on Bronze Scorpion it floods the cellar with the barrels nearly drown Raoul and the Persian. Just want to add the Scorpion and Grasshopper piece seems like they would be really pretty.

The chapter is pretty short. There is some confusion over if the Scorpion really means yes to the marriage or if will kill everyone. But Erik was being honest even though very dramatic.

The chapter end the Persian recount.

Chapter 26, The End of the Ghost’s Love-Story

So Erik saves Raoul and the Persian because Christine asked him. She also displays aspects that she will be his wife and stay a live, or what Erik called his “living wife”. She also let Erik kiss her, albeit on the forehead and not that passionate kiss like in the musical but that was enough him. His own mother never let him kiss so her so it was a big deal for him. Erik let her go to be with Raoul. He was redeemed just like Grinch. But then he dies.

It’s a good ending, very heart-breaking and sad for teh crazy, dramatic, genius who just wanted love.

Epilogue

And we’re back to Mr Leroux still trying to make us believe that this story is 100% true. This chapter tries to sum up what happened to everyone, though Christine, Raoul and her guardian lady all just disappear. Leroux claims to have found Erik’s skeleton which has the gold ring he gave to Christine which she lost which he back to her only for her to put of his dead figure after he announced his death in a newspaper. The skeleton was found in that area behind Christine’s dressing room, the place where he first carried her off. Where or not it’s Erik’s skeleton, Leroux’s character of himself believes it.

This ending chunk also gives some vague background of Erik, which is the basis for Susan Kay’s Phantom, which I would recommend reading. It’s sort of a Prequel, Midquel, sequel. There is actually a lot of novels based on Phantom. Most people think Christine and Erik should have been together. Heck, even Andrew Lloyd Webber has musical sequel based on a shitting book.

It’s an ok ending even if does offer a clear ending for the many of the character. Heck even that whole Safety pin thing is never explained. I did like the imagery of the Northern railway Station in the world, the end of it just feels like a cold winter’s night.

Conclusion
Over-all The Phantom of the Opera is an entertaining read. It’s way easier to read that Fricken The Man who Laughs. It’s not the deepesy or thought provoking story but it’s has nice gothic bitter-sweet vibe. I could have left out the stuff with the mangers and money talk, that was just boring. Also I’m not really a fan of the story within a story thing the book did. It meant that while the Phantom the object of the story he never was the subject. Would it have been better if we ever got into the Phantom’s head or is less more? I think not knowing what makes Erik ticks make him more interesting and it the reason why there is all the Phantom retellings. But presenting the book this way really Erik is only in the action a few times. He alluded to and flashback more than actually being a part of a scene.

But yeah, it’s a fun book. On to the movie versions! And lastly, Safety-Pins!!

This is my favorite Christmas song off my Favorite Christmas album.

And no matter your creed, I think everyone wants peace in the world.

Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image picture image

Pierre

Pierre or as he more commonly known in Hunchback, Gringoire, has a lot of diversity in terms of the roles he can plays in Hunchback adaptations. He can be comic relief, the hero that saves Esmeralda or just the story teller. He is a bit like Phoebus whereas he can easily be a hero or a villain pending on the movie. Secret of the Hunchback use of Gringoire or Pierre isn’t that different but combines him as comic relief and hero. Also a you MIGHT have noticed, there is no Phoebus character and typically if Phoebus isn’t in the movie or has a tiny role, Gringoire is the hero.

Esmeralda and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and Pierre

For Gringoire to be the hero in a Hunchback movie he has to be Esmeralda’s love interest, which he is version. However his bad poetry in his first sense makes a comic relief. He also doesn’t do all that much to save the day, Quasimodo does most of the “work” i.e swings down and stops a wedding but Pierre helps and does “rescue” Esmeralda from Frollo once after the pillory scene. So he fit nicely into his two roles.

Quasimodo and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Pierre

Now, that being said how is as a character and how does he stack up next to his book counterpart? As far as he is in this version, he’s a nice guy, that’s pretty much it. He’s nice to Quasimodo and is his pal. This doesn’t make him compelling or interesting but his bad poetry at least made him enjoyable, so gets a pass from him. He also isn’t that much like he is in the book. In the book Gringoire was a cowardly whiner who still wasn’t that great a writer, so they got one thing right about him. But to be fair, getting Gringoire’s characterization right isn’t the most important thing about adapting this story.

Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Pierre

Also I just want to add that Pierre is a Protestant in this version. Which was for the sake of a joke.

Esmeralda and friends The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and friends

 

 

Next Time  The Goons Esmeralda travels with

Chapter 20, In the Cellars of Opera House

In this chapter the Persian and Raoul venture down into the world of the Opera House’s Cellars, of which there are FIVE! They meet with crazy things like the Rat-Catcher. Which I could never figure out, is it a dude or an invention? I know the Julian Sands version takes this Rat-catcher idea to a WHOLE new level. Another than I think a weird cartoon that was pretty damn accurate had it but no other version.

I really wish this underworld of the Opera was shown more in the movies. Some do it but not within the context of the book. Like for example the Charles Dance version he has little a weird underground forest.

I think Tim Burton should direct a phantom version, if only for this chapter. I think his take on it would be so awesome and I would be totally ok with Johnny Depp playing Erik. Maybe Helena Bonham Carter as La Carlotta. You know a true to form Phantom of the Opera a la Burton.

Chapter 21, Interesting and Instructive Vicissitudes of a Persian in the Cellars of the Opera

In this chapter our friend the Persian tell us stuff from his perceptive. We also learn that he also called Daroga which just mean chief of Police. We also learn a little bit of his past with Erik in India and his favorite weapon of choice the Punjab Lasso, which pretty much a noose. It seen in some movies but never named, and I’m not sure if his time in India is ever mention.

Anyway this chapter is interesting, it back paddle a little bit to get more of a picture of Erik who is crackers.He doesn’t like the Persian Daroga meddling his courting, which is involves kidnapping and filling a young lady with terror and guilt, can’t deny the guy a method. This chapter also explains the Siren trap, which will come up later. Basically it’s just Erik in the lake, singing through a reed till her drown the person trying to cross the lake.

So despite the back tracking it’s a good chapter.

Chapter 22, In the Torture-Chamber

More from Persian Daroga, I do not know what to call him. This one doesn’t backtrack. Persian Daroga and Raoul are in the torture chamber which is akin to the the spinny room in the 2004 movie.

So this chapter, Erik gives Christine an ultimatum the grave or his bed. Wait! That’s not right, I need to calibrate, that was Frollo’s ultimatum, Erik’s one the Wedding mass or the requiem. Basically marry me or everyone in the Opera will die. It’s worse than Frollo’s or was Frollo’s just less grand? We also see Erik use the Siren to kill someone though we don’t know who yet. And Christine tried to commit suicide which is a character trait we don’t see in the movie versions.

Over all I like this chapter, it’s great to see how crazy Erik really is. Also his idea of marriage is so naive for some one is a crazed genius killer, he just wants to take walks on Sundays. Doesn’t sound like sultry guy in the musicals.

Chapter 23, The Tortures Begin

Again more from Persian Daroga, I hope you like this guy because he will be narrorating till the almost end sadly he is like never in the movies.

Erik AGIAN mentions Sunday scrolls with his wife. Really he just wants a cozy normal life, though with his flair for the dramatics I doubt it would be all that normal. Speaking of his flair for drama, the Torture Chamber and no it’s not some bad pop music. Christine tries to get the key from Erik’s bag of life and death, see drama. But she fails and then Erik shows her through a little window the chamber which has an iron tree. Erik says it’s a joke but the torture comes in the form of hear because it’s an African Forest, oh such weird twisted humor.

These chapter were WAY better than the later batch. Without all the mysterious this story is way more interesting but then again everyone knows the story so there is no more mystery which is a little sad stylistically. I still would like a more by the book movie where at least the bulk of Christine’s first kidnapping is told in flashbacks but that is just me, say goes for Frollo’s confession.

Remember you can make suggestions for which movie versions of Pahntom you want to see reviewed, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adaptations_of_The_Phantom_of_the_Opera#Film otherwise I have to pick myself.

Djali Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Djali Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

I really can’t believe it’s been five years since this little blog  began.  Much like last year I want to express my thanks to everyone who reads, enjoys or just pass through here. Any interest means a lot to me.  I’m sorry I don’t have more for this post because five years deserves a little more but I have been a little burnt out of late I admit.  I do hope to continue the blog longer but I don’t know what the future holds but at least there will be TWO New Hunchback movie versions very soon, hopefully.

Sometimes it feels like ever since I started this blog there has been more Hunchback stuff around  but it’s probably because I’m just noticing it more but in my little vain heart I think it’s because of  me and this blog ^_~.

 

Anyway again thank you everyone for Five years. Maybe next year I can release a joke Hunchback E-book I have been wanting to write.

 

Grimm's Snow White picture image

Grimm’s Snow White

Guys, you have no idea how rancid this “movie” is.  So Grimm’s Snow White is another 2012 Snow White movie which was ONLY made to capitalized on Snow White and the Huntsmen.  It was made by The Asylum films who made Sharknado and I hate to this it but Sharknado at least is more entertaining than this. The filmmakers gone on record to say that people shouldn’t even pay attention to it, it’s meant for people to get drunk while it’s on in the background. Also like our old friend The Flight of Dragons, it a made on demand type DVD and again I hate to say it bit The Flight of Dragons was better. So guy we have a level shit-vomit movie here.

Jane March as the Evil Queen Grimm's Snow White picture image

Jane March as the Evil Queen

The movie starts with some backstory and if you thinks it about Snow White’s mother wanting a child with ebony hair, blood red lip and skin as white as snow, then you are a fucking idiot. This back story is about how a star made this magic flame that created some cheap dragons who protects the flame and Legolas Elves who can use the flame’s magic and there is a prophesy about some chosen on who will bring peace or something. After that two minutes of exposition I needed a five minute break because this shit is fucked. What story am I in? Because it’s not Grimm’s Snow White.

Anyway from there we have FAIRlY standard Snow White story plotting along. The Evil Queen doesn’t like Snow White, who I have to mention is blond. There is a Prince and the Queen wants to marry him because that stupid green flame is on his land, supposedly. But the Prince like-likes Snow and gives her a ring. The Queen tries to kill Snow but before the Huntsmen can a CG dragon thing attacks. He doesn’t kill Snow but she is hurt because the plot need to knock-out to meet the Dwarves erm I mean Elves, who  are enslaved by humans or something, they just don’t like people.

More standard stuff, the Queen poisons Snow with a fucking ring, which is dumb. Kiss stuff blah blah blah. Not too epic fight, not sure where Snow learn to use a bow and arrow. Prince is hurt, Snow kills the Queen and magic love bull-crap save dumb prince and stupid trite ending. Hooray it’s over and you didn’t die from either bashing your head on your desk repeatedly or choking on your vomit.  I mean the smart thing is just to turn the cursed movie off after the first two minutes because you know it’s bad after that.

Eliza Bennett as Snow White and Jamie Thomas King as the Prince Grimm's Snow White picture image

Eliza Bennett as Snow White and Jamie Thomas King as the Prince

What story were they trying to tell here? A Snow White knock-off? Maybe but with Lord of the Rings mixed in and devoid of ANYTHING good. I’m not sure why they bother with one or the other because they didn’t gel together. Well actually it was because of the Hollywood movie and this was literally a VERY cheap knock-off. I will say that some of the principle actors make some of it work but not enough to make it. Just bless the actor for being in this shit, I hope you guys were well paid.

Eliza Bennett as Snow White Grimm's Snow White picture image

Eliza Bennett as Snow White

But maybe you say, well the story is shit but how about those  characters? What characters? I mean there were humanoids talking and in the story but they are so bland that the CGs act more real, I kid those CGs are shit but we’ll get to that. So yes that characters sucked and had nothing interesting about them EXCEPT for the yellow elephant of this movie, the Blond Snow white.

Now personally, I don’t care, this movie is beyond a floating turd in a gas station toilet that to harp on this seems like I’m yelling at rock. This movie got nothing right but why? Snow White is so engrained with a set look and they didn’t even try. The Queen looked like she should have been Snow White. I’m not sure what the decision process was behind it because it just so weird. Did they think there were being edgy? Because she looked more like Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella, or Alice Wonderland than Snow White. why does this movie make fucking K-Stu’s Snow White look respectable?   Did they think a wig would have looked fake? I know that can’t be the case because of those FUCKING CGS.

Eliza Bennett as Snow White with shitty CG dogs Grimm's Snow White picture image

Eliza Bennett as Snow White with shitty CG dogs

Now let’s talk about those CGs and the technicals because you know they are vile odorous shit. The CGs are so bad, they make me cringe any time the come into frame or even mentioned. They look so fucking cheap and  fake. Sock Puppets would have looked better or Clay animation. Anything!

The rest of the movie looks and feels like low budget movie made by LARPers who had some means but not enough. Like sets are poop and the costume are uninspired. I’ve seen skits at REN Faires that are better. But you know what was REALLY funny in a bad way it that when you looked at the elves ear tips they were never the shade of the actors and they have this weird corpse like gray color to them. So Again it was all shit.

Jane March as the Evil Queen, Eliza Bennett as Snow White and other people Grimm's Snow White picture image

Jane March as the Evil Queen, Eliza Bennett as Snow White and other people

And that what Grimm’s Snow White was; Shit. It wasn’t “Grimm’s” story, it wasn’t enjoyable. Just don’t watch it. I wished to I could have been so lucky as to turn it off or better still if I had never heard about it.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bleach my brain in a vain attempt to forget this ass-fart of moving picture played in a sequence because it is not a movie.

It’s so bad I’m not even putting links for it.

Also no Clues this week, I’m taking a break from these Thrusday movie reviews. We’ll resume them in January but I will say there is a bit of a theme to them for next month.

 

Way back in July, Skylar suggested that I make a list of my personal favorite movies. So here they are, my ten favorite movies in no particular order as of December 2015.

Stiff Upper Lips  

Samuel West as Edward Stiff Upper Lips picture image

Samuel West as Edward

Stiff Upper Lips is a parody of British Edwardian movies in particular Merchant of Ivory movies and that time period all together.  I first saw this on Masterpiece theater and thought it was super silly. It’s super well acted, the sets and costumes are great and the humor is awesome.  I quote this movie all the time, in fact my AMV editing name came out this movie.

Veer-Zaara

Shah Rukh Khan as Veer and Preity Zinta as Zaara in Veer-Zaara picture image

Shah Rukh Khan as Veer and Preity Zinta as Zaara in Veer-Zaara

Veer-Zaara is a Bollywood movie and it was the second one I ever watched, the first was Devdas. It’s such a lovely movie in its look, plot and characters. I know it flawed but I really love it.

 

Parineeta

Vidya Balan as Lalita in Parineeta picture image

Vidya Balan as Lalita in Parineeta

Another Bollywood movie. I watched this movie late one night when I was very anxious and it calmed me right down so this movie has a calming influence on me. Again it just a lovely pretty movie.

Lust/Caution

Tang Wei as Wong Chia-chi and Tony Leung Chiu-Wai as Mr. Yee in Lust/Caution picture image

Tang Wei as Wong Chia-chi and Tony Leung Chiu-Wai as Mr. Yee in Lust/Caution

If you want a Depressing movie about China in WWII here ya go. This is not like a nice movie in its plot BUT it’s so pretty. It was based on a novella and the movie gives the plot/characters so much depth without like spelling it out for you. It’s a really well done movie.

 

Castle in the Sky

Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa Castle in the Sky picture image

Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa

I have talked a out this one before, I love it.

Land before Time (Original, the sequels do not exist)

The Land Before time picture image

The Land Before time

This movie, this movie, sigh, it was my childhood favorite. I loved dinosaur when I was a little kid. This movie is traumatic for little ones but I love the characters and the animation is still great.

L’Amant (The Lover)

Jane March and Tony Leung Ka-fai in The Lover (L'Amant) picture image

Jane March and Tony Leung Ka-fai in The Lover (L’Amant)

I think this movie is like a guilty pleasure for me. It doesn’t have a plot but it has a meaning and point. Again it’s a well done movie.

 

Flushed Away

Flushed Away picture image

Flushed Away

The first time I saw this one I thought I was going to hate it but I loved it. I love its humor  characters and style (in parts). I love the slugs, the frogs, and Robby’s alias Millicent Bystander. I also love the mime on the cell phone.

Frida

Salma Hayek as Frida Kahlo picture image

Salma Hayek as Frida Kahlo

Agian it such a beautiful movie. I love the way the film incorporated Frida’s artwork into the style of the movie.

Hero

Maggie Cheung as Flying Snow in Hero picture image

Maggie Cheung as Flying Snow in Hero

GAH This Movie is way too pretty, I love it.

So yeah those are some of my favorite movies. I actually watch a lot more TV shows (and anime) than movies like as go to things or just in general.  I need to watch more movies.

Here some Honorable Mentions,

Gone with the Wind (I love Scarlett, I think is a great character, terrible person but great character and the costumes.)

Gloomy Sunday (Another depressing yet lovely movie, I love the ending though.)

Rebecca (I love the mood and style of this one)

Ranma 1/2 second movie Nihao My Concubine (Ranma is one my favorite anime and this was the first thing I saw of it and I was confused but I still love it)

Asoka (I love the music in this one and the style)

La belle et La Bete (I have talked about this one before)

Muppets Caper and Most Wanted (I love the muppets and I can’t pick between these two^^)

Lady and the Tramp/Dumbo (I dunno why  love these movies as much as I do. I might do my top disney movie )

Gorgeous (I need to rewatch it because I loved when I first saw it but I can’t recall it well right now except for the Just Smile fight which was awesome)

 

 

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback, picture image

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback

Most people say that this “Frollo” like Enchanted Tales in that he looks and acts more like Disney’s Gaston but I would disagree. I think he’s like if Gaston and Jafar a la Disney had a love child and dumped him in a stupid Knock-off discount version of Paris. I mean his face is Jafar, he has his nose, and the body and clothes are all Gaston. He even has a little stupid minion. This doesn’t make him a convincing Frollo adaptation.

Frollo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo

So let’s be clear with what we are dealing with here, in this “version” of Hunchback we have a knock-off version of a Gaston/Jafar hybrid named Frollo and not a knock-off version of Hunchback’s Frollo.

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon

In this “version” Frollo is like a sheriff of Paris or something, which is funny because that is what the Enchanted Tales versions of Frollo was, so it’s like Knock-off inception here. Basically all this Frollo wants, his entire motivation is that he wants Notre Dame’s money. Or rather he wants to exhort money from the Church, which is in the book as The Court of Miracles wants to rob the church when they rescue Esmeralda but I don’t think the makers of this movie made that connection, I’m not even sure they have seen a copy of the book, let alone read it.

 Frollo and Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and Esmeralda

Frollo also wants power even though he has it. He also likes Esmeralda and almost marries her for I don’t really know why he wants to do this. That means this Frollo is the CLOSEST Frollo ever got to book Frollo’s goal, but his love or lust or like-like or whatever it is that prompts this Frollo to want to marry Esmeralda doesn’t have any level of torment or anything that made book Frollo compelling, so there is literally nothing going on.  I have seen pieces of bread that are better versions of Frollo than this “version”

 Frollo and his little minion The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and his little minion

Does this make him bad in the movie? No sadly, he probably the most entertaining character mainly because he just reveals in his insidiousness and that  makes him likable and relatable. Of Course him being the most entertaining of the characters speaks more to bore-feast of the rest of the characters than his level of being silly.

 

Next Time Pierre

Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image picture image

Pierre