The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

26Nov 2015

Penelope Review; Rich People Suck Moral

by jess

Penelope

There is a lot of films that are modern takes on Fairy Tale or more precisely fairy tales with a modern setting. Placing a Fairy Tale type story is tricky, you have create certain atmosphere to make it believe for the setting but you can’t have the movie take itself that seriously, I.E. it has to know its place and not be a brooding Twilight-shit storm of a mess.
One such movie with a Fairy Tale modern setting is 2008’s Penelope. It’s by accounts a nice movie and by that I mean pleasant but not really super memorable either.

Christina Ricci as Penelope and James McAvoy as Johnny/Max

Penelope tells the story of super elite Penelope who due to a family curse has pig nose. This causes her mother to keep her apart from the world and even goes as far to fake her daughter’s death. The only was to break the curse is to have one of their own kind accept her.

So her parents, or really just her mother, Jessica had rich other blue blood young men to win her heart but all are scared off by her nose. One man tell the papers about Penelope and he is dubbed crazies. He and a newspaper gut then you a in debt blue blood named Max to get a picture of Penelope to prove both them right.

However Max and Penelope bond and when she reveal herself to Max she miscontrue him not wanting to marry her to break the curse for him finding her ugly instead of him being unable to break it as he not really Max the rich blood blue but just Johnny some guy.

So Penelope leaves home and makes some friends. But the she sells her own picture to the news guy. The city then falls in love with Penelope and the first blue blood then is made to marry Penelope in order for people to like him and to break Penelope’s curse even though he can’s stand her cursed face. Penelope can’t go through with it and decide she likes herself curse and all which breaks the curse.

Penelope then becomes a teacher and a popular halloween costume. She then learns the Max/Johnny couldn’t undo the curse but it’s ok because they are in loves.

Christina Ricci as Penelope

Ahh, the beautiful ugly, I know you well. Jolie Laide is a French expression that means the psychical flaws are embraced as a part of the person’s overall beauty. Quasimodo, The Phantom, The man who laughs and the Beast fall into this concept but to a more extreme degree.
However all these are dudes, Penelope is a lady with the ugly trait and she has to embrace it to be herself. It’s a weird moral, when she loves herself it makes her look normal despite the point that she wasn’t really all that ugly in the first place. It’s a weird little moral that is really mixed up in its scope. Love yourself and then you’re normal? I don’t it feel like it was sincere in its sentiment but presented badly. Though I do like that it a female who is the Jolie-Laide even if her deformity is still adorable.

Christina Ricci as Penelope and James McAvoy as Johnny/Max

I give this movie credit, it explains the fairy tale elements well while mixing it into the modern world. Like why can’t Penelope get a nose job? Because some weird reason that it lodged into brain and will kill her. Instead of being a Princess locked in a tower, she’s a blue blood socialist from an old family kept away from the world.

There is some stuff I don’t think work out that super well, like Penelope in real world and how well she deal with it and makes friend. But it could have been that part wasn’t as interesting as it should have been.

Christina Ricci as Penelope

There nothing wrong with this movie as a whole but nothing about really stands out. It’s cute but there anything really interesting? No. It should have been, the characters are all likable in their ways and it acted well but it just alright.

Perhaps if the technical were more stylish it would have stood out. As they were they were just okay. I remember Penelope’s nose and like two costumes but that is it. I give the movie had like a kid like sense of style like clothing from Anthropologie. It has the calculated DIY feeling but is really commercial and basic but trying to be cutesy. I didn’t hate it, I like stuff from Anthropologie, I can’t afford it but I like it but doesn’t make for a good style in a movie with nothing else really going on save for a pig nose and Peter Dinklage in an eyepatch.

Christina Ricci as Penelope

I want to say Penelope is charming but it’s clunky in its storytelling, delivery and style. Really it’s just lukewarm.

Clue 1 and Clue 2

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25Nov 2015

Hunchback Secret Santa

by jess

To get ready for Black Friday/Cyber Monday and Christmas the Hunchback characters are doing a secret santa.

Quasimodo picked Frollo and got him Opteka 650-2600mm High Definition Telephoto Zoom Lens for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras for Stalking Esmeralda better.

Esmeralda picked Clopin and got him Southpole Men’s Marled Full-Zip Hoodie Sweatshirt, so her can be fashionable and warm but it’s a shallow girt.

Frollo picked Fleur-de-Lys and got her a Selfie Stick, He doesn’t know her at all.

Ben Sherman Novelty Socks

Phoebus picked Quasimodo and got him Ben Sherman Novelty Socks, socks, not thoughtful at all.

Gringoire picked Master Florain and got him Plant Theatre Herb Garden Seed Kit , Gringoire thought he was being clever but I can’t see the deaf judge caring for it.

Clopin picked Sister Gudule and got her Zalman King’s Red Shoe Diaries Movie #15: Forbidden Zone, Clopin is being wicked with this one.

Outdoor Gargoyle statue

Fleur-de-Lys picked Notre Dame de paris and got her Design Toscano Florentine Gargoyle Statue, Notre Dame could use a new cute statue.

Jean picked Djali and got her Caution Attack Goat Sign, gag gift

Sister Gudule picked Phoebus and got him 1 X Snowman Mug w/ Shovel Spoon – Christmas Decor, she know he liked a good drink but it’s super misguided

Djali picked Esmeralda and got her Quiddler, Djali likes words.

Notre Dame de Paris picked Gringoire and got him Une Nuit De Noel a Notre Dame De Paris CD, who wouldn’t ant a new Christmas CD

Master Florain picked Jean and got him Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, It’s useful but Jean won’t use it.

24Nov 2015

The Secret of the Hunchback; That weird Humor

by jess

Frollo and his goon

If I might generalize for a moment, most Disney Knock-off movies try to capture and fail to make their work as Disneyesque as they can. They do this the first the story, songs, and characters designs. But they lack the charm that Disney has in terms of likabilty and even humor.

Rotten Vegetable vendor

While Disney’s humor is very hit or miss The Secret of the Hunchback is very different and it isn’t really trying to be like Disney in the way the approach their silliness.

Bell guy getting bumped on the head

The jokes and visual gags of The Secret of the Hunchback is one of the first thing that you notice about this version, even before the main characters are introduced you get the style of humor.

Andre in drag with some guy drooling over him

The humor is more akin to that of Animanicas or saturday morning cartoon. It’s very tough and cheek. From the rotten vegetable vendor, from Quasimodo telling Pierre that someone could get hurt from his poems, to one the thieves dressing in drag and having an extra sexually attractive to him, to Frollo comparing Quasimodo to his first wife, and lastly Pierre saying that he is a Protestant, which technically shouldn’t have been a joke but they treat it as one. There is more example and more slapstick, plus jazzy gargoyles.

Esmeralda and Pierre

This humor isn’t the Disney style. It’s watered Looney tunes humor which makes this version weirdly interesting on that front. Without it would suck so much more but it does add to The Secret of the Hunchback’s over all dumbness. It defiantly makes it stand out though from just another stupid insipid Disney knock-off.

Next Time Quasimodo

Quasimodo

23Nov 2015

The Phantom of the Opera; Chapters 10 & 11

by jess

Chapter 10, Forget the Name of the Man’s Voice

Unlike the first time that Christine goes missing this time she returns to her the next day but with a plain gold ring, or a wedding ring. This make Raoul all kinds of mad. This chapter takes at Christine’s home with her patroness, Mamma ValÃ©rius, who is a silly woman who believes in the Angel of Music.

Most of the chapter is Christine and Raoul at odds with Erik, who Raoul reveals to Christine that he knows the Angel of Music’s name which mean that Christine learns that Raoul was in her dressing room or he just tells her, she isn’t that smart. I do like that Christine tries to assert herself by telling Raoul she doesn’t have to answer to anyone as she is not married and does intend to do so.

At the end though Christine tells Raoul not to go to her dressing room unless she asks which is the next day.

It’s a good little adds more to mystery of things.

Chapter 11, Above the Trap-doors

In this chapter Raoul and Christine pretend to be engage and have a grand time going about the opera house. However then they hear a trap door being closed behind them. Raoul wonder if it’s him but Christine tells Raoul that Erik is working and is consumed but when he is. But she seems to be convincing herself of that more than him as she gets agitated. Raoul tells her he will take her away from Erik and his power over her. She then tells Raoul that they must go higher.

I liked this chapter it was kind of cute, the way the played at being engaged. The two seem like simple idiots in love with Christine being paranoid and Raoul is trying his hardest to win her over.

19Nov 2015

Into the Woods Review; This movie is allergic to story

by jess

Into the Woods

Here is a conversation I had with this movie right after I wanted it.

Me: You can’t have your characters sing/say how they feel, that makes me feel angry!
Into the Woods: Look, what do you want?
Me: I want my two hours back!

This is common info but I have to say it anyway, Into the Woods is a 2014 musical fantasy movie based on the musical of the same name by Stephen Sondheim. It’s a parody of classic fairy tales as multiple fairy tale characters meet in the woods, get it?

Apparently this movie was in development for a long time, like early 90’s but it wasn’t till the another musical that this movie got the interest of Rob Marshall, director of Chicago.

As you might be able to gauge from my conversation with Into the Woods, I didn’t care for this movie, but you would be wrong, I utterly loathed it.

Emily Blunt as The Baker’s Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack

The “story” goes that this Baker and his wife want a baby but they can’t for some reason. Reason comes busting through their door in the form of a witch who tells them that it was a curse that was put of the baker’s family for his father stealing her vegetables so that the family tree would stop. However he also stole some magic beans which cursed the witch into be old and ugly. So she makes the Baker and his wife get some items, A white cow, a red cape, a gold shoe and yellow hair. And they have to find them in the woods.

Lucky all the characters they meet in the wood have the items they need. Jack an idiot, has the cow. The Baker and wife trade the beans which they happened to find in the Baker’s pocket. Jack uses the bean to climb up the beanstalk and steals from the giant to get his cow back. Red Riding hood, a kleptomaniac with a sugar addiction has the red cloak. The Baker at first tries to steal it from her but she gives it to him after he saves her and her granny from the pedophile wolf. The Baker’s wife then runs into Cinderella, a shy insecure girl who just wanted to go to festival a.k.a the ball. The Barker’s wife tries really hard to get that shoe. The Baker’s wife gets it when on the third night of the festival Cinderella runs away from the prince and she just lets her have it. The barker’s wife also get Rapunzel’s hair, who is locked in a tower and no real personality what so ever. She is locked up there by the same witch who they are getting the items for. Rapunzel is also the baker’s little sister too and his also mixed up in a love story with random prince #2. The hair turns out a bust since the witch can’t have touched the items, that’s a rule and then cow died so Baker had to get another and covered it with flour. But it’s really whatever since the witch just brings the cow back to life and the use corn silk. So yeah wife gets pregnant instantly and witch gets pretty and happy ending for Cinderella for her prince seems to come but then LADY GAINT attacks. She is pissed for Jack killing her husband and robbing them and he’s the good guy.

Then I guess things go to shit. Cinderella and her prince aren’t working out. Jack’s mom dies. The Cinderella’s prince cheat on her with the barker’s wife and then she dies. The witch wants to give jack to giant but no one agrees with her so she just peaces out. And then Cinderella uses her birds to beat the giant and happy ever after with the baker.

Anna Kendrick as Cinderella

So what makes this movie bad? Well lots of things but let’s just focus on the only positive I had about it. And if you read my reviews with any regularity you might think it’s the costumes but nope, I will get to that later. It would be the actors. I think all the actors try really hard to make it work while movie itself doesn’t care. They all sing well though Little Red Riding Hood’s singing style I find annoying.

Also I don’t really believe Anna Kendrick as the shy demure Cinderella, she does try but I don’t believe it but she sings it well. Really this movie should have been more about the actors conveying emotions than then telling us how they feel.

Lilla Crawford as Little Red Riding Hood

Which bring us to greatest sin in this movie, this movie at EVERY SINGLE turn just tells the a viewer what the characters feel through narration, dialogue and singing. I feel like a broken record but show don’t tell is a cardinal rule of movie making.

In a stage show you say a little more since there is an energy that is part of the experience but not in a movie. In fact at one point in this movie, the narrator says that Red Riding Hood is suprised but it doesn’t show in her acting and then she SAYS that she feels uneasy. Just fuck you movie.

Chris Pine as Cinderella’s Prince and Billy Magnussen as Rapunzel’s Prince

This anti show don’t tell concept is a massive step further as the movie tells the audience about the things that are happening to the characters. For instance we never see Cinderella at the ball in fact we never seen Cinderella interact with the Prince at all, save for like two exchanges with them same with Rapunzel and her prince. We do see them talking about it though. In fact the princes sing about the their agony of not being with there lady loves to each other despite the fact that we never seen them together. The two princes whining constitutes more scene time then with their loves. So any character development is told to us after the fact.

This make the musical numbers boring as instead showing us what they talking about in creative ways it’s just basic editing as someone sings about what just happened. Though in one instance there is a flashback but the movie literally presented the same scene like 90 seconds before the flashback so even the flashback is boring and pointless.

I won’t say I’m an expert of musical movies but I alway want to like them. But if you’re just going have a characters sing and spin around you might as well just have then say lines. Musicals in movie form need something visually interesting to help keep attention. Climbing a tree or moving around a set doesn’t work. Play with the lightening, editing, or something. It very bad and telling that at the ten minute mark the movie becomes exhausting to watch and the first song was the most visually interesting as it moved from character to character.

Anna Kendrick as Cinderella and Emily Blunt as The Baker’s Wife

Speaking of lightening and sets, why does it seem like all recent live-action musical movies are gritty and dark? Why is Hollywood trying to make musical movie real life?

This worked a movie in Les Mis though I still didn’t like that movie because it was all sort of pretentious shlock, but it worked in Chicago but that movie played with Roxie Hart as she imagined the musical numbers. Considering Rob Marshal directed both Chicago and Into the Woods he should had a handle on what a musical movie good and entertaining. People wandering in a dark forest and singing about their feeling without giving a reason for them and cutting all the pesky story parts doesn’t a good movie make, I don’t care what your bubble of Hollywood says. You know Hollywood I hate to tell you this but if you’re a musical where singing is a norm to convey information you kind lost the right to give the movie a weird sense of legitimacy but making it “real.”

Then there are the costumes which I could barely see through the dark lightning of the movie. Though when you can make them out they aren’t really anything. They are just adequate at best at worse they are uninspired. Really they could have just had wearing back unitard with their role written on them and it would have had the same effect.

Meryl Streep as The Witch

Into The Woods could have been a good movie if the movie cared enough to tell the story instead of reporting it through songs that were performed with ugly sets and poor lightening. It they had done more interesting things with adapting the original musical into a film it could have been so much better. Skip it but then again the movie skips itself.

Clue 1 and Clue 2

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18Nov 2015

Peter Chernin to make Esmeralda POV movie

by jess

Esmeralda (Gina Lollobrigida) with Phoebus (Jean Danet), 1956 Hunchback of Notre Dame

Last week it was announced that one Peter Chernin was developing a new Hunchback of Notre Dame movie from Esmeralda’s perspective. This is a big deal for a few reasons.

First and foremost this idea originally was announced in 2013 as an idea for Once Upon a Time. Once it was announced that was the last anyone heard about it. It’s very unclear if this movie idea came from the Once Upon a Time idea or is a separate concept.

Second this is the first movie since the freaking lost films that Esmeralda as the focus character. Evert movie version since 1923 has been a Quasimodo movie. This also mean most movie versions made are vanity projects lead by a 40 something male actor looking to play emotional yet physically demanding role.

Looking in to Peter Chernin who is not and actor or a director but a business man turned producer who has his own production, Chernin Entertainment. So it’s more likely that this film will happen than other film version that are being made who wanted to be made. Though Max Ryan’s upcoming version which is set to start filming in Serbia is an independent movie.

Also all the new outlets that have report on this are calling it a Live-action. This that either they are connecting it to the Disney version because of the trend of live-action Disney movies is REALLY big right now, they are confused or does Chernin have titles to Disney? That is unclear and it’s still really early in development. But it’s fun that there are two new Hunchback movies in the works, good or bad.

Also one person on http://screenrant.com/hunchback-notre-dame-esmeralda-retelling/ implied Mila Kunis, Penelope Cruz, Aishwarya Rai, or Vanessa Hudgens for the role of Esmeralda. To which I say;

maybe, interesting because her sister Moinca was listed in negotiation for Esmeralda for the Max Ryan movie in like 2007, pushing it on age and her Hollywood debut never really panned out but we could get a kickass dance number if they cast a Bollywood actress, and lastly nope please no on Hudgens.

I hope they give the role to a new actress but I doubt they will but it will depend on Esmeralda background who they cast. I wish they would go with Esmeralda’s original backstory but they don’t I don’t care that much.

Who do you want to play Esmeralda?

17Nov 2015

The Secret of the Hunchback plot review; Literally tells you what it is!

by jess

Quasimodo

Unlike other versions of The Hunchback of Notre Dame this one offers a reason for Quasimodo’s hunch and ties it into the moral. In this version Quasimodo is an actual angel and one not metaphorically. His hunch hides is angel wings. The moral of this version like all the kiddies version of this story is be nice to people even ugly ones. But in this one case they take a whole new step further because you should be nice to people because they could be angels and you do not want to get on an angel’s bad side.

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch

In the scope of Hunchback kids moral this is is REALLY stupid. It’s not as horrible as The Enchanted Tales version where it was looks don’t matter as long as someone thinks you’re pretty. This one is just so strong handed that it makes you want to face palm yourself receptively.

Esmeralda and Pierre

But how does the rest of the movie hold up. Again it’s REALLY dumb and overly simplified. He do get some of the major basic that the story demands. First off Quasimodo lives in the safety of Notre Dame and loves the bells. Esmeralda dances which she seems to like just not the thievery of her companions. The Gringoire equivalent just simply called Pierre is bad at poetry, likes Esmeralda and is nice. Esmeralda gives Quasimodo water after he gets into some trouble that was not his fault. Esmeralda gets into some trouble and Frollo is obessed with her. Quasimodo swings down from Notre Dame to save her albeit it’s inside Notre Dame and she is about to marry Frollo by force and not about to die… meh same difference.

Frollo

That is more less the basics that were left somewhat intact. Frollo is completely different though. Aside from having a little thing for Esmeralda he is now a Sheriff much like he is in Enchanted tales but here is just wants money more specially Notre Dame’s money and he use Quasimodo as leverage against the Archdeacon. So there is another split of Novel Frollo’s character as the obsessive pervert and the pious protector of Quasimodo, it been done so many times that who the fuck cares, just like everyone surviving the ending sans Frollo who here gets crushed by a Gargoyles, though he could have lived, it’s not really important.

Quasimodo is just being Quasi

By all counts this version is dumb. It’s not as insulting as Enchated tales as it does feel like a Hunchback versions and not a really misguided Beauty and the Beast with sprinkling of Hunchback thrown in knock-off Disney movie but it’s quite dumb for lack of anything else that is remotely deep or interesting.

Also does any one else think it’s weird that Frollo’s voice actor is the narrator?

Next Time The Humor

Rotten Vegetable vendor

16Nov 2015

The Phantom of the Opera; Chapters 7-9

by jess

Chapter 7, Faust and What Followed

This chapter is one of the big ones as it’s where the Chandelier falls. I don’t know if in the musicals or movies if killed but it did end Madam Giry’s replacement as she had been fired. Not sure if the Phantom planed that or not but he is a Genius. Also keep in mind that Christine was wearing boy clothes as she is playing a guy in Faust which is just something to keep in mind for a later chapter.

Faust is the opera of choice here and to my knowledge only one movie version does feature it. I could be wrong but I really only recall one and in that one Christine was a blonde. I just find it so funny that because of Sarah Brightman, the look of Christine is curly brown hair and she wasn’t even the first brunette Christine, that was Mary Philbin.

Ok I’m off track here. But yeah Phantom warns people, they don’t listen and Carlotta croaks and Chandelier goes down. That sums up the chapter. Oh and Christine writes to Raoul saying that he must never see her again which makes him sad.

Also one more thing, The Phantom has messy handwriting.

Chapter 8, The Mysterious Brougham

A Brougham is a horse-drawn carriage with a roof, four wheels, and an open driver’s seat in front. So in this chapter Raoul learns of Christine disappearance and no one really care except him. The mangers tell hime she is on sick leave and her guadian know’s about the angel of music and totally cool with the whole thing.

Raoul the learns from his big brother that Christine was spotted in a brougham with a guy. Raoul stakes her out and sees her in the Brougham with his own eyes the next day. The Christine asks him to a mask ball.

Two things;
1) Raoul is a stalker, he is just rich and good-looking so in the book’s context he is being a romantic hero….
2) The scene with Christine in the Brougham would so cool on film. I don’t think it has been done I could be wrong but there isn’t like a super moody film version. Most versions are either very different or pretty self contained to the opera. We don’t get this scene or Perros in the graveyard though I think the 1989 version has the Phantom playing a Violin. The scened however adds another aspect to the Phantom were he does get out of the Opera.

Chapter 9, At the Masked Ball

Raoul and Christine meet at a masked ball or a costume party or a fancy dress party or ball if you rather. They are in Domino costumes. Which just a robe and a mask and not the game pieces or the pizza place. At the party is the Phantom as the Red Death, which if you have see the Webber Stage version it’s pretty much that, so they got something right.

Christine tries to tell Raoul but he a little mad at her accuses her of being false when she says she loves him. She then tells him she will never sing nor see her again.

Being the romantic that he is, (cough) stalker (cough), he hides in dressing room. Chrristine comes in and laments for Poor Erik, which doesn’t make for for a happy Raoul in fact he is confused by it. Then they hear the beautiful heavenly yet male voice of the Angel of Music. Christine disappearance through the mirror leaving an unhappy Raoul to wonder who is Erik. Because it’s a mystery story.

The Mirror scene! It is interesting to note that in many version this mirror scene is done when Christine first goes down to the Phantom’s lair and not a second time. This is just to condense things. Not mad just interesting.

Also the way this scene is present seem much more dazzling in the book than the was movie handle it. Where there are more reflection of Christine the just a sliding mirror. Though the stage version gets a pass since with it being on stage and doing the lighting to reveal the Phantom it’s cool. Though maybe I’m wrong and there is a cool version of these scene. It’s been a while since I watch a movie version of Phantom.

14Nov 2015

#Paris About Life

by jess

My heart and thoughts go out to the people of Paris, France and the world.

12Nov 2015

Mirror Mirror Review: The Beast Lures you into the Unknown

by jess

An Over the Garden Wall Reference! Awesome! Moving on though.

Mirror Mirror

In the glorious year of 2012 the world was treated to not one BUT two Snow White movies. One was an epic sort of action movie that feautured Snow White leading an army and having “fairest blood,” whatever the fuck that is. The other was comedic but did have Snow White fighting though on a smaller scale. Which one is better? Well that’s a question of taste as neither one is a good movie. Both of them are stupid and dumb in different ways but I find Mirror Mirror to be easier to watch and my taste is the only one that matters.

Lily Collins as Snow White and Armie Hammer as the Prince Andrew Alcott

The basic story set-up is the same except that Snow White’s father, the King, leaves to fight some evil thing and he is never seen again. He leaves his new Queen/Sorceress Clementianna in charge.

Some years later, Snow White is eighteen and mostly confined to her room. Clementianna would you believe turns out to be a crappy ruler. She is so bad that they can only afford one season which is winter. No seriously the kingdom is broke and they have having a little localized ice age.

Snow White is encouraged from some of the kitchen staff pals to check out the town, apparently this kingdom is just one town but whatever so off into the world Snow White goes or just the creepy looking forest, just get used to this forest. There she meets Prince Alcott and his servant who are tied up and were rob by dwarfs one expandable slits, which is really cool. She helps them and they has a little instance attraction though they don’t know that they are both royality. So Snow White goes to town and sees how bad it it and Alcot goes to castle for I donâ€˜t recall why might have had something to do with the plot. Clementianna takes a liking to the Prince and wants to marry him as he is rich and good looking and what else is there really? She decides hold a ball and to pay for it she will tax the people.

Snow White and Alcott dance together and the find out each other identity but Clementianna doesn’t like that so she has her man-servant Brighton take Snow White into the creepy woods to kill. Brighton is a coward and decides to level her there for the Beast to kill or turn her in a tree of oil, I kid, that is another Over the Garden reference. Snow White then finds her way to the dwarf’s lair.

The next day, Brighton collects the taxes and the Dwarfes steal it. Snow White disapproves but they tell her that they were made outcast by the town so the don’t give a fuck. Snow White takes the money back and gives all the credit to the dwarfs. The Dwarfes decide that she can stay with them. They give her a training montage and a new threads.

Clementianna then tells Alcott that Snow White is dead and then as Clementianna is tries and pop the question to Alcott, Brighton tell them about the robbery. Alcott then goes into the forest and see Snow White is not dead but in leauge with the dwarf and him and her have a little duel.

Clementianna then goes to her happy place, her Mirrior house where he reflection lives. Clementianna has her reflection turn her servant into a cockroach, gives her a spell to make Alcott love her and uses puppets to marionette thing to attack Snow White and the Dwarves. They defeat them though. Alcott is given a puppy love spell which makes him act like a puppy who thinks Clementianna is his master but that enough for her to plan a wedding, it’s like her seventh or something but she still excited.

Snow and crew break up the wedding and kidnap Alcott. Snow White breaks the spell with a kiss and the Clementianna has the Beast attack. Snow White notices that the Beast has a similar charm around his neck that Clementianna has and it seems to begging for help with it’s eyes. Snow White breaks the charm and the Beast turns into Sean Bean erm the King. This also undos Clementianna’s magic and changes her into an old crone. At Alcott and Snow White’s wedding, Clementianna offers her an apple but Snow doesn’t take it. Then they Bollywood dance, of no earthly reason.

Lily Collins as Snow White and Julia Roberts as Clementianna as an old crone

Like Snow White and the Huntsmen this movie tries to take Snow White and make her a kick-ass empowered woman. I would say this movie does it a bit better that Huntsmen. First off you see her abilty grow even though it had been like a day maybe. It’s still better that the one move Huntsmens’ Snow White learns one thing and suddenly she a genius military leader. You could see the Snow White ruler and you could see her kindness and that she wasn’t a total push over.

Both movies do tackle the Snow White element differently too. In Huntsmen the Dwarves are useless and Mirror Mirror they do things and are memorable. The Mirrors are handled very similarly and very differently. Both are a physical manifestation of a reflection but whereas Huntsmen is a weird goo guy Mirror Mirror is another dimension with Queen’s own reflection. Huntsmen also takes the classic approach to the sleep death and the apple and Mirror Mirror really didn’t bother that much but did keep the kiss to save the prince. Both are contrived though.

Nathan Lane as Brighton,

The first thing one really notices about this movie other than the style is the humor or to be more exact the attempt at humor. The comedy is VERY hit or miss and sometimes it’s just awkward. I’ll give some of the jokes a pass because of Nathan Lane and he is awesome.

Lily Collins as Snow White

Considering the humor, this movie is hard to gauge on tone and genre. It’s a fantasy, drama, comedy. I sort of felt like a I was watching a Snow White female empowerment movie aimed at younger teens but through the eyes of a middle ages guy who thinks he is artistic. Oh wait, that’s it. It’s not bad but the presentation of this movie is really all over the place. It’s has cool visuals and bad to weird jokes.

Julia Roberts as The Evil Queen Clementianna

Speaking of being confused, the casting. For the part I think the cast did a good job, I don’t think the roles were anything too complex but they all did fine but the choices. The first time I watch this movie I kept saving to myself How was Sean Bean in this? Since then he has been in that Jupiter Ascending movie, so guy’s got to eat and what not plus with this role it was more like a cameo. But Julia Roberts was a weird pick for the Queen. She is a polarizing actress, I don’t know of too many people who are fans. She really did chew the scenery and gave the role a catty bitchiness which was fun but there seems like there could have been a better actress.

Also the chemistry between Snow White and Alcott was ok but they just didn’t seem right together.

Lily Collins as Snow White

Well if you haven’t guessed it by now the best thing about this movie were the costumes. They are big, grand, over the top and have crazy details. I will say I’m not wild about Snow White’s orange and blue gown but I really loved her fighting get up and the costume she is first seen in, it was very pretty. Also I liked her yellow cloak.

Clementianna’s costumes are big and insane but I enjoyed them. I liked her red gown and her wedding gown the best. I really like that all of Clementianna’s costumes have angular pointy elements Snow White’s are softer and rounder. It’s a nice nod to their characters.

The sets in this movie look fake but are fun. The style of this movie is really what makes it interesting it would have been a dull movie otherwise that being said, I feel like the over-the-top nearly cooky visual style and the light-hearted humor/adventure tone should have worked better together but they never really came together.

Lily Collins as Snow White

Mirror Mirror is an interesting dumb movie. It gets something right but confuses more than entertains but it was still better that Snow White and the Thor though that doesn’t really take that much. Also the Bollywood number at the end was cringeworthy.

Clue 1 and Clue 2

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