Sigh…… I’m going to try to keep this short for my ever diminishing sanity. Also I may butcher some of the names because A: There is no cast list I can find and B; I don’t care.  Hooray for lack of effort.

The Archdeacon and Brother Labas with Baby Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

The Archdeacon and Brother Labas with Baby Quasimodo

The movie opens with some narration about how Notre Dame in Paris is a safe haven for those who need it, in this case the people who are different. A pox on the ugly!  They we see someone leaving off a baby at Notre Dame. The baby is taken in by the archdeacon and one Brother Lebas. They raise the baby and make him the bell ringer because the baby made it clear he liked bells. They name him Quasimodo.

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon

Flash forward year and Lord Frollo, the sheriff of Paris is trying to extort gold from Notre Dame for protection. The Archdeacon and Brother Lebas refuse and Frollo threatens them and Quasimodo.

Quasimodo and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Pierre

That day there is a Day of Fools and Quasimodo gets a mask and goes. There he meets a shitty poet named Pierre and Esmeralda. Esmeralda is a beautiful dancer who in leauge with Gyspies that steals why she entertains. She dancing with both Pierre and Quasimodo. Quasimodo face gets exposed during the dance and panic ensues. The Gypsies and Esmeralda are arrested for starting a riot. Pierre and Quasimodo the bond over how people aren’t what they appear to be and Esmeralda’s beauty.

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

The Gypsies and Esmeralda are brought to Frollo. Frollo takes a liking to Esmeralda. Frollo’s little minion has the idea to use the Gypsies to kidnap Quasimodo and he keeps Esmeralda to ensure their corporation.  The Gypsies decide to have the fat guy dress up as Esmeralda to lure Quasimodo to watch her dance.

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo's hunch The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch

Quaismodo is then sentenced to being whipped. Esmeralda gives him some water which angers Frollo. Pierre helps Esmeralda escape. The archdeacon then notice something about Quasimodo’s injury.

Frollo and Esmeralda's wedding The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and Esmeralda’s wedding

That night  Esmeralda and Pierre pledge their love but return to Notre Dame to help Quasimodo once their they are caught by Frollo. Esmeralda is forced into marrying Frollo but Quasimod saves her. Frollo and Quasimodo fight and Quasimodo is thrown over the egde but holds on. Frollo is then crushed by a gargoyle statue. Quasimodo falls once he knows the Archdeacon, who had been arrest by Frollo is safe. Before Quasimodo hits the ground he unleashes his wings and falls off.

Plot review Next Time

The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo in Angel form

 

 

Chapter 4, Box 5

This chapter focuses on the new mangers dealing with the Opera Ghost. First they think it’s a joke and they annoyed and ask Madam Giry for answers and she isn’t that helpful. That’s kinda much it. The point of annoyance centers on Box Five, which the Opera Ghost claims but the mangers are selling to make a profit. The OPera Ghost plays haunt on those in box 5.

It’s a silly chapter that adds to the mystery of thing, like it a ghost or not, though everyone already knows that it’s a dude.


Chapter 5, The Enchanted Violin

So Raoul is also a stalker. But this a great chapter. WE learn of Christine’s back ground with her going up poor in Sweden and her father getting a patron and how she meet Raoul. We also get that scene where the Phantom plays the violin at churchyard.

Also Christine is horrified to know that Raoul heard her with the angel of music which she thought she was the only that could here the voice, so she wasn’t too happy.

I do like that Christine’s character is given more description. She is a dreamy sort of person and the connection she has to her and music is made more clear.

Good chapter, I do hope someday the churchyard scene don properly. I’m pretty they deleted it from the 1925 version and the Webber version sort had it but not really. Though made one the independent versions did the scene properly and I just missed it, totally possible

Chapter 6, A Visit to Box Five

I love me a short chapter!

Basically all that happens in this one is that the mangers look up ay Box 5 thinks they see the Ghost with its death head and the other doesn’t. They then decided that on Saturday during Faust they will sit there. More set-up and mystery.

Cinderella 2015 picture image

Cinderella 2015

I feel like on some level, the 2015 version Cinderella was cast just for me. I mean it had people from Game of Thrones (Richard Madden and Nonso Anozie), Downton Abbey (Lily James and Sophie McShera), The Borgias (Holliday Grainger) and a former Frollo (Derek Jacobi). Plus it has pretty costumes. How could I could not love it? Well, all I can say is that I wish I could like this movie more than I do. I respect it on one level but on another I’m tepid to it.

This movie was based on the 1950 version of Cinderella which is the Disney version and it also has peppering of Ever After all over it. I should also note that Kenneth Branagh.

Lily James as Ella and Richard Madden as Prince Kit Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella and Richard Madden as Prince Kit

This movie is for the most part a standard re-telling of Cinderella. Ella lives in a dream of peace with her loving parents until tragic fatal disease #742 kills her dear momma. As she dies, she tells Ella to have courage and be kind, which is the mantra of the movie.

Flash forward years as teenage-ish Ella’s dear papa remarries Lady Tremaine who has two daughters, Anastasia and Drisella. After a month Ella’s dear father goes off on merchant business but not before Lady Tremaine overhears Ella and her new husband recount that they miss Ella’s dear momma and that Lady T can be trying, this is the reason why Lady T dislikes Ella, at least the best reason the film offers.

While Ella’s dear papa is gone Lady T literally wastes no time pushing Ella into the attic and calling her Madam. Then Ella’s dear papa dies of tragic fatal disease #1092 while he is on his business trip. This is when Ella becomes the help which she doesn’t mind that much as it offers a distraction. Lady T and the girls are mean to her by calling her Cinderella as she sleeps in front fire and not letting her eat with them. This makes Cinderella ride off into the woods. There she see a stag that being chased, she help the stag by having it run off with her animals speaking powers which is powered with kindness. She then meets the Prince who just introduces himself a Kit. They bond and stuff and Ella tells Kit that just because things are done doesn’t mean they should be.

Because Kit didn’t get Ella’s name he asks his father, the King (name withheld) to allow all the maidens of the kingdom to come to the ball. The King agrees but urges Kit that he needs to marry a Princess and for some reason the Grand Duke wants it to be the Princess Chelina of Zaragosa, which is this movie’s answer to Spain, hey wait why she get a name but the villains don’t?

Anyway so the ball comes and Ella wears her dear momma’s dress but Lady T rips it and tells her she can’t go to the ball. Then enters the Fairy God Mother who does the magic, coach, animals to servants, beautiful ball gown, glass shoe and a disguise spell so Lady T and crew won’t know it’s her. So yeah, grand ball scene and dance with the Prince and running away at curfew and leaving the shoe. You know the drill. Also Kit still didn’t get her name.

Ok so here is where the movie gets little confusing, or just weird. So the King dies and he tells Kit he can marry for love but the Grand Duke is REALLY pushing for Princess Chelina. But Kit and him strike a deal that all the maidens will try on the shoe that Ella left and if he can’t find her he will marry Chelina. It’s also at this point that Lady T figures out that Ella is the mysterious princess that danced with the Prince. Lady T tries to brokerage a deal with Ella that she will allow Anastasia and Drisella to marry well and that Lady T will manage the country. Ella rejects this deal as Lady T would be terrible for the country. So then Lady T break the shoe and then goes brokrage a deal with the Grand Duke which is the Lady T will make Ella out of the way and she will get a peerage and the good marriages for her daughters.

So the royal maiden shoe fitter search is on and you would THINK Kit could tell which one was Ella was  or at least have the fitting apply only to young blonde but they go through every single maiden. The last place is Lady T’s house. Ella is up in the attic and she doesn’t even care that people are in her house as she just figure it not for her and she would rather twirl around and sing. The mice open the window so the people can hear her singing. As it turns out Kit, who now the king is with them unknown to The Grand Duke. So they get Ella and she finally tells Kit her name, or rather her mean nickname but it’s ok he is happy that he found her. Ella forgives Lady T who then gets banished. And Ella and Kit get married, yay.

Jana Perez as Princess Chelina and Stellan Skarsgård as The Grand Duke Cinderella 2015 picture image

Jana Perez as Princess Chelina and Stellan Skarsgård as The Grand Duke

I have a few questions. Number #1 why did the Grand Duke want princess Chelina as Queen? Did I miss that plot point? Was she or someone from her kingdom black mailing him? Were they lovers and her marrying Kit would allow for them to be together? Was he bribed? I mean tell me movie because that was his core character. If there is no reason for it what is the point I mean for more than drama? Number#2 Kit was hunting in the forest near Ella’s house and judging from shot of them going to house for the shoe it looked pretty remote, so why didn’t go there in the first place? Was it because he thought she was a Princess? Also he knew her features. I dunno seemed out place with the narrative. Number #3 How did Lady T figure out that it was Ella at the ball? I didn’t see anything that indicated that she knew till the scene where she knew. Did she read the scripit? I have other issues with Lady T, so let’s just continue.

Lily James as Ella and Richard Madden as Prince Kit Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella and Richard Madden as Prince Kit

As was mentioned before, this movie is a live-action remake of the Disney movie. As it goes it follows the movie decently but the focus is a little weird. To bring the movie into the modern standard, Ella and Prince Charming now named Kit meet prior to the ball. I just want to point out that Kit is a nickname for Christopher which is the name of the Prince in the Rodgers and Hammerstein version. However is having them meet once while both of them withhold information about themselves any better? Ella not giving her name for really no reason and Kit saying that he apprentice, being heir to the throne isn’t really an apprentice thought it’s a clever bending of the truth. At least in Ever After, Danielle’s lie made sense as she was trying to save a man while prentending to a member a court.

On a story level this makes sense, we need them to have more to their romance other that their being attractive but I don’t get a sense of love from them. But what this movie is really doing is giving the Prince and his father more of a characterization than in the Disney movie where the King just wanted grandchildren and the Prince is a plot point.

I do respect that Kit went along in the search for Ella. I mean it’s like duh that he should search her out as he wanted to marry her but it was entertaining that the mere fact that he was there thwarted the Grand Duke and Lady Tremaine.

Lily James as Ella and Cate Blanchett as Lady Tremaine Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella and Cate Blanchett as Lady Tremaine

Then we have the villains, Lady Tremaine and The Grand Duke. I would say Lady Tremaine is more the villain, however compared to the Disney version and Ever After she falls short.

First off she comes more cartoony than the cartoon and she is really chewing the pretty sets. The reason for her hating Ella is that Ella’s father prefers his first wife so she was jealous and that pretty much it. At least in Ever After, Danielle’s father’s last words were to Danielle after he looked at Rodmilla and passed her over to give his dying words to his child. Both women are petty but still, Ella’s father didn’t know she even heard him.

Second Lady Tremaine was more concerned with having parties so why the hell did she try to make a power grab? It was WAY out of character. On the practical level in the story Ella can’t go with any deal Lady Tremaine offers so there needs to the bull-shit where Ella has to be sacrifice her chance for happiness for the good of Kit and the country but it was dumb. Lady Tremaine’s deal with The Grand Duke made more sense and I think Ella probably would have gone for that deal over the one the Lady Tremaine offered her in the place.

Lily James as Ella Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella

Speaking of Cinderella, this version of her is polarizing. The point of her character is that she is kind and has courage but this also makes her looks like she is a push-over. She doesn’t really stand up for herself, instead she just takes the abuse. The idea here that she has the strength and courage to look the other way and she still be kind. This isn’t a bad thing so much but even if we compare her to the Disney version, Cinderella had snarky comments and she did try and talk back. Really it does make this Cinderella look more passive than the 1950’s version.

However my big issue with Cinderella is that when it came done to her getting a happy ending, she literally didn’t care. She just twirls around then sat her window and sang a little song. If the mice didn’t open the window she wouldn’t have married Kit. There was a deleted scene where she did write Kit a letter and the Grand Duke withheld it. Honestly the should kept that scene as it gave her a little agency and made the Grand Duke more a villainous bent.

I like that the movie didn’t make Cinderella some super-hero woman but it’s telling when the “Passive” 1950 does more to get out the attic (it was her idea to get the dog to save the mouse with the key from the cat) than this “modern” re-telling who really just twirls and dreams. Though I like that she was never a princess, she went right to Queen.

Helena Bonham Carter as The Fairy Godmother Cinderella 2015 picture image

Helena Bonham Carter as The Fairy Godmother

One of the big issues with movie is the pacing, this movie feels very long. It could be because the movie spends a longtime setting up Ella’s happy childhood and downfall but rushes Lady Tremaine’s contempt and the love story. It also doesn’t get into the Grand Duke’s motives.

Also the movie has weird set-ups. Like Ella’s dear momma tells her about fairy godmother when she is a kid but when the Godmother is introduced she starts as old woman and then changes. It would better to either set up the old woman, like they do in the Rodgers and Hammerstein version OR have the her be a butterfly that followed Ella (since they do set-up the motif on her dress). OR just mimic the original where the Godmother appears while comforting her. I really just felt that scene was awkward. And I hated the narrating by the fairy godmother, it got in the way.

Lily James as Ella Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella

If I seem like I’m bitching about this movie too much well there was something I liked. The technicals, this movie is glorious. Everything about the look of this movie is beautiful.

This movie lives in the costume. Most of the costumes have a 50’s vibe to it which is homage to the original movie. Cinderella’s ball gown really is a work of art, it moves so gracefully and has a watercolor quality that is just lovely. Really this movie looks so lush and rich.

Also the acting is not bad on the whole, though I wish Anastasia and Drisella did more, they really aren’t much more than featured extras.

 

Lily James as Ella, Sophie McShera as Drisella and Holliday Grainger as Anastasia Cinderella 2015 picture image

Lily James as Ella, Sophie McShera as Drisella and Holliday Grainger as Anastasia

On the hand I do like Cinderella (2015) but it feels too long and some the decisions that movie makes with updating the plot are just weird and confusing.

Side Note – if we got Jana Perez (the lady who played Chelina) and Holliday Grainger (Anastasia) as Esmeralda and Fleur-de-Lys in a movie version of Hunchback, I would be a-ok with that. Or Lily James as Fleur-de-Lys that would be fine too.

Clue 1 and Clue 2

Max Ryan picture image

Max Ryan

July 2014 I discovered a movie version of the Hunchback set to stared one Max Ryan, who I have been told is an actor. This version had a script and a cast list but not much more. You can read that post RIGHT HERE. The summery I found that is now gone so reading that post is worth it. Esmeralda gets attack by wolves and Quasimodo lives in the cave of Notre Dame. I also very briefly mentioned it back in September read here  Really I had passed this verison off has never being till last month.

Back in October it was announced that Director Chuck Russell was going to direct. Russell’s credit’s include The Mask, The Scorpion King and other action adventure movies. Also on the IMDB page for this version the genre is set as “Action, Drama, Fantasy.”  Dear God help us all. Hunchback hasn’t had a hollywood movie since 1939 and we get an Action Adventure movie. Also I just want to point out that screenwriters are Max Ryan and one Julio Ponce Palmieri who writes for mostly short films.

But what REALLY puzzles me so far is that cast list on the IMDB. First off there is no sign of Esmeralda and Frollo. When I first discovered this version it listed the actors for Frollo and Esmeralda as under negotiations so that could be the reason why they are not there. But still the cast has some roles that  just confuse me like The Figment and the Giant, the Fuck you say? Also Max Ryan has a double role as Quasimodo and Pierre. Considering the summery said Quasimodo’s parents loved him and he was stolen, Pierre could be his original name OR he just playing another guy to show off his versatility as an “actor”. This version has even started filming and I hate it.

There was also a new breif on IMDB when Russell was reported as the director that claimed that this version was still the same version as Josh Brolin version and the key players just switched which is not the case. This version existed before Brolin  dreamed up his version in 2011 with Tim Burton but that switched to Yimou Zhang in 2013 and then nothing. While Brolin’s jazzy’s version seems to either be dead or in development-hell, it’s amazing how similar these movies are to each other. Both are vanity projects from generic actors who have directors known for action-ish movies. Consider Hollywood studios  has had  battles with similar movies before maybe The Max Ryan version will fuel Brolin to make his Jazzy versions. Either way I still don’t know what that Figment  character is and nor to have faith in either version.

The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

The Secret of the Hunchback

Let’s be perfectly clear, every single this about 1996 The Secret of the Hunchback is stupid. This movie takes a very special bus to school. It was made by the Sterling Entertainment Group former known as United American Video Corporation. And before you say they are JUST a Disney knock-off company out to make a quick buck, they were founded in 1984 which is the Dark Age of Disney and the theatrical released an English dub of Osamu Tezuka’s Kimba the white Lion probably to piss Disney off. Actually no, they pretty much exist to capitalize off of Disney and that is okay. Although they don’t exist anymore and their videos such as The Secret of Anastasia and The Secret of Mulan to name a few are in the hands of other distributors.

What were we talking about? Oh, The Secret of the Hunchback. This version gets a bad rap among the other versions and is considered one of the worst. I will give it that it one the stupidest version but I would say that the Enchanted Tales version and the Dingo version are worse. I mean it’s bad no question but let’s see how bad.

Next Time the plot. And if you look at the H, the cover really gives away the secret.

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback, picture image

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback

Prologue

The book opens with the author Gaston Leroux telling us that the book was based on real events. That the ghost was real and the story was the result of Leroux looking through inquiries and not made up. Of Course the inquiry is a fiction, it all made up. I suppose it sets a mood for mystery.

Chapter 1, Is it the Ghost?

The book starts with the management changing and the principle dancer, Sorelli is getting ready to make  a speech. The ballet girls then rush into Sorelli’s dressing room as the are scared of the Opera Ghost. The Ghost is describe as a death head in a dress suit, he’s fashionable. Towards the end of the chapter Joseph Buquet is found died hanging from a set. Some say suicide but the dancers know it was the ghost since Joseph saw him.

Just some points of differences from movies and the Webber version, Meg Giry is described as having black eyes and hair which is way off from blond she is the Webber show, also the prolouge said Meg married well so F.U Love never Dies.   Also Joseph Buquet is a quiet hard worker which is quiet different to the drunk he is the musical.

Also I don’t think Sorelli and the other little dancer, Jammes are ever in any movie versions, I could be wrong.

Chapter 2, The New Margarita

Enough built-up, I mean jeeze it took what two chapters for us to meet the main characters, I kid I’m still not over The Man who Laughs, that book took forever for anything to happen.

Anyway in this chapter we meet Raoul and his older brother. WE also get their back story like Raoul is  twenty years younger than his brother and they have sisters too. It’s nice getting the backstory from the get-go as it won’t hold things up later.

Christine is also introduced. We learn that six months ago she wasn’t that great as a singer but now she is a triumph. Raoul recognize Christine but she does know him.  Christine then asks to be alone and Raoul assumes it’s for him but it’s to talk to The Phantom. She tells him that she sings only for him and that she gave him her soul. At this point the Phantom is just as voice for Christine. Christine leaves her dressing room as Raoul watches her leave, he was eavesdropping. He looks into the dressing room and sees it’s empty, dun-dun-dun. Then more Buquet stuff.

Just for the record Margarita is the role Christine played in Faust which was her big moment. She also sang as Juliet but that seemed like it wasn’t the full opera.

 

Chapter 3, The Mysterious Reason 

This time we are introduced to the new mangers, Armand Moncharmin and Firmin Richard. They are given the ropes which involve the Opera Ghost, mainly concering Box five which is the Ghost’s box but they decide to sell it, Poor Fools.

A lot of this chapter is from their memoirs.

Aside from the Prologue it’s a good start, thing move along and happen.

Recently I became a fan of Modern Family and as I’m watching season 2 episode 6, just named Halloween we are treated to a Hunchback of Notre Dame reference, yay.

Eric Stonestreet as Cameron from the Halloween episode of Modern Family season 2 episode 6 picture image

Eric Stonestreet as Cameron from the Halloween episode of Modern Family

In the episode Cameron makes mentions to his traumatic Halloween of his youth. At the end of episode as the Halloween is being ruined, Cam shares his story and I’m going off of memory to recount it.  He was dressed up as Quasimodo. His friend took a whole bowl of candy as the ran off Cam’s Quasi Hunch got caught on a rose bush as his friend got away but every went after Cam saying ” Get Quasimodo” and them Cam wet his pants. Poor Cam

Also as an added bonus Jay is dressed as a Gargoyle. And the show makes other reference to Hunchback so double Yay!

Happy Halloween!

 

 

The City of Lost Children picture image

The City of Lost Children

What can I say about the 1995 steampunk surreal mind-fuck that is The City of Lost Children a.k.a La Cite des Enfants Perdus? Really, the only thing I can say about it is that I have no idea what to say about it. It’s a weird movie that is dreamlike, wonderful and insane.

Just so you understand this movie a little better, it is a French-German-Spanish movie by Jean-Pierre Jeunet who made Delicatessen and Amelie, so if you know those movies you will get why this movie is weird.

Ron Perlman as One and Judith Vittet as Miette The City of Lost Children picture image

Ron Perlman as One and Judith Vittet as Miette

Despite The City of Lost Children being Steampunk it does have a fairy tale tone. The story follows One, a carnival strongman whose little brother has been kidnapped. As it turns out lots of children are being taken  off to an ocean rig. There is a mad scientist named Krank live and  he can’t dream, so he take children so he steal their dreams. Krank is aided by his “family” Martha, a woman with Dwarfism, Irvin, a brain in a tank who gets migraines and six clones who have narcolepsy.

One is helped by a young girl named Miette who is a member of theives guild which is made up of all orphans. The guild is run by a pair of conjoined twins known as the Octopus. The Octopus becomes distrustful of Miette because of her involvement with One. Both One and Miette are capture by a cult that kidnaps the children for Krank in exchange for optical eye pieces. One is saved from the drowning but Miette is thrown to the water is and is presumed dead. She is saved however by a crazed man who lives in a submarine and looks like the six clones but older and knows something about the children abductions. Miette leaves the submarine and finds One in a bar drowning his sorrows.

Miette and One then have to deal with the Octopus again and they use an assassin flea that injects a serum into One that to makes him try and kill Miette but due to Miette’s tear hitting a spider web that scared a bird which lead to a whole chain of rections it cause the power to go out which means the light house and a huge ship crashes into the doc where everyone is standing. One comes to his sense and he and Miette are thrown into the water. The Octopus douse them with gas and lights a match but Miete and One get away and it The Octpus who is thrown into the water and blown up.

Miette and One make their way to ocean rig to find his brother. To save the brother Miette has to go into the dream and convince Krank to let him go. While that is happening the crazy guy from the submarine sets up explosive to blow it all up. As it turns out he was the one who created them. He created Martha to his beautiful princess wife but she was a dwarf, he created Irvin to talk to but his migraines, he created the clones to be his sons, but their sleep conditions and then he create Krank his great work but he couldn’t dream and because of the he aged prematurely. Miette, One, his brother, the other children, the clones and Irvin make it off the rig before it explodes.

Mireille Mossé as Martha and Dominique Pinon as one of the clones with member of the Cyclops The City of Lost Children picture image

Mireille Mossé as Martha and Dominique Pinon as one of the clones with member of the Cyclops

Trying summarize this movie doesn’t do it justice, trust me. The plot is great, a little weird but on the whole it’s great but this movie exists in the visuals. The movie has very distinct look and feel. As I mention earlier this movie has a steampunk look but this was before it was really a trend so the other elements have non-specific period to them. There is no indication when or where this movie is set in and that adds to the fairy tale vibe.

Also this movie has a color palette of browns and reds. It give the port city a sense of danger and energy.

Irvin The City of Lost Children picture image

Uncle Irvin

The sets are also great. The advantage here is that it made in 1995 which is before CGs stuff took hold, so the sets are real. The reveals in the sets but lets them be too. It’s not trying to hard to showcase elements of the design but lets them exist in place.

Ron Perlman as One and Judith Vittet as Miette The City of Lost Children picture image

Ron Perlman as One and Judith Vittet as Miette

It’s not just the visuals that make this movie, it’s the characters. On the one hand it would seem like the movie didn’t give the characters a lot of development or compelling personality. The movie gives a light yet very controlled hand on revealing characters and motivations. Some are simple, like the Octopus wants money, that is simple. One however shows us that he has a good heart, not super well spoken but can be clever. Miette is gutsy and no-nonsense. Really the character’s flow with the plot so you understanding them as you try an understand the plot.

Daniel Emilfork as Krank The City of Lost Children picture image

Daniel Emilfork as Krank

Which bring us to the plot which is simple and yet has lots of layer like a fairy tale. It’s fairly clear that this story has a lot fairy elements at work. The backstory of Krank and crew reads like a fairy tale. Yet the story isn’t obvious in its fairy tale influence it’s just woven into the story creating the a backdrop for the surreal tone and atmosphere of the movie’s world.

Daniel Emilfork as Krank dressed as Santa The City of Lost Children picture image

Daniel Emilfork as Krank dressed as Santa

If I had one criticism of The City of Lost Children would it weird but then again that its strength . Watch it!

Today we get three clues;

Clue 1, Clue 2, and Clue 3

Adam Sandler picture image

Adam Sandler

If you thought last week’s Anti-Hypothetical Casting post was scary this sone is downright horrific because while Kim Kardashian has the means to set-up herself as Esmeralda I doubt she has the inclination but I could see Sandler wanting to play Quasimodo.

Adam Sandler picture image

Adam Sandler

Quasimodo is a fairly converted role for actors as not only do they get a very emotional role but they physical side of it also a challenge and though psychical demanding roles are REALLY what gets an actor notice, case-in-point  Eddie Redmayne getting the Oscar for The Theory of Everything. So if Adam Sandler wanted to play Quasimodo could and he would.

Adam Sandler picture image

Adam Sandler

Sandler has roots in comedy but he has been in some dramatic roles. He also has been is a decent amount of okay movies but he has been in so major crap that just seems like he wants to go on a trip with with friends and the movie is just an excuse. Unfortunately this how I see a Sandler attempt at The Hunchback of Notre Dame going. He would get his trip to Paris and have all his friends in the various other roles. You can use you imagination.

Adam Sandler as Opera Man from Saturday Night Live SNL picture image

Adam Sandler as Opera Man from Saturday Night Live

Also unfortunately I can really only in vision Sandler giving Quasimodo just a silly voice and that would be it for the acting front. Somehow I think it would be Opera man. I would say the physical side of the performance would be a reprise of Little Nicky. Also given that it would be an Adam Sandler movie maybe this version would follow suit with Enchanted Tales in that Sandler is actully handsome and he gets the girl in the end. And we would  get Rob Schneider saying “You can do it Quasi” when he saying Esmeralda.

Adam Sandler as Zohan with Emmanuelle Chriqui as Dalia in You Don't Mess with the Zohan picture image

Adam Sandler as Zohan with Emmanuelle Chriqui as Dalia in You Don’t Mess with the Zohan

Though one plus side of Sandler playing Quasimodo is that he could get Emmanuelle Chriqui is a popular choice for the role among people on the internet, though it would seem sad that it be wasted in an Adam Sandler movie.

Few things in Hunchback are a terrifying as bad version of Hunchback. There are actually many awful version of this story either though laziness of acting, writing production values, editing and directing but there is one version that takes it such a degree that it truly the stuff of Nightmares.

I of course mean the Dingo version. Doesn’t Djali look evil?

Esmeralda and Djali with Gringoire, Dingo Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda and Djali with Gringoire, Dingo Hunchback of Notre Dame

I mean just look at that, that is crap never known to the world before. One has to work to be so lazy, so bad. It someways it like a weird surreal art piece, some commentary of the human condition to wonder at the odd and sincere. To reveal in the discourse of humanity. It is true terror, or just lazy pile of shit.

We’ll get more in more into the Dingo version later, I’m too scared to review it after a month of scary stuff.

So for the next version let’s look at another infamously bad version of Hunchback.

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo, The Secret of the Hunchback

More singing Gargoyles? This going to give me nightmare too.