The Thief of Bagdad Review; That Lizard Dragon thing was awesome, wish it was main character.

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1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

1924 The Thief of Bagdad

According to AFI’s movie list, which I take super-duper seriously (sarcasm), the 1924 The Thief of Bagdad is listed as the ninth greatest fantasy movie. At Ten is Big and at Eight is Groundhog Day, see list here.

As it is, The Thief of Bagdad was a lavish production speared-headed by Douglas Fairbanks, who starred, produced and wrote the general story. It has also been remade a few times but the most notable is the 1940’s version, which we’ll get to someday…maybe next month…who knows?

So this movie has a good reputation but does it really hold up to it? Meh, yes and not really.

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad threatening Anna May Wong as the Mongol Slave with Julanne Johnston as The Princess sleeping 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad threatening Anna May Wong as the Mongol Slave with Julanne Johnston as The Princess sleeping

The movie starts with a wise guy giving us a lesson which is “Happiness must be earned.” That’s a nice one. Then we are introduced to a thief who steals things he wants. He gets his hands on some magic rope and decides to steal from the palace. There is falls in love with the princess and wants to take her, so he poses as a Prince as with the Princess’ birthday is coming up and she must marry, hmmm that sounds fimilar.

The Princess has the choice between three princes, One from Persia, one from India and one from Mongolia, I guess. The Mongol Prince and yes no one has a name so I have to call him, The Mongol Prince but I’m going to call him TMP*, the Persian one will TPP and the Indian one will be TIP, we clear? Good! So TMP wants to marry the Princess so he can rule Bagdad and he will not accept failure, he is our token villain.

One of the Princes’ slave tells her a prophecy from the Sands of Mecca that she will wed the Prince that first touches the Rose Tree in the garden. As The Princes arrive she watches them to see who touches the tree. The first one is TIP, who has a glower that the Princess doesn’t fancy, he passes the tree which pleases the Princess. TPP is next, he is too fat for the Princess and again he passes the tree. TMP is the third and his look scares the Princess, he also passed the tree. The Thief then appears claiming to be Prince Ahmed from Arabia, the Princess likes Ahmed and hopes he touches the tree. The thief stole what he needed to look like a Prince and I’m not sure if his name is Ahmed or a lie but I’m just going to call him Ahmed because it nice one person got a name in this movie.

However one of the Princess’ slave, who is a Mongol, tells TMP about the Princess’ superstition of the tree and he goes to touch it but before he can Ahmed is thrown from his horse into the rose-tree. So the Princess picks him to marry which pisses TMP off but he keeps his cool as the Mongol slave told him he was thief as he threaten her when he broke in. Ahmed puts his plan into action to kidnap the princess but he is overcome by her innocence and love that he can’t steal her. It then comes out that he isn’t a Prince and the ruler wants his executed but the Princess bribes the guard to free him and to buy time from marrying she tells the Princes that she will marry the one who brings about the rarest treasure within seven moons. Is that a week or a month? But before TMP leaves he has one his servants to stay in Bagdad to build an army within the city.

Ahmed goes through a dilemma as his “take thing” outlook on life seems wrong. He goes to a Mosque where he advised to become a prince by going to get treasures.

The next part of the movie are the dudes getting treasures. TPP gets a flying carpet, TIP gets a crystal ball and TMP gets a golden apple that can cure anything even death. Ahmed goes on adventures where he fight stuff, goes underwater, gets a flying winged horse and he gets a cloak of Invisibility and a magical box that can create whatever he wants, like anything, so basically he is a fucking god at this point.

Before heading back to Bagdad, TMP has the princess poisoned so he can save her life. However he works together with the other princes so no one can agree who saved her life. TMP then conquers Bagdad with his army and orders the Princess to marry him. But Ahmed scooped in and creates a huge army and saves the day and he flies off with the Princess.

A Dragon Lizard Monster 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

A Dragon Lizard Monster, so cute!

The reason why this movie is so well regarded is because of the special effects. Which is a little weird saying from the vantage point of 2010’s where the movie going public is generally pretty jaded towards special effects but the fact that they did all this stuff with trick photography and practical effects are awesome. Sure, it looks fake but there is realness and grit that makes it believable versus CGIs where audiences’ eyes are trained to see the computer images and it reads as fake.

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad and Julanne Johnston as The Princess 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad and Julanne Johnston as The Princess

I won’t say that the plot isn’t fun, it’s not that interesting. Perhaps I’m at a disadvantage as I have seen Aladdin and Aladdin had to taken inspiration from this movie as well as the 1940’s version and the The Thief And The Cobbler. We have seen this story play out a thief who fall for the princess. I think the real trouble with this movie is that the characters are just not even remotely interesting, aside from Ahmed who gets a slight arc none of the characters have any personality. The bad guys are bad and the good guys are good. That is it.

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad

Lack of characters with good personalities mixed with a plot that is a trope makes for a movie that took me three days to finish, though one day I was busy and didn’t have time so really two days. So really this movie is all about the technicals, they are what makes this movie enjoyable.

Julanne Johnston as The Princess with her servants looking at the Princes 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

Julanne Johnston as The Princess with her servants looking at the Princes

I will say they did meet their moral about Happiness being earned as Ahmed and the Princess do work for it. Ahmed is more active about gaining treasure for his happy ending but I do give the Princess a little credit as she frees Ahmed by telling her servant to bribe the guards and her idea to buy time was a good one even though her servant told to her buy time but she did go for it. So there is something to her.

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad and Julanne Johnston as The Princess flying off together 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

Douglas Fairbanks as Ahmed, the Thief of Bagdad and Julanne Johnston as The Princess flying off together

I don’t really want to say that because The Thief of Bagdad is a silent movie that is the reason why the characters and plot really aren’t there and that is why the pacing is weird, seriously most of this movie is set-up then treasure then the epic resolution is maybe 5 minutes but this movie seemed like it was the spectacle, for the effects, which seems a little weird when reviewing classic 1920’s silent movie, it seems like films haven’t changed that much.

Though some movies  do have amazing technicals and while they do have simple characters somehow the film makes them appealing and maybe we’ll see that next time, clue 1 and clue 2.

Sojin Kamiyama as Cham Shang a.k.a The Mongol Prince a.k.a TMP 1924 The Thief of Bagdad picture image

Sojin Kamiyama as Cham Shang a.k.a The Mongol Prince a.k.a TMP

*According to Wikipedia, TMP had a name, Cham Shang or maybe that was were he was from….. I’m confused, though it seems that is his name. Ok, so the hero and the villain get names but Fuck the Princess getting a name, pffft.

Dressing like Hipster Esmeralda

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One of the greatest things about Disney’s Esmeralda’s costumes is how easy it is to translate into difference type of costumes and how easy it is to buy components for.

One type of trend that is easy to turn Esmeralda’s costume into is a Hipster. Let’s face it who doesn’t love Hispters in an ironic way.

Purple Skinny Jeans

HDE Women’s Jean Style Cute Skinny Jeggings Fitted Pants Low Rise Moleton DenimSkinny Jeans are to hipsters what a hunchback is to Quaismodo, necessary!

Flannel Shirt

SOHO GLAM
Button Up Plaid Flannel in Blue TealOK, this a two-tier suggestion, This Flannel shirt works as  her hip scarf and corset you just have to tie it around your waist.

Shirt

White Renaissance Pirate Cap Sleeved Chemise Top Medieval Peasant Wench BlouseReally, you can go with any white shirt.

Pink Hat

FUNOC® Women Ladies Baggy Beret Chunky Knit Knitted Braided Beanie Hat Ski CapTo capture Esmeralda’s headband go with a pink muffin hat, nothing could be more perfect for an Esmeralda hat.

Hipster Glasses

CLEAR LENS 80’s Style Vintage Wayfarer Style Sunglasses With Clear Lens. Very Popular. Many Colors For FrameYou NEED these for a Hipster costume!

There are some ideas for a Hipster Esmeralda.

Songs of Notre Dame de Paris Part 10

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Condamnés (Condemns)

Luck Mervil as Clopin from Notre Dame de Paris Condamnés picture image

Luck Mervil as Clopin performing Condamnés

I won’t beat around the proverbially bush, I don’t like Condamnés, not even a little. I will admit, I like somethings it does but on the whole, not a fan.

In the context of the show, Clopin has been told that Esmeralda has been arrested and will die if she is not saved. I took Clopin telling Gringoire not to tell him anymore as like a code for like leave it to me, I got this. I’m not sure why I thought this but that is how I took that exchange the first time I watched the musical. So Clopin then sings about how unfair the world is, again but this time it’s outside a jail and he gets arrested. So either that was his way of saving Esmeralda or he was just complaining, take your pick.

As a song, this is pretty much the same subject matter as Le Sans Papiers but more desperate and angry. The emotions are good but I don’t feel the show needed it has second song.

The big issue I have with the song is the dancing and the costumes. I mean dear god what are they wearing? Rain Gear and why white hooded shirts? Who thought that would be good? Clopin makes it work but on the dancers it looks dumb. And then there are the weird spazzy turing movement and flinging into the other dancers, I like it not.

If there was one thing that could have help this song it would have been the music but alas it really does nothing for me. I think the point of this number is because they needed something to fill in between Les Oiseaux qu’on met en Cage and Le Procés. And as a gap filler it does work and makes Clopin being saved later make sense but this song could have been so much better.

Le Procés (The Trial)

Helene Segara as Esmeralda and Daniel Lavoie as Frollo NOtre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda and Frollo

Le Procés is Esmeralda’s trial and Frollo is acting as the judge. Now I know what you might be thinking, why Frollo? That is a good question since really contextually it makes no sense that he would be running the trial as in the book he was just sort of there. However from a practical standpoint it is necessary as the show doesn’t have any extras for singing so they had to use Frollo in this capacity.

But how is the song? It’s great, it has a creepy yet sexy tone to it and Frollo adds great tension as he knows what happened but plays it like Esmeralda did it. The strong beats are also wonderful at adding drama in a short time frame.

I also like how Esmeralda while scared does stand up for herself, she throws it right back at Frollo that he looks like one who stabbed Phoebus and she has nothing to confess.

The part where Frollo and the disembodied chorus sings, She’s a witch, Foreigner, Gyspy and a non-believer, I used to have that as ring-tone. It was pretty awesome though I never answered my phone but I never really answer it anyway. But I really to love that part.

La Torture (The Torture)

Esmeralda as Helene Segara Notre Dame de Paris La Torture picture image

Esmeralda as Helene Segara performing La Torture

La Torture is weird. Basically Frollo calls for the torture, Esmeralda’s foot in put in the vice and she confesses with basically “I love him, I confess” and that is it and the Frollo takes that as the confession and she sentenced to death.

I heard somewhere that according to Daniel Lavoie, original Frollo, that Frollo takes that confession with its wording because Frollo didn’t want to torture her, so her confession it was enough. And sure why not? Makes a level sense. But if you are just watching the show, it’s like huh?

As far as a song goes it serviceable for scene but there isn’t a lot to it.

I will say that that the original version and other versions are quite different in how the actual torture goes. In other versions Esmeralda is not in the huge cage for this scene though it is in the background. Instead she is tied up at the start of Le Procés. It seems like instead of the boot they tie something around her ankle and pull the two ropes in two opposition directions for the torture. It’s more dramatic than the boot but instead of compressing it’s pulling. Just a weird staging difference, I guess.

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE

The Man who Laughs Part II: Book 7: Chapters 1-5

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The Man who Laughs Part II:  Book 7: The Titaness

If you’re like me, you thought this book would just be Hugo describing Gwynplaine’s fancy, confusing new digs. Fortunately, no he does not.

Gwynplaine comes to the conclusion that he would rather have Dea and his own life back. So he tries to leave the house-mansion-palace thing. However he can’t because he gets lost. Instead of finding an exit he finds the tempting Lady Josiana. Josiana then tries to seduce him. Girl has to work hard because Gwynplaine, while he does want her, he is like a deer in the headlights. He likes the idea of a woman wanting him who can see him, apparently blind devotion isn’t enough.

However Josiana turns a little hateful when a letter comes from the Queen telling her that Gwynplaine is now going to be her husband, which means Gwynplaine isn’t going to fulfill the role of lover but husband and that is too boring, so she leaves.

Lord David then shows up and Gwynplaine learns that his old pal Tom-Jim-Jack, who I never really paid a attention to, is really Lord David, Lady Josiana’s former fiancee and  rear-admiral. And they are half-brothers, Dun-Dun-Dunn.

I did like the part more than most, if only for Josiana’s waxing sexy poetics.

Maleficent Review; I think it was all the exposition that put Aurora to sleep

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Maleficent picture image

Maleficent

As some people might have guess from my clues, this week we’re looking at the 2014 movie, Maleficent. This movie is a re-imagining of the 1959 Disney version of Sleeping Beauty but from villain Maleficent’s perspective, hence the name. While on paper that does not seem like a bad idea, the execution of this movie is so fucking naive that it’s bad. It’s like they took the stupidest idea possible for what to do with Maleficent’s character and combined with more successful movies, like Frozen, Avatar and Lord of the Rings to name the obvious ones.

Also, all I will say on the narration is that it was over-done and bogged the movie down. It was the first red-flag of crappiness.

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent with Elle Fanning as Aurora picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent with Elle Fanning as Aurora

Basically, Maleficent is a fairy with bird wings and horns and she lives in the Moors and fucking shot me already. The Moors are clearly just a name but they don’t look anything like Moorlands of England. They could have called the mythical utopian fairy land ANYTHING else and it wouldn’t been an issue but now I have to think about how stupid this name is every time it appears on screen. Since the Moors are a discount failed Pandora from Avatar why not just called them something Greek or something, ANYTHING would have been better. Was that your first idea screenwriter? Really, off an a tangent already, great start.

So the “Moors” which is a land of fairies and Tree-ants a la Lord of the Rings and/or Groot are at odd with the Humans. Maleficent is a some kind of super fairy and she befriends and falls in love with a human named Stefan. The king gets his beard in a twist because Maleficent kicked with army’s butt with her tree-ants, so he offers the hand of his daughter to the person that can slay Maleficent. Stefan drugs her and steals her wings and gets to be the king while Maleficent’s heart turns cold or something and gets a crow minion.

Stefan has a baby girl and Maleficent curses her and this scene is ALMOST verbatim to the original expect Maleficent puts the clauses in about True Love’s kiss awaking her as a slap-in-the-face to Stefan who claimed he had given Maleficent a true love’s kiss. Also the green fairy who was the blue fairy didn’t get to give Aurora a gift, though the gifts in this version are stupid. Also Maleficent says it’s a sleep like death when in the original Maleficent just said she will die, so…… anyway.

Stefan must be smoking copious crack because he entrusts the stupid fairies with raising the princess (I think there was line about the fairies being good with human but WTF why?). The fairies are so stupid that Aurora would have staved to death and fallen off a cliff if not for Maleficent who helps care for the child on the sly and pranks the fairies for jollies. Aurora gets in to her head that Maleficent is her fairy godmother, oh dear god movie, I can’t, I don’t even know but wrong movie there. Maleficent then tries to revoke the curse but can’t because of her wording about nothing be able to break the curse.

Aurora meets Prince Mcgaffin erm I mean Phillip and they have a little attraction which crow-boy hopes means is true love. Aurora for some reason (I wasn’t paying a lot of attention at this point), goes back to the castle a day before she was suppose to and falls in to the  death-like sleep coma-nap. Maleficent bring Prince-i-boy to help with that pesky curse but he fails, (fail sound effect from the Price is Right), so Maleficent kisses her on the forehead and in Frozen fashion Aurora wakes up and then there is a dumb fight, Maleficent turns her pretty-boy crow into a dragon, pffffffttttttttttttttttttt and stupid happy ending and it turns out all that annoying narration was done by Aurora. Hate this movie.

Isobelle Molloy as Young Maleficent with Michael Higgins as Young Stefan picture image

Isobelle Molloy as Young Maleficent with Michael Higgins as Young Stefan

On the one small hand, I sort of appreciate what Maleficent was trying to do in theory but on the other larger hand this movie missed the point of everything and meanders into the realm of idiocity.

The first major problem is Maleficent herself. Maleficent in no way shape or form should be the same entity as the Good fairies and for the record why did they change their names from Flora, Fauna and Merriweather to Flittle, Knotgrass and Thistlewit? Really, I could do another full post on these useless pixels but I will refrain*.

To have Maleficent as good fairy at the start with a name like Maleficent which means evil is dumber than naming a character Knotgrass or Flittle or Thistlewit. They could have made Maleficent change her name to suit her evil persona but nope a child fairy who ages for no reason that the film gives is given the name which means Evil. I mean for Fuck sake movie, you give the origins of her staff but no mechanic for how or why she grows-up when nothing else in her realm does? F-U!

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent after her wings have been cut off picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent after her wings have been cut off

Another issue is that original movie called Maleficent the mistress of evil. Given this, she didn’t NEED reason to be evil, she just was and rather enjoyed it. Actually she did have a reason for why she cursed Aurora, she got snub an invitation to a baby shower, I would have done the same thing.

But you what REALLY pisses me the fuck off about all this movie? SO the film takes the stance that true love between two platonic ladies exists and is a strong bond a la Frozen which is great HOWEVER this lead you down the path that the film as feminist bent BUT Maleficent’s anger and hatred comes from a guy betraying her. She is literally a scorned woman, a man made her become evil. Why can’t she just be evil? Why can’t she just have been demonic entity whose got a sense of humanity from a pure girl, kind of a Sleeping beauty meets Hades/Persephone dynamic. This movie spouts the power of women but evil unintelligible king caused the Maleficent to be evil.

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

And that is another problem, Maleficent’s evilness is VERY infantile. Literally all she does besides the plot-curse is prank the fairies with rain magic and turns the Moors gloomy. If that is extent of her evil that means the curse on Aurora or the plot is very out-of-character for Maleficent. It’s like the movie took this awesome kick-ass bad guy but was afraid to make her evil because if she is evil than the audience wouldn’t like her but that was the point. Sleeping Beauty from the perspective of the Mistress of Evil and they sap all of her likable-evil and just watered her down to the point of delusions.

Elle Fanning as Aurora Maleficent picture image

Elle Fanning as Aurora

Then we have Sleeping Beauty herself. One BIG criticism of the original is that Aurora gets very little screen-time and this movie was chance to give her more of a character but nope fuck that. One of the fairies, and who fucking cares which one it was, gave her the gift of being happy. This makes Aurora a smiling simpleton with no other sense of character. Really all she is happy, I think the original Aurora had more of a range of emotions and that is so sad.

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent flying picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent flying

But you know most modern movies have shit for characters because they more are all about being Bigger, Louder and having more teeth i.e technicals and CGs and you may ask how are they in Maleficent? OH dear god, do they suck, they suck much my friends. It’s like everything looked so fake and cheesy that it hurt, like I’m in pain just thinking about it.

But the REAL tragedy is that costumes which I need to distract me from a movie’s stupidity were not there, Maleficent’s costume were meh. Really, don’t recall anything, maybe Aurora wore blue and Maleficent had horn wraps.

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent with Baby Aurora picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent with Baby Aurora

Maleficent could have been an interesting movie if the screenwriter had just kept certain things in play like Maleficent’s character and TURINING IN A FUCKING DRAGON! Really that they turned the Mistress of Evil into a Mischievous Nanny is insulting. I bet a re-imagining of Mary Poppins would have a more Maleficent like character than this movie. And WHO the FUCK gave the Money to get this shit storm a sequel? Know that I hate you whatever orderd a sequel.

* leave a comment if you want me to bash the fairy and maybe the other characters.

Some PR videos of The Notre Dame de Paris performance in Lebanon

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This is off-the-cuff

There is something about Stephanie Bedard that just doesn’t work for me. She is a very good singer and she has a nice power in her voice but I don’t get any feeling here. It’s just a tepid version of Vivre. She is not performing it she just singing it, albeit nicely but still there is like nothing to it.

It’s ok. Laurent is sing nicely which is odd considering how he typically sings Quasimodo but he injects some feeling into it. However, he has been in something like 500+ performances of Notre Dame de Paris so I would imagine it would be second-nature to him at this point.

This is cute. I feel like I get something from Bedard other than nice singing maybe it’s fun and relax. Laurent’s fast paced and rockfish Belle is weird but fun and I liked the duet angle with Bedard.

 

Songs of Notre Dame de Paris Part 9

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Act II Commence!

Florence

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire and Daniel Lavoie performing Florence Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire and Daniel Lavoie performing Florence

The second act opens in a very similar manner as the first act. Florence is a duet between Frollo and Gringoire and the sing about the changing weird mainly how the printing press will affect architecture. This of course is the subject to a long chapter in the novel but it was very interesting and it translates to a lovely song.

Unlike Le Temps, Florence has a more melancholic tone or at least bittersweet. However neither Frollo or Gringoire point to how they feel about this transition, they present it more as fact.

If there is a negative it that tonally Frollo ends the first act by stabbing Phoebus and now he is wondering about the state of the age. It’s just weird.

The Song has a lovely melody and both singer add great emotion. The Song ends with Frollo and Gringoire commenting on Quasimodo being in love.

This was Daniel Lavoie favorite song.

Les Cloches (The Bells)

Quasimodo with a Bell Les Cloches Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Garou as Quasimodo with a bell

One this I love about this number are dudes hanging from the Bells, that looks like so much fun.

Les Cloches is on the one hand a fun song and on the other it’s rather sad. How can it be both? It’s fun because it up-tempo and Quasimodo sings all the instances when he rings the bells, which is pretty every hour of every day, busy guy.

However in his duty he has to ring the bells for lover getting married and he knows this doesn’t apply to him and more over the bells never ring for him which makes him sad as he loves the bells.

This precisely captures not all Quasimodo’s relationship with the bells but his feeling on love and his future. There also a lot emotion in this song and Garou exposes Quasimodo’s inner working perfectly.

Patrick Fiori once said in the Frequentstar special that of all the songs in Notre Dame de Paris, this is the one he would most want to sing.

Où est-elle? (Where is she?)

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire and Luc Mervil as Clopin during Où est-elle? Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire and Luc Mervil as Clopin during Où est-elle?

What is this? Another trio about Esmeralda, this makes the second one of in the musical. This time it’s Gringoire, Frollo and Clopin. in Où est-elle ? Frollo asks Gringoire where Esmeralda is and he pretends he doens’t know but tells Clopin. Thet all miss her and remark that Paris is sadder without her.

It’s a pretty simple song but it heart-felt even from Frollo even with all his weird confused lusty feeling towards her. And all their voice work well together.

Les Oiseaux qu’on met en Cage (The Birds in Cages)

Esmeralda in jail les oiseaux qu'on met en cage Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda in jail

Ok, I’m just going to say it, Les oiseaux qu’on met en cage is one of my favorite songs in the show, like easy top three.

This song is a depressing duet between Esmeralda and Quasimodo. Esmeralda in jail asks for Quasimodo to save her and not Gringoire or Clopin as her and Quasimodo have a bond that she doesn’t seem to have with the other two. Quasimodo longingly wonders where Esmeralda is.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo have such pathos in their voices that it hard not to love this song. It’s also just a lovely duet with beautifully sad lyrics.

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE

The Man who Laughs Part II: Book 6: Chapters 1-5

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 The Man who Laughs Part II:  Book 6: Ursus Under Different Aspects

Barky is a jerk, this is known earlier but MY GOD.

So Ursus sees Gwynplaine go into the jail and not come out. Naturally he assumes that Gwynplaine is really a powerful lord lost in childhood and now restored to his glory. Yeah, no he assumes the worse for his child. He returns to Dea. His plan is to tell her the true which he assumes will kill her, though he lies instead and pretends Gwynplaine for the act.

Then Ursus get tattled on by the inn keeper for his wolf. I think the police come with Barky. They tells Ursus he has to leave England by tomorrow with Homo or the will kill Homo. It is also here that Barky tells Ursus that Gwynplaine is dead, and figurity yes he is. And then Barky gives Usrus ten guineas instead of the two thousand that Gwynplaine told him to give to Ursus and then he pockets the rest because and I quote

“Barkilphedro loved money, especially money which was stolen.”

This guy isn’t even remotely likeable. Let me both this into perceptive here and you’ll pardon me from using Game of Thrones…….. but if Ramsey Bolton and Barky were in a fight I would still rather Ramsey Bolton, a fucking creepy-ass sadist, to win over this jerk and I HATE HOUSE BOLTON! I kind of want to call him Barky Bolton but I won’t. If Barky isn’t thrown off a famous English building I’m going to rage. (Not really but this guy needs to offed and if he is not I will rage.)

Then the inn keeper who snitched on Ursus gets arrest for harboring the wolf. I mean turn about being fair play and all but these guys are just asses. I mean Ursus had a loop-pole in the system and they didn’t honor it. Such Jerks!

The Princess Bride Review; It’s inconceivable how wondrous this movie really is

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The Princess Bride picture image

The Princess Bride

Fair warning, this review is a gush-fest. If you want a movie that causes pain wait till next week and here are two clues for the next review, clue 1 and clue 2.

As for The Princess Bride there isn’t much to say. It was based on a book of the same name by William Goldman in 1973 and made into a film in 1987 by Rob Reiner. On it’s release it was a modest success but its has a legacy of being a cult movie. It’s also a DAMN quotable movie. Heck look up the word inconceivable on google and you will get the movie.

I did read the book many years ago and while it was enjoyable I think the movie is better, the book is also weird if I recall.

Cary Elwes as Westley and Robin Wright as Buttercup The Princess Bride picture image

Cary Elwes as Westley and Robin Wright as Buttercup

The story is pretty simple. Westley and Buttercup are young lovers but one day Westley goes off and is presumed dead. Five years later Buttercup is forced into an engagement to Prince Humperdink. Humperdink then hires Vizzini, a genius Sicilian, Inigo, a fencer out for revenge and Fezzik, a kind giant with a gift for rhymes (I know what a a cliche), to kidnap and kill Buttercup in order to start a war with a rival country. However the Dread Pirate Roberts follows them and defeats all of them and runs off with Buttercup. The pirate turns out to be Westley who took on the alias of the Dread Pirate. However Buttercup and Westley are caught by the Prince and his henchman the not very nice Count Rugen.

Westley is tortured and is mostly dead but Inigo and Fezzik get a miracle and storm the castle on Buttercup’s wedding day. Inigo gets his revenge for the murder of his father on Count Rugen who killed him and Buttercup and Westley are together. The whole story is told as a book a grandfather is reading to his grandson.

Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya The Princess Bride picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya

Typically when I review a movie I have to ask myself what was good about the movie as a general opener but with The Princess Bride it’s more of a question of what is bad and I’m hard press to have a negative.

I guess one thing is that film is very filmy. You can tell the stuntmen from a mile away and your blind. The sets look fake and there are tons of Anachronisms. Like the British discovered Australia in 1606 but the tone of the movie have a Renaissance quality. Even given those flaws they actually add to the atmosphere of fun swash-bucking fantasy romance. And characters more than make up for anything.

Wallace Shawn as Vizzini, Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya and André the Giant as Fezzik The Princess Bride picture image

Wallace Shawn as Vizzini, Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya and André the Giant as Fezzik

The characters are one of the main highlights of the movie which is necessary since the story is fairly simple, which is fine. All the characters are interesting unique and memorable. A lot of that comes from the writing, everyone gets good lines. I just love these characters, argh damn you movie. Even SUPER minor characters are memorable like the king and the impressive clergy man  with his “mawwiage speech.”

Wallace Shawn as Vizzini with Robin Wright as Buttercup at the Battle of Wit The Princess Bride picture image

Wallace Shawn as Vizzini with Robin Wright as Buttercup at the Battle of Wit

Maybe it’s all the mold I have breathed in cleaning my basement and the exhaustion of it has melted my brain but I can really find a fault with this movie. I mean I guess the ending song is a prime example of 80s cheesy and Buttercup, the titular character is not the most interesting. But she is brave and once she knows her true love is alive she doesn’t lack conviction. I suppose agmonst the other kickass characters and quotes she isn’t that memorable but she is likable enough, I don’t have an issue with her.

Robin Wright as Buttercup with Chris Sarandon as Prince Humperdinck and Christopher Guest as Count Rugen The Princess Bride picture image

Robin Wright as Buttercup with Chris Sarandon as Prince Humperdinck and Christopher Guest as Count Rugen

Also since I’m a costume person, the costume are very nice. Everything is one point and looks like the character actually have wore the clothes and have lived in them, which is rare on films. And props for Buttercup’s wedding gown being blue.

Cary Elwes as Westley and Robin Wright as Buttercup The Princess Bride picture image

Cary Elwes as Westley and Robin Wright as Buttercup

So let us don our holocaust clocks and grab a M.L.T sandwich and watch The Princess Bride because it inconceivable how fun this movie is. I keep using that word, I don’t think it means what I think it means.

Billy Crystal as Miracle Max and Carol Kane as Valerie The Princess Bride picture image

Billy Crystal as Miracle Max and Carol Kane as Valerie

Hunchback Honeymoon Hotspots

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Notre Dame, Paris, France - Matted Photo

Notre Dame, Paris, France – Matted Photo

The wedding theme month might be over but now that wedding is over we can talk about hunchback inspired Honeymoons also I just don’t’ really want to end the theme month midweek and it was easy to get a wedding-related live action fairy tale movie.

The obvious pick for a honeymoon that is inspired by Hunchback is Paris, kinda of a no brainer and it is the city of love.

However let’s just say you would rather go somewhere else. You could go to Rheims as Esmeralda and her mom were from there. You could also so to Montreal which is a lovely city and has a lovely Notre Dame that looks very similar to Notre Dame de Paris.

Though you could also go to place that was a French colony, I would recommend  New Caledonia, it’s not only gorgeous but it’s a popular honeymoon destination.

You could ALSO go to Notre Dame, Indiana because of the University.