The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

16Oct 2014

The Thief And The Cobbler Review: This Movie is Obsessed with Balls

by jess

The Thief And The Cobbler

Before we discuss The Thief And The Cobbler we need to discuss the Thief and the Cobbler. This was to be Richard Williams’ masterpiece. Richard Williams is most known for the animation on Who Framed Roger Rabbit. He started The Thief And The Cobbler in 1964 and it was released 1995. Williams spent his own money to make the movie. There is actually a few versions of this kicking around. There is the original version, entitled The “Thief And The Cobbler,” there is the Allied Filmmakers version called “The Princess and the Cobbler” and then there is the Miramax version called “Arabian Knight,” which is technically the version I’m reviewing though it exists under the name “The Thief And The Cobbler.”

Confused yet? Wait there is more! There is also versions of the film that feature unfinished parts which shows it as Williams intended it, these versions are the WorkPrint version and The ReCobbled Cut.

So the version that I suffered through for this review is the 1995 Miramax Arabian Knight version which is a soul-crushing ass of a film.

Tack and ZigZag

There is the this city which they call Baghdad, and it’s protected by three golden balls against King One-Eye. Just get used to the words balls and giggle accordingly. There is also exposition on Arabian Knights and stars and stuff. Our narrator is Tack, a cobbler and there is also a thief who’s internal monologue will never shut-up ever. The Thief isn’t a thief so much as a kleptomaniac but thief is a shorter word. The Klepo and the Cobbler doesn’t work as well. The Thief tries to steal from Tack and that leads to Tack to getting trouble with ZigZag, the Jafar of this story.

We are then introduced to Yum-Yum who is the Princess and guess what! There is more to her than beauty and she wants more out life than her royal life. BITCH, DO CHARITY WORK! Zigazag arrests Tack and brings him before King Nod and Princess Yum-Yum. Yum-Yum takes a liking to Tack and breaks her shoe to spare him from ZigZag’s wrath. We then learn that ZigZag plans to marry Yum-Yum so he can rule the city. Which is the plan for every bad guy in children movies with an Arabian setting, marry the girl and then rule, heck that was the plan from The Swan Princess which we looked at last week. Oh well classics tropes and whatnot.

We then see Yum-Yum and Tack hanging before Yum-Yum takes her bath. As that is happening the Thief sneaks in to the palace looking for stuff to steal. The Thief steals Yum-Yum’s back scratcher and then runs into Tack and steals her shoe. Tack chases the Thief and is once again is arrested by ZigZag and puts him into a cell. Then queue the bland love you missing you song from Tack and Yum-Yum. After knowing each other maybe 20 minutes they love each other but then again they are so bland that they know everything about each other already.

The next day Tack escapes the cell as the Thief steals the Golden Balls. As that is happening the King, Yum-Yum and Zigzag learn that King One-Eye is going to attack. They then see the balls are gone and ZigZag manages to take the balls back from the Thief and tries to uses them as leverage to marry Yum-Yum which doesn’t work so ZigZag decides to give the Balls to King One-Eye. Hehehehhehe, Balls

Team good-guys learns about a good witch in the desert who might be able to help them, The Good Witch is King One-Eye’s Twin sister. Yum-Yum thinks she should go because she is smarter and faster than everyone else ever, in the history in the universe. She picks Tack to be her guide because likes him.

As they leave for the desert, the Thief follows. Why? Who knows? The Plot? They then meet brigands and they find the witch with little effort. She gives them vague advice mainly Attack or A Tack, get it? Ha! So clever. ZigZag convinces One-Eye to left him join their side if he can have Yum-Yum and he surrenders the balls. Hehehehhehe, Balls

Tack pretty much single-handedly defects the One-Eye with a Tack, ZigZag is eaten by crocodiles and his vulture Fido (Fido also never shuts-up), the Thief gives the balls back to the King and Yum-Yum and Tack get married. Yay, I so don’t give a shit.

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack

This movie is a huge septic mess. The characters are just beyond weak, the story is laughable to the point of madness, William’s animation is lovely but the filler animation is the excrement of lesser animation. Really, it’s kind of fun and sad to spot the difference between the two even in a single scene.

The Thief, Tack and ZigZag

Watching the ReCobbled cut, I would say that the idea of the movie was not a character driven as the titulars characters are pretty much silent. However that is not the case in this version as the once silent characters never shut-up, like ever. Well strictly speaking they think their lines. The Thief’s brain never stops with the pop reference which so, so annoying. The voice also doesn’t suit him. Tack is just as annoying but Tack sometimes says stuff.

The intention with Tack is he is supposed to be shy and then he turns into a hero but whatever character arc he is supposed to have is really weak pretty much non-existent. One could argue that the Thief giving the balls back could be a character arc but it’s not because he continues stealing. No character has an arc in this movie. Do movies need to have characters that have arcs? No they don’t but arcs do add interest. If the movie was as Williams has intended it to be where the movie was surreal artistic animated fantasy movie where the animation is star it wouldn’t matter but here in this version it does as that was the idea. But then again this movie was a lazy attempt to rip off Aladdin so who real cares about good character development.

ZigZag is Disney’s Jafar but with Vincent Price’s voice in rhyme. He is not remotely interesting. The most that can be said in his favor is Vincent Price.

The brigands were just awful, I hated every second of them on screen. Mainly because they are so dumb that they need to consult a book that tells them to attack but in like 5 seconds they forget that at least one of them can read. Fucking useless waste of paper.

Princess Yum-Yum

Then we have our darling Princess Yum-Yum. Yum-Yum like pretty much every other Princess as she wants vague more-ness from life.

I will give her some credit, she does not have a self-esteem problem at all. She knows she is pretty, smart and fast, even though she doesn’t do anything that exhibits though traits beside being pretty which one can see. She doesn’t do anything really. She goes after the witch just prove her awesomeness to her father. She does managed to get away from ZigZag but she doesn’t really contribute to the final show-down. She’s bland pure and simple.

Princess Yum-Yum

I have talked a little bit the animation and the songs. The trippy animation of Williams’ is wonderful and the trippy surreal-ness of the movie is the highlight. The crappy filler animation is awful.

Every single song in this movie is shit. They are all lazy and tedious. They were all added by Miramax. The song that was sung by the brigands made me want to chop my ears off. Then after that song the Thief compared it to Le Mis. The Fuck? Really, most of the Thief’s references are weird. I mean he references Mel Torme because kids know Le Mis and Mel Torme? But yes, the songs are mouth diarrhea. I have no positives.

Tack

The Thief And The Cobbler or Arabian Knight or whatever you want it call is a hot crap of a mess. It has no identity, it tries to to be Disney with the surrealism of Williams’ animation and the two do not mesh together.

Clearly Miramax completed it to cash in on Aladdin. It’s ashamed that Williams’ animation is basis for the cesspool assness. I recommend just watching the ReCobbled cut as it’s far less painful to watch. There is also more sex in the ReCobbled Cut, no seriously there is. You can find it on Youtube.

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15Oct 2014

Scary Anti-Hypothetical Casting; Keanu Reeves as take your pick

by jess

Keanu Reeves

For the last two Octobers I have made scary anti-hypothetical casting choices that were meant to terrify you to very your core with Miley Cyrus and Megan Fox as Esmeralda but this year, I thought we take a more fun scary anti-hypothetical casting choice, Keanu Reeves as does it really matter? It’s Keanu!

Now before you tell me Keanu Reeves is a good actor, go watch Bram Stoker’s Dracula , I’ll wait.

Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker from Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Wasn’t he hilarious in it? I died laughing at his first line with his stilted awkward British accent. Even Keanu Reeves himself knows it was a bad performance, but to be fair it was poorly acted by everyone. The fact remains however Keanu Reeve should not be in period movies, go watch A Walk in the Clouds, I’ll wait.

Keanu Reeves as Paul Sutton from A Walk in the Clouds

See! Keanu is just weak and mis-casted in Period flicks. Keanu also has weird speech pattern and woodenness that works in some movies like The Matrix or the thriller genre but it would not work in The Hunchback.

Keanu Reeves as Kai from 47 Ronin

Is it likely that he would cast in Hunchback? Who knows, he got into an adaptation of Chushingura, 47 Ronin, as a half Japanese guy which was not in Chushingura so I guess if he be in that movie it’s possible, I mean anything is possible. But who would he play?

It’s too scary to fathom him as Esmeralda, Fleur de Lys, or Djali, so let’s just let that idea disturb us in another post someday or in nightmares, your choice.

Keanu Reeves as Ted from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

I could see Keanu Reeves thinking he’s a serious actor even though he never escaped playing Ted from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure , so I could see him going for Quasimodo or Frollo. Though him playing Ted playing Clopin would be amazing.

Either Frollo or Quaismoodo would be hilarious, could you imagine him saying Frollo’s monologue to Esmeralda in the jail scene or as Quasimodo asking why he wasn’t made of stone? I can it would be unintentional hilarity. Reading the jail scene in my terrible Keanu impression, oh it’s so silly.

Keanu Reeves as Neo from Matrix

But since most actors who want to be “serious” and let face it serious often means ugly, I would say he would want to be Quasimodo. His weird speech pattern might be a benefit since Quasi is deaf but still Keanu Reeves in a period film fills me with an eerie combination of delight and dread because it’s funny for 5minutes and then it’s painful and then silly again and then you just get numb and then sleepy, it’s likes hyperthermia.

Though be under no allusion Period+movie+Reeves = Bomb at Box Office so if this did happen it would not be a good thing for Hunchback, it would be horrifying.

14Oct 2014

1986 voice acting; I didn’t hate it

by jess

Quasimodo

I have been bitching about the characters in the 1986 version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame for a few weeks and before I start bitching about the real main problem with the 1986 version, I wanted to talk about a slight positive; the voice acting.

Esmeralda and Gringoire

The voice acting on the whole is okay. I hesitate to call it good but condone an okay. I think the voice actors do a good job with the material they are given. I mean they aren’t given a masterful script by any means, they really don’t have much to work with.

Esmeralda 1986 Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

1986 Esmeralda

Each actor pretty much gets their character. I would say that Esmeralda sounds older than she should but she has a fairly soft voice. Phoebus is not memorable but he he’s just relegated to being handsome so who really cares. I also like Gringoire kind of like whiney moaning voice.

Frollo

Even the British accents but the don’t bother me. I mean half the time they use British actors for at least Frollo. Also considering this is an Australian production, British is not too far off.

Phoebus

While I don’t think this piece is a masterwork of voice acting I think all things considered in this version the voice acting is fine.

Next Time – The Character Designs, you KNOW what they look like

Frollo

13Oct 2014

Project Re-Read Book 11, Chapter 1

by jess

Book 11, Chapter 1, The Little Shoe

Louis Boulanger's Illustration of Frollo, Esmeralda and Sachette picture image

Louis Boulanger’s Illustration of Frollo, Esmeralda and Sister Gudule

This chapter is so dramatic. Originally I was going to put the next chapter in this post but the last two shorts are so short, so I figured I make this chapter its own post and end with three chapters next week.

In this chapter Frollo and Gringoire spirit Esmeralda out of Notre Dame. Gringoire makes off with Djali leaving Esmeralda to Frollo. Frollo takes Esmeralda to the Place de Greve and gives her his ultimatum, “The Tomb or my Bed.” Esmeralda refuses and he leaves her in the vice-like grasp of Sister Gudule, who hates Esmeralda. Frollo then rushes off to get the hangman. It turns out that both of them have the matched pair of each other’s baby shoe, making Gudule Esmeralda’s mother and her true name is AgnÃ¨s. Gudule tries to save Esmeralda but Esmeralda gives herself away when she cries out for Phoebus. Esmeralda is taken by the hangman while Sister Gudule tries to save her but Gudule killed when her head is dashed against the pavement.

It a really amazing tragic chapter. Mainly because of Gudule, poor women she prayed for years to see her daughter again if only for an instant and that is the exact outcome. It’s probably a mercy that she dies first. But there is something in Frollo’s weeping that is tragic as well, he really was mad at the end. I can’t help liking this chapter quite a lot.

I really wish a version would do this chapter properly. No version really has. The 1977 version is the closest but despite that version accuracy to the book they didn’t do the Sister Gudule subplot, They do escape in the boat and Frollo does ask her to his or die but that is it. Notre Dame de Paris did sport the the tomb or my bed line but this scene did not occur. It’s just not as emotionally instance.

One version that did sort of play this scene out was the Dingo version, which is one of the worst versions ever. Frollo does drag her to the Place de Greve, though he just hates her in this version and gives her over to Sister Gudule. Gudule shows her the baby shoe and Esmeralda has the other one. But instead of dying Esmeralda escapes with Gringoire. It’s a little insulting that the Dingo version is the closest to the book for this scene.

09Oct 2014

The Swan Princess; Odette’s wedding gown is same as Rothbart’s Fantasy

by jess

The Swan Princess

The Swan Princess is another movie that I mildly enjoyed as a kid. I didn’t love it but I didn’t hate it, I think my mom did though. But re-watching this, I still don’t hate it but I really don’t like it as it has a lot of issues in addition to it ripping off that sweet Disney formula.

It was released in 1994 by Nest. It was very loosely based on Swan Lake and tanked at the box office because Disney is a jerk and re-released The Lion King.

Odette Transforming into a Swan

The plot is thus, Princess Odette and Prince Derek have a sort of understanding that that they should marry to unite their kingdoms but instead of just arranging a marriage outright their parents try to get them to fall in love by having them spend their summers together. Eventually they grown up and Derek’s hormones kick in and wants to marry Odette because she is pretty but when asked if that’s all that matter, Derek derps and Odette peaces out.

As Odette and father ride home they are attacked by Rothbart who wants Odette’s kingdom. Derek finds Odette’s dying dad who gives Derek some vaugeness about their attacker and tells him that Odette is gone.

Rothbart who has been working on this grand scheme to get Odette’s kingdom for a while now has turned her into swan. She can only turned back into a human when the moonlight touches her on the lake. To break the spell, she either has to agree to marry Rothbart so they can legally rule the kingdom or her true love has to make a vow of everlasting love and prove it to the world. I can’t tell you how lame this is but moving on.

Odette now has some pond pals, Speed, a kind turtle and egomaniac frog named Jean-Bob. A puffin named Puffin (so fucking clever) also joins them too. They try to help Odette to break her spell by getting Derek to follow her and Puffin back to the lake, so Rothbart’s lair was like 10 miles away from Derek’s castle at max? Not so far apart after all. In fact closer than her Kingdom.

Anywho, Derek and Odette somehow love each other deeply even after she left him for being an idiot. So Odette gives Derek the low-down and they plan to break the spell by having him make the vow at a ball his mother is planning. Rothbart shows up to asks Odette to marry him as is his nightly custom and she agrees so she can go to the ball but Rothbart heard their plan and tells her there is no moon the next night so she can’t even sneak off as a human but he locks her up for good measure.

Rothbart decides that he done playing “nice,” kidnapping and murder are apparently nice, and decides that his servant will go to ball as Odette so Derek will make the vow to the wrong girl and Odette will die, kinds works agaist his plans but then again if he could just turn his severant into Odette why did he need Odette to marry him in the first place?

Rothbart’s plan goes off without a hitch except Odette escapes but she can’t do anything as she watches Derek makes the vow to the fake Odette. Derek follows her back to the lake as she’s dying and Derek challenges Rothbart so Odette can live. Derek defeats Rothbart who transforms into the great animal that was a major plot point that I didn’t really mention. Derek learns that he loves Odette for her kindness and courage and she lives, they marry and Jean-Bob is still a frog … he thought he was a prince.

Odette and Rothbart

Saying this movie is clunky is understatement, this movie is full of characters that have no logic. Rothbart’s plan is to marry Odette so he can have her kingdom despite that he killed her father and has her captive, have you ever heard of the right of conquest because he is pretty much there.

Also Rothbart’s plan of forcing her marring to him by turning her into a swan by day is silly. Literally, all she really has to do is agree to marry him and then arrest him when they got to her kingdom as she is the sole heir, I think her people and guards will listen to her over him. But No, she has to be defiant and declare she would rather die than marry him.

Then we have the vow. Derek makes a vow of love to Odette but because she wasn’t standing there it is voided? I mean he said her name to fuck sake. This spell is so stupid or it was written by strict contract lawyers. Why doe she have to be there for the vow to work? Could Derek have written a letter to every ruler in the world that says he loves Odette? I mean written contracts are better than verbal ones or does she be there as he writes it? The spell is so weird and demanding.

How long had Odette been at Rothbart’s lair? Also why did Rothbart gives Odette free run of the place? Where was he during the day? Why was the moon full and then the next day it’s it like a new moon, not kidding literally a day passes between the full moon and new moon. Oh this hurts.

Derek and Odette The Swan Princess picture image

Derek and Odette as Kids

Let’s get back on track because in addition to the lack logic that is pervasive to the characters there are more problems like the characters are boring but the movie operates on the assumption that they are not boring especially where our lovely Princess is concerned.

This movie builds up Odette’s and Derek’s personality as bitter children who are forced to hang out together. In the song This is my Idea, we see Derek and Odette evolving as characters from little kids to adolescents. It’s nice to see that they don’t like each other but you get the sense they do like each other in some ways but that all comes crashing down when they have to be pretty and in love.

Seriously, despite the hints that they could like each, the love and wanting to marry each other comes out of no where but that is not the problem. After they enter the realm of pretty “adults” the become devoid of the personalities that song was trying to establish. So when Odette asks what else Derek likes about her and he can’t site anything because it doesn’t matter. We know that she was at least clever and decent aim with a slingshot but after that point Odette never displays any personality traits she had in the song.

To be frank, at each interval in the song, Odette has a different personality. When she is a little kid she a polite yet rough little girl, then she is awkward tomboy to a flirty clever dare I say even vindictive teenager. I can’t truly blame Derek for not knowing what else is there to her it since it ever changing and then gone.

Odette with Speedy and Jean-Bob

I’ll get to more on Odette proper in a second but let’s talk about the other characters. Derek is he’s like, You know! How about, And then, Am I right? Seriously though, he’s a boring hero. He is also cocky and a good marksmen but not very smart when it comes to the ladies. Rothbart is supposed to be smart and evil but we already proven that he’s not. The pond pals are boring though I enjoy Jean-Bob’s selfish antics, it’s a nice counterpoint to Speed who is nice but I admit the pond pals parts are boring. Derek’s mother and best friend are weird and amusing at points but Rogers is the most likable character and wholly unimportant to the narrative though he did suggest that BS arrow maneuver but some other character could have done that.

Odette

And then we come to Odette. Odette would like you to believe that there is more her than being pretty. At the end of the flick Derek says that he loves her for her kindness and courage.

Odette does exhibits some kindness as she saves Jean-Bob from the crocodiles, takes an arrow out Puffin’s wings and tried to help Derek’s friend escape from Rothbart. Basically she isn’t dick, not sure if this equals kindness, I mean she’s not a mean. Is the absence of meanness kindness? Also her courage is in her own self interest. Odette doesn’t really go out of her way her way to be kind or helpful to others.

Its Derek’s arc really, he needed to learn how to articulate his thoughts about his supposed true love. “I love you baby for your vague positive attributes.” Kindness and courage are good starting places for a character but Odette hardly showcases these attributes, she’s just bland and pretty.

Derek and Odette

As far as the songs go, they are okay at best. Most are meh. I would like Far Longer than Forever if I believed in the depth of their romance. Hands down the best is This is my idea, The rest are meh and forgettable. Though I remembered Princesses on Parade for the sexist connotations.

The animation is nice for the most part. Though it’s kind jarring with the hyper-ness versus the soft and sweet moments, but hell it could been worse, it could have been so much worse.

Derek and Odette

The thing is this movie actually has some good set-ups and pays off, like that thing with bow and arrow is set-up and there is a pay off. The movie probably would have been stronger if they had either had Odette and Derek love grow more organically OR follow the ballet where we see them meet and develop their relationship that’s from point of romantic interest.

It’s admirable that the film tried to have them start as bitter kids but since the gradation of affection is jarring and that they love each other in a second it’s not strong. Since the film centers on their romance having that fail means the movie fails as whole.

Odette

The Swan Princess is a clunky yet pretty mess of a film that tries its damndest to suggest that these are well-thought out characters in a compelling story but it fails to do this and in then end what else is there but its beauty.

And yes, it does annoy me that they antagonist crocodiles don’t talk.

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08Oct 2014

Spooky Horoscope

by jess

Today’s horoscope comes from the book using the Delirium chapter.

Frollo (Alain Cuny), 1956 The Hunchback of Notre Dame

“Claude, in the state of hallucination in which he found himself, believed that he saw, that he saw with his actual eyes, the bell tower of hell; the thousand lights scattered over the whole height of the terrible tower seemed to him so many porches of the immense interior furnace; the voices and noises which escaped from it seemed so many shrieks, so many death groans. Then he became alarmed, he put his hands on his ears that he might no longer hear, turned his back that he might no longer see, and fled from the frightful vision with hasty strides.”

Be wary where you walk today, who may see very spooky things

BUY The Hunchback of Notre Dame

07Oct 2014

The Other Characters in 1986; Because they are there

by jess

By now you should know that the characters in the 1986 version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame are not rich, complex or by any means interesting and that’s just main characters who get screen time and apparent motivations. Considering this version misses with the main characters. the minor characters don’t have a snow flake’s chance in hell to be interesting and yet they do as result weird writing.

Phoebus

1986 Phoebus

Phoebus in gets the most important role of the minor characters. He does his Phoebus duties of saving Esmeralda, getting stab and conveniently not saying anything about not dying.

It weird that Phoebus didn’t say anything when he walked by as Esmeralda is about to die only to clear the air at the end. It also seems like he was sincere about Esmeralda unlike book Phoebus.

Did he just notice her execution or her trial? I find that hard to believe but it was convenient because Quasimodo has to save her. It’s just a head scratcher. I wish this Phoebus had more of a character then being a plot point because the bad writing could have made him interesting.

Gringoire

1986 Gringoire

He whines and marries Esmeralda and is bummed that she doesn’t like him. I don’t think he adds anything. Well strictly speaking he tells Frollo about Esmeralda and Phoebus’ meeting but really, Frollo could have overheard that just as easily. And Gringoire is not even shown after that point anyway.

Djali

1986 Djali

Djali is considered Esmeralda’s double but not here as Esmeralda herself calls Djali a “dirty little beast” in fact that is her first line, Djali misses the marks as they depict her as brown and not white with glided horns. Other than that Djali does her tricks and gets Esmeralda in trouble.

Clopin

1986 Clopin

Clopin is ONLY in the Court of Miracles scene. So because he is self-contain scene that they place straight to the book, it a decent short depiction that doesn’t get muddled. Best depiction in the 1986 version!

Next Time – The Voice Acting

1986 Esmeralda

06Oct 2014

Project Re-Read Book 10, Chapters 5- 7

by jess

Book 10, Chapter 5, The Retreat where Louis of France says his Prayers

Louis XI (Tully Marshall)
Hunchback of Notre Dame 1923

I hate this chapter, it’s so boring and long. We learn that King Louis is an old prick. News reaches him about the attack which he don’t know is on Notre Dame but he thinks on Provost. Gringoire is taken prisoner but Louis grants him mercy. When he learns that the attack is on Notre Dame, which is a like an attack on him, he gets mad. He, like Quasimodo, think the attack is about wanting a mere girl’s death so he orders it. See how this lie just exploded.

Fortunately, no movie has really done this scene because it’s boring. I GUESS the 1939 verison sort of did it but not really.

Book 10, Chapter 6, “The Chive in the City”

Robert Marien as Frollo & Dennis Ten Vergert as Gringoire 2012 Asian Tour Cast Notre Dame de Paris

Yay, a short chapter! Gringoire meets up with Frollo who is decked out in his creepy robe. The name of this chapter refers a password. Basically the two are about to sneak into Notre Dame. Well not so much sneak as Frollo has a key.

Again not too many movie versions have this chapter, in fact I don’t think any do.

Book 10, Chapter 7, Chateaupers to the Rescue

Anthony Quinn as Quasimodo finding Esmeralda gone

Yay, another short chapter! Quasimodo has all but given up hope of saving Esmeralda from the Court of Miracles but then he see Phoebus fighting them off and the vagrants are defeated. Hooray, or is it? Because when Quasimodo rushes to knell at Esmeralda’s feet she is gone, Dun-Dun-Dun.

The soldiers do come at the end of the attack but since Esmeralda is typically still in the church we don’t see Quasimodo’s reaction. Aside from the 1956, 1977 and Notre Dame de Paris where she does leave the cathedral, Quasimodo usually has to fight off Frollo who is trying to drag Esmeralda off.

02Oct 2014

The Princess and the Goblin Review; I kept waiting for Jareth to pop out

by jess

The Princess and the Goblin

I’m not sure how to feel about The Princess and the Goblin. It feels like a lot different ideas merged in one somewhat hastily thought narrative. Considering it was based on a rather strange book, I’m blaming screenwriters too much.

It was released in the U.K. in 1992 and in the States in 1994. It was a Hungry/Wales/ Japan co-production.

Irene and Turnip

So Princess Irene is a lonely little girl who only has her nurse, Lootie and her cat, Turnip for company. One day she runs into some goblins and is saved by a mining boy name Curdie. He tells her that Goblins and their pets can’t stand singing. He takes her back to the castle and she offers to give him a kiss but Lootie interrupts.

The next day Irene finds a secret door that lead her to the magic spirit of her great-great -grandmother.

Curdie returns to mines where he works with his dad. He overhears some goblins talking about building a dam and that their weakness in their feet. He also overhears that that the Goblins King, Queen and Prince plan to flood the mine and the plan to have Prince Froglip marry Irene so he can rule the sun-people. Curdie gets captured and thrown behind a large rock.

Irene continues to visit her great-great-grandmother and she gives Irene some magic invisible thread that will leads her to her own magic. She then decides to sneak off to follow the thread which leads her to where Curdie is being held in the heart of the goblins’ village.

They make it back to the castle but the goblins attack and flood the mines which gets redirected to the castle. But they defeat the goblins and Irene gives Curdie a peck on the cheek.

Irene and Curdie

It’s just a weird movie that seems to hinge at a plot. Irene is not that concern with goblins, she is more obsessed with her magical great-great-grandmother. I think the issue is that with a title like The Princess and the Goblin you would except the princess and the goblin to have interactions with each other but they don’t. The goblin prince, Froglip kidnaps her but we don’t see them interact, hell we don’t see kidnapping.

The title is more like a list, there is a princess and goblins, so the title is more from Curdie’s perspective.

Irene’s Great-Great Grandmother

Curdie as character is boring. He is a pragmatic but that is all I get from him. The goblins also don’t have personalities. They are just gross and mean. I got more of a sense of character from the weird dinosaur thing that gives Curdie a ride, it’s at least helpful and sweet. The great-great-grandmother has a bit of a personality as she is helpful, aloof and somewhat silly. I wish we could have gotten a name more than great-great-grandmother for her. Lootie is annoying and Turnip is an adorable cat.

Irene

And then there is Irene. Irene is adventurous and brave as she just goes for following that thread. She could just be naive but her trust in her great-great-grandmother is rewarded when it does lead her out of the mountains. She is also not shy about kisses. Unfortunately I just don’t find her all that compelling.

Irene and Turnip

The animation is not great. It’s not bad, but it’s not remarkable. The sound mixing is weird. For some reason it really apparent. I can’t really describe my issue with it but it’s distracting in way.

There was only one song and it was bland.

Froplip

The Princess and the Goblin is just a weird meandering movie that tries to do way too much and actually does very little. I’m left confused by it.

Who else was uncomfortable with that random goblin licking Lootie on her chest? I was.

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01Oct 2014

More Esmeralda Halloween Costume ideas

by jess

It’s October, Halloween Time! I maintain that Esmeralda is a great costume for halloween especially the Disney version, you can go here to get tips for Disney Esmeralda costumes. Gyspy Fortune teller Costumes are also great, go here to see awesome options Fortune telling costumes. And of course you could also go for a ghloulish undead Esmeralda go here for tips for that.

Of course, there are two other movie Esmeralda costumes that would be fun choices for Halloween, the 1956 and the 1923 version. Both are simple and you can pretty much buy what you need or go to your closet.

Gina Lollobrigida as Esmeralda, 1956 Hunchback of Notre Dame

The 1956 costume is bold and striking. It reads Gypsy or at least dancer in a modern yet classic way. You will need a basic red short sleeve shirt, long red skirt, a leather belt with gold details, a dagger, and coin earring and bracelet. Pretty simple yet sexy. You can add the veil and a hip scarf if you want.

Here are some options for the 1956 costume that you can buy on amazon.

Simple Red Shirt
This shirt while simple is the right cut for the 1956 costume. The belt will help create the shape of the costume.

Red Skirt

This skirt would be a good option has it has a nice jagged hemline which look like the 56 version and it moves well.

Also comes in purple for Disney version.

Red Satin Skirt
This skirt is also a very good option. It’s simpler but it still lovely.

Hip Scarf
You can add a belly dancing hip scarf to make it fun but you don’t have too.

Brown & Gold Belt
A brown belt should do the trick but a brown belt with some gold details would be perfect. This is a great option if you don’t have something in your closet already, and you can wear it for every day wear.

Coin Bracelet

The 1956 Esmeralda wears a lot of coin bracelet but one will be enough. You don’t have to use coin jewelry, any gold bracelet should be fine.

Hoops with Coin Dangles

Much like the bracelet if you can get coin hoops that would the best but just plain gold hoops would work well.

Just add a little dagger and you’re set! Perfect 1956 Esmeralda

Patsy Ruth Miller as Esmeralda 1923 Hunchback of Notre Dame

The 1923 verison is an 1920 take on Gyspy costumes which makes it a kind of whimsical and on a fashion trend since with Downton Abbey and the 2013 The Great Gatsby movie, the 1920’s are an in style. The 1923 version is a little tricker than 1956 to buy for but you can get the idea. Since the 1923 version is black and white you can pick any colors you want but one poster for the movie depicted her costume as yellow and purple, so that is what I would suggest.

All you need is a short sleeve loose white blouse, a yellow skirt that hits roughly below the knees but above the ankles, a vest or bolero and hip scarf and a long beaded necklace.

Here are some options for the 1923 costume that you can buy on amazon.

Cotton Semi-Sheer Short Sleeve Blouse

This blouse is a great shape for the 1923 costume. The details are also very nice.

White Loose-fitting Blouse

This blouse is more simple but it would still be a good choice for the 1923 Esmeralda. It’s also made from bamboo.

Yellow Embroidered Gypsy Skirt

This Yellow Skirt is cute and shorter. Its details are very bohemian.

Yellow Tiered Ribbon Gypsy Boho Skirt

This Yellow Skirt is longer than the other but it just as boho.

Yellow Knitted Bolero

The 1923 Esmeralda wears a little vest but you can get a yellow bolero. If you wish you can cut off the sleeves or leave them on if you want. This one is made from knit so it would be harder to remove the sleeves but the details of the knitting look nice and would match the bohemian style of the costume.

Yellow Bolero

With this Bolero it would be easier to remove the sleeves if you want a more accurate version of the 1923 costume.

Purple Coin Hip Scarf

The coin hip scarf isn’t 100% to the hip scarf she wears but it’s fun.

Purple Necklace

The 1923 Esmeralda wears lots of long necklaces so you can fun layering what ever you have. But I would recommend trying to get some yellow and purple in there in you opt for that color scheme.

Don’t forget your tambourine

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