Quasimodo Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo

It’s ironic that the ONLY character is this poo-fest to keep their original name is so far removed from the original intent of the character that it is downright insulting.

I mean is the story so fucking complicated that no one can really get it right or do people just not care? I mean who said Quasimodo should be handsome, did they read the story or did you think that their creativity made them above at least getting the basics right? I hate the Enchanted Tales version of Hunchback AHHHHHHHHHHH

(Inhales)

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

Ok, let start with SOME positives. Quasimodo is not the focal character. That’s actually something. In the book, you never follow Quasimodo the same as Esmeralda, Frollo or even Gringoire but because he is the titular character he gets to be a focal point.

Quasimodo also gets a back story and while it’s stupid at least it something. In the novel it was hinted that he could be a Gypsy so here it’s a nice micro call out.

Quasimodo with the Ding-Bats   Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo with the Ding-Bats

However, despite having a backstory. it ruins some points of Quasimodo, First off, he and the Frollo character, Jean-Claude, are half-brothers and that doesn’t bother me so much, it bothers me that Quasimodo is older. Quasimodo is older then his father-figure-like character. It just seems wrong. I’m surprised they didn’t go with step-brother angle, more cliches!

However the biggest F.U. with the backstory is that Quasimodo was not born deformed and get got his hunch from working too much. Although later it’s revealed that his hunch was the result of sadness. Enchanted Tales hates the original hunchback story right? That is the only way to process this shit. He has a curvature of the spine because he’s Emo. (Facepalm)

Quasimodo bells to Melody Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo bells to Melody

Quasimodo in this has next to no personality, so he’s perfect for his little chicky-poo Melody. I mean he yells at one point but then retracts it with a derpy love song. Also in that scene Quasimodo wants Melody to leave but then give her bells. He made a gift for her that he never really intended to give her, Creepy!

Handsome Quasimodo  Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Handsome Quasimodo a.k.a Wholemodo?

I could take his no personality and him being older than a half-brother Frollo if they at least kept the fundamentals. His “deformities” or rather his icky looks were just him with bad posture and unkempt hair because he was sad. That was it? Not hideous.

Hmm I guess you could he is a bit of drama queen. And sure he rings bells at a place called Notre Dame but his being a handsome beefy guy that with a better animation budget would look like a Disney Prince is just unforgivable.

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

Then to add the worst insult the fucking movie tells us the viewer that looks don’t matter. If looks don’ matter then why bother making Quasimodo handsome in the first place? It’s such a terrible way to present that moral because it’s saying look that don’t matter if you’re considered conventional attractive ARGH.

Melody and Quasimodo getting married Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo getting married

Who wrote this? A handsome Quasimodo who then totes that looks are not important should not be getting paid to write especially for young kids/babysitter fodder.

Next time – Jean-Cluade a.k.a Not Frollo

Not Frollo/Phoebus a.k.a Jean-Claude Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Not Frollo/Phoebus a.k.a Jean-Claude

Book 1, Chapter 5, Quasimodo

The contest for the Pope of Fools begins and ends in this chapter. We are treated to a very detailed description of to what Hugo’s Quasimodo looks like. The men reveal in Quasimodo’s ugliness and the women fears it. One women even claims that Quasimodo practices witchcraft. I feel like this chapter finally starts the story going. It also shows off Quasimodo’s impressive collection of nicknames.

Book 1, Chapter 6, Esmeralda

While the Pop of Fools contest goes one, Grigoire and his actor continue on with their play as a few people are still sort of listening. The final nail in the play’s coffin comes when someone says that Esmeralda has entered the square. This chapter is interesting because in the last paragraph we get two references to the Virgin Mary. So even before we meet Esmeralda, she already aligned to the Virgin.

Book 2, Chapter 1, From Charybdis to Scylla

Between Scylla and Charybdis is an Idiom that comes out of Greek Mythology that means ” having to choose between two evils.” It’s like “between a rock and a hard place.” Charybdis and Scylla are both sea monsters.

Now that Gringoire’s play is dead, he finds himself in a pickle. He’s broke so he can’t return to his lodging as he own them money and he can’t seem to find a quiet place to sleep because of the feast. In the end Gringoire says “Fuck it” and heads over to the The Place de Grève because it you can’t beat them join them. I liked this chapter, I know hoe Gringoire feels here. I feel your pain Pierre.

Book 2, Chapter 2, The Place de Grève

This Chapter describes The Place de Grève it also foreshadows the pillory and the giblet. It’s a short chapter filled with description but not wholly dull just a little.

The Rescuers Down Under picture image

The Rescuers Down Under

The Rescuers Down Under is one of those rare sequels that is better than the original. The original movie is just cute but the sequel is action pact and just amped up. That is not to say it doesn’t have its flaws but it is the finest Disney sequel and not in the same league with the other Disney sequels. It is also one of the few sequels to be part of the Disney Cannon of Animated Films.

Cody and Marahute The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Cody and Marahute

What’s the Plot? In the Australian Outback, a young boy named Cody, saves a rare Golden Eagle, Marahute from a trap and befriends her. He meets her eggs and she gives him one of her feathers.

Afterwards Cody saves a mouse form a trap but gets catch in a pit. The Poacher who setted the trap finds him along with his Goanna Lizard, Joanna. The Poacher, one Percival C. McLeach helps Cody out of the trap but when he finds the Golden feather he kidnaps Cody as he wants Marahute but needs the boy for info.

The Mouse then contacts the Rescue Aid Society, RAS. The RAS recruits Miss Bianca and Bernard for this mission. Bernard however is trying to propose to Miss Bianca but news of the mission interrupts him. They chartered an Albatross named Wilbur and it’s off they go. Once there they make contact with a local mouse named Jake, who takes a fancy to Miss Bianca and volunteers as their tour guide and Wilbur get some less than needed back surgery. Surgery in a Disney movie, how wonderfully decadent.

Cody in the meantime is not giving McLeach the information on Marahute’s whereabouts soMcLeach throws him in a cage along side other captive animals. Cody along side the animals try to get the key but they are thwarted by Joanna. In the end Frank, a Frilled Lizard escapes using his tail. However before Frank can save everyone Mcleach lets Cody go telling that Marahute is dead and soon the eggs will die. Mcleach lies to Cody so that Cody will go to the eggs and he will find Marahute.

Miss Bianca, Bernard and Jake at this point have reached McLeach’s lair and try to warn Cody. But they all manage to tell Cody after he reaches Marahute’s nest. Mcleach then captures her along with Cody, Jake and Miss Bianca. Bernard is left behind. After Marahute is kidnapped, Mcleach sends Joanna to eat the eggs but Bernard switches the eggs for rocks, thwarting Joanna.

Wlibur turns up and Bernard tells him to guard the eggs as Bernard leaves to help. McLeach then tries to kill Cody by feeding him to crocodiles but in the end Cody is saved and Mcleach is throw off a waterfall. As they all (except Joanna who lived) are flying off on Marahute. Bernard finally asks Miss Bianca to marry him and she says yes. The eggs then hatched under Wilbur.

Miss Bianca, Jake, and Bernard The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Miss Bianca, Jake, and Bernard

I really liked this movie, it’s fun, action pact and the animation is miles better than the original. The pacing is really great too. However the story isn’t that perfect. The Rescuers and Cody have very little to do with each other and the rescuers themselves feel more like a subplot.

You also never get closure about the animals in Mcleach’s lair. I suppose you can assume Frank saved them but would have been nice to see it somehow. But they again after Cody leaves Mcleach we don’t go back so would have been a hard scene to go back to. Though those points are nitpicks.

Wilbur babysitting The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Wilbur babysitting

I think this movie biggest flaw though it that it came out in 1990, one year after Mermaid and one before Beauty and the Beast. Just bad timing as the action adventures of animals got pushed aside for Disney Princesses.

 

McLeach and Joanna The Rescuers Down Under picture image

McLeach and Joanna

The characters are also fun. McLeach and Joanna are awesome as silly yet menacing villains. Jake adds a bit conflict to Bernard and Miss Bianca but he’s not a jerk. Wilbur was fun and the surgery scenes were pretty silly. The captured animal scenes were bit long and some of the animals were a little annoying but the were too bad. Cody didn’t have much a of personality but he never bothered me. Joanna not taking should bothered me but Marahute doesn’t speak either, so I can forgive it.

The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Cody and Marahute

If you have been following my Disney Sequel reviews you will know that I tend to get caught up in animals vs habits. The Little Mermaid sequel teamed up a Walrus and Penguin saving other Penguins from a Hammer-head shark while a sea turtle swims by in the one of the Poles. The third one had a Manatee in the deep ocean. Tarzan messed up too, Warthogs in the Jungle, just because Lion King did it doesn’t mean you can.

Anyway…The Rescuers Down Under used animals that were native to the Australia. Even Marahute is based on something native to the area albeit New Zealand, Marahute is based on the Haast’s eagle, extinct large Eagle from the South Island of New Zealand. Haast’s Eagle is also part of Maori legends. In the movie Marahute feels magical but it nice to see that she is based on something relevant to that area of the world.

Joanna The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Joanna

Joanna is pretty awesome. She’s goofy but she is smart. In one scene she stealing eggs from Mcleach and tricking him in the process. But she calls attention to the fact that Joanna is one of the few Disney female minions.

I mean there are penalty of females villains but the only other female minions that I can think of that are minions are Shenzi and the chick from Atlantis. You could count the step-sisters from Cinderella and Si and Am from Lady and the Tramp though their gender is non-specific. If I forgot any other female minions, I’m sorry but there is a lack of them.

In all likelihood Joanna was probably a female as word play with the Goanna lizard. But I like they didn’t feminized her. I mean they could have thrown a bow on her or long lashes. It probably a political thing, they don’t want to place a female character in a role that is subservient. I can understand it but it nice to see female roles of equal playing field and Joanna proves that a female minions can work because Joanna is awesome.

 

Miss Bianca and Bernard The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Miss Bianca and Bernard

Before I end, I just want to say that Miss Bianca and Bernard are adorable, I loved the proposal subplot. It was just so endearing. I could argue that there wasn’t enough of them in the plot but I think less is more with them. I just  wish they had some more dialogue with Cody that’s all.

Cody and Marahute The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Cody and Marahute

The Rescuers Down Under is a really awesome movie that deserves more love. It’s fun and has gorgeous animation, that flying scene is amazing. It way better that the first movie.

No real Spoilers

Lena Heady as Cersei Lannister & Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones  picture image

Lena Heady as Cersei Lannister & Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones

I was reading the fourth Book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Feast for Crows,  A Song of Ice and Fire  is great series and what the HBO show Game of Thrones is adapted from.

In the fourth Cersei chapter, Cersei says that Tyrion could be hiding in the Baelor’s Sept, their big important church, swinging on the bell rope. Tyrion, who is the coolest, is Dwarf who is considered to be not too good looking and he has deformities. The implication of Tyrion “swinging from the bell rope” is clearly an homage to our pal Quasimodo.

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda,Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

The main focal character in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is Melody, our Esmeralda character.

Jean-Claude putting the moves on MelodyEnchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Jean-Claude putting the moves on Melody

But why did they call her Melody? It’s not like Esmeralda’s personality isn’t repeatedly altered movie after movie that by changing the name they made a new character, it’s Esmeralda. So they gave her instruments instead of a goat, she is still the beautiful dancing Gypsy girl who captures Quasimodo’s heart.

My guess is that the creators thought Disney made-up the name Esmeralda for their movie because clearly no one on Enchanted Tales read the book and thought they would be sued.

Also, why Melody as the name choice? Everyone else has a French name, even her mother and the freaking donkey gets a French names but Melody doesn’t.

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo

As for Melody’s look, not being Esmeralda, is not sexualized. She has brown hair and blue eyes. She has a tan skin tone and just to make her more pretty she has a beauty mark under her eye (eye-roll). She also doesn’t wear any red but wears yellow. Esmeralda did wear a golden corset once in the novel so one thing right about her overall look.

Oh wait fuck that, she’s not Esmeralda she’s Melody. I take back my almost positive comment.

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death

Melody gets the most screen time, so we must get an idea for her personality. Well, her mother did call her wild and free. I didn’t see that but I didn’t see anything against that. Melody kinda just does what she wants. Melody doesn’t let much bother either. She leaves Notre Dame and walks knowingly into a trap and is not phased. She gets thrown into jail and she doesn’t care the much, in fact she sings a stupid happy song. She is about to be executed and she yawns. She finds dying boring.

I think this mostly bad writing than character development. Otherwise she is just nice but fairly selectively, she not nice to Jean-Claude but he’s a douche. But more over she is just boring. Boring maybe a new facet for an Esmeralda-character but it’s a not a good thing.

Melody and her team of annoying instruments Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture images

Melody and her team of annoying instruments

Melody, unlike Esmeralda, has some kind of magic power. This power is the ability to bring musical instruments to life. This power is not explained and results in annoying-ness. This is her biggest flaw, it wasn’t for her those hell spawn of animation garbage wouldn’t have been in this. Those instruments make the gargoyles in the Disney version look charming. And if Melody had been executed perhaps they would have died with her.

I really hated those instruments and she is responsible for their creation so she is the worst Esmeralda ever.

Next Time Quasimodo

Quasimodo, enchanted tales  picture image

Quasimodo,

The time has come to re-read The Hunchback of Notre Dame! Every monday for a while I will blog on the novel by chapters. Since the book has like 57 chapters I will do a few  at a time. I will blog on my thoughts and feeling on each chapter. Some chapters  may just have their own post and some post will be a few, pending on the chapter. I going to re-red my old stand-by version, Barnes & Noble Classics Series of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. These posts will be pretty off the cuff.

Book 1, Chapter 1, The Great Hall
Personally, I have never enjoyed this chapter. It’s lot of stuff that amounts to almost nothing. We are introduced to two characters, Jehan Frollo and Gringoire, though Gringoire is not named. The chapter just sets-up a scene with a a lot of chaos and noise. Tonally, it’s a good set-up for the book but with all the names you kind get bogged down with names and people you’re not going to hear from again. It give us a good look at common everyday people but it just not my favorite chapter in the book.

Book 1, Chapter 2, Pierre Gringoire
As the name of the chapter implies, in this chapter we meet Pierre Gringoie. Gringoire is putting on a morality play. This play is about Nobility, Religion, Commerce and Labour. The play is not well met by the common people and poorly met by a beggar name Clopin Trouillefou who interrupts the play. Like the last chapter it the same scene, so it’s noisy and full of people. At the end the Cardinal arrives. Like the last chapter, not favorite.

Book 1, Chapter 3, The Cardinal
With the Cardinal’s entrance, Gringoire’s play is once again interrupted. There some political stuff going on here with the Cardinal being annoyed that he has to show respected to the Flemish. Again not a fan of this chapter but I swear I do love this book just not the opening chapters.

Book 1, Chapter 4, Master Jacques Coppenole
In this chapter, Gringoire play is allowed to continue on by the Cardinal but names and titles are still being called out of people who are important enough to sit along side the cardinal so no one in the crowd is listening to the play. And just when it seems like the everyone who is anyone is there and people might start listening to Gringoire’s play, a houser named Master Jacques Coppenole, makes a speech about how this no fun and they should crown the Pope of Fools. This chapter saving grace is explains how the competition for the Pope of Fools is chosen. The speech also ends Gringoire plays. Still not my favorite but it starts us moving to the next part.

The First four chapter set-up Gringoire’s misfortune and lack of appriciation for his literally work. Poor Guy. They also shows  how mad a crowd can be which a big thing later.

Tangled Ever After picture image

Tangled Ever After

Disney may have a notorious reputation for bad sequels that got the Direct-to-video treatment BUT they also had a few sequels that got Theatrical releases. The first one I’m going to deal with is the shortest. Released in 2012 following the re-release of Beauty and the Beast is the direct sequel to Tangled, Tangled Ever After.

Max about to sneeze Tangled Ever After picture image

Maximus about to sneeze

Plot is simple, Rapunzel and Eugene or Flynn, whatever you which to call him, are getting married, Yays! However trouble is brewing, Maximus and Pascual lose the rings during the ceremony. The rings go rolling throughout the festive city. Maximus and Pascal get into all manner of crazy obstacles.

In the end they get the rings back to wedding just in time after all matter of damage to the city and getting themselves icky but unfortunately for them they lose the cake.

Max and  Pascal presenting the rings Tangled Ever After picture image

Maximus and Pascal presenting the rings

It’s a short that gives the audience a wedding and mayhem. It’s fun and I did enjoy the peaceful wedding juxtaposed against the craziness of Pascal and Maximus. I also loved Pascal’s expression when he and Maximus presented the rings. But I did think the chaos went on a bit too long and the short is only 6 minutes.

 Rapunzel and Flynn at the Alter Tangled Ever After picture image

Rapunzel and Flynn at the Alter

Tangled Ever After was a fun short but could have 30 seconds shorter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsSH9ifRwds

 

Every so often, the original French trio of Belle, Garou, Daniel Lavoie and Patrick Fiori, sing Belle. It’s alway nice to see and and hear Belle sung by these three.  I love how Lavoie is hold his hand like he did in the show.

Get the original version of Belle sung by these three here, I love this song

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

Where do you start critiquing The Enchanted Tales version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Everything is wrong with this adaptation. They got nothing right, even most of the names are wrong. I may complain about every other version but at least they got the basics right, Enchanted tales can’t even do that much.

Melody and her team of annoying instruments Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture images

Melody and her team of annoying instruments

Well they got the basic basics, we have a guy who sports a hunch who rings the bells at Notre Dame and likes a Gypsy girl who dances. That’s it!

Now we have a Gypsy who is in fact some sort a sorceress as she makes instruments come to life with annoying personalities. That is the most niche super power ever, but instead of Esmeralda her name is Melody and she being pursued by a rich egomaniac named Jean-Claude.

Melody with Handsome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody with “Handsome” Quasimodo

The name changes and annoying instruments are the least the problems; Quasimodo isn’t deformed, he’s handsome. He has hunch because he was sad and had low-esteem. This is just wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong a thousand times wrong. Then to add to to this cacophony of ass-ness they tell children that looks don’t matter if people think you’re attractive. Looks don’t matter if you’re pretty. I suppose personality don’t matter either since Quasimodo does not have one. So we have terrible moral to boot.

Jean-Claude putting the moves on Melody again Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Jean-Claude putting the moves on Melody again

The main issue with the Enchanted Tales version is despite calling it The Hunchback of Notre Dame, this adaptation plays out and feels like a Beauty and the Beast knock-off. The power of love pretty much changes Quasimodo’s appearance which Melody claims to have accepted when he was ugly. That or that swing did wonders for his hair. Seriously his hair gets pushed back and instant Disney Prince. Also Jean-Claude looks exactly like Gaston and we have enchanted objects that dance around.

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

It’s like the creators on Enchanted Tales were told that Disney is making The Hunchback of Notre Dame, they were told the bare basics of the original story and decided that it’s close enough to Beauty and the Beast and ran with that to make a half-assed stupidly annoying tale with the worst moral EVER!

Next Time – Melody a.k.a Not-Esmeralda

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda,Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Gargoyles were by in large, the biggest flaw in Disney’s The Hunchback in Notre Dame. Out of the three Gargoyles, Hugo was the most annoying. He was loud, brash and stupid. In June 2013 Disney released a teaser trailer for Frozen that featured Olaf and Sven trying to get Olaf’s carrot nose on ice. This was not a good introduction to Olaf because all he did was laugh. For many people they thought this snowman was going to be annoying. Perhaps not as annoying as Hugo but still annoying. As it turns out Olaf wasn’t annoying, he was likable.

Olaf vs Hugo

Olaf vs Hugo

Olaf and Hugo are polar opposites while still being very similar. They are both short comic relief sidekick who are of the magically variety that help the main protagonist. But where Hugo is loud, Olaf has a soft tone most of the time, where Hugo talks about looks all the time, Olaf talks about people’s warmth. Olaf seems to have a childlike innocences while Hugo is more affective. Olaf wants warm hugs and to see summer while Hugo wants Quasimodo to get a girlfriend or to at least gain some self-worth.

Anna and Olaf Frozen picture image

Anna and Olaf

And this makes sense with their characters. Olaf is newly given life in the movie so his innocence makes sense. I’m sure Disney could have made him loud rough talking like so many of the 90’s sidekick but the soft innocence worked so much better and was refreshing.

Hugo playing poker Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Hugo playing poker Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Hugo on the other hand was a product of the other Disney movie cashing in on the wisecracking sidekicks. His affectedness makes sense if you think of him as part of an old work structure. It could make sense if he was a facet of Quasimodo’s personality too. Maybe Hugo is Quasimodo’s Id personified (more on this in a future blog post).

Sven and Olaf from Frozen picture image

Sven and Olaf from Frozen

While Hugo brings down The Hunchback of Notre Dame, it’s not really his fault that he is a product of the Disney Standard of the time. He is a colossal fail and that why Olaf, Sven and even Tangled sidekicks are refreshing and seem better by comparison. Olaf clear winner.