Kronk’s New Groove; Yzma’s fate is a bit dark

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Kronk's New Groove picture image

Kronk’s New Groove

On paper the idea for Kronk leading a sequel of The Emperor’s New Groove is pretty good. Kronk is a fun likable goof who seems like he could have carried a movie. Then you sit down to watch Kronk’s New Groove and you realizes how wrong you were. It’s not really Kronk’s fault though, it’s because this the movie is where movie references go to die.

Kronk, Yzma and Old Guy Kronk's New Groove picture image

Kronk, Yzma and some old guy

This movie is compromised of two flashbacks within a flashback and it’s basically Kronk trying to get his father’s approval. Kronk works as a cook and hears that his father is coming to visit. Kronk, prior to the movie has lied to his father saying that he is married with kids and lives on house on a hill.

He tells two stories about how he got those things but lost them. Kronk got a house on a hill by getting tricked into working with Yzma to scam old people out their money and their old folks home. Kronk feeling guilty returns the house on the hill to the old folks.

The second story is Kronk meets a competing Junior Chipmunk camp Counselor, Miss Birdwell, and they fall in love but the due to being overly competitive, Tipo, Pacha’s kid, pulls a prank on Birdwell and her Junior Chipmunks during the big cheer contest. Kronk takes the blame and Miss Birdwell dumps him.

The last part of the overall flashback is all Kronk’s pals try to make his lies a reality by telling Kronk’s dad that they are either his wife or children. Kronk learns that even if he can’t get his father approval he has great friends and he gets his father approval and Kronk reunites with Miss Birdwell.

Kronk and Miss Birdwell do the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp Kronk's New Groove picture image

Kronk and Miss Birdwell do the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp

Besides the weak story structure and stories, this movie is very annoying. In the same vein as the Emperor’s New Groove, this movie doesn’t even try to be authentic to the Incas in anyway shape or form. Though in Kronk’s New Groove this by far worse since we lack the charm and fun of the first movie and they amp up anachronism to 11.

It’s not really worth getting in to as it will melt you brain out your ears should you try and think about it. No, that is not the core of my annoyance with this movie, that honor goes to the shameful amount of movie references this movie abuses. Movie references and referencing other media in general is a lazy shortcut to add humor into a movie with out really doing to much. This movie references Lady and the Tramp, Titanic, Thriller, Cheers, and Lord of the Ring just to name a few. Does the movie gain anything by these reference? No, it does not add anything other than padding the movie out and making people stupid.

Kronk's New Groove picture image

Kronk

One of the core criticism of the movie is with Kronk himself. Kronk and Yzma were delightful in the The Emperors’s New Groove, so it’s tempting to use Kronk and Yzma again. But as Kronk is a villain’s minion, he is best in small doses, not as the central focus.

However there is another issue with Kronk as the leading character and that is despite Yzma being is a small chuck of the movie there is no one to balance out Kronk. That balance of two colliding characters made the first one great. Here he just a likable goof with no one to really play off of and that makes Kronk and the stories boring.

Kronk and Miss Birdwell danceKronk's New Groove picture image

Kronk and Miss Birdwell dance

One could also say that the title of the movie is a bit of a misnomer, as Kronk doesn’t get a groove. He doesn’t change or grow, he stays the same but everyone knows that the name is a tie in to the original but F.U. movie, I’m calling you out on it.

Kronk and Yzma Kronk's New Groove picture image

Kronk and Yzma

Kronk’s New Groove is a weak attempt at a sequel and it actual makes people more stupid after viewing it.

Top Five Most Popular Hunchback Items on Zazzle

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QuasAs I was changing my Zazzle password, I decided to see what my top 5 most popular Hunchback items were and which were the least popular.  These are the top ones and next week the least popular ones.

#1 Just Dance
Just Dance, Esmeralda and Djali Tees
Just Dance, Esmeralda and Djali Tees by Hunchstore

#2 Team Frollo
Team Frollo Tee Shirt
Team Frollo Tee Shirt by Hunchstore

#3 Belle Keychain
Belle Keychains
Belle Keychains by Hunchstore

#4 Esmeralda Picture
A Color Illustration of Esmeralda Poster
A Color Illustration of Esmeralda Poster by Hunchstore

#5 Quasimodo Keychain
Quasimodo Keychain
Quasimodo Keychain by Hunchstore

Competing Styles; Directing in the 1997 Hunchback

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Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture harris

Richard Harris as Frollo, yells No!

The 1997 Hunchback was directed Peter Medak. Medak is no stranger to TV movie directing and TV directing in general. The directing in this adaptation is mixture of weird angle frames and total utilitarian shot-verse-shots.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda,

The competing style of the artistic angled frames and the shot-verse-shots makes for an interesting visual style and by that I mean silly. It’s almost like Medak didn’t know what he wanted when composing the frames and the shots. He shot conversational scenes very utilitarian for efficacy and then he got bored and decided to tilt the camera for visual interest. But the weird competing approaches to directing style just make this version look very awkward. I suppose the awkward directing style is a compliment to the awkward writing choices, so at least it’s consistent.

Next Time – Costumes

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame, picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame

What’s in a name? Notre Dame

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Let’s concluded with series of posts with titular character herself, Notre Dame.

Notre Dame, Paris, France - Matted Photo

Notre Dame, Paris, France – Matted Photo

Notre Dame means in French Our Lady. Notre Dame de Paris mean Our lady of Paris. All churches that have Notre Dame in them refer to the Virgin Mary.

 

The original title novel, Notre Dame de Paris, has double meaning, it refers to the Cathedral and Esmeralda. Esmeralda has a lot of association to the Virgin Mary in the book, but that is a post series for another time.

 

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie; Take a Drink every time Roo says Best Halloween Ever

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Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie picture image

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie is pretty much a direct sequel to Pooh’s Heffalump Movie. It’s a sequel in that they don’t introduce Lumpy because they just assumed you watched it and know this character. I begrudgingly watch the Heffalump movie after the sequel and while I thought the Heffalump movie was alright, I loathed the Halloween movie.

Lumpy, Roo, Piglet, Tigger, Pooh, Rabbit, Eeyore Trick-or-Treating Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie picture image

Lumpy, Roo, Piglet, Tigger, Pooh, Rabbit, Eeyore Trick-or-Treating

Plot is it’s Lumpy’s first Halloween and Roo and pals are teaching him all about it. Tigger tells of story about some made up creature called the Gobloon that turns creatures into “Jaggedy-Lanterns.” Lumpy gets scared, so Roo and him venture to find it and make wishes or something because Pooh ate all the candy.

At the 20 minute mark because the screenwriters relieved that they don’t have their Pooh quota of screen time, Roo tells Lumpy a story about Piglet learning not to be scared, a lesson which I‘m sure he will forget. Lumpy and Roo set-up a trap but they run away when they think they hear the Gobloon. Lumpy gets his foot caught while trying to get away after tripping over a wheel-barrow of pumpkins and Roo leaves him to die like a jerk.

Lumpy does managed to get away and the two are separated. When Roo goes back for Lumpy he just sees a Lumpy Jack-o-lantern and thinks that the Gobloon tried him to a “Jaggedy-Lanterns.” Lumpy ends up in the Gobloon trap and the gang thinks they caught the Gobloon. Roo then wishes for Lumpy back. They then find Lumpy in the trap and have the best Halloween ever. At Roo’s house we learn that Kanga made Jack-o-lanterns of everyone but Lumpy’s got lost.

Piglet Mecha Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie Picture image

Mecha Piglet

The first big issue with the movie seems to be in most Pooh movies, the Flashback story. In Springtime for Roo the flashback story had a precedent on the larger story. In this move, yeah it makes sense but it didn’t work with the larger story and just stalled the movie because without it would have been 40 minutes and cut the memorable character pretty much out.

Roo Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie picture image

Roo

Which bring me to my next Point, Roo can not and should not carry a Winnie the Pooh movie. I’m not sure what the rational behind this was. I think perhaps that the screenwriters feel that Pooh is too much a grown-up for kids to identify with so they use Roo.

It’s a very classic misconceptions of how grown-up think kids work in relations to movies. Roo should either be a minor character or act as straight man if Christopher Robin is too busy with school. He should not be going on adventures without Pooh and the gang. It worked in Pooh’s Heffalump movie because Roo was a counterpoint to Pooh but here it’s just stupid. Pooh should not be a minor character in his movies.

Lump scared of Eeyore Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie picture image

Lump scared of Eeyore

Then there is Lumpy. Lumpy gave me a bit of a flashback to Lumpy Space Princess, LSP, from Adventure Time but other than the name, Lumpy, and being purple they have little in common except that they annoy me.

Lumpy didn’t annoy me in the Heffalump movie but in the Halloween movie oh was he annoying. They pretty much killed his character in this. In the Heffalump movie he was cute and fun and got scared once but I wouldn’t characterize him as big coward wimp.

In the Halloween movie he was a whiny wimp. It was not endearing or cute. Piglet has the monopoly on being scared you can’t give that trait to another character and make the flashback justify it. Still hate the flashback tactic and I hate Lumpy in this movie which makes me sad since I have affinity for Elephant-like creatures.

Tigger and Pooh in Halloween costumes Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie picture image

Tigger and Pooh in Halloween costumes

Despite being a Halloween movie with a Heffalump in it, Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie fails by all counts. It’s boring, annoying and stall. The animation is bad by sequel standards and it throws the memorable characters aside for boring and annoying children. I really hated this movie.

Hypothetical Casting; Benedict Cumberpatch as Frollo

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Benedict Cumberbatch picture image

Benedict Cumberbatch

The time has come to talk about Benedict Cumberbatch and Frollo.

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock picture image

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock

Cumberbatch has been in many poplar things of late, he was the voice of Smaug and the necromancer in TheThe Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug , Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness, and he plays Sherlock in the BBC version o fSherlock. He was also in 12 years a slave and is rumor to be up for a role in Star Wars VII.

Benedict Cumberbatch picture image

Benedict Cumberbatch

Cumberbatch would make a wonderful Frollo. In addition to being a popular actor is also a good actor. He display a great deal of intensity which is necessary for a Frollo. Cumberbatch is also very aware of the camera, meaning that he understands that connecting to the camera will connect to audience. This skill would enhance the depiction of Frollo.

Benedict Cumberbatch picture image

Benedict Cumberbatch

As far as looks go, Cumberbatch has an angular face which could be made to look austere and make-up and styling can give him more of a Frollo look.he is also 6 feet so that would work very well to be an imposing goblin monk. Cumberbatch voice is very similar to Alan Rickman, which is a plus.

Benedict Cumberbatch picture image

Benedict Cumberbatch

What do you think would Benedict Cumberbatch make a Frollo in a film adaption of The Hunchback of Notre Dame?

THe 1997 version of Hunchback; Good Casting but bad version

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The 1997 version of the Hunchback confounds me a lot. You pretty have the right actors for the characters and they do a fairly competent job with material they are given but the material given to them is so wrong for a Hunchback adaptation. It’s clear that this movie was emulating the 1939 Laughton version with the printing press and a very sympathetic Quasimodo but it fails to measure up became the execution is miserable.

It’s like if you have all the ingredients to make a simple chocolate cake but half through you decide that you want to make it your own except you have no concept of cooking so you just start throwing whatever you want in there like Bacon, Walnuts, Cherries, whatever. Then you’re surprise when it doesn’t cook right and no one likes it.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Quasimodo and Esmeralda are the least offensively bad but to be fair these types of versions of the characters that they are portraying are common. Humanize and sympathetic Quasimodos are the norm with film adaptions because the audience has to like Quasimodo despite his looks.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda

Same goes for Esmeralda. Having a shallow immature girl is not the way to win over an audience. Having a strong confidence yet kind beautiful women works perfectly. Both of these character choices reflects an easy out. A Quasimodo and Esmeralda with a character arc would be hard to write. On could argue that Quasimodo’s arc would be realizing Frollo is a mean jerk face but since he is a villain that’s easy. THe real issue is with Esmeralda is that she doesn’t do anything in this movie outside of looking attractive . She gives Quasimodo water for feelings of guilt but that it. Her importance is just being there for Quasimodo and Frollo to react to and not doing anything.

Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Richard Harris as Frollo

Then there is colossal fail that is Frollo in this movie. The biggest issue with Frollo in this movie is that is obsession for Esmeralda is the result of feeling weak with regard to the king’s attitude on the printing press. His lust for Esmeralda feels like an afterthought and that shouldn’t be. The plot revolves around that. Once that decision was made other integral parts of the plot suffered like why would Esmeralda get the blame for the minster’s murder? Who saw the knife and knew it was her’s when it’s only in one scene? No Phoebus and Gringoire does nothing.

The 1997 Hunchback fails as Hunchback adaptation because Frollo’s lust set the story in motion. A failure to understand what drives the story is the reason why this version even with good castings fails.

Next time the Direction

Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture harris

Richard Harris as Frollo, yells No!

What in a Name? Sister Gudule

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Illustration Sister Gudule and Esmeralda by Luc Oliver Merson picture image

Illustration Sister Gudule and Esmeralda by Luc Oliver Merson

Sister Gudule has an impressive array of names and nicknames.

Let’s start with Sister Gudule. The Sister indicates she is a nun. Gudule is an ceratin type of nun called anchoress. Very simply, an Anchoress is one who retires from the world and prays. These nuns are also called Sachette. I think the name comes from the rags they wear. The name Gudule is French name that seems to be derived from the name Gudula which is derived from Gothic for either guths meaning God or from gôds meaning good. This reflects Gudule’s devotion to praying to god to answer she only prayer which is to have her daughter returned to her

Her name however is Paquette Guybertaut. It’s a little unclear what Paquette means as a first name, one source said Ruddy-cheeked and another indicated it’s pet-form of Pacquet which is “a bundle of kindling” Given her character in her youth and her father was a minstrel, Ruddy-cheeked makes more sense. Her true last name is Guybertaut. Guybertaut on its own does not to seem to be a real surname. Guybertaut can be broken down to Guy and Bertaut. Guy as a last name indicates coming from district of Guise in France. Bertaut is a real surname but I can’t find any hint as its meaning. It doesn’t really matter as Gudule does not remember this name, she only remembers the nickname she was given when she was eighteen.

She was more commonly referred to as Paquette la Chantefleurie. Chantefleurie means “The Flower Song”. It symbolizes her winsome youthful nature which is a kin to Esmeralda’s personality.

Her names reflect her capricious youth and her harsh adulthood as a recluse yearning for lost child.

Next Version is ……

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I asked in a poll what that next version of Hunchback to be review should be between two very bad cartoon version, Secret of the Hunchback or The Enchanted Tales Version. Both versions are terrible in different ways and very stupid. The Winner however was The Enchanted Tale Version.

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda,Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

Review Series of this starting soon.

Help Me!