Atlantis; Milo’s Return Review; You can’t make a movie bomb without Oregano

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Since I have never seen Atlantis; the Lost Empire, let me go watch that before I get to Atlantis; Milo’s Return. I’ll be back!

(95 Minutes later)

Ok, that was dull. I hate the white man burden trope.

Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Atlantis; Milo’s Return

Anyway, let me go watch Atlantis; Milo’s Return now.

(75 Minutes later)

Cries……… that was awful……..Why does this company put out some much utter crap. This one is painful, viscerally painful. I want to vomit and crawl my eyes out during this one’s running time.

Obby Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Obby

Ok, ok , Okay, let’s start with a positive because I have One, Obby, the Lava Dog. Obby is cute and fun. Fuck the rest of the characters, the movies or story plot should have focused on Obby. I would rather watch Obby sleep for 75 minutes than this shit fest.

Atlantis; Milo's Return Gang picture image

The Atlantis Gang

This movie, like so many of the other crappy Disney sequels, has three stories. All three are boring and very TV. Now when I say it’s TV, I mean it as insult but let’s face it, these direct to video movies are worst than most TV episodes so what can you do.

Atlantis; Milo's Return gang running from a snowman picture image

The Gang running from a snowman

The plot is that stuff is happening, so the gang goes to Atlantis to get Milo to investigate. Kida follows thinking that the stuff could be Atlantean weapons. The first one is the Kraken (which they pronounce annoyingly wrong), second is sand coyotes or something, and the third is Atlantean spear in the hands of a Norse God wannabe.

In the end Atlantis raises from the sea, killing hundreds of Marine life and ruining a very fragile ecosystem. I hope you’re happy.

Kida Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Kida

I will say that the three stories do build off of eachother. They are not wholly separate stories. However the stories are forgettable and there is no real character development. Since there is no growth in characters these are TV episodes.

Obby and Milo Atlantis; Milo's Return picture imahe

Obby and Milo

One of the big thing that annoyed was in the first movie Milo is played by Michael J. Fox who has a very identifiable voice which was distracting. Fox did not reprise his role so to hear not-Fox was even more distracting. Not-Fox was played by James Arnold Taylor whose infamous laugh from a major video game I was hoping to hear if only to dull the pain of this movie.

The gang Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

The Atlantis Gang

As is standard with Disney sequels, the animation is usually much, much worse. Now Atlantis didn’t have the greatest animation in the world but Milo’s Return felt visually cheaper. The colors were dull and everything felt lifeless. It is not fun to look at.

Milo, Obby, Kida Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Milo, Obby and Kida

I quite literally have nothing more to say on Atlantis; Milo’s Return. It’s a feast of garbage. Most of my notes on this movie were like this “dumb dumb dumbd umbd imbd idm dumdndumbdumdbumdbdumdbdu” – my actual notes.

I really wished Milo hadn’t returned, it would have spared the world of this shit.

Matt Laurent transforms into Quasimodo

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A behing the scene video of Matt Laurent getting ready to play Quasimodo from Notre Dame de Paris

His costume is 15 years old!

1997 Quasimodo; Sweet, Sad and Boring

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Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

The 1997 version of Quasimodo is very much a throwback to Charles Laughton’s depiction in the 1939 version. There are some differences to the character but the focus of this Quasimodo is very much sympathetic and heavy on the pathos.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Quasimodo in this version is softer and sweeter than in the past versions. There is no darkness to him, even Disney Quasimodo was darker than this version. He is the only Quasimodo not to be a part of the kidnap attempt instead was trying to help. He is also the only Quasimodo to be an intellectual, having read every book in the Notre Dame’s library. His sad sweetness mingled with his intelligence makes him likable.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Mandy Patinkin also does a great job at portraying Quasimodo. He gives a great physical performance as well as an emotional one. In particular I love his walk.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Despite his likeability, he’s little boring. He’s too generically nice. If he had an edge or had arc it would have made him interesting but in taking way him kidnapping Esmeralda it ruins the pillory scene and robs Quasimodo of his arc of trusting Frollo 100%.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo,

This Quasimodo could have been great, the performance was great but the interest of the character was made void but him being too nice and sweet.

Next time; Frollo

Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Richard Harris as Frollo

What’s in a Name? Phoebus de Chateaupers

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watercolor of Phoebus and Esmeralda picture image

watercolor of Phoebus and Esmeralda

By the novel’s own admission, Phoebus’ name comes from the Greek God Phoebus Apollo. Apollo was the god of many things including light, prophecy, poetry, music and healing. While Apollo’s name roots are uncertain, Phoebus means light in Greek. Phoebus’ name reflects Esmeralda’s love the sun and brightness. Phoebus himself is a darker character than his bright name suggests as he likes to engage in deceit and debauchery.

As an added little bonus, Parnassius phoebus is a species Swallowtail butterflies found in Eurasia and North America.

Then their his surname de Chateaupers, This is a real surname but it’s meaning is near impossible to ascertain. The “de” is common in French Surnames, it means “of.” It is often given to high ranking families. Chateaupers came be broken down to Chateau meaning “castle” and “pers” which could mean person. So his name could mean person of the castle. Perhaps it reflects his family being stewards for the Chateau family or steward in a castle. After all Phoebus wasn’t of a high noble family which why he has to marry Fleur de Lys.

101 Dalmatians II; Patch’s London Adventure Review; Why can’t they talk to the other animals like in the first film?

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101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

101 Dalmatians II; Patch’s London Adventure

101 Dalmatians II; Patch’s London Adventure is by all counts a dumb movie but it has its moments of being entertaining, which surprised me. What brought it down was the general mean-spiritedness.

Patch and Thunderblot, 101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Patch and Thunderbolt

The plot goes, that in midst of moving to the  farm, Patch is feeling less than unique. On moving day, Patch gets left behind and decides to see his idol, TV actor dog, Thunderbolt who is holding auditions. Thunderbolt is told by his sidekick, Lightning, that they mean to kill him off in the show, which is a lie.

Thunderbolt decides to perform good deeds in real life so he can keep his job. He enlists Patch’s help because Patch knows all the episodes. Then Cruella DeVille enters the picture and get captivated by an artist who paints spots. She commissions him to paint her a painting but isn’t happy so she decides to kidnap the Dalmatians again. Patch and Thunderbolt then have to save the day and Patch learns he is special.

 

101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Patch

Going into this movie, I thought it would be akin to Scamp’s adventure but it wasn’t. Patch learns a lesson that is different from the original movie. His lesson and growth is understandable, he’s puppy and has 98 siblings.

 

Puppies Driving, 101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Puppies Driving

Speaking of the 98 other Puppies, they are just plain mean little things. The reason why is to get the audience on Patch’s side, if he is the underdog then we care about him. But they made the other puppies too mean. Jasper and Horace were mean too throwing Nanny down a well, that is sick.

 

Lars and his art, 101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Lars and his art

 

Then we have Cruella and the art subplot. I will say as someone who minored in art history, I loved this subplot. I thought it was hilarious.  However, it’s a little more than stupid. Thy whole thing  was a set-up for the puppies to hid  against a canvas.

Cruella DeVille, 101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Cruella DeVille

 

Also I didn’t really like the two antagonist angle.  First we have insane Cruella, who seems shoehorned in here. And then we have Lighting, Thunderbolt’s sidekick, who wants to be the star of the show. I will forgive it, as it does come together at the end but Cruella was shoehorned in.

Horace and Jasper grabbing Rolly, 101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Horace and Jasper grabbing Rolly

 

Stylistically,  this movie is very different than the original but at least it not a rehash or copy of the first. However, they shamelessly reuse things from the first movie. They reuse the Twilight bark, the car chase and Pongo counting, the TV obsession, Cruella etc.

These things maybe be shameless but one thing they rehashed is wrong. Patch mentions that the spot in front of the TV is his spot but it was actually Lucky’s spot in the original.

 

101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Patch

Which makes me ask the question, why Patch as the star puppy when Lucky was focused on much more in the original? Think about it, Lucky  was the first puppy we saw in the original, he is more obsessed with TV and he had more lines than Patch. Patch had his moments but they were fewer. Of course, all his moments involved Thunderbolt so maybe that was it.

 

101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Patch

101 Dalmatians II; Patch’s London Adventure isn’t all bad, it’s dumb and has some icky meanness but it’s fine as far as these sequels go. I dare say it was adequate.  And It had PUPPIES!!!!!!!!

Frozen Review (Spoilers)

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Frozen picture image

Frozen

Back in August 2013, I did a post mainly centered on Frozen and its lack of style when compared to the 2-D drawn movies. Frozen hit theaters on Thanksgiving 2013 to a lot of praise. But is that praise deserving or are people just blinded by the snow?

The answer, is yes, it is deserving of praise. Frozen despite its first trailer, which was bad, is a very an entertaining and engaging movie.

 

Anna Frozen picture image

Anna

Let’s just get the style and the look of the movie out of the way. Yes, it looks like Tangled, hell Rapunzel and Flynn had cameos and Anna and Elsa look like Rapunzel. While it is annoying that the 3-D Disney movies have little variation in the female looks and not the men, I can justify this. Perhaps their royal families married and they are cousins or something, I would buy that. But please Disney try some new female looks the same face with freckles are getting old. Maybe go different place in this 3-D world, like Spain that would be fun.

 

Elsa Frozen picture image

Elsa

The characters, are all great especially Elsa. Elsa is no doubt the most complex character Disney has come with. I read that she started at the antagonist  but the song Let it go forced them to rework her character and gave us the sister angle. She is so complex that she great to watch. The other characters are all good. I was surprised by Olaf. After that trailer I wanted to hate him but the voice actor, Josh Gad, made him work in a charming way. I adored Sven. Anna is a bit annoying at time but she didn’t bother me.

 

Anna and Olaf Frozen picture image

Anna,  Olaf and Kristoff

If you read my other Frozen post  you would get the impression that I’m down on 3-D Disney movies in favor of 2-D animation ones. That is a little true, Tangled was not enhanced by being in 3-D it could have been in 2-D easy by not Frozen. The snow and the ice looked beautiful in the 3-D rendering and that was the point. There should  be some reason for the medium. It seemed like Tangled was the experiment and Frozen was the pay-off.

 

Elsa and Anna frozen picture image

Elsa and Anna

I like how Disney is playing with their own tropes, Elsa telling Anna she can’t marry some she just met, Hans being the bad guy (he’s a bit like Gaston in that way) and true love being between sisters.  It’s really refreshing and playful.  Fun question, because Hans is the villain, does that make the romance song, Love is an open door, the villain song?  Talk about playing with  your tropes!

 

Trolls Frozen picture image

The Trolls

The movie is not without it’s problems, Hans was weak and dumb about political maneuvers, but the reveal was great, the deus ex machina ship at the end, the flow of the plot is clunky in places, it has a little bit of pan-scandinavian confusion  and I found the troll weak. The clunky parts are forgivable and Disney has never been one for 100%  cultural authenticity so that is forgivable too. The design of the Trolls were boring and franky they don’t look look like they belong to this movie. They could have more fun with the designs. The only good thing about them was Olaf’s reaction. It would have been amazing if they had been inspired by the Moomins but then again I love the Moomins, so bias. The trolls are small issue it just wish there was more too them then moss cover rocks.

 

Elsa, Frozen

Elsa

All in all Frozen was a great Disney movie. It had all the facets that make a Disney movie,  memorable songs, characters and animation, and Let it Go had all these things. All the things Disney has been lacking recently . Could Frozen mark the next Golden Age? Only the next few movie will tell and hopefully they will be just as good as Frozen.

The 1997 Verion of Esmeralda; Sexy and Dull

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Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda,

I do not hate Salma Hayek, I loved her in Frida, and I think she is a decent to good actress. The problem with Hayek is she is often typecast as the feisty independent women and because of that it’s very hard to separate Hayek from her depiction of Esmeralda.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire

Esmeralda in the 1997 version is dull. She is nice, sexy, caring and likes her independence but there is not a lot to her. Generally, most Esmeraldas have little to work with other than being kind and beautiful.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda

Hayek’s Esmeralda does get a bit of social justice but it comes from guilt over Quasimodo getting punished because of her, which is a bit of an issue. In this version, Esmeralda is only briefly put off by Quasimodo’s looks and Quasimodo does not try to kidnap her, in fact he tries to help and Esmeralda know this. When Esmeralda tries to help Quasimodo by appealing to the king for his release, her giving him water is like a consolation to make it up to him. It’s not that she was moved by a whim. It lacks the sweetness that has in other versions where Esmeralda is clearly the one who the wrong was done to.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda

By all counts Hayek is a really good casting choice. Hayek has really good exotic look which for an Esmeralda who is a full-Romani is really good. She was on the upper edge of being a little too old to play Esmeralda but the film doesn’t really talk about her youth or naivety too much so it’s not a big issue.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda,

Really, she should have been the perfect Esmeralda. her performance is not her fault as she had little to work with. She has no arc and has nothing to do outside of being nice and dancing suggestively.

Next Time Quasimodo

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, The Hunchback 1997 picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Sochi and Notre Dame de Paris

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I haven’t really been following the 2014 Winter Olympics BUT two (or three) Gold Medalists, Yuzuru Hanyu and Meryl Davis & Charlie have previously skated to Notre Dame de Paris music.

 

You can see their Notre Dame de Paris performances here

https://www.thehunchblog.com/2013/02/meryl-davis-charlie-white-ice-dance-to-notre-dame-de-paris/

https://www.thehunchblog.com/2012/12/yuzuru-hanyu-skating-to-notre-dame-de-paris/

What’s in a name? Claude Frollo

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Lemud Illustration of Frollo picture image

Lemud Illustration of Frollo

Claude Frollo seems to have a very tricky name to break down. Let’s start with the easy part, Claude.

Claude is a Latin name that means Lame, as in limp. This name could relate to Frollo’s crippled soul. In Book 4 Chapter 6,  the local boys also said  to Frollo and Quasimodo when they would pass by “Claudius cum claudo” meaning in Latin “Claude with the crippled.”

Then there is Frollo. Frollo is a mysterious surname. It doesn’t sound very French at all does it? Well, it’s not, in fact it’s not really a surname. Frollo has Roman roots but isn’t really Roman. The only evidence of Frollo aside from Hugo’s Frollo and Leone Frollo (an Italian Comic Stripe Creator) is in the Arthurian Legends.

According to the Legend, Arthur conquered Norway for with Brother-in-law, King Lot. On his was back he went through Denmark and to Gaul. Gaul was ruled by the Roman Emperor Leo and it was governed by Frollo. Arthur defeated the army and Frollo fled to Paris. Arthur besieged the city. Frollo knew the city couldn’t hold out a long siege, so he challenged Arthur to one-on-one combat for Gaul. Frollo managed to wound Arthur but was killed. The Legends claim that Frollo means  in Old English “Killed by Arthur.”   Which would mean he got the name after the fact and it would make it an Old English name.

But wait there’s more, according to the Vulgate Lancelot, a major source for the Arthurian Legend written in French, Frollo was an ally of King Claudas. Yet another connection to the name Claude.

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year Review; Happy Eeyore will Haunt your Dreams

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Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year.

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year.

You know when you start to watch a movie and you know it’s going to be painful in the first few minutes? That was me with Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year. Even the title makes me cringe. This one is a double holiday movie, as we get Christmas and New Years. I give them a little credit, you don’t see new year’s in Disney movies but it’s boring and makes for a very long hour.

Pooh and Christopher Robin Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year picture image

Pooh and Christopher Robin

So the plot or in this case the plots? This movie has like two dumb stories. First, Pooh and friends are having a Christmas party and then they tell the first story in a Flashback.

That story is Christopher Robin is writing a letter to Santa. He asks everyone what they want and sends the letter via airmail. No, literally he just throws the letter into wind. The next day, Piglet tells Pooh that Pooh forgot to ask for a gift, apparently all that hunny he for asked for the others in case they get guests didn’t count. So they find the letter and make some modifications but Pooh fails to throw the letter in the air. So Pooh tries to play Santa so that everyone gets their gifts which fails too.

So Pooh decides to go to give the letter directly to Santa. The others then realizes that they would rather have Pooh then gifts. Pooh returns having failed again and they are all happy. However Christopher Robin comes and gives out gifts and friends are awesome.

Pooh and Piglet, Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year picture image

Pooh and Piglet

The second story is not a flashback. Christopher Robin tells Pooh about New Years and Resolutions. Pooh decides to they should have party at Rabbit’s house. Rabbit then gets annoyed with Tigger’s bouncing, Piglet’s fear, Eeyore’s gloom and Pooh’s hunny obsession. So Rabbit decides to move.

Pooh and the gang decide to change these traits but in turn the traits just shift around so Tigger is scared, Piglet bounces, Pooh is gloomy and Eeyore is creepy, I mean hunny obsessed. Rabbit decides to stay because friends are awesome.

Happy Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year picture image

Happy Eeyore

Both these stories have the same theme, Friends are awesome. Now I do not claim to be an expert on all thing Pooh but that is a stand-by theme. Friends=Good. Though the second story had the added bonus of the be-yourself theme . Which is another stand-by theme by Disney.

One could say that New Year approach was inventive as the tried to be different but that made them in the polar opposite so the annoying innate traits were not corrected but transferred. I didn’t have a problem with Tigger being scared or Piglet bouncing or Pooh being gloomy. But Eeyore as the cheerful insane Pooh was more than off putting it was down-right terrifying.

Eeyore on the Christmas Tree Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year picture image

Eeyore on the Christmas Tree

When I started doing the sequel reviews, I said wasn’t going to discuss the animation as on the whole the animation is weak in general in the sequels. But the Pooh movies are not sequels, not exactly.

Winnie the Pooh is separate entity under the Mouse label. That being sound the animation was far and away much, much weaker than Pooh’s Grand Adventure. The colors are dull and the animation at times is a bit awkward.

Eeyore, Piglet, Tigger and Pooh Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year picture image

Eeyore, Piglet, Tigger and Pooh

For me, as a not-quite-a-Pooh-fan there is not much to enjoy in Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year. The Plot(s) is weak and dumb, the characters even admit to the viewer they are annoying and the animation is week. All round, I found this dumb, dumb, dumb and I really disliked it.