That Grinchy Frollo stole my Christmas Tree
The Twelve Days of Christmas is boring Christmas song. Let’s Jazz it up; Hunchback style!
On the first day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the fourth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the fifth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the seventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the eighth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the ninth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Nine Gypsy a dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the tenth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Ten Thieves a leaping
Nine Gypsies Dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the eleventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eleven Kings Condemning
Ten Thieves a leaping
Nine Gypsies Dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Twelve Soldiers Drinking
Eleven Kings Condemning
Ten Thieves a leaping
Nine Gypsies Dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame
Did you know Quasimodo was in a Christmas special from the 1980’s? He was in the Will Vinton’s Claymation Christmas Celebration which aired in 1987. That’s right Quasimodo is made of clay here.
Quasimodo from Will Vinton’s Claymation Christmas Celebration
In it Quasimodo, who has a Beethoven vibe going on which is disconcerting, is conducting choir bells who are performing Carol of the Bells and one dumb bell (ha get it) is making him mad for not taking it seriously. Quasimodo wins in the end though.
You can watch it here it’s the second song in;
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xmtd8o_california-raisins-claymation-christmas_shortfilms
It’s theHunchblog third year of reviewing Hunchback versions. And for the occasion I have decided to release my very first Hunchback eBook.
The Hunchback &
The Tales of Christmas
I have been wanting to write something Hunchback related for a while but I never had any good ideas. Over the last few months, I have thought up a few good ideas but with the Holidays coming, I decided to write a short Christmas Story centered around Quasimodo. Then I decided to write two more short stories about Frollo and Phoebus. I call it very simply, The Hunchback & The Tales of Christmas. I’m very happy I finally wrote an eBook.
You can get for $0.99 by clicking the button below or the picture above;
I hope you guys enjoy it ^^ and please continue to support theHunchblog in 2014.
Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas
In the crappy world of direct-to-video Disney videos, Beauty and the Beast is the one title where a sequel is out-right rejected because to have a sequel work people need to accept the Beast’s human form which they do not, so much the moral about Beauty being found within.
But Disney is never one to say no when it comes to making a quick buck and so the midquel was born. What the fuck is a Midquel you ask? A Midquel is a stupid story that happens during the first story. It really doesn’t work with Beauty and Beast but it works better than a sequel because at least the Beast is a beast so we have Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas. Just in time for Christmas.
Human forms of Mrs.Potts, Chip, Sultan the dog ottoman, Lumiere and Cogsworth
This admonition errr story starts one year later on Christmas. Everyone is remembering what happen but somehow Chip doesn’t remember, even though Chip was major character so the Enchanted Christmas is told as a flash-back to people who should remember it.
Belle decorates the Mock Christmas tree
So the story proper, starts the day after the Beast saves Belle from the wolves which is Christmas eve but before Beast gives her the library. Which would make the day she entered the Castle December 23rd. Belle decides to celebrate Christmas but the Beast forbids because he got transformed on Christmas appartently. But Belle doesn’t really care that much, so she is going to have Christmas anyway because it’s awesome.
There is also a evil organ who likes the curse because now the Beast appreciates his emo music so he tries to get rid of Belle and when that fails he tries to kill everyone. That is pretty much the plot.
Forte, the Evil Emo Organ
The movie’s new characters are really jarring and boring, which an impressive combination. We have the evil organ, Forte, played by Tim Curry, who is evil and emo. He also have some kind of magic musical power that is never explained but it can bring down the house, literally.
Angelique, an angel played by Bernadette Peters who does nothing, there was no point to her character. Fife, Forte’s piccolo minion, who tells Beast about the source of Forte’s magic because Forte is a jerk and didn’t give poor little Fife a solo, you know he’s the reformed former baddie. And finally a jewish Axe which is painful to watch. I don’t get the thought process on that one at all.
These characters are forgettable. You would think Tim Curry as evil emo organ who be interesting but alas no. The CG work on him looks like it belongs in a different movie.
Belle and the Beast Ice Skating
This movie is fanfic-y and it pretty much shits all over the first one. Belle’s personality is completely destroyed. She basically wants to make the Beast happy and she is kind of doormat in a lot of ways. All her feistiness, charm and individualism are gone. It’s like he saved her the wolves and now she wants to make him happy? What happen to the nice slow progression of understanding and kindness? Why did you mess that up Disney? They also ruined the famous dance scene because they show Belle and the Beast in their formal dubs before the library scene. It’s just so wrong.
Msr.Potts, Cogsworth, Lumiere, Fife and Angelique,
Then we have the cliche as fuck Christmas story. How many Christmas stories are about someone who hates Christmas trying to stop it and then get shown how awesome the holiday is? Pretty much all of them. Beast is our Scrooge, our Grinch who tries to fight the spirit of Christmas who in this case is Belle. And along with her friends and a Jewish Axe, show Beast the error of his ways before the evil emo organ can use his satanic musical powers to kill them all.
It’s been done to death. I think Disney just wanted to have a Christmas movie and Beauty and the Beast already had snow in it.
Chip in a wreath
Besides blatantly ruining the first one, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas
Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo
What can I saw about the Madeline episode that features a meager attempt to reference the Hunchback of Notre Dame? It’s a lazy, confused mess that would rather talk about writing even though the people who wrote it don’t know the first thing about writing. It’s not charming, cute or insightful. It is weak and torture to watch and I didn’t care for it on any level.
Next Hunchback version after a short Winter Break. If you have a suggestions, let me know because I haven’t made up my mind yet.
Disney Villains
On the other side of the Disney branding spectrum, we have the darker and less well known line of products called the Villain line. Unlike the Princess Line which doesn’t feature heroines based on a “royal” title this line is said to encompass all the villains but really only focuses on a few. Those being; The Evil Queen from Snow White, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, The Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, Cruella from 101 Dalmatian, Captain Hook from Peter Pan, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Jafar from Aladdin and recently Mother Gothel from Tangled. Other villains like Scar, Gaston, Dr.Facilier, Hades and the Cheshire Cat filter in on products occasionally. Though I would argue that the Cheshire Cat is not villain but a Chaotic Neutral.
Judge Claude Frollo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
So here is the big question, Where is Frollo? He is considered to be one of the great Disney villains because of his complexity. As far as I can tell he might be hiding in the products like in the Disney Vile Villains Playing Cards
Disney Villain Monopoly Box
But why isn’t Frollo a key villain in this line? Is it because Hunchback was super unpopular? Well that doesn’t help but it’s not like Hades was attach to a popular movie and was Pater Pan that popular that Hook gets a major spotlight? On the Disney Villain Monopoly
I don’t think it so much that Frollo is from an unpopular movie, I think it’s because as a villain he is not fun. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great villain, he just never revels in his evil schemes the same way the others do, in fact he’s thinks he the good pure one. So he is not the logical choice as the one of line’s front runners who love and enjoy their machinations. And if this is indeed the case, it doesn’t really bother me that Frollo isn’t prominent, he just not the funny goofy charming villain that this line seems to love. And that’s ok.
Vicious Villains – Disney Movie Art Poster
So what products does villain line offer? Well, in many ways it’s not very different from the Princess Line. It has with games like Monopoly, fashion dolls
And like the Princess line, the villains have their fair share of weird products like a Cruella stapler
In many ways the Villain line is just like the princess line except the products are black, red and purple instead pastels and pinks and it carter to older more jaded girls who are not quite ready Hot Topic.
Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin
I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not a big fan of Winnie the Pooh. Never have been, never will be. Yeah, it’s cute and endearing, it just never did much for me. I will say that, I do hate Winnie the Pooh.
Rabbit, Eeyore, Pooh, Tigger and Piglet
That being said, I hate this movie. It’s boring and fairly insipid. What’s the story of Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin? Christopher Robin and Pooh are hanging out and doing nothing, that is an important facet of their very co-dependent relationship.
But then Christopher Robin vanishes and Pooh and everyone are lost without him. He leaves a note on a honey pot but no one can read the it as Pooh can’t read (you would think Christopher Robin would know that about his pal?) and the note becomes encrusted with honey. So they take the note to owl who says that Christopher Robin went to the skull which is in a scary place surrounded by scary things that we never see, I wanted to see that skullasaurus, unseen main antagonist my ass.
Anyway, they go to the skull and hi-jinx ensue and important self-discoveries are learned. Then Christopher Robin comes back because he actually went to school for a mere half-day and then scary place they went to turns out not to be scary at all. Did they all hallucinate the scary stuff?
Pooh and Christopher Robin
The movie hinges on Christopher Robin being important to the characters but we only see him interacting with Pooh. Plus Christopher Robin is boring as fuck. I mean, I guess he’s the straight-man to the insanity of the other characters but he is not reactionary enough to the characters, he just gives in with his “silly old bear” line even though Pooh is a year younger than him. So he is dull and kinda dumb.
Pooh on a Cliff
It’s cute that Christopher Robin gives Pooh advice that Pooh tries to remember and despite that the characters grow and develop but that proves Christopher Robin’s dullness compared the other characters. I mean he’s more important when he gone. However the lesson about how dear friends are never really apart is touching.
Eeyore, Piglet, Rabbit and Tigger
The character development and what they learn is trite. You know the same motivational crap most people learn in movies, you’re super strong, brave and smart. ZZzzzzzzzzz. Why can’t shallowness and laziness ever save the day?
Learning that you’re really smart, strong and brave is cliche. Plus the movie divides the qualities among three characters; Tigger, Rabbit and Piglet. Tigger learns that his tail is strong, Rabbit learns that he is smart and Piglet learns he is brave. Pooh learns that his dorky friend always in his heart and Eeyore does nothing.
I’m not sure why he is in this movie, all he does is make depressing comments. Eeyore is the best and I’m not sure why he is so underplayed in this. Maybe it’s because Eeyore is too awesome. He kicks Pooh’s ass.
All the pals together
It’s not like it’s a bad movie or plot, i just found it hellish to sit and watch it. Maybe if cared more about Pooh and his pals’ issues and if Christopher Robin wasn’t so fucking dull it could be more enjoyable. And I actully wanted to like Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin
Two things before I end, How did they not all die when they fell off that cliff? Maybe it was hallucination and they only fell like a foot, I would buy that. And that guy who play Billy Zane’s evil cop goon from Titanic
Hunchback, Musical
There is a new Hunchback musical in the world, this time in Belfast and it’s a Rock musical. The tag line is ‘Love – Friendship – Passion’
The cast is interesting and by that interesting I mean weird. Let’s see if you can spot the weirdness in the cast,
Quasimodo – Christopher Finn
Esmerelda – Ciara Louise Baxter
La Tortura – Kate England
Clopina – Roxanne Saili
Phoebus – Julius Metson Scott
Frollo – John O’Mahony
Clopin is a women???!!!!!!! I don’t have too big of an issue with that. Maybe the actress is the embodiment of Clopin or they had to take what they could get, But pray tell who is La Tortura? and why is she listed above most of the cast? and there is no Gringoire.
Ciara Louise Baxter as Esmeralda & Christopher Finn as Quasimodo, Hunchback
The song that is on the site and in the video promo “Like I can” I really don’t care for. The music isn’t dynamic and the sentiment while in it’s the novel it’s just not that likable. Basically it’s Quasimodo telling Esmeralda that he’s better and shame of her for not seeing it.
I can’t judge the show based on one song or the cast but if that is the song they are pushing I’m not sure about it. Could be good or bad.
For more info;
http://www.theatreatthemill.com/PEO/load_screen.asp?screen=hunchback.asp
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/entertainment/theatre-arts/qa-christopher-finn-29793304.html