The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

10Dec 2013

Madeline the lesson is told

by jess

I know I have mentioned the lesson before in other posts where I bashed, I mean reviewed, the Hunchback episode of Madeline but I find that the way it was handle in this episode is so awful that it needs to be bashed more.

Madeline, Pepito and her friends read Hunchback of Notre Dame

I do not claim to be expert on the show, I mean I could only watch two episodes other than the hunchback one, but the two episodes I saw had two good lessons; one was altruism and not judging dogs based on breed (allegorical to racism).

In those two episodes people had to actively learn something and a sense development was achieved. The episodes were torture but there was at least a depth.

Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo

Then we get the Hunchback episode. Anything that deals with Quasimodo should be more or less deal with getting over looks to see who a person truly is, unless it’s done as parody or satire. But this is a kids show so is the standard lesson should be applied.

The problem is NO ONE learns it because the episode doesn’t care about the Hunchback. Writing-wise the episode is all over the place so there is no time to for a character to grow or learn the Quasimodo lesson.

Pepito and Gerald Dippetty Doo

Since everyone but Pepito gets that Quasimodo is awesome, he is the one who is at odds with Quasimodo’s looks but he only comes around to liking Quasimodo because his idol tells him that he is great and should play Quasimodo in the play. Then Pepito plays Quasimodo and good is in a dumb play but he learns nothing.

But there is nothing to indicate in the episode that Pepito is like Quasimodo, he is just a jerk throughout the episode, he made a much better Phoebus. But since he is the one in opposition to Quasimodo he had to be the one to realize how great Quasimodo is but it’s pointless if he just told it out right.

Quasimodo captures Ms. Cavell

The episode should have been about the girls meeting a Quasimodo-like figure, Pepito or one of the little girls judging him and then the Quasimodo-figure helps them somehow and the jerk learns that judging people based on appearances is a jerky thing to do. Cliche? Yes but at least someone learns and grows from the core Quasimodo-lesson-for-kids.

Madeline and the Hunchback picture image

Madeline’s dreams

The title is also confused, as it’s Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I know the scheme of the titles go Madeline and Whatever the focused is, but Madeline has no connection to the Hunchback. It should have been called Madeline and the Play or Madeline and Notre Dame.

Pepito as Phoebus, Madeline and the Hunchback

This episode is a mess for beginning to end and it’s no surprise that lesson is a mess and just tacked on to weak cash in episode.

Next Time; Conclusion, Thank God

Madeline as Phoebus

09Dec 2013

8 Dumb Disney Princess Products

by jess

Let us face facts, Disney is a super big company who likes making money and uses movies as commercial, and that is okay. What company isn’t out to make money? The real cash cow for Disney is the Princess Line. The Disney Princess line is really most known for dolls and dress up stuff. And while Disney Princess Baby Dolls are stupid, I do get where they logically come from as product. But what products outside the standard dolls and dress-up faire are the stupidest products that are available? (That rules out the blender.) This is a list of 8 products from the Disney Princess line that I think are the most dumb in no order.

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Just say it the name of this out loud, Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game. There is no hiding the dumbness here. It’s a cupcake game!

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

A talking camera? Does Cinderella comment on pictures of out of focus flowers or does she remind you to turn the flash on? Did mention that is pearl necklace strap and the flash is a heart ……. no saving this concept from the dumb.

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Oh this one. Hahahahahhaaa. It’s Boombox in the shape of a carriage. Who was high when they thought of this little gem of plastic?

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

What? It’s bad enough they force this Princess crap on little girls now I have to force it on my dog. You’re Evil Disney, EVIL!

Disney Princess Garden Apron

Disney Princess Garden Apron

You gotta love how tacked on the Disney Princess is on this apron.

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker

Pink Princess Waffle Maker

It doesn’t just make ordinary peasent waffles, no it makes enchanted Princess Waffles, which I’m sure taste batter. If you look at Cinderella they didn’t even fill in her skin. And why does the waffle look like a pancake?

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

It’s a Disney Princess Snuggie…….. wow, Genius Disney.

Disney Step Stool

Disney Step Stool

Disney Princess Step Stool

It’s a Disney Princess Set Stool. A Step Stool! Who thinks of these things. Why does a step stool need to princess-ify? Though there must be some pleasure on stepping on the Princess.

Which of these do you think is the dumbest Disney Princess Product?

05Dec 2013

Aladdin and the King of Thieves: I hate Jasmine’s wedding Dress

by jess

Aladdin and the King of Thieves

As a movie goes, Aladdin and the King of Thieves is fairly not too bad. Is it good? Ummmm, it’s pretty ok. I think it’s better than The Return of Jafar but I find Return of Jafar more entertaining in general.

Thieves singing, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Now I said I wouldn’t harp on Songs and Animations, but there is like one good song in this and animation is not good at all and it’s try to be good and fails. The only song I like is Welcome to the 40 thieves. The other songs annoy me to no end.

Cassim, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

So what is good about it? Well, the story is good, it’s about Aladdin connecting with long lost Dad, Cassim, who is the King of Thieves. Aladdin has to deal with his past and as the movie wraps up as you learn that the two just can’t be a part of each other lives and that works for them. They love each other but they are very different. And I think that is actually a mature sentiment.

I also like how Aladdin questions his capacity to have a family. Never mind, he about to become a royal, it’s the lack of a father that is making him question himself and his future.

Sa’luk, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

However the whole searching for treasure plot was a little silly. Though I like the turtle as the island, very classic mythology right there. Also the bad guy, Sa’luk was lame. I don’t really get his deal or motivation. He just didn’t like Cassim and pretty much wanted to one-up him. That’s kind of lame even for direct-to-video villain. Though I liked that he is so tough that he wrestles sharks, that is pretty bad-ass.

Jasmine and Genie as Mrs Doubtfire, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Then we have the Genie. Oh, Genie. They made a big deal that Robin Williams was back doing the voice of the Genie. And while sometimes the jokes were great, most of the time they were just references for like every movie ever especially Disney movies. It was too much, way too much, I mean he referenced himself as Mrs. Doubtfire. It was grating and not funny and I didn’t like it.

The one joke I did love is when Genie is introduced to Cassim as Aladdin’s father and he start as threatening says that “If you’re Al’s Dad, I want to know one thing. Will it be chicken or the sea-bass.” That joke was set-up too so the pay-off was great.

Jasmine and her ugly wedding gown, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Beside Aladdin, Iago and the new characters, the other characters don’t do that much. Carpet, Abu and the sultan are there. Jasmine gives Aladdin encouragement, gets married and punches people but that’s it.

While I enjoy the punching, I hated her wedding dress. I loath it. It’s stupid. I would say this a small detail but Aladdin and Jasmine wedding is a major plot point. The pointy shoulder and the flowers kill me. I mean she is a princess for crying out loud, why is she wearing this lame dress?

The Hand of Midas Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Here is a bit of plot hole. So the ultimate treasure that Cassim is searching for is The Hand of Midas, which turns things into gold. So when Cassim first gets it, he turns the room gold and every thing becomes gold in the room except for him, Aladdin and the water. Now solid gold is heavy and the island is a living creature, How did the turtle not react this?

Cassim tells Aladdin not to touch the hand or he will turn to gold so he wraps in cloth and sticks into this belt. But we see that hand turns the whole room gold so why didn’t the hand turn Aladdin’s clothes gold? Is it because it’s contiguous? But if that how it works why didn’t Cassim turned to gold when he turned the room gold and the thieves on the boat when that turned to gold? Why are people not turned if the things around them are? Do humans have to touch it directly but things don’t? For that matter why didn’t the the Hand’s wooden staff change? What are the rules to thing? It’s not a small thing but I thought the Hand Midas plot was stupid so I don’t care that much.

Cassim, Iago, Jasmine, Abu, Aladdin, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

If the Return of Jafar kick-started the TV show, the King of Thieves ended it and it was a decent send off to the show. Though Aladdin’s quest for his father was more mature in tone than the show but that’s fine the show had it’s moments of depth. It’s definitely a more ambitious movie and story than Return of Jafar and its high points are really high and but its lows are meh to very low. I liked the bookend ending the first movie starts with the lamp sellers and this one ends with him. On the whole Aladdin and the King of Thieves is a decent not bad movie.

04Dec 2013

Notre Dame de Paris Nov 2013 Videos

by jess

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONiltCAeEpk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7932uLY0lE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTCJ8jvPKK8

03Dec 2013

Madeline and her crappy animation

by jess

The Animation in Madeline is crap-poo. No, actually it’s worse. It’s not even bad enough to be delightful. No, it’s honest-to-god poo. But what makes it so bad besides every damn thing? Well, I will list three things because anymore analysis on this, is going to drive me to insanity.

#1 The Colors

Madeline, Pepito and her friends read Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Color design is dull. It tries to be bright and colorful but it meanders in the dull. Honestly I could take the colors as the tones aren’t awful and the gradient are ok but the dumb character design ruin it, which brings me to me second point;

#2 The Character Design

Ms. Cavell holding The Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Character Designs are flat, uninteresting and dumb. Sure they look like the books but while the books were endearing the character look stupid. With their cold soul-less black dot eyes, their blocky bodies and there unvaried faces. They just look stupid in motion. Then we come to the problem real issue;

#3 The Laziness

Madeline or Pepito as Quasimodo

The animation in Madeline is abject, unfiltered, pure laziness. Anything that could be good and endearing is trashed by the immense awfulness of the animation. The character’s motion are stilted and awkward. The repeat animation is laughable. The use Pepito as Madeline in a long shot which make it a continuity error. I’m sure this show has a LOT of them. There are dozen upon dozen still frames to pad out the ghastly time. They also you a dissolve transition to get the girls to turn at the end while they are brushing their teeth. Also that is another continuity error since it has the girls in their “magnificent” day clothes but the shot before that they were in their nightgowns. So much laziness in this show.

Madeline and her dumb song

The animation in Madeline is one of it’s biggest failures. it hard to really get passed the crappy animation. I mean one could if the story and characters were interesting but they are not so the bad animation is really inexcusable. It really is just crap-poo.

Next time – The Moral of the Story

Pepito and Gerald Dippetty Doo

29Nov 2013

Black Friday and Cyber Monday Mega Post

by jess

Watches are great gift to give as holiday present as they are fun, fashionable and useful. But What watches reflect the Hunchback characters sense of style? I went through the watches to find the best watches that fit the characters. I found an option for both men and women watches. So either buy one for someone in your life who fits the style of a character or ask for one as gift (be sure to the person buying it for to click the link on the Hunchblog ^_~), and above all else, have fun looking.

ESMERALDA

Esmeralda’s style is youthful, charming and exuberant.

For the Ladies

Invicta Women’s Pro Diver Collection 18k Gold-Plated Watch

For the Guys

Lucien Piccard Men’s Excalibur Black Textured Dial Gold Ion-Plated Stainless Steel Watch

QUASIMODO

Quasimodo’s style is down to earth, humble, and unique.

For the Ladies

Anne Klein Women’s Gold-Tone Tortoise Shell Plastic Bracelet

For the Guys

Bulova Men’s Automatic Mechanical Brown Leather Strap Dial Watch

FROLLO

Frollo’s style is dark and refined with an edge.

For the Ladies

Lucien Piccard Women’s Veleta Black Mother-Of-Pearl Dial Swarovski Crystal Accents Black Leather Strap Watch

For the Guys

Bulova Men’s Precisionist Leather Strap Watch

PHOEBUS

Phoebus’s style is bright, simple and militaristic

For the Ladies

Timex Women’s Ameritus Gold-Tone Stainless Steel Mesh Bracelet Dress Watch

For the Guys

Bulova Men’s Dress Classic Goldtone Watch

GRINGOIRE

Gringoire’s style is bold with a flair for the dramatics.

For the Ladies

Swatch Women’s Quartz Rainbow Dial Plastic Watch

(This watch looks Gringoire’s pants in Notre Dame de Paris )

For the Guys

Stuhrling Original Men’s Classic Cuvette SD 23k Yellow Gold-Plated Stainless Steel and Brown Leather Strap Watch

CLOPIN

Clopin’s style is bold and edgy

For the Ladies (this is unisex)

ESQ Movado Unisex Round Stainless Steel Watch

For the Guys

Kenneth Cole New York Men’s Classic Grey Dial Roman Numeral Detail Strap Watch

FLEUR DE LYS

Fleur de Lys’ style is classic, delicate and elegant.

For the Ladies

Anne Klein Women’s Swarovski Crystal Elements Silver-Tone Bangle Watch

For the Guys

Citizen Men’s A Eco-Drive Axiom Watch

DJALI

Djali’s style is fun and bold

For the Ladies

Invicta Women’s Angel Collection Multi-Function Rose Gold Plated White Rubber Watch

For the Guys

Bulova Men’s Classic Two-Tone Tank Watch

SISTER GUDULE

Sister Gudule’s style is humble and simple

For the Ladies

Michael Kors Runway Slim Rose Vachetta Women’s Watch

For the Guys

Citizen Men’s “Eco-Drive” Gold-Tone Stainless Steel and Leather Strap Watch

JEHAN

Jehan’s style is bold, youthful and carefree.

For the Ladies

MULCO Women’s Analog Chronograph Swiss Watch

For the Guys

Stuhrling Original Men’s Triumph Classic Swiss Quartz Multifunction Gold Tone Watch

28Nov 2013

Happy Thanksgiving 2013

by jess

Pilgram Esmeralda, Thanksgiving 2013

27Nov 2013

30 Rock Reference

by jess

30 Rock, Hunchback

In the first episode of 7th season of the 30 Rock we are treated to a Hunchback reference. Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy are talking about the new fall shows and one of them is called “hunchback ” which is meant to parody all the sexy vampire shows. It uses the water scene from the 1923 version. It stars Jonathan Silverman as Dr Fantastico. I have no idea what that means. But I love 30 Rock and was so happy to this reference.

26Nov 2013

Madeline and her Stupid Song

by jess

Ms Cavell and Floating paper

In the Madeline Hunchback episode, Ms. Cavell is trying to get the little girls into reading and writing. She takes them all over Paris and finally at the 6 minute mark, she introduces us to the Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is one of her favorites book. You would think after introducing the book they would talk about it a little bit, but no as soon as she spits out the title the song starts.

Some Guy and with a horse made of Steam,

Madeline episodes alway have a song in them regardless if it works or not. So you might think that the song would relate to the Hunchback or Notre Dame but no. The song is about writing and how Great Paris is for writers.

Ms Cavell and a French Poem

Considering writing is the overarching theme in this, it’s not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is that is the worst thing ever created by a human. A fair warning, this song has been known to kill people because it causes uncontrollable bleeding in the ears.

Madeline and her dumb song

Ms Cavell sings how Paris inspires writers. Then the girls sing the stupidest chorus ever;

“Write, Write Write on the left bank.”
“Left, Left, Left of on the Right.”

I have no words for the stupidness that is those lyrics and they repeat it twice. The bulk of the song’s lyrics just repeat the same idea, Paris inspires writers. The rhymes are ok but they are not by no means great. For whatever ok-ness they might have the chorus ruins it along with instruments and the visuals.

Ms Cavell and Floating paper

The Instruments are mostly a crappy cheap electronic piano. I hear an accordion which is so french and cliche but honestly the accordion is fine. However that godforsaken electronic piano with it stupid glittery cheap sound dominates this shit-feast of song.

Slide Transition in the Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame Song picture image

Slide Transition during the Song

Then there are the visuals. Now I haven’t got into the animation of Madeline yet but here it is in a nutshell is what I think of it; IT FUCKING SUCKS. And my god the song portion is atrocious in the visuals.

First off let’s editing. They use fucking slide pushes. Which is a transition that pushes the clip from left right off screen. They feathered the edge to make it look soft and gentle but it looks cheesy as fuck.

Madeline and her dumb song

Then the little girls sing the chorus in an abstract space with letters behind them as they walk without ever going anywhere. But look their legs as the step wide. Their legs shouldn’t go that wide without their torso going down. I know this trivial but it fucking bothers me. It also looks like they animated one set of legs and put them on every girl including Pepito…. Pepito has girly legs.

Madeline and her dumb song

It’s just laziness. But that is what the Madeline show is, Laziness, un-bashed and unapologetic laziness. Thankfully because it so fucking lazy the song is short. But even it’s length can’t help it from being the most awful song ever. Quickly, let me listen to I’d stick with you from the Disney Hunchback sequel. (listens to it) Ahhhhhhh….. way better.

Next Time; Let’s Complain about the Animation More….. (cries)

Madeline as Phoebus

25Nov 2013

Hucnhback of Notre Dame Song

by jess

This is Hunchback of Notre Dame by The Frantic Elevators. It’s not my type song at all. But it’s interesting and there is no denying that it’s about the Hunchback.

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