This is a list of the worst Live-Action Fairy Tale movies that were reviewed. This list was hard to compose because there was just so many bad movies and they were bad in different ways. Some were just bad, some confused the source material the point of insanity and some did both. But when is came down it it came to a question of which one would I rather watch again.

Also a note I’m adding two posts on movies that I personally was disappointed in and ones I liked were were surprised by, these movies also do not appear on the Best/Worst lists.

 

Number #10

 

Mila Kunis as Theodora Oz The Great and Powerful picture image

Mila Kunis as Theodora

 Oz the Great and Powerful – This one made the list more on wasted potential and its odd casting. Mila Kunis and James Franco were just too ill suited in their roles. There were just too many odd other choices to ignore, like none of the characters have good motivations. The movie does have nice technicals like the China Girl but a lot of the techicals come at the expense of the characters. Plus Mila Kunis as the wicked witch was just silly.

 

Number #9

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Red riding Hood – Yes, this movie sucks and is pretty much a Twilight version of Little Red Riding Hood.  I get the feeling though that people working of it more less knew that and just went on because it’s a paid check. However given some of the other movies, I would rather watch this one. Plus the very first time I watch it I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would so that is something, granted I was hanging out with people and having fun so the movie might have been a mute point.

 

Number #8

Tom Hanks as Allen & Daryl Hannah as Madison Splash picture image

Tom Hanks as Allen & Daryl Hannah as Madison

Splash  – I know a lot of people out there like this movie but I found all the characters so unlikable. The plot also sucks with the mermaid time limit, the weird rules and the whole government thing.  It’s dumb and unlikable.  Plus it lost me the second they said let’s look at Cape Cod, stupid movie.

 

Number #7

Emily Blunt as The Baker's Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack Into the Woods Picture image

Emily Blunt as The Baker’s Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack

Into the Woods – If Splash under explained its plot than Into the Woods over explains it to the point where you don’t even need to watch the movie, just listen to it in another room. I mean what’s the point of a visual median if you don’t need to watch the thing?  Though to be fair this movie is so dark and devoid of good visuals anyway that you’re not even missing anything.  It’s really disappointing since that could have made the visual interesting and they didn’t and with musical movie you need or it’s get boring, like this one.

Number #6

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy

Beastly – Yet another Twilight-eque take on a Fairy tale. In this world being bland and tattoo is super ugly and if you don’t live in Manhattan you might as well just kill yourself because you’re in exile. This one is just shallow, vapid and stupid. I mean really the guy won the girl with quite literally candy and flowers.

Number #5

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks

Sydney White – Oh this one is so stupid that it hurts. The sad part is that I think the movie thinks that it is indeed being clever and funny, which it is not. Also I hate the whole girl is cool because like a dude but with a vagina. Hated this movie.

Number #4

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen

Snow White and the Huntsmen – It’s a kick-ass Snow white movie, problem is the girl doesn’t do much of anything except for the one thing a man taught her.  There just so much just wrong with this movie that it’s impossible to put it one paragraph. But it a chaotic mess that promised an active Snow White but didn’t not. The only thing we really get is a screaming Charlize Theron in some cool costumes but that isn’t enough, it’s really nothing.

Number #3

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

Maleficent – This movie is just so misguided that it’s a wonder that they actually made it. It’s basic a Frozen and Wicked knock-off just with Sleeping Beauty. But what really gets me is that they took the Mistress of all Evil and made her a scorned woman who was really a good fairy. Just so much No. Also so was more a prankster than an evil villain.

Number #2

Matt Damon as Will and Health Ledger as Jacob The Brothers Grimm picture image

Matt Damon as Will and Health Ledger as Jacob

The Brothers Grimm – The idea behind this movie might have been good but the excution was beyond annoying. The jokes were not funny and character all sucked.  Everything and I do mean everything about this movie was pure rancid vomit that at no point was I entertained or amused.  Why was this even made? Who gave someone the money to make this?

Number #1

Eliza Bennett as Snow White Grimm's Snow White picture image

Eliza Bennett as Snow White

Grimm’s Snow White – What can really be said about a movie when the people making it had the intention and the hope that no one watching it was paying attention? Beyond that I just don’t know what to say about this movie as it’s not telling the story of Snow White that I’m not even sure why the threw in the elements and slap the name on it in the first place. First off this is more of a Lord of the Ring knock-off than a Snow White but also Snow white is Blonde, it’s just what the fuck is this? The Dwarves are Elves and the Evil Queen wants some Star Fire. Even if the plot misses the point of either source there nothing else that this movie offers of substance, the characters were so devoid of anything that you can’t even call them characters and the technicals are cringeworthy.

This is the worst thing I have ever seen. This movie makes Happy N’ever After and Milo’s return look like works of brilliance and those movies are shit.  Grimm’s Snow White isn’t even shit, it’s the festering bowels  of a beached whale carcass that is so corrupted by the polluted waters that it will not wither away into nothingness.

The real question is what is worse Grimm’s Snow White or The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale? That is too tough to even think about.

Beastly picture image

Beastly

There is no amount of alcohol that I could safety consume that would make this movie, Beastly, remotely okay. Unlike some other movies I get why this was made, Twilight proved to be a cash-cow, so other people went for and copied it and low and behold someone wrote a book of a modernized version of Beauty and the Beast, except it’s devoid of anything likable and engaging. So let’s just get this over with.

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy

So rich kid Kyle is an attractive asshole running for student body president because it looks good. Kyle is a shallow dick because the film makes it clear that his dad doesn’t love him enough and his mom is dead or something, I wasn’t paying attention to the movie, it was the only way to get through it. So yeah Kyle doesn’t have love in his life.

So he pisses off the school’s resident goth girl which equals witch and he is cursed with ugliness. Ugliness in the movie’s context is bald, scarred and tattoos, okay sure whatever movie, you have already shown yourself as shallow fuckery. SO he has to hear the word “Love” by the spring or else he will stay unattractive forever, which in this movie is tantamount to cancer.

His father is jerk who has him live in exile, which is outside of New York City with only a maid and a blind tutor. He then arranges for some girl from his school to stay with him because some drug guy wants to harm her or something. He also kind of liked her when he was pretty. He then goes by the name Hunter to hide his identity from her and then conforms his personality to get her to like him and then voila they are in love and blah happy stupid ending. Also the issues of the maid and the blind guy are fixed with the witch’s magic. And world peace broke out, oh wait no, just an asshole learned love and kindness are better than being a dick, yawn.

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle with Neal Patrick Harris as Wll the blind tutor Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle with Neal Patrick Harris as Wll the blind tutor

So before I get into the movie, though really what is there to say, the wording on the spell is that he has to hear the word love. That doesn’t mean romantic love. If the maid or tutor had said love in a platonic way does that count? A puppy would have loved him because puppies are awesome, would that have work or do we need the word? Would a different language worked or is the spell English-specific? Minor thing but it really the whole thing. The dude needed to learn how to love but is romantic love the end-all be all love?

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy

That was issue number one; the language of love, here is issue numero dos. In a place like New York, you would think there would be a sub-culture that would have been into the whole beast look this movie went with, with its bald, scarred tattoos. I mean I know this a shallow movie but geeze movie he was hardly that ugly.

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy

Despite the stupid and shallowiness of this movie is the movie like a good movie with good shots and characters? Hell no. I can’t even recall anything about the look of this movie other than it had like a blue tone to it but as for shots I don’t remember shit. And characters, the main character goes from jerk to in love but I don’t really recall him making any super big changes unless you count him asking the witch to help the maid and tutor. But that seemed more because the original story had the Beast’s servants cursed too, so it was shoe-horned in the movie because of the source material not because he was being nice.

The girl, Vanessa Hudgens‘ character, I want to say her name is Libby, no it was Lindy which was short for Linda…..sigh…….. Anyway she was ummmmmmmm, I’m not sure. I guess she had one motivation which was to go Machu Picchu, which seemed like a random location but whatever. Other than that I don’t think there was much to her personality, she was rather bland. No, wait, I take it back, she liked jujyfruits, clearly she is the most compelling character in this or any century.

WAIT, he gave her jujyfruits and built a green house to impress her, basically flowers and chocolates. Just when I gave this movie a little credit it does that. How Fucking dare you movie, I take back my sarcastic back-handed compliment, you don’t even deserve that much.

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle with Mary-Kate Olsen as Kendra the witch Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle with Mary-Kate Olsen as Kendra the witch

Beastly is a shallow vapid movie that was made to cash-in on the pretentious teenage movie trend that Twilight created.

Also in that scene where they are watching that Korean show and they were claiming to know what they saying, even with my meager knowledge of Korean, I knew they went not saying love, fuck you movie, and fuck your shallow pretension.