The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies (that were reviewed.)

In someways this was harder than the Disney sequel worst list because on the whole, I found these movies far worst, like so much worst. Most of these movies were PAINFUL to sit through.

Number #10

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland – At best you can say Little Nemo is average, at worst it’s an insipid annoying movie with bland characters, awkward animation and ditzy dialogue. It could have been so much more. Though it was all about pie and pies are yummy and mathematical.

Number #9

Daria and Rollo The Princess and the Pea picture image

Daria and Rollo

The Princess and the Pea – While I do admit to being charmed by this movie and enjoying it a bit, it still doesn’t change that it was dumb. The main character is hardly in it at cost of a side characters and a pea that turned out not to mean anything.

Number #8

Felix, Oriana, and Pim Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Felix the Cat; The Movie – This is just a WEIRD movie. Should it lose points for being weird? No, I like weird but it’s also annoyingly stupid and the sound mixing made this movie so much worse.

Number #7

Princess Glory and Prince David Guillver's Travels picture image

Princess Glory and Prince David

Gulliver’s Travels – One word, Gabby. Gabby is still one of the single most annoying thing I have ever seen. Also the animation was jarring.

Number #6

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack The Thief And The Cobblerpicture image

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack

The Thief And The Cobbler – This should be lower on the list but you know what saves it? Richard Williams’ original animation. Otherwise it’s a just a train wreck. The filler animation is beyond haphazard, the songs make your ears bleed, and the characters are so weak they can’t lift a golf pencil.

Number #5

Tuptim The King and I Picture image

Tuptim

 

The King and I – This movie single-handedly made it so that the Roger and Hammerstein estate have a no-animated movie policy. Good job movie, your’s is a lameness unmatched.

Number #4

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande The Flight of Dragons picture image

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The Flight Of Dragons – While I do concede there was an interesting idea in this movie, it is F-ing beyond bad and boring. So many things are explained in way too much detail but more is not explain at all. How is that chick a princess? I always come back to this one as one of the worst and  it’s really hard to believe there are three worst than this but there are.

Number #3

Snow White and her Prince Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White and her Prince

 

Happily Ever After – Avoid movies with the words Happily and After in the them, your life will be greatly improved. This is one of the most annoying movies ever. The main characters are an after-thought for the side characters who make you want to lobotomize yourself with a rusty spoon. Though writing the review for it was fun mainly because this movie is so dumb, I mean they named the bad guy Maliss. Why not just name him Señor Bad-Man? Wait, that might be too clever.

Number #2

Zelia and Amin The Singing Princess picture image

Zelia and Amin

 

The Singing Princess– I debated a lot whether to put this at number one because not only was this an awful movie but the racism made really me really uncomfortable, of course the King and I was somewhat racist too but this was far less entertaining. The reason it’s not Number 1 is because I had two positives instead of none which were Julie Andrews and  some nice backgrounds. And yes, the animation was terrible but it was Italy’s first animated movie so it’s a touch more forgivable. I still hate it a lot though, like a lot.

Number #1

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda Happily N'Ever After picture image

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda

 

Happily N’Ever After– This movie has no excuse for being bad. It wasn’t the first anything, it was a massive immature cash grab. It was an ugly uninspired anus of movie that only positives was that Bender’s was a voice in it and I don’t think John DiMaggio was trying, I mean why would he? Quite literary I hated everything about this movie.

If the life of an unfamiliar puppy was on the line and I had to either watch Happily N’Ever After or Milo’s Return to save it, I think I would pick Milo’s Return but if were my life I would pick the sweet embrace of the grim reaper but since it’s a puppy I’d pick THE DISNEY SEQUAL OVER THIS SHIT, because it’s shorter and the lava dog was cute.

 

Next Time the Best, which was also hard to compile.

Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix the Cat the Movie

 

Felix the Cat The Movie was released in Europe in 1988 but not in the USA until nearly three years later. It was based on the The Felix the Cat cartoons from 1919. This movie was an attempt at a revival which didn’t work. Why didn’t work? Because this movie is pointless!

It’s just weird and turns sane minds to mush. Although, if I were to grade on a curve of all the non-Disney Princess movies I have subjected myself to so far, I would rather watch this one over Gulliver’s Travels or The Singing Princess. Not high praise but still.

Felix, Oriana, and Pim Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Plot, because there is one. The Kingdom of Oriana is under attack by the Duke of Zill. The ruler of Oriana, Princess Oriana tries to escape by using the Dimensporter, a dimensional transporter, but she is caught by Zill’s evil robotic Cylinders that look like paint cans. As she is being dragged off she sheds a magic tear that goes through the Dimensporter and finds Felix the Cat.

Felix the Cat is a talking cat with a magic bag that can transform into anything. The rules and limits of the bag are never explain so just don’t think about. Felix follows the tear back through the Dimensporter and he sees a vision of Oriana as the tears fades away. Also I should note, Felix is being followed by two scientists who want his bag.

After dealing with some weird fish, Felix lands in the Land of Zill where he meets Pim, think wild west prospector. Pim double crosses Felix and takes him to Wack Lizardi’s circus. Wack is also a lackey of The Duke of Zill. Felix is then made an attraction at the circus because of the bag. Princess Oriana is also an attraction with her woeful bubble dance, she dances in a bubble.

Felix enlists the help of two lizard-mice, Mizzards to eat through the wall of his cell so he can talk to Oriana. Oriana tells him that the Duke of Zill is her uncle and he wants the Book of Ultimate power. Felix tells her that are going to escape together.

During the next performance, Felix convinces Wack to let him play the music while Oriana dances. He then creates a lot of bubbles and he, Oriana, Pim who is good now, and the Mizzards all escape.

As they flee towards the Kingdom of Oriana, Felix loses his bag but are they joined by the two scientists who found it and Felix gets it back and the scientists who are called the Professor and Poindexter, join the party. Then they go through the hair forest and they are attacked by head hunters or flying demons heads which are subdued by hats.

When they get to Oriana they are caught by Zill. Zill threatens everyone so Oriana surrenders the Book of Ultimate Power, which says the ultimate power is “Truth, Love, and Wisdom.” Unhappy, Zill unleashes the Master Cylinder on them but Felix defeats it by, I kid you not, by throwing the book at it. In the end Felix and the scientists go back home through the Dimenspoter.

Felix with the bag as scuba gear Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix with the bag as scuba gear

This movie is very trippy and weird. I suppose it could have been more trippy and weird though. The trouble with it is we don’t have the sane character to walk us through the craziness. So it’s just crazy and more crazy. It should have been a fish out of water tale but Felix fits into this world too well. Everyone is weird. But then again we really don’t have characters as none of them have personalities.

Felix laughing at a skull Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix laughing at a skull

Felix is nice though he mean to the dead. All he really does that gives a shade of a personality is makes puns. That’s it. If you like puns this movie will kill that love. I’m not sure what Pim’s deal is. The scientists just want the bag and they also make puns. Zill wants power. 78 minutes and that’s all I can get out of the characters.

Princess Oriana dancing  in the bubble Felix the Cat the Moviepicture image

Princess Oriana dancing in the bubble

Then we have our token Princess, Oriana. She is only a Princess in name as she’s actually a Queen. But the term Queen is used for evil crones, so we have to call her Princess. I’m just going to roll my eyes.

Oriana is  nice, slightly self-defacing and an idiot. Her country is attacked when she disbands the army even though she knew her Uncle wanted her Kingdom, or Queendom, but she’s Princess so I guess Oriana is Princessipality. Like the other characters there isn’t much to her.

Felix with Pim on a Cylinder  Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix with Pim on a Cylinder

So this movie doesn’t have lasting memorable characters but how are technicals? Not very good. I mean there is a some weird animation but on the whole it’s not too great. However, where this movie really stinks is the sound mixing. The sound effects are a lot louder than the dialogue, which isn’t great either but would have been nice to hear.

Lizards of Zill singing Who is the Boss? Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Lizards of Zill singing Who is the Boss?

I will say that I didn’t hate one song. I kind of liked Who is the Boss, which is a song they sing at the circus about how great Zill is. It just so 80s I can’t help it. I mean it’s stupid but delightfully so.

Felix meet Oriana's tear along with the bag in its normal state  Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix meet Oriana’s tear along with the bag in its normal state.

Felix the Cat the Movie is loud, trippy, weird and outright stupid. It’s not the worse movie in the world but it is quite, quite, quite, annoying.

3D head of Felix Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

3D head of Felix

Isn’t this the stuff of Nightmares?