Frollo gave Quasimodo an ugly Christmas Sweater
Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback
Most people say that this “Frollo” like Enchanted Tales in that he looks and acts more like Disney’s Gaston but I would disagree. I think he’s like if Gaston and Jafar a la Disney had a love child and dumped him in a stupid Knock-off discount version of Paris. I mean his face is Jafar, he has his nose, and the body and clothes are all Gaston. He even has a little stupid minion. This doesn’t make him a convincing Frollo adaptation.
Frollo
So let’s be clear with what we are dealing with here, in this “version” of Hunchback we have a knock-off version of a Gaston/Jafar hybrid named Frollo and not a knock-off version of Hunchback’s Frollo.
Frollo threatening the Archdeacon
In this “version” Frollo is like a sheriff of Paris or something, which is funny because that is what the Enchanted Tales versions of Frollo was, so it’s like Knock-off inception here. Basically all this Frollo wants, his entire motivation is that he wants Notre Dame’s money. Or rather he wants to exhort money from the Church, which is in the book as The Court of Miracles wants to rob the church when they rescue Esmeralda but I don’t think the makers of this movie made that connection, I’m not even sure they have seen a copy of the book, let alone read it.
Frollo and Esmeralda
Frollo also wants power even though he has it. He also likes Esmeralda and almost marries her for I don’t really know why he wants to do this. That means this Frollo is the CLOSEST Frollo ever got to book Frollo’s goal, but his love or lust or like-like or whatever it is that prompts this Frollo to want to marry Esmeralda doesn’t have any level of torment or anything that made book Frollo compelling, so there is literally nothing going on. I have seen pieces of bread that are better versions of Frollo than this “version”
Frollo and his little minion
Does this make him bad in the movie? No sadly, he probably the most entertaining character mainly because he just reveals in his insidiousness and that makes him likable and relatable. Of Course him being the most entertaining of the characters speaks more to bore-feast of the rest of the characters than his level of being silly.
Next Time Pierre
Pierre
Let us start off the character potion of the review with Quasimodo or the Hunchback in question.
Quasimodo
First off this Quasimodo, like other Quasimodos, he talks to his pals the stone gargoyles. However these Garagoyles don’t take back they sing back and cry. This begs the question Are they real or imaginary. The dream song part leads me to believe yes they are imaginary but the tears say no they are real. Or is Quasimodo is imaging they are crying for him but that seems a little too out there for this kind of movie.
Quasimodo and Pierre
Also this Quasimodo follows the other versions of being solely nice. He has one cheeky remark on Gringoire’s poetry being so bad that it could hurt someone but that is it. Which is more snarky than any other versions but it wasn’t that mean, just for a laugh at Gringoire’s expense. Still without that one minor throw away joke he would have been 100% bland nicety-nice. The line give a .3% edgy factor. Good job!
Quasimodo and Frollo
Basic plot of Hunchback plot says that meany-face Frollo raises Quasimodo when Quasimodo is a young baby. This version forgoes this and he is raised by unnamed Archdeacon and a monk dude.
Other versions where Frollo is separte from his role as the Archdeacon still gives him a relationship to Frollo for drama . Even the Enchanted Tales version gave Quasimodo and Frollo or whatever his named was in that crappy version, a connection of being brother. Oh Good God! I’m looking at the Enchanted Tales version as a positive, help me. So there is no real internal conflict for Quasimodo aside from being ugly aside from that is pretty chill and laid back.
Quasimodo
Would I say this Quasimodo is boring? Yes, I would. Aside from that joke about Gringoire’s poetry and the being an angel, he was a weak Quasimodo. No pathos, no drama just a nice angel. Also his deformity is paint by numbers. It’s all accounted for but not interesting really all I can say is that it looks like he has some major dark circles. At least he REALLY likes the bells.
Quasimodo in Angel form
Ok one more thing, in this version Quasimodo is an angel, so does that he born an angel and abandoned because of the ugliness? OR was always an angel and his being abandon part of a plan? Or was he never an angel and insane? I don’t know any option makes sense.
Next Time Esmeralda
Esmeralda
To get ready for Black Friday/Cyber Monday and Christmas the Hunchback characters are doing a secret santa.
Quasimodo picked Frollo and got him Opteka 650-2600mm High Definition Telephoto Zoom Lens for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras
Esmeralda picked Clopin and got him Southpole Men’s Marled Full-Zip Hoodie Sweatshirt
Frollo picked Fleur-de-Lys and got her a Selfie Stick
Ben Sherman Novelty Socks
Phoebus picked Quasimodo and got him Ben Sherman Novelty Socks
Gringoire picked Master Florain and got him Plant Theatre Herb Garden Seed Kit 
Clopin picked Sister Gudule and got her Zalman King’s Red Shoe Diaries Movie #15: Forbidden Zone
Outdoor Gargoyle statue
Fleur-de-Lys picked Notre Dame de paris and got her Design Toscano Florentine Gargoyle Statue
Jean picked Djali and got her Caution Attack Goat Sign
Sister Gudule picked Phoebus and got him 1 X Snowman Mug w/ Shovel Spoon – Christmas Decor
Djali picked Esmeralda and got her Quiddler
Notre Dame de Paris picked Gringoire and got him Une Nuit De Noel a Notre Dame De Paris CD
Master Florain picked Jean and got him Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller
Frollo and his goon
If I might generalize for a moment, most Disney Knock-off movies try to capture and fail to make their work as Disneyesque as they can. They do this the first the story, songs, and characters designs. But they lack the charm that Disney has in terms of likabilty and even humor.
Rotten Vegetable vendor
While Disney’s humor is very hit or miss The Secret of the Hunchback is very different and it isn’t really trying to be like Disney in the way the approach their silliness.
Bell guy getting bumped on the head
The jokes and visual gags of The Secret of the Hunchback is one of the first thing that you notice about this version, even before the main characters are introduced you get the style of humor.
Andre in drag with some guy drooling over him
The humor is more akin to that of Animanicas or saturday morning cartoon. It’s very tough and cheek. From the rotten vegetable vendor, from Quasimodo telling Pierre that someone could get hurt from his poems, to one the thieves dressing in drag and having an extra sexually attractive to him, to Frollo comparing Quasimodo to his first wife, and lastly Pierre saying that he is a Protestant, which technically shouldn’t have been a joke but they treat it as one. There is more example and more slapstick, plus jazzy gargoyles.
Esmeralda and Pierre
This humor isn’t the Disney style. It’s watered Looney tunes humor which makes this version weirdly interesting on that front. Without it would suck so much more but it does add to The Secret of the Hunchback’s over all dumbness. It defiantly makes it stand out though from just another stupid insipid Disney knock-off.
Next Time Quasimodo
Quasimodo
Quasimodo
Unlike other versions of The Hunchback of Notre Dame this one offers a reason for Quasimodo’s hunch and ties it into the moral. In this version Quasimodo is an actual angel and one not metaphorically. His hunch hides is angel wings. The moral of this version like all the kiddies version of this story is be nice to people even ugly ones. But in this one case they take a whole new step further because you should be nice to people because they could be angels and you do not want to get on an angel’s bad side.
The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch
In the scope of Hunchback kids moral this is is REALLY stupid. It’s not as horrible as The Enchanted Tales version where it was looks don’t matter as long as someone thinks you’re pretty. This one is just so strong handed that it makes you want to face palm yourself receptively.
Esmeralda and Pierre
But how does the rest of the movie hold up. Again it’s REALLY dumb and overly simplified. He do get some of the major basic that the story demands. First off Quasimodo lives in the safety of Notre Dame and loves the bells. Esmeralda dances which she seems to like just not the thievery of her companions. The Gringoire equivalent just simply called Pierre is bad at poetry, likes Esmeralda and is nice. Esmeralda gives Quasimodo water after he gets into some trouble that was not his fault. Esmeralda gets into some trouble and Frollo is obessed with her. Quasimodo swings down from Notre Dame to save her albeit it’s inside Notre Dame and she is about to marry Frollo by force and not about to die… meh same difference.
Frollo
That is more less the basics that were left somewhat intact. Frollo is completely different though. Aside from having a little thing for Esmeralda he is now a Sheriff much like he is in Enchanted tales but here is just wants money more specially Notre Dame’s money and he use Quasimodo as leverage against the Archdeacon. So there is another split of Novel Frollo’s character as the obsessive pervert and the pious protector of Quasimodo, it been done so many times that who the fuck cares, just like everyone surviving the ending sans Frollo who here gets crushed by a Gargoyles, though he could have lived, it’s not really important.
Quasimodo is just being Quasi
By all counts this version is dumb. It’s not as insulting as Enchated tales as it does feel like a Hunchback versions and not a really misguided Beauty and the Beast with sprinkling of Hunchback thrown in knock-off Disney movie but it’s quite dumb for lack of anything else that is remotely deep or interesting.
Also does any one else think it’s weird that Frollo’s voice actor is the narrator?
Next Time The Humor
Rotten Vegetable vendor
Sigh…… I’m going to try to keep this short for my ever diminishing sanity. Also I may butcher some of the names because A: There is no cast list I can find and B; I don’t care. Hooray for lack of effort.
The Archdeacon and Brother Labas with Baby Quasimodo
The movie opens with some narration about how Notre Dame in Paris is a safe haven for those who need it, in this case the people who are different. A pox on the ugly! They we see someone leaving off a baby at Notre Dame. The baby is taken in by the archdeacon and one Brother Lebas. They raise the baby and make him the bell ringer because the baby made it clear he liked bells. They name him Quasimodo.
Frollo threatening the Archdeacon
Flash forward year and Lord Frollo, the sheriff of Paris is trying to extort gold from Notre Dame for protection. The Archdeacon and Brother Lebas refuse and Frollo threatens them and Quasimodo.
Quasimodo and Pierre
That day there is a Day of Fools and Quasimodo gets a mask and goes. There he meets a shitty poet named Pierre and Esmeralda. Esmeralda is a beautiful dancer who in leauge with Gyspies that steals why she entertains. She dancing with both Pierre and Quasimodo. Quasimodo face gets exposed during the dance and panic ensues. The Gypsies and Esmeralda are arrested for starting a riot. Pierre and Quasimodo the bond over how people aren’t what they appear to be and Esmeralda’s beauty.
Esmeralda
The Gypsies and Esmeralda are brought to Frollo. Frollo takes a liking to Esmeralda. Frollo’s little minion has the idea to use the Gypsies to kidnap Quasimodo and he keeps Esmeralda to ensure their corporation. The Gypsies decide to have the fat guy dress up as Esmeralda to lure Quasimodo to watch her dance.
The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch
Quaismodo is then sentenced to being whipped. Esmeralda gives him some water which angers Frollo. Pierre helps Esmeralda escape. The archdeacon then notice something about Quasimodo’s injury.
Frollo and Esmeralda’s wedding
That night Esmeralda and Pierre pledge their love but return to Notre Dame to help Quasimodo once their they are caught by Frollo. Esmeralda is forced into marrying Frollo but Quasimod saves her. Frollo and Quasimodo fight and Quasimodo is thrown over the egde but holds on. Frollo is then crushed by a gargoyle statue. Quasimodo falls once he knows the Archdeacon, who had been arrest by Frollo is safe. Before Quasimodo hits the ground he unleashes his wings and falls off.
Plot review Next Time
Quasimodo in Angel form
Nicolas Cage
I was talking to my friend and he said it’s better for these Anti-Hypothetical Casting post to have an actor who is wrongly appropriate to the character and thus we have Nicolas Not the Bees Cage.
Nicolas Cage as Castor Troy from Face/Off
Though he did use to be a fairly well regarded actor now Cage has a reputation for being a parody of himself. This is because his sheer levels insanity and those faces he makes. Basically he hams it up for villains. The idea of hims playing Frollo is something of a scary thought but at the same time I would love to seem Cage hamming Frollo up, it would something of a delightful train wreck.
Nicolas Cage
As far as looks go, Cage has a weird face that matches his weird otherworldly expressions. He can either look soft or more angular pending on angle and/or lighting. In my supreme expert opinion I think Frollo should have an angular look as that is how the book depicts the guy. With some make-up he could look the part quite well, isn’t that scary……evil laugh.
Nicolas Cage as Castor Troy from Face/Off
Cage is oddly good for the role, he known for playing villains and his overlook isn’t bad for the role. Could you just imagine Cage making insane faces and yelling, “Chose the Grace or my bed!” It would be either the most glorious thing ever put to film or the scariest.
Frollo singing Hellfire Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
What is full of flames and is one the best parts of any Disney movie? HELLFIRE!
I would say this scene isn’t like super SCARY but it is unsettling. First you have a rather creepy dude singing about wanting a woman whom he has a lot of hostile towards. Then you have the fire imagery and the specters that are featured at various points especially at the end, love the end.
One of the creepiest parts of Hellfire is where Frollo is running through the hooded faceless ghost that watch him in judgement. It’s very much like the Trial by Franz Kafka.
I could see this song scaring a few younger child and making adult uncomfortable.
I don’t know what compelled this person to make this video but bless them.