Tag Archives: Happily N’ever After

19Mar 2015

The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies

by jess

The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies (that were reviewed.)

In someways this was harder than the Disney sequel worst list because on the whole, I found these movies far worst, like so much worst. Most of these movies were PAINFUL to sit through.

Number #10

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland – At best you can say Little Nemo is average, at worst it’s an insipid annoying movie with bland characters, awkward animation and ditzy dialogue. It could have been so much more. Though it was all about pie and pies are yummy and mathematical.

Number #9

Daria and Rollo

The Princess and the Pea – While I do admit to being charmed by this movie and enjoying it a bit, it still doesn’t change that it was dumb. The main character is hardly in it at cost of a side characters and a pea that turned out not to mean anything.

Number #8

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Felix the Cat; The Movie – This is just a WEIRD movie. Should it lose points for being weird? No, I like weird but it’s also annoyingly stupid and the sound mixing made this movie so much worse.

Number #7

Princess Glory and Prince David

Gulliver’s Travels – One word, Gabby. Gabby is still one of the single most annoying thing I have ever seen. Also the animation was jarring.

Number #6

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack

The Thief And The Cobbler – This should be lower on the list but you know what saves it? Richard Williams’ original animation. Otherwise it’s a just a train wreck. The filler animation is beyond haphazard, the songs make your ears bleed, and the characters are so weak they can’t lift a golf pencil.

Number #5

Tuptim

The King and I – This movie single-handedly made it so that the Roger and Hammerstein estate have a no-animated movie policy. Good job movie, your’s is a lameness unmatched.

Number #4

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The Flight Of Dragons – While I do concede there was an interesting idea in this movie, it is F-ing beyond bad and boring. So many things are explained in way too much detail but more is not explain at all. How is that chick a princess? I always come back to this one as one of the worst and it’s really hard to believe there are three worst than this but there are.

Number #3

Snow White and her Prince

Happily Ever After – Avoid movies with the words Happily and After in the them, your life will be greatly improved. This is one of the most annoying movies ever. The main characters are an after-thought for the side characters who make you want to lobotomize yourself with a rusty spoon. Though writing the review for it was fun mainly because this movie is so dumb, I mean they named the bad guy Maliss. Why not just name him SeÃ±or Bad-Man? Wait, that might be too clever.

Number #2

Zelia and Amin

The Singing Princess– I debated a lot whether to put this at number one because not only was this an awful movie but the racism made really me really uncomfortable, of course the King and I was somewhat racist too but this was far less entertaining. The reason it’s not Number 1 is because I had two positives instead of none which were Julie Andrews and some nice backgrounds. And yes, the animation was terrible but it was Italy’s first animated movie so it’s a touch more forgivable. I still hate it a lot though, like a lot.

Number #1

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda

Happily N’Ever After– This movie has no excuse for being bad. It wasn’t the first anything, it was a massive immature cash grab. It was an ugly uninspired anus of movie that only positives was that Bender’s was a voice in it and I don’t think John DiMaggio was trying, I mean why would he? Quite literary I hated everything about this movie.

If the life of an unfamiliar puppy was on the line and I had to either watch Happily N’Ever After or Milo’s Return to save it, I think I would pick Milo’s Return but if were my life I would pick the sweet embrace of the grim reaper but since it’s a puppy I’d pick THE DISNEY SEQUAL OVER THIS SHIT, because it’s shorter and the lava dog was cute.

Next Time the Best, which was also hard to compile.

19Feb 2015

Happily N’Ever After Review; The Movie Literally Tells you it gets Worst

by jess

Happily N’Ever After

I would like a moment of silence for all the films that never were and never will be because this movie exists. How many GOOD were passed over for this? Who sold their soul to get this green-light? Or is this movie the result of pure aged-old Hollywood nepotism? Or was it solely as cheap Shrek cash in? What method was it movie is it because it wasn’t made for its compelling plot, charming characters or it’s sense of style?

Well the Subject line gives it away but it’s the 2006 fuck-feast Happily N’Ever After. It was made by Vanguard Animation and released by Lions Gate Film. It was pretty much panned on its released and has a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, but is as bad as all that? Let’s just say I was a lot less happy after this shit ended, though I like when it end.

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda

In Fairy-tale land, lame name, there is a wizard who keeps fairy-tales in balance and he has two assistants, who are a Timon and Pumba knock-off meets Sorcerers Apprentice. The Wizard the goes on Vacation. While that is happening Cinderella a.k.a Ella, is getting ready for the ball. There is also a dude-bro named Rick, who is the prince’s only servant and he likes Ella. So they go to the big stupid ball and the step-mother over hears the two assistants talking and she takes over and tips the scales so Ella’s dress vanishes and the Prince leaves to go off to find her.

The rest of the movie is Ella trying to find the Prince while fighting off fairy-tale baddies. She then defeats the Step mother and picks Rick-the-dick in the end.

Munk and Mambo

So what is wrong with this movie? Well to put it very concisely, Everything! First the story. It been done before or if not it just felt stale when it thought it was being new. To the film’s some-what credit there was something interesting about fighting fate but the movie was more concerned about making lame jokes than having a pulse, so that anything of substance was an after-thought.

The Prince

The characters are also annoying. The hero, Rick is the biggest whiner. There was nothing remotely likable about him. The prince, while as a massive twit, as was his point, but he was marging more likable in his idiocy. The step-mother was a boring villain, whose motivation was just because. The Timon and Pumba knock-offs, whose names are Mambo and Munk are well Andy Dick and Wallace Shawn, take that for what you want. Some of the other side characters are okay like Rumpelstiltskin and the Dwarves. I really only mildly chucked twice in this movie’s run time, TWICE!

Ella

Then there is Ella, the princess character of this waste of celluloid. Her design is really bad. I don’t know who they were referencing but she was not pretty. Half the time she just looked sleepy. Also who idea was it to put her in such a short skirt. It was jarring. Well her looks aren’t great but how is her personality? I’m not sure. They movie claims she is girly and optimistic. Ok, yeah she kind of acts that way but if that isn’t a cliche Princess personality I don’t know what is it. She was boring and that is the long and short of her character.

Ella and Rick

So the characters, story and the dialogue are all garbage but people can forgive that if the movie looks good, so how are the visuals? If you said they suck you’re right, I mean there are pictures in the post after all.

Every character in this look cold, plastic and artificial. There is just nothing interest in the visuals. Also the movement of the characters is not fluid at all, it very stilted and awkward. half the time it looked like bad stop-motion animation but you know if the movie had been stop-motion at least it would have been more interesting because there is nothing that interesting about 3d animation anymore, it’s just cheaper. I suppose that was the stylisitic intention of Happily N’Ever After, Cheap, like a two dollar hooker.

Ella, Munk and Mambo

Happily N’Ever After is as enjoyable as constipation. A good punch in the face is preferable. And how dare you use the Monster Mash, that song is sacred, Sacred I say!

And just to add to the insult of this movie, it got a sequel, which I’m not watching, though Snow White got a better design that Cinderella.

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