A Not Real casting List for a Disney Remake.

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Not Real News Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Not Real News Hunchback Notre Dame

So this made the rounds and ended up on my news alert. So why not do a quick fire round of casting thoughts on these performers in these roles. This very off impromtu. Read the article here    

Andy Serkis as Quasimodo – Unless it was motion capture I don’t see this casting. Serkis is a great actor but I can’t see him being a innocent child-like Quasimodo.

Gal Gadot as Esmeralda – I get it. She could work as Esmerlada but it’s not a casting that I would have thought of. I think there are better opinions but if did happen probably wouldn’t be the worst.

Peter Capaldi as Frollo – I have never heard of this guy, I apologize.  Apparently I have see him in The Devil’s Whore, which I don’t remember at all.  He has played The Doctor though and he was in the Vicar of Dibley of which I have only watched the last two episode. Well I will say this for this casting HE LOOKS the part so shrugs of this casting. Probably wouldn’t be a bad choice.

Chris Hemsworth as Phoebus –   Did an actual post on this one back in 2012 so read it here.  I guess this a popular casting pick for Phoebus.

Eddie Redmayne as Clopin – No! While I could see him as Gringoire and Disney’s Clopin has elements of Gringoire in his characterization just no to this one.

Kesley Grammar as Victor – I don’t understand this one. I want to but I don’t.

Betty White as Laverne – Don’t put Betty White in a Disney movie. Don’t censor her.

Jack Black as Hugo – Maybe but no. Sure they are both crass but still.

Anthony Hopkins as The Archdeacon –  Well he did play Quasimodo in the 1982 movie so having him in another version could be cool but no. Again not the worst casting but meh.     

  

But what do you think of this fantasy casting?  And will Disney actually remake Hunchback?

Anti-Hypothetical Casting for Quasimodo; Jack Black

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Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

Let’s end this month with another singer since that has been the sort of theme to this scary casting picks. Here for your consideration is Jack Black, a musician who makes comedic songs and does act, which is really more than you can say for the previously people this month.  But why would Black not make a good casting choice for Quasimodo?  Well it’s not really a question I think anyone has ever asked because it sounds too ridiculous.

 

Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

For the record, Jack Black is fine in his singing and acting capacity but oh dear god is he wrong in type. Most actors have a type,  roles the can play well. Sometimes an actor can surpass it and play roles that you would never expect but mostly they are in some kind  of type. This is more true with singers as they are all about an image and Jack Black has the wrong image. Black has a very crass and vulgar way about his humor that is so wrong for Quasimodo. Quasimodo is often depicted as sad yet kind. Sometimes he gets his whole hating people angle but that is rare. Quasimodo has been somewhat vulgar once but it was wrapped up in arrested development. In the French parody he was childlike and drew some crude pictures of Esmeralda but that is still not at the level of Jack Black.

 

Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

However, there is always the chance that someone, some weird coke-brained studio executive makes a Hunchback movie that casts Jack Black as Quasimodo. It would be Black in Quasimodo make-up but it would really just be Black being himself or his type with his humor. And yet it would still be a better Quasimodo than most of the shitty Disney Knock-offs, which is just sad and little scary to say.

 

Jack Black picture image

Jack Black

You know I take it all back, I want a version of Hunchback with Gerard Bulter as Frollo, Ariana Grande as Esmeralda, Justin Bieber as Phoebus and Jack Black as Quasimodo. It would be at the most cringe inducing  train wreck of epic proportion, that though your eyes will burn, your stomach with expel its content, ever muscle in your being with compel you to run you will not be able to avert your gaze for it is true evil but it would be a at least a new Hunchback of Notre Dame movie.