Atlantis; Milo’s Return Review; You can’t make a movie bomb without Oregano

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Since I have never seen Atlantis; the Lost Empire, let me go watch that before I get to Atlantis; Milo’s Return. I’ll be back!

(95 Minutes later)

Ok, that was dull. I hate the white man burden trope.

Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Atlantis; Milo’s Return

Anyway, let me go watch Atlantis; Milo’s Return now.

(75 Minutes later)

Cries……… that was awful……..Why does this company put out some much utter crap. This one is painful, viscerally painful. I want to vomit and crawl my eyes out during this one’s running time.

Obby Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Obby

Ok, ok , Okay, let’s start with a positive because I have One, Obby, the Lava Dog. Obby is cute and fun. Fuck the rest of the characters, the movies or story plot should have focused on Obby. I would rather watch Obby sleep for 75 minutes than this shit fest.

Atlantis; Milo's Return Gang picture image

The Atlantis Gang

This movie, like so many of the other crappy Disney sequels, has three stories. All three are boring and very TV. Now when I say it’s TV, I mean it as insult but let’s face it, these direct to video movies are worst than most TV episodes so what can you do.

Atlantis; Milo's Return gang running from a snowman picture image

The Gang running from a snowman

The plot is that stuff is happening, so the gang goes to Atlantis to get Milo to investigate. Kida follows thinking that the stuff could be Atlantean weapons. The first one is the Kraken (which they pronounce annoyingly wrong), second is sand coyotes or something, and the third is Atlantean spear in the hands of a Norse God wannabe.

In the end Atlantis raises from the sea, killing hundreds of Marine life and ruining a very fragile ecosystem. I hope you’re happy.

Kida Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Kida

I will say that the three stories do build off of eachother. They are not wholly separate stories. However the stories are forgettable and there is no real character development. Since there is no growth in characters these are TV episodes.

Obby and Milo Atlantis; Milo's Return picture imahe

Obby and Milo

One of the big thing that annoyed was in the first movie Milo is played by Michael J. Fox who has a very identifiable voice which was distracting. Fox did not reprise his role so to hear not-Fox was even more distracting. Not-Fox was played by James Arnold Taylor whose infamous laugh from a major video game I was hoping to hear if only to dull the pain of this movie.

The gang Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

The Atlantis Gang

As is standard with Disney sequels, the animation is usually much, much worse. Now Atlantis didn’t have the greatest animation in the world but Milo’s Return felt visually cheaper. The colors were dull and everything felt lifeless. It is not fun to look at.

Milo, Obby, Kida Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Milo, Obby and Kida

I quite literally have nothing more to say on Atlantis; Milo’s Return. It’s a feast of garbage. Most of my notes on this movie were like this “dumb dumb dumbd umbd imbd idm dumdndumbdumdbumdbdumdbdu” – my actual notes.

I really wished Milo hadn’t returned, it would have spared the world of this shit.

The Hottest Cartoon Characters

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I was watching Screen Junkies Hottest Animated characters (watch here) and the first group they discussed were Disney Princesses and this picture came out

Disney Princess Line UP with Esmeralda, Megara and Kida

Disney Princess Line UP with Esmeralda, Megara and Kida taken from Screen Junkies

My first thought was “Is Esmeralda a Princess now?” But the Host, Hal Rudnick picked her, so shrugs on that one. they also didn’t quite get Esmeralda character down.  But where is that picture come from? I would venture it’s photoshopped.

Esmeralda as a Disney Princess picture image

Esmeralda as a Disney Princess

But  I think it’s high time Esmeralda,  Megara and Kida joined the ranks or Disney should create a brand for older girls. I mean come on Disney, you’re wasting a demographic opportunity here.