Tag Archives: Kronkâ€™s New Groove

05Mar 2015

The Top Ten Worst Disney Sequels

by jess

With the Non-Disney Princess Movies done I thought before jumping into the next set of movies that we would take this month to revisit the previously reviewed movies and I would give my take on the best and worst Disney Sequels and Non-Disney Princess Movies and then I will say what the next bunch of movies will be.

So let’s start with the WORST Disney Sequels. And Just a note I’m not including the Pooh movies or shorts, which there was one only but still.

So here they are the Worst of Disney’s crap!

Number 10

Ariel and Flounder

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning – Sure the animation was better than most but the movie lacked focused. We were promised Ariel’s beginning and we get Sebastian’s. Other than that the movie is just clumsy but at least it’s a different story. Really this makes the list for it’s lack of focus and false title.

Number 9

Ariel and Melody

Little Mermaid II; Return to the Sea – This one was just a lukewarm rehash of the original Little Mermaid and was lazy to boot but I would rather watch this than most sequels if not because I didn’t hate when I FIRST saw it and if they were just going to copy a movie I can think of worse movie to rehash than the Little Mermaid but it’s still bad.

Number 8 IT’s A TIE

Mowgli and Baloo Dancing

Peter Pan and Jane

The Jungle Book 2 & Peter Pan 2: Return to Neverland – I really couldn’t decide between these two. Both have the same issues, they are dull, safe and annoying plus they were somehow deemed good enough for theaters, What? These movies both suck. At least Shere Khan is awesome.

Number 7

Angel and Scamp

Lady and the Tramp II; Scamp’s Adventure – Speaking of rehashing, however unlike the Little Mermaid this movie doesn’t get the style right plus the characters are annoying as shit. Puppies couldn’t help this movie and that is just so tragic.

Number 6

Belle and the Beast Ice Skating

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas – What can you say about this one? Beast is a Scroogey-grinch, a Jewish Axe, for I dunno why and evil emo Tim Curry organ, this should have been AMAZING with such core story components but alas this was just weak as Zima.

Number 5

Madeline and Quasimodo in Love Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney Sequel 2 picture image

Madeline and Quasimodo Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

The Hunchback Of Notre Dame II – Now technically I didn’t review this for the Sequel series as I had already looked at it in length because it’s Hunchback but it’s still sucks. Quasimodo tricks a girl with low self-esteem to like him when he see nothing really beyond her looks. I suppose he liked her a bit for seeing the gargoyles but as we see in the original the gargoyles can pick and choice who they interact with like Hugo with Djali and the whole they fight against the soldiers. But coupled with the dumb plot, the songs and animation it’s just awful but I would rather watch it than the rest of the movies on the list and that how it only ranked fifth.

Number 4

Tod and Copper

The Fox and the Hound 2 – First off, Midquels are just yucky by nature, second, they joined a freaking band. So dumb, there is nothing in this of substances or entertainment. And again a puppy and a baby fox couldn’t save it. Disney what is wrong with you?

Number 3

Kronk and Miss Birdwell do the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp

Kronk’s New Groove – This movie, this movie made want to drink bleach to forget it. I really do believe I’m stupider for having watch it. This movie should have been fun but it was just movie reference after movie reference till you break down and weep from the lack of creativity. This one is just an over-all Disappointing.

Number 2

Belle and the Beast

Belle’s Magical World – Groans, this was yet another Midquel but it wasn’t just any Midquel it was the first Midquel. As a Midquel is just took a shit on the first one since when would have the events had happened? Beast starts acting nice to Belle on first night at the castle when she thanked him from saving her life from the wolves. This movie is dumb and muddles the original.

Number 1

Obby and Milo

Atlantis: Milo’s Return – OMFG this was literally painful to watch. I hated every single second of this minus the Lava Dog thing. This one is just a lifeless turd. There is nothing interesting or memorable about this movie. My brain is hurting just having to think about it again, Oh, the pain is too much.

Next time the Best or rather Comparatively the Top Ten Best Disney Sequels.

17Apr 2014

Kronkâ€™s New Groove; Yzma’s fate is a bit dark

by jess

Kronk’s New Groove

On paper the idea for Kronk leading a sequel of The Emperor’s New Groove is pretty good. Kronk is a fun likable goof who seems like he could have carried a movie. Then you sit down to watch Kronk’s New Groove and you realizes how wrong you were. It’s not really Kronk’s fault though, it’s because this the movie is where movie references go to die.

Kronk, Yzma and some old guy

This movie is compromised of two flashbacks within a flashback and it’s basically Kronk trying to get his father’s approval. Kronk works as a cook and hears that his father is coming to visit. Kronk, prior to the movie has lied to his father saying that he is married with kids and lives on house on a hill.

He tells two stories about how he got those things but lost them. Kronk got a house on a hill by getting tricked into working with Yzma to scam old people out their money and their old folks home. Kronk feeling guilty returns the house on the hill to the old folks.

The second story is Kronk meets a competing Junior Chipmunk camp Counselor, Miss Birdwell, and they fall in love but the due to being overly competitive, Tipo, Pacha’s kid, pulls a prank on Birdwell and her Junior Chipmunks during the big cheer contest. Kronk takes the blame and Miss Birdwell dumps him.

The last part of the overall flashback is all Kronk’s pals try to make his lies a reality by telling Kronk’s dad that they are either his wife or children. Kronk learns that even if he can’t get his father approval he has great friends and he gets his father approval and Kronk reunites with Miss Birdwell.

Kronk and Miss Birdwell do the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp

Besides the weak story structure and stories, this movie is very annoying. In the same vein as the Emperor’s New Groove, this movie doesn’t even try to be authentic to the Incas in anyway shape or form. Though in Kronk’s New Groove this by far worse since we lack the charm and fun of the first movie and they amp up anachronism to 11.

It’s not really worth getting in to as it will melt you brain out your ears should you try and think about it. No, that is not the core of my annoyance with this movie, that honor goes to the shameful amount of movie references this movie abuses. Movie references and referencing other media in general is a lazy shortcut to add humor into a movie with out really doing to much. This movie references Lady and the Tramp, Titanic, Thriller, Cheers, and Lord of the Ring just to name a few. Does the movie gain anything by these reference? No, it does not add anything other than padding the movie out and making people stupid.

Kronk

One of the core criticism of the movie is with Kronk himself. Kronk and Yzma were delightful in the The Emperors’s New Groove, so it’s tempting to use Kronk and Yzma again. But as Kronk is a villain’s minion, he is best in small doses, not as the central focus.

However there is another issue with Kronk as the leading character and that is despite Yzma being is a small chuck of the movie there is no one to balance out Kronk. That balance of two colliding characters made the first one great. Here he just a likable goof with no one to really play off of and that makes Kronk and the stories boring.

Kronk and Miss Birdwell dance

One could also say that the title of the movie is a bit of a misnomer, as Kronk doesn’t get a groove. He doesn’t change or grow, he stays the same but everyone knows that the name is a tie in to the original but F.U. movie, I’m calling you out on it.

Kronk and Yzma

Kronk’s New Groove is a weak attempt at a sequel and it actual makes people more stupid after viewing it.