Quasimodo 1986 Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo

If I were to look at the script of the 1986 Australian version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I would think it was first draft. It had promise at adapting the story but none of the characters are  fleshed out or had anything at all interesting about them. It’s just dull and it’s not is just the script and the characters, the animation, colors, music, etc are just sleep inducing. I forgot I had even saw this one before it was mentioned that I review it.

I bashed the Enchanted Tales version but as horrible as that was at least there was something to discuss, as for the 1986, I’m not even sure there is that much there but I’m sure I can find something.

Though at least being made a decade earlier than the Disney version, it didn’t rip that one off or was made as a cash grab, so that is something.

Next Time – The plot

Esmeralda 1986 Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

 

 

 

 

 

 

Book 8, Chapter 1, The Crown Piece Changed to a Dry Leaf

 

Esmeralda (Maureen O'Hara) and Aristotle share a moment 1939 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda (Maureen O’Hara) and Aristotle share a moment

This chapter Esmeralda’s unfair farce of a trial. Basically, she’s doomed before this thing even starts. I mean the treat it like an obligation. They really just need her to confess and when she fails to do so in this chapter, the old judge complains that she is holding up their meal. What Jerks.

Poor Djali, all she did was simple tricks and these jack-ass are like witchcraft. Oh and that La Falourdel bitch, her kid stole her money and then she complains about how her house was described in the report. Hate that lady.

 

Book 8, Chapter 2, Continuation of the Crown Piece Changed

 

Esmeralda being Tortured picture image

Esmeralda being Tortured

Since Esmeralda doesn’t want to confess to a crime she didn’t commit, she is tortured. She doesn’t last at all long before she breaks and starts confessing to just f-up stuff, like having intercourse with satan in the form Djali. This medieval judges are f-ed in the head.

Not a really fun chapter.

 

 

 

Book 8, Chapter 3, End of the Crown Piece Changed to a Dry Leaf

 

Lesley-Anne Down as Esmeralda, 1982 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Lesley-Anne Down as Esmeralda,

This chapter is Esmeralda and Djali sentence. Can say much about it though apparently part of her penance in paying the judges of the Bishop’s court and the candle she has to hold at Notre Dame is 2 pounds.

 

Poor Esmeralda.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The Enchanted Tales version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame has got to be one the worst Hunchback versions there is. It’s full of bad technicals, annoying characters, terrible songs and the single worst moral I have ever seen in a children movie. A Handsome Quasimodo?! That should just not be. I’m not a purist, I just want the basics. If looks don’t matter why is he even drawn handsome. GAH!

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

I LOATHE this version.

Next Hunchback Version – The 1986 Australian Version… sigh…………. just sigh…..

The 1986 Australian Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

The 1986 Australian Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame

La Jolla Hunchback Poster picture image

La Jolla Hunchback Poster

The musical version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is first to play at the La Jolla playhouse in San Diego on October 26 through  December 7. You can get tickets for it now.

However after that starting on March 4th through April 5th the production goes to Paper Mill Playhouse in Millburn New Jersey.  So east coast people can get a chance.

I hope they release the casting of the musical soon.

http://www.broadwayworld.com/article/Tickets-Now-on-Sale-for-Disneys-HUNCHBACK-OF-NOTRE-DAME-at-La-Jolla-Playhouse-20140802#.U_OgU15muxo 

Melody with Handsome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody with “Handsome” Quasimodo

I briefly touched on the moral of the Enchanted Tales version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame when I looked at the plot of this poo-feast, you can read that post HERE, but the moral of this movie is so bad that it demands its own post.

Ok, the moral of this is “Looks don’t matter if people see you as pretty.” I’m not kidding, this the exchange between Melody and Quasimodo, this is the actual dialogue, this happened,

Melody: Are you alright? Oh, you look so handsome. You have beautiful eyes.
Quasimodo: Is that how you see me?
Melody: It is how you are.
Quaismoodo: Perhaps if you see me as handsome, than perhaps I am.
Melody: Mhmm.
Quasimodo: Just perhaps, my looks really don’t matter anymore.
Melody: They don’t matter.

Basically the moral, as this movie spells it out, is looks don’t matter if you’re considered pretty. That is so awful. You have to be pre-approval by an outside gaze to have a sense of self-worth and confidence. Because Quasimodo only told off Jean-Claude, his little brother, when he was handsome. Oh, I hates this movie.

Now this moral shouldn’t be the stuff of children videos since people have to deal with this in their everyday lives. Kind of depressing, if you think about.

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

However, I get what they were trying to do, really. What Enchanted Tales was trying to do is show that inner beauty makes one beautiful. It’s through Quasimodo’s inner strength that transforms him into a handsome guy, you know like the story they were really trying to tell cough*Beauty and the Beast*cough. However, this moral fails to be communicate  because of the lazy sloppy writing. That inner beauty thing doesn’t register at all.

Quasimodo pretty much says, My looks don’t matter if you think I’m pretty. I really can’t believe someone approved that during the writing process.

Handsome Quasimodo Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Handsome Quasimodo a.k.a Wholemodo?

 

This moral is the stuff of satires, of parodies, of jokes not for a children’s movie. WORST MORAL EVER. Really, if were any worse it probably would be better.

At this point, if it wasn’t for the company who produced it,  I would think this movie was a satire of the Hunchback, or at the very least of children movies in general, because that is the only way I can rationalize how this ass of version got made in the first place.

Pretty Quasimodo, gags

Next Time – Conclusion – I’m done!

One Confused Dingbat Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

One Confused Dingbat

 

 

 

 

 

 

Book 7, Chapter 4, Anakh

This chapter is a little important, as the word Anakh inscribed on a wall of Notre Dame is said to have inspired Frollo and the rest of book from there. The added word of impurity beneath was probably an add in.

Basically this chapter is Jehan wants money from Frollo. Frollo gives him some money and makes him hide in a stove while Frollo has a guest.

It’s kinda of silly little chapter as interactions with Jehan are mostly always humorous. This chapter also gave us the song Val de Amour from Notre Dame de Paris as that fine establishment is mention here. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s the only time it’s mention but I not sure.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUQrt2i3mbQ
to spice up the post.

 

Book 7, Chapter 5, The Two Men Dressed in Black

In this chapter, while Jehan hides in the stove Frollo has his guest, Master Jacques, the King’s attorney. Jacques tells Frollo that  court is ready to arrest Esmeralda but Frollo tells him to wait till his approval.

It’s then that Frollo sees a fly caught in a spider web. Frollo likens the fly to both him and Esmeralda. That they both were in search of the sun, though with Esmeralda the metaphor is more literal as she loves the sun and freedom whereas with Frollo it’s more metaphoric as sun is learning and eternal truth. He is also the spider too. Both the spider and fly are caught in the wed of fate and Frollo really likes this metaphor for him and Esmeralda.

I wished film versions would use this scene as it would be cool to see, but to my knowledge not a single version has done this scene.  Then again, only two versions use the Anakh scene and  that inspired the book.

 

Book 7, Chapter 6, The Effect Produced by Seven Oaths in the Public Square

This is a set-up chapter! This chapter tells us and Frollo, that Phoebus has a hot date with Esmeralda that very night. Not much happens here but you got to love that Jehan messes up her name as Smeralda. Though Phoebus called her Similar in a later chapter is sillier.

Josh Brolin Interview for Men in Black picture image

Josh Brolin Interview for Men in Black

A little over a year ago, like in early August of 2013, we were given the last bit of information regarding the Josh Brolin version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo. Which was that Hero director, Yimou Zhang was going to direct.

In 2012, we were told by Brolin, that the movie was going to be “jazzy,” as in fun.

And in 2011,  the movie was announced with Brolin starring as Quasimodo.

In three years, we know a mere three things about this movie and there doesn’t seem to be any new public developments on the horizon, at least at the time I’m posting this.

It drives me crazy, to tease the public especially when the information presented seems to a be clutter fuck of genres to a story that is considered a literally classic. I mean we have Brolin who is like a dramatic actor mixed with what seems to be a Jazzy action-adventure, with a director known for dramatic actions movies.

I mean is this even going to happen? Was Brolin announcing the project an attempt to drum up public interest? Or is this in development hell? Since Brolin announced this in 2011 he has worked on ten other movies, two are in post-production, one is filming and one is in pre-production.  Zhang has worked on one since his involvement was annouced in 2013.

I just find it so irritating, three years and he have one actor, a director and a jazzy script (never letting that go, ever). That 2007 Hunchback movie, that I wrote about a few weeks ago (read here), that one didn’t even happen and they at least had a full cast.

You know what Fuck it! I don’t think this movie going to happen. Brolin can prove me wrong but I’m tired of hoping for new information. Watch the next bit of information be from Brolin while promoting another movie saying it’s “edgy.”    I guess another actor can come along and  play Quasimodo, because Quasimodo is sweet, sweet Oscar bait.

Melody in pain Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody in pain, probably from the bad pacing of the movie she is trapped in forevermore

For a movie that is only 40 minutes in length, The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame feels so much longer. Is it because the animation, the characters, the songs, or the dialogue makes it feel 10X longer, well yeah all those this add up but the pacing of this is really bad in genreal. So bad, that it amps up all those factors to hand-banging affect on the viewer, that makes them beg for death before the 15 minute mark. And yet death will not come.

One Confused Dingbat Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

One Confused Dingbat

The first aspects the kill the pacing are the songs. You know how song, sometimes, in better movies, have a build-up and the can either progress the plot of tells us something about the characters, not here, not in the Enchanted tales version. Here, they say, No. It could have been a bold and artistic move but all the songs really do is pad-out the running-time.

Melody sings Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody sings

The songs add about 10 minutes, they make up a 4th of this movie and yet they add nothing. The longest song, at about 3 minutes, is the last one that “Life will Arrive.” This song serve no purpose and if cut we would have lost nothing. It really just stops the story and towards the end of it no less.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The shortest song is “The Bells All Ring, which does advance Melody and Quasimodo’s relationship. How fucking stupid is that, the one song that sort of progresses the story is shortest and the longest halts the story. The other too also just stall the movie.

Circle dance animation Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Circle dance animation

The animation also stalls things. When something repeats that much animation so unapologetically, you feel that time is being repeated over and over and over again, till a minute feels like ten minutes.

Jean-Claude Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame

Jean-Claude

The pacing in The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is so uneven, silted and just makes for an unpleasant viewing experience. This version is not fun, it’s clutter-fuck that drags on to forever and beyond.

Next Time – The very worst thing about this Version, The fucking moral

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Book 7, Chapter 1, On the Danger of Confiding a Secret to a Goat

In this chapter we get a better look at Phoebus as a character and his attitude towards his fiancee, Fleur-de-Lys. Phoebus likes the crude world far too much to feel at ease with Fleur-de-Lys, so he is cold to her and she is sensitive to his aloofness.

THe scene shift as the crowd of women sees Esmeralda and Djali in the square below and ask her to come up. Esmeralda does and at once is berated because she is prettier than them, so they insult her dress and such.

We also find out the Esmeralda never intended to show off Djali spelling Phoebus‘ name, as it was her secret. This is different than how the 1956 and the jetlag verions present it, where she preforms the trick for the crowd. It doesn’t much matter because the important part is it makes Phoebus make his move on Esmeralda which sets up the tragic turn in the story.

Book 7, Chapter 2, Showing that a Priest and a Philosopher are two very different Persons

I have to love this chapter, it’s just banter between Frollo and Gringoire and it’s sort of silly. The juxtaposition of Frollo’s stern obsession that he is trying to conceal mixed with Gringoire’s odd combination of blasé and pathos for his circumstances. I do their exchanged about how Gringoire wouldn’t think of touching his wife.

Book 7, Chapter 3, The Bells

Huh, there was a bell named Guillaume after-all. I’m sorry 1939 version for saying you added it. (You can read that post HERE) Though, Guillame still maybe for when Quasimodo is feeling a little bi-curious.

Anyway, this chapter tells of that for the last two months Quasimodo hasn’t been into his bells. The book doesn’t make it clear if it’s because of the pillory or a new love. He start ringing them again but the he looks to the square and sees Esmeralda.

Quasimodo watching her was also seen the previous chapter as well as the ringing of the bells in the before that.

I suppose as chapter go, it’s ok, it defiantly a nice turing point for Quasimodo, to love outside Notre Dame.