The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies

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The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies (that were reviewed.)

In someways this was harder than the Disney sequel worst list because on the whole, I found these movies far worst, like so much worst. Most of these movies were PAINFUL to sit through.

Number #10

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland – At best you can say Little Nemo is average, at worst it’s an insipid annoying movie with bland characters, awkward animation and ditzy dialogue. It could have been so much more. Though it was all about pie and pies are yummy and mathematical.

Number #9

Daria and Rollo The Princess and the Pea picture image

Daria and Rollo

The Princess and the Pea – While I do admit to being charmed by this movie and enjoying it a bit, it still doesn’t change that it was dumb. The main character is hardly in it at cost of a side characters and a pea that turned out not to mean anything.

Number #8

Felix, Oriana, and Pim Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Felix the Cat; The Movie – This is just a WEIRD movie. Should it lose points for being weird? No, I like weird but it’s also annoyingly stupid and the sound mixing made this movie so much worse.

Number #7

Princess Glory and Prince David Guillver's Travels picture image

Princess Glory and Prince David

Gulliver’s Travels – One word, Gabby. Gabby is still one of the single most annoying thing I have ever seen. Also the animation was jarring.

Number #6

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack The Thief And The Cobblerpicture image

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack

The Thief And The Cobbler – This should be lower on the list but you know what saves it? Richard Williams’ original animation. Otherwise it’s a just a train wreck. The filler animation is beyond haphazard, the songs make your ears bleed, and the characters are so weak they can’t lift a golf pencil.

Number #5

Tuptim The King and I Picture image

Tuptim

 

The King and I – This movie single-handedly made it so that the Roger and Hammerstein estate have a no-animated movie policy. Good job movie, your’s is a lameness unmatched.

Number #4

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande The Flight of Dragons picture image

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The Flight Of Dragons – While I do concede there was an interesting idea in this movie, it is F-ing beyond bad and boring. So many things are explained in way too much detail but more is not explain at all. How is that chick a princess? I always come back to this one as one of the worst and  it’s really hard to believe there are three worst than this but there are.

Number #3

Snow White and her Prince Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White and her Prince

 

Happily Ever After РAvoid movies with the words Happily and After in the them, your life will be greatly improved. This is one of the most annoying movies ever. The main characters are an after-thought for the side characters who make you want to lobotomize yourself with a rusty spoon. Though writing the review for it was fun mainly because this movie is so dumb, I mean they named the bad guy Maliss. Why not just name him Se̱or Bad-Man? Wait, that might be too clever.

Number #2

Zelia and Amin The Singing Princess picture image

Zelia and Amin

 

The Singing Princess– I debated a lot whether to put this at number one because not only was this an awful movie but the racism made really me really uncomfortable, of course the King and I was somewhat racist too but this was far less entertaining. The reason it’s not Number 1 is because I had two positives instead of none which were Julie Andrews and  some nice backgrounds. And yes, the animation was terrible but it was Italy’s first animated movie so it’s a touch more forgivable. I still hate it a lot though, like a lot.

Number #1

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda Happily N'Ever After picture image

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda

 

Happily N’Ever After– This movie has no excuse for being bad. It wasn’t the first anything, it was a massive immature cash grab. It was an ugly uninspired anus of movie that only positives was that Bender’s was a voice in it and I don’t think John DiMaggio was trying, I mean why would he? Quite literary I hated everything about this movie.

If the life of an unfamiliar puppy was on the line and I had to either watch Happily N’Ever After or Milo’s Return to save it, I think I would pick Milo’s Return but if were my life I would pick the sweet embrace of the grim reaper but since it’s a puppy I’d pick THE DISNEY SEQUAL OVER THIS SHIT, because it’s shorter and the lava dog was cute.

 

Next Time the Best, which was also hard to compile.

The Flight of Dragons; Imagine Dragons talking about gold as bedding

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The Flight of Dragons picture image

The Flight of Dragons

When I was trying to come up with a list for these non-Disney Princess movie reviews, I was one short of having a nice schedule that would fill the last thursday in a month (exact month withheld) and after doing a little research I found The Flight Of Dragons.

Flight of Dragons was produced by my old nemesis Rankin/Bass Productions. It was first released as a direct-to-video in 1982 and then aired on ABC in 1986. As of 2009, it’s a made-to-order DVD. Now doesn’t that speak of quality? I’m not going sugar-coat this, The Flight of Dragons, despite its epic sounding title, is a boring turd of a movie.

Really, I can and should for the  limited amount of sanity I have left, stop the review here but here we go.

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande The Flight of Dragons picture image

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The plot is needless complex despite the fact that very little happens. The green wizard, Carolinius, sees that the world is losing magic because of science. He contacts the league of super losers, erm his wizard pals. He proposes that they should create a secret magic haven for all magical creatures, where science and logic can’t hurt them or something.

The evil red demonic one, Ommadon, thinks this idea stupid and decides that he should take over the world, he’s my favorite character so far. The other wizards decide that they need defeat him by taking his ugly crown as it’s the source of his power but they can’t fight directly because of wizard rules, seriously. Carolinus decides that his dragon Gorbash and some creepy knight will be in the quest to get the crown however the rules requires three people because of reasons. The two other wizards offer magic items that will be used later in the movie.

Carolinus asks Antiquity, which is some all knowing super thing for the third person. They get some science guy descendent from Boston Massachusetts, specifically from Beacon Street. Though, I’m not sure why that matters since we only see a pawn shop. His name is Peter Dickinson (giggles) and he is writing a book and made a game called Flight of Dragons, he is also some kind of science guy but prefers thinking about dragons. Anyway, he gets transported to the magic world and is happy to go on a quest, though he is happier to see dragons and to meet Carolinius’ pretty but oh so bland adopted daughter Princess Milisande.

Anyway, Ommadon attacks and Peter gets merged into Gorbash’s body. So Peter, who is now a dragon and creepy knight guy, Orrin, along with an older dragon named Smrgol, go off on their quest. We then get long dialogues about dragon flight mechanics. Melisande uses her powers to basically watch them for Carolinus. The gang is joined by a wolf, an elf and pretty lady. They get attack by an ogre and Smrgol dies.

They then get Ommadon’s domain and they use the magic items to defect Ommadon’s convoy of dragons a.k.a the Flight of Dragons. They do this by using a flute to put the dragons to sleep including Gorbash/Peter. The only dragon not affect is Ommadon’s evil dragon, Bryagh, who kills everyone. Peter escapes Gorbash’s body because of science and defeats Ommadon by rejecting magic and listing science disciplines. Everyone comes back to life but Peter is rejected from the magic world. Milisande decides to join Peter in un-magical Boston. The end.

Smrgol and Peter/Gorbash The Flight of Dragons picture image

Smrgol and Peter/Gorbash

A lot of this movie is explaining stuff. Movies are a visual medium, show, don’t tell. All the exposition bogs down the narrative and makes it boring and dull. By the 6 minute mark, I knew this was a snooze-fest. That shouldn’t happen. I shouldn’t feel like napping after less than 10 minutes.

Princess Milisande, Peter Dickinson, and Carolinius The Flight of Dragons picture image

Princess Milisande, Peter Dickinson, and Carolinius

Then we have the characters. Most of them are bland. I do not get Peter at all. At the start he seemed to enjoy magical stuff and was bored of science but then he loved science and is all smug about using it to Ommadon. Also, I’m not sure what discipline he studied. He mentions labs, grants and research, fuck about just telling us what specifically he actually studied. Bad writing! I suppose from context it would be chemistry.

Then we have the creepy knight, Orrin, who vowed to fall in love with Milisande when she was 5 years old, ewwww. Milisande herself is bland except for one outburst she has about Carolinius killing her parents and blaming it on demons. That was a wow moment that ended quickly.  After that Milisande spends the rest of the movie in bed and telling Carolinius how the quest is going. Worst Princess ever, wait how is she a Princess again? At least I get Ommadon, he’s evil.

Ommadon The Flight of Dragons picture image

Ommadon

Animation is crap in this movie. Like grade-C poo, it’s terrible. It’s not good enough to be Grade-A Poo. I have nothing else to add except that it looks dated even for the early 80s and I don’t even think they gave a shit because they spent more time writing about dragons flying then showing them fly.

Princess Milisande The Flight of Dragons picture image

Princess Milisande

The Flight of the Dragon is a boring movie that needless complicates a narrative with exposition at the cost of characters, animation and a visual style. There is a resonable story in here about magic vs science but the overall dulliness won and the film is crap. This movie was better when it was called How to Train Your Dragon.